Dracula Whinebaby

He had a ship that could shoot back.

Meanwhile, another miner started to cry.

Shooting back just isn’t enough.

It was a good fight.

The miners backed each other up.

Not everyone can be me.

I’m kinda the best.

That’s right.

Oh look, I killed Dracula.

I also caught Captain Hook.

Cool.

Here’s another clam miner.

o7 capsuleers!

Highsec Miner Grab Bag, #255

Highsec Miner Grab Bag, #254

TRIGGER WARNING: EvE Online

I got a lot of EvEMail.

Some miners want to pimp me out at Fanfest.

They love to share their fantasies.

There’s more where that came from.

Other miners want to apologize.

Even apologetic miners need mining permits.

Woah! Calm down…

o7 capsuleers!

That’s right.

Fat Wiggers Inc.

Let’s check it out.

Safety. is such a creative alliance.

I bet I can turn that into music.

Amazing!

All true and factpilled.

q why u kill pod
a cuz i was bored n u was breathin wrong ez clap

q i wasnt even flyin
a wasnt even carin lil bro welcome to space

q but i new
a u new to dyin too ggs

q had no implants
a damn bro so u broke n dead tough combo

q i afk
a LMAOOO okay bet congrats now u afk in the clone bay lol

q u only kill defenseless
a nah i kill wit purpose that purpose bein boredom

q wat i do
a existed near me no insurance plan bad life choices

q feel bad yet
a feel bad these hands dont kno remorse lil bro

q can i get my stuff bak
a come outside n ask nicely lets see wat happen

q u ruinin eve
a nah u ruinin local wit all that cryin

q why highsec
a easy bake killmails sweet like cinnabon n u smelled delicious

q i reportin u
a snitchin wont put ur pod back together rat

q got life or nah
a got killboard n bad attitudes thats better

Any other questions?

Here, have a FREE bonus song, bro.

I bet Aiko is fun at parties.

That’s right.

KillJoy Cries Again

Listening to: Come at Me Bro

Previously, we met a real killjoy.

I can always spot a not calm miner.

He had more to say.

He soon obtained a space attorney, BooBoo TheFoo.

Would he listen to BooBoo?

The client was most unwell.

Perhaps, it was time to resign.

So our killjoy vowed to quit.

That will teach us.

Before leaving, he admitted to mining.

He also cast a spell of immortality upon me.

I’ll see you all in eighty thousand years!

ugle banter

Welcome to my space blog.

Miners say a lot of strange things.

It’s nice to have friends.

These boomers lack social skills.

They are bads.

They are also thirsty.

Sometimes, they get very excited.

They love to chat.

I can’t wait to kill them again.

What an actual pleb.

That’s right.

Globby Got Dunked

Listening to: Princess We Obey

I’ve been busy.

Previously, antiganker Valryon defected.

Antiganking the gankbears has never been so lucrative!

Globby just inspired me.

That’s right.

Cry harder, bitch.

Can’t think of a more deserving person.

Famous last words…

Nazi around and find out.

#MENTAL

Globby was getting S.A.L.T.Y.

I love it!

I do, for real.

I literally wrote a book on Sun Tzu.

Come and take it, bro.

They had a bad plan, as we anticipated.

Sun Tzu called this, “Tempting the Bull”.

#BAITEDONAFREE

Globby only thought about isk.

We thought about moon cycles.

We gladly gave them enough to hang themselves.

Our plan worked, as always.

We gave them a second third fourth fifth? chance.

We do eventually respond to aggression.

Then they fucked up (again).

So they were punished.

We fucked them up.

Thanks for the year of drama, bro.

I started with dogfucker Don, and then I moved on to the anti-Semite, and finally I came for the n-word users and that CODE. neo-Nazi who keeps humming Das Horst-Wessel-Lied in Teamspeak… Did you know that song is illegal?

In EvE Online, politics are wars by other means.

The freighter gankers are were L.O.S.E.R.S.

Like, for real.

This is funny.

Ho ho ho.

I don’t need those people in my alliance.

I gave Globby one final chance.

Consider yourself warned, bro.

Bro, I will fuck you up.

What a bitch.

Mistakes were made (again and again).

It was a bad strategy.

I’ve got new friends now.

Globby actually gave me the idea.

The antigankers love this idea.

Now that’s high praise indeed.

Do I need racists, anti-Semites, and neo-Nazis in my alliance?

Some people just don’t have the right character.

You’ve gotta be cool.

Miners can’t stay calm.

Bro, try breathing exercises.

Meanwhile, Valryon has completed his homage to me.

Your enemies are now my friends.

We did it!

Let’s hear what antigankers say about me.

Even my sworn enemies, acknowledge I’m the best.

My powers are incredible.

There’s no shame in accepting the Mule of Highsec.

Let’s recap.

I guess things are going well (for me).

How are things going for you?

o7

To be continued…

THE GANKBEARS, aggrieved at having no established Executor, sent ambassadors to James 315 entreating for a King. Perceiving their aspirations, he cast down the CODE. The bears were terrified at the splash occasioned by its fall and hid themselves in the depths of Uedama. But as soon as they realized that the huge treatise was motionless, they swam again to the top of the water, dismissed their fears, climbed up, and began squatting on it in contempt. After some time they began to think themselves ill-treated in the appointment of so inert a Ruler, and sent a second deputation to James praying that he would set over them another sovereign. He then gave them Super Perforator. When the bears discovered his simple nature, they sent yet a third time, begging James to choose another. James, most displeased with all of them, unleashed a Princess who preyed upon the bears till there were none left.

DAY OF THE JACKAL

Listening to: Day of the Jackal

Welcome back.

Yesterday, Aiko and her blue poodle made a mess.

It was the DAY OF THE JACKAL.

BOOM! Headshot.

It was a long day.

I like to stay in touch.

SDENSK knows the JACKAL OF HIGHSEC.

“This message in the local chat is seen by every player of the safe solar system I fly into. Following this message, he sees this: Victory: SDENSK (Praxis*) to back up my words. The players thank me. Amarr, Zhita are no exception. Everywhere I fly, in every solar system where there are players, this message pops up. This will continue daily until you reimburse me for my tractors and my Praxis, which were destroyed by you. Something tells me that in a couple of months, all players who play in safe solar systems will have your gang marked with a red flag. Each of you. When you appear in the locale, everyone will know that freaks have flown into the solar system. I have been doing this for the third day. The more you delay with payment, the more people will put jackals like you on their blacklists. You pay 500,000,000 (five hundred million isk).”

I tried to negotiate.

However, he wants to punish me.

That’s the last thing I want!

This is blackmail and extortion…

I just want an apology.

No deal!

Everybody must know about the jackal.

He plans to tell everyone about my targeted assassinations.

Please don’t throw me in that briar patch!

He’s a professional antiadvertiser…

Now I’m starting to cry.

In EvE Online, reputation is everything.

Weak minds are susceptible to reverse psychology witchcraft.

He has the upper hand.

The entire playerbase will hear of me.

Then he found the other Aikos.

This is just sadistic!

What a game.

He soon found support in Zhita local.

I create fun content for Highsec miners.

I am Princess Tabaqui, the High Witch of Agil.

Everybody loves me.

Meanwhile, in Zhita local.

> WATCH OUT FOR MARY GUNKINS

Everybody is talking about the jackal.

SDENSK is making big isk!

He’s winning bigly.

That’s right.

Suddenly friends.

o7 bro

Praise Aiko Forever

Listening to: Ozzy

Welcome to my real-life EvE Online fanclub.

It is nice (and increasingly lucrative).

Check this out.

I think I’m just getting started.

Ya know?

I know what losers cry about
I’m making my own decisions
They ain’t gonna bring me down

I just gonna stay high
I like playing this game

It looks nice from here

All my life I’ve been over the top
I know exactly what I’m doing
All I know is I ain’t gonna stop
All fired up, I’m gonna go till you drop

Why don’t fools listen to me?
Nothing I say is gonna set them free
Don’t need no racist gankbears bro
Too many religions for only one god

I don’t need another saviour
Don’t try to change my mind
You know I’m one of a kind
Ain’t gonna change me

I don’t wanna stop
Are you ever going to stop? (yes)
I don’t wanna stop, I ain’t gonna stop
I ain’t gonna stop, I don’t wanna stop
Are you ever going to stop? (yes)
I ain’t gonna

Streambumping

Sargon has been bumping.

This is a time honored tradition.

It’s definitely allowed.

Miners love Squid Games Online.

This miner lasted one minute.

“Sniper’s back… he doesn’t have the balls to shoot.”

Darth Miner cried about (technically) not getting sniped.

“Here the thing is, right… we can actually sue him, even though he lives in another country, I can sue him for, uh, what is that, uh, cyberbullying? The governments will make CCP ban his ass or pay me… stream sniping cocksucker. Seriously, CCP wants me to play their game, then they are gonna do what the fuck I tell them. End of fucking story. Cyberbullying and harassment is against the rules. I have thirty fucking accounts, that I PAY FOR. I think my mining goes a little further than one dude that’s acting like an ass… Oh! On top of that, I’m a content creator and I stream EvE. So now I’m gonna play a different game for a few days until he forgets about me. It’s 8:00 in the morning in Iceland, the office has just opened, I don’t expect a response for about four hours. What’s he do? Just bump me off whatever I’m doing? All he’s doing is making me BORED. I’ve got over $15’000 worth of games, I can play anything I want. The game has so much to offer but one guy fucks it all up. Let him actually come fuck with me when I’m doing something in a combat ship. These Safety. CODE. all these motherfuckers they come and fuck with us miners, when we’re mining, they would shit a fucking brick if I undocked my Paladin he woulda run like a little bitch.”

“My point is, streamsnipers and such, they wanna play fuck fuck games… but the moment, somebody stands up to them… [Suddenly, he sees someone] Let me guess, another one of the fucking goonies… Am I showing anywhere on my shit? Does it show where the fuck I’m at? I’m not showing where I’m at. They can all fuck off for all I’m concerned. All I’m doing is getting ad revenue, all they are doing is making me money.”

That’s right.

=FULL DISCLOSURE=

huntress of pods has never killed a pod.

She only killed her own main.

o7