Category: Agents

Absolute Failures, Part II

Listening to: Dental Plan

Absolute Failures, Part 1

The Second Battle of Torrinos began with a bang.

Envoy Arby > WISH I HAD BACKUP
Aiko Danuja > are u asking me to come to torrinos?
Envoy Arby > YA
Envoy Arby > THEY ARE NAZIS
Envoy Arby > THEY LOVE HITLER
Aiko Danuja > Kill: RossRed (Mackinaw)
Envoy Arby > hahaha
Envoy Arby > U KILLED THAT NAZI
Aiko Danuja > BACK TO BERLIN
Envoy Arby > TAK TAK DOBRE

Triple Commissar Centurion RossRed exploded.

It was a surprise inspection.

Absolute Trash alliance declared a State of Griefing.

Lieutenant Comrade Ihamori Isu was still alive.

He contacted random people to chat.

Ok buddy, sounds great!

The defense fleet was led by Lt.Cmsr valfurian saraki.

He is a Toltec paladin for TRUMP, and an experienced failganker.

Well, you can’t win every fight.

[ 2024.09.15 17:59:19 ] Thaicylias > that was fun

The fleet was dying.

Bystanders were amazed, as bot Mackinaws kept mining.

Even invincible Ihamori died.

Advo was uncloaked, and tryhard Kinhard lost a second Ferox.

It was an absolute disaster.

ABSOD discord was abuzz with confusion (and bemused spies).

It was not a good fight.

Triple Commissar Centurion Striknor was frustrated.

Meanwhile, valfurian joined a new fleet.

It was a veldspar fleet in Ibura, adjacent to Torrinos.

valfurian was happy to find a chill fleet in Lonetrek.

Of course, he’d never met April before.

Nevertheless, valfurian vowed revenge.

However, something went awry…

Uh oh!

Those darn gaunkers jumped the gate!

Teamwork makes the Dreamwork.

I tried to help him.

He was too busy.

valfurian failed again.

valfurian will never be safe.

He will never ever ride that Happy Hooker again.

Sad!

Another win for Team Aiko.

Congratulations all around.

=THE END=

Absolute Failures

The First Battle of Torrinos

The Second Battle of Torrinos began in Uchomida.

A Klingon yellowboxed us without provocation.

Things went too far.

Whups.

What an absolute failure.

Just wait until tomorrow.

Oh, it’s gonna go very well.

The target moved to Torrinos.

Wow, just wow.

To be continued…

Absolute Racism

Listening to: AO Downfall

Trigger Warning: Blatant Racism in EvE Online

Hey there.

We’ve all heard the rumors.

Absolute Order is absolutely racist.

These are real screenshots from EvE Online.

Oh wow, ok.

See what I mean?

We have no tolerance for casual breakfast Klingons.

They cannot be reasoned with.

It’s not just the racism.

Absolute Order is absolutely mental.

We know how to deal with this.

Just bump them all.

Governor Lee done goofed.

Consequences will never be the same.

We’ve met before.

Haven’t we Mr Governor Lee?

That’s right.

We go way back.

Wayback.

What will MrLee think of next?

Good Girl Bot Killers

That’s right.

Good Girl Kara > Kill: Uedashin Unata Eto (Worm) reporting them does nothing
Vardonis > Good Girl Kara what did you report for?
Good Girl Kara > botting
Vardonis > abyss botting?
Good Girl Kara > yep
Good Girl Kara > Kill: Onaneri Irai Hinken (Worm) another one

My alliance provides a community service.

Twenty eight Worms down.

35 bots permabanned (or given a slap on the wrist as usual).

Does CCP care about bots?

=DOUBLE FEATURE=

Are mining permits real?

With his new permit, Nick was celebrating in local.

This caught the attention of fellow newbro Vyacheslav.

I call that real content, with real permits.

End of an Era, Part 17

End of an Era, Part 1

It was a rainy day in Incursion Town.

The roads were infested with rats.

Editor’s Note: The original design of incursions, developed by developers who no longer develop the game, was for players to race through a maze of tunnels filled with scary space monsters… whoever made it first, could fight the BIG BOSS MOTHERSHIP for isk and glory.

In 2024, Wrathful Hawk decisively won the game.

Outwitting the carebears, he went straight through lowsec.

Along the way, Hawk met a few friends.

These boys took their entire bling fleet through Vecamia.

It’s a shortcut.

This is was some real content, in EvE Online.

Sun Tzu said the greatest warriors evade battle altogether.

That was EvE Online in its finest hour.

What happened next?

Highsec carebears failed again.

This was the typical cry and whine.

Hawk simply outplayed the plebs.

To be continued…

Father’s Day

Tee Ka Gets Pkd, Part 1

Previously, Tee Ka tried Highsec PvP.

He lost a lot.

Tee Ka knows I am honest and true.

He’s like a father to me.

We often spend holidays together.

We are there for each other.

For Father’s Day, I played EvE Online with Daddy.

He doesn’t fit his ships very well.

He didn’t appreciate the surprise party.

I don’t even have a blob!!

We had a real heart to heart.

Tee Ka wants to get rich poor quick.

I invited him ganking.

That sounds fun!

His alts are excited to join.

To be continued…

Dirty Business

Hey there.

Each day brings new friends.

Yesterday, I helped Lady Krabs purchase 12 mining permits.

Then she reported me to the SSR.

The next morning, Mrs. Krabs woke up to reality.

Op success.

Another content subscriber.

Now the Krabs ladies can mine in peace.

Osmon is also the home of my beloved Cultural Center.

I can’t keep a secret.

He’s a real people person.

I’m glad everyone is happy.

That’s right.

Feel free to send your isk.

Works for me.

I wonder how things are going in Osmon?

Sounds like things are going great.

Thanks for the free isk, bro.

I’m glad we are friends.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #247

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #246

Oh, hey there.

I guess it’s mailtime.

Some miners are not upset.

They are quite calm.

Some miners roleplay as notaminers.

No mining in Delve!

That’s right.

This Orca had plenty of ‘no’ warning…

It was all a setup! The miner exposed CCP’s evil ways.

I’m the most upvoted person in EvE forum history.

Unlike some people, I actually play EvE Online.

I get way too much email (unlike James, I don’t have a cute secretary).

It is funny tho.

A mining sniper, and not even his first time…

Bro has been doing that longer than I’ve played.

Send me one billion isk, buy 5 get one free.

Boy, I got so much game up in here.

Wow, just wow.

I can’t wait to hear more.

That’s right.

I won’t tolerate griefing in my alliance.

Sure thing, little buddy.

Ah, but I’m also cute.

That’s my isk/hr.

Hey, I’m having fun)