Category: Sun Tzu

Glenduil the Slow

Glenduil is a SAFE miner.

CCP gave him a carebear buff, and he feels like a boss.

He put on max shields, and removed the mining gear.

Cool fit bro.

In EvE Online, mining barges have more hitpoints than warships.

Glenduil was excited to earn 1-2 cents an hour.

One day, he met some friendly gankers!

They declined to gank his max tank bait.

Gelnduil is nearly invincible in his Highsec poverty fit.

Let’s tune in to local chat.

Ganker spy Learza congratulated Glenduil on his minimal yield.

Nah, it’s fine bro, just mine like that.

Glenduil was flummoxed.

His minimum yield zero product fit is encouraged.

Glenduil won a few pennies for his time and effort.

Carebears can survive indefinitely in an 0.8.

I hope Glenduil has fun!

He sure isn’t getting rich.

=BREAKING NEWS=

ArchyZavr Sells A Mining Permit

We’ve met Archy before.

Archy was the guy who funded Aikotown.

After swiping his credit card, Archy got bored.

He recycled his Jita trade alt, into a ganking alt.

PvP, not wealth accumulation, is the real game.

Isk can buy ships, but it can’t buy fun!

That’s right.

Abduleljudiopalestino tried to scam Archy.

We gave Abdul some legal advice.

However, he immediately tried another poverty scam.

Sometimes, you have to start small.

…then you can get the rest.

Another satisfied customer.

I was ready to make delivery.

He never did complete his delivery payments.

It was a real learning experience.

I wish him all the best in EvE Online.

=PLOT TWIST=

Abduleljudiopalestino > scammers veteran im fucking noob

Abdul is not a new player, he’s just a dumb vet.

Newbro Archy outplayed a guy with years of experience.

Nice job Archy.


Slow Boil

I’m a real Highsec escort.

That’s right.

Recently, miner Nigel ran into trouble.

He’s just a 2015 newbro.

So I agreed to assist.

I love to help the little guys.

Apparently, the mining pacifists lost a control tower?

No money? No problem!

Just send me your stuff.

It was his idea!

I’m glad we came to an agreement.

Cheerzah brav!

He just needs to pay.

That’s right.

There was just one problem.

I’ve done this before.

It works well.

I call it the 30 40 70 rule.

It works like a charm.

Later that day…

I change people’s lives!

There’s a life lesson here.

=FOLLOW UP=

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 53

Code Ready Gelhan, Part 1

Everybody was invited, to mine in Highsec.

The alliance deputy director was wormtongued, by Tunnel Snakes.

That made it easy to join.

Meanwhile, alliance leader Gei Heiyuu was incompetent.

He was the Governor Mr Lee of his era.

However, he didn’t like being blogged about.

Gai Heiyuu > Felt like contributing a comment on Minerbumping…
Gai Heiyuu > I have issues with the posts that I brought up

He found it all rather embarrassing.

Gai lectured his miners, on how to avoid gankers.

This was an advertisement, for his advanced capsuleer course.

He had no use for Tunnel Snake re-education.

To be frank, gankers don’t like miners either.

Georgia B Dixie urged Gai to endorse Tunnel Snake training.

Unfortunately, training was disrupting Gai’s botfarm.

Gay admitted his alliance was full of cowards.

Georgia suggested the problem lay with upper management.

Indeed, Gai was responsible for Sahil Yasin.

=PLOT TWIST=

Gai Heiyuu > Sahil engaging in your training multiple times, was no accident…

Gai taught Sahil to fail.

He wished more members would follow in Sahil’s footsteps.

Sahil never did get that medal…

To be continued…

In the CODE.

Next, they go to Why Was I Ganked?

True story.

Then they get bonus offers.

Another satisfied repeat customer.

He also ordered a new Bowhead.

Of course, there is a delivery fee.

That’s right.

What a happy miner.

Everything was perfectly routine.

He sent me and my alts a bunch of isk.

He even bought a mining stamp.

There’s a process?

What a plan.

Didn’t he already pay?

I’ve done it quite a few times.

PLOT TWIST: There is no file.

DOUBLE PLOT TWIST: No database either.

Jamie is just a working alt.

Nobody likes a space lawyer.

Another delinquent miner.

Eventually, he found me again.

I guess we can resolve this.

Sometimes, they try to negotiate.

I’m happy to explain.

Pleasure doing business…

Jormags wound up mumbling to himself in Jita.

Thanks for playing.

Are You Stupid?

I’m the greatest ganker in the game.

Some people call it piracy.

I think it’s just euthanasia.

Fools don’t take me seriously.

Those people are losers.

Look, I simply can’t respect a coward.

Meanwhile, I’m good at what I do.

I can be a real problem for you.

An annoying hassle, one might say.

You won’t like that side of me.

Apologies in advance.