Category: Witchcraft

Breaking NEWS

Listening to: Satyagraha

It finally happened.

Calm down miner is official.

Like it or not, but I’ve made EvE history.

Hrothbear was the first of many. A funny story about that… He was so desperate to pad his killboard, vowing to NOT SPEAK to anyone who linked the killmail on Zkill. Naturally, Sargon did it about a minute later, leading Saltgar to cry, running away from a chorus of “Calm down miner.” Now, years later, he can relive the experience!

Meanwhile, darkolus has begun his own descent into madness.

Ganked by Nazes, he vowed revenge.

darkolus > No, I’m just going to ruin the channel
Aiko Danuja > doubt
John Steelmerc > the only things miners ruin are our precious natural veldspar belts
Aaaarrgg > darkolus please dont mess up the channel with your miner salt, thats not our thing
Aiko Danuja > Kill: Phat Phil (Griffin)
Aiko Danuja > Kill: rajehem (Obelisk)
darkolus > you’re just ruining this game…
Dave Gates > darkolus ur face is ruining this channel now take a hike already. they’re creating content. if you don’t like it then leave like a sour puss & GTFO
darkolus > No… i won’t… my face gonna keep ruinning this channel…

He is a dark ugly little man…

With broken sentence fragments, he sought revenge.

He even invented a slogan…

…and a business plan!

My channel was ruined by bad grammar and incoherent phrases.

He griefed on me hard.

…but why was he griefing me?

What a crazy miner!

Cheerzah!



CHAT LETS GO

Ok, what happened?

It all started with an illegal Orca, and his ToxicFriend.

This was a real Highsec space battle.

Eventual, things reached their inevitable conclusion.

Another glorious victory!

=BONUS TRICK=

Just then, something magical transpired…

Indeed, Ivy Bloodstar was the real villain…

It’s always a bad time to do crime.

Look Both Ways

Listening to: Plain Jane

Miners are dim.

Bears are incompetent.

At least they are calm.

Good fight, miners!

*BONUS CONTENT*

=Interview with A Miner=

Some miners are opinionated.

I decided a long time ago.

We should just kill them.

That gets their attention.

Young Money
Isanamo
Yeah

Ride with the mob, Alhamdulillah
Check in with me and do your job
Aiko is the name, karttoon was a thing
Halaima for the watch, presi Plain Jane
Dodixie chain, rest in peace to my superior

Probes on scan, causin’ mad hysteria
Momma see me on ZKILL and started tearin’ up
I’ma keep killin’ miners, how you get that trife?
I am poppin’ pills like rappers in society
I gank yo Hulk for irony

Buy another or somethin’
I’ma explain why you probably never see me
Chocha magic like Houdini
I go hard in the belt

I’m a classy trillionaire
Antigankers, I swear they are bottom feeders
Catalysts could feed a village in Liberia

Death of an antiganker

Bloody Bear loves antiganking.

Back in the day, he even made illegal videos.

One day, justice finally caught up with him.

At first, Bloody Bear tried a bribe.

Of course, Krig had to confiscate the stolen ship.

Next, the carebear tried to buy a new ship.

This went as well as expected.

He only owed 300 million…

He only had one ship left…

So he traded his Falcon…

Thanks for the free ship, bro!

In one day, he lost all his killmarks…

However, he was already planning to get more.

What a silly bear!

Oh well…

Cheerzah!

Puppers Gets a Gila

Prince Puppers wanted a Gila.

He wasn’t joking.

Puppers wanted to be a Gila main.

Oh boy, a discount Gila!

He sold everything he had…

…to buy a Moa.

Oh, it’s a free Moa…

With premium insurance!

So Puppers went to fetch his new Gila.

GrrrrrrrrrGROONSgaaarRRrr/

Puppers tried to get around the grief blockade.

So he employed null security comms.

This went as well as one might expect.

Puppers even tried a wormhole!

His friends were happy to help.

Meanwhile, Sargon was at the foot dentist.

When Sargon returned, he noticed the problem.

The Goons were using an isk tracker.

So Sargon cleaned Puppers out.

Eventually, Puppers contacted me.

He seemed confused.

The next day, everyone wondered about Puppers.

Apparently, his new home was in Thera?

Who told him to go there?

Eventually, Puppers just bought a Gila.

Another happy ending!

Cheerzah!

Highsec Recruiting, Part 3

Highsec Recruiting, Part 1

Previously, newbro Mason vowed to destroy me.

This would require preparation.

Mason was excited by the thought of PvP with me.

In EvE Online, PvP is a sign of genuine affection.

Our relationship began to blossom.

However, I don’t like impudence.

Mason is a real miner.

Whereas, I am a perfect tenth-wave feminist!

Like all miners, he is a cyberbully greefer.

Fortunately, Mason began to regret his evil ways.

It was time to turn over a leaf…

My expectations were clear.

I demanded an isk sacrifice, for me.

So Mason sent his life savings.

Now I have Mason right where I want him.

He hates being told what to do…

…but now he has new friends, and a new corporation.

Everyone was impressed!

It was the start of a new era.

Mason is my miner.

I sure hope we get along!

What a good boy.

He deserves me!

Cheerzah!

The Greatest Groon

Today, and for all time, I am the Greatest Groon.

As the final boss of Highsec, I have always known my fate.

I am destined for success.

Let’s stroll through memory lane…

… remembering my predecessors.

Tenaj (March 2003-June 2003)

L0rd Zap (June 2003-March 2006)

Princess Suicide (March 2006 – July 2006)

The Sheik (July 2006 – March 2007)

karttoon was right (March 2007 – October 2008)

Jerry Rin (October 2008 – October 2009)

Princess Helicity (October 2009 – October 2011)

The Mittani (October 2011 – December 2012)

kalila meng (December 2012 – January 2013)

Khoda Khan (January 2013 – March 2013)

BLACK SKULL (March 2014 – October 2014)

Aria Stane (October 2014 – November 2014)

Zuzu (November 2014 – December 2014)

George (December 2014 – May 2015)

loyal (May 2015 – March 2016)

Siegfriend Cohenberg (March 2016 – April 2016)

Do you remember the mad minute?

Tweeps (April 19, 2016)

Kulorndo (April 19, 2016 – April 22, 2016)

Kalned givieth…

James 315 (April 2016 – June 2020)

….Korndul taketh.

Dresden Rubble Gnome (June 2020 – July 2020)

Princess Aiko (July 2020 – forever and ever)

Congrats to every participant! Each of you will receive a trophy, commemorating your activity (or lack thereof). The following chart shows each winner’s relative significance.

BEE WELL!

Here are some lesser alliances…

Is your alliance trash?

Krig’s Korner, Episode 6

Krig’s Korner, Episode 5

Hoo boy, it’s me, Krig Povelli.

When we aren’t filming, I enjoy EvE Online.

Recently, I met Michael Michal Somebody or whoever.

He was desperate for help!

Afterward, Michal gave me a free Golem.

This made me wonder…

Apparently, he also owned another ship.

So I taught him how to make a contract.

Afterward, we fleeted up, and had tea.

This post is sponsored by Taylors Of Harrogate.

In any hostage crisis, Taylors will set you at ease.

To be continued…

Real Talk

I like to have fun.

Recently, I reported breaking news.

Zazz is a former fan.

Remember the good old days, when Zazz still played EvE Online, after James 315 ragequit two years before?

Haha. Remember that time The Aggressor dunked James, who spent eight (8!) years writing a therapy blog, before disappearing, just like he did after his previous hobby involving… political content?

Me and James 315, we agree on politics like Ocasio-Cortez and Mitch. However, the old turtle has been dead for years. His CODE. was a tea party, astroturfed by George, which collapsed when the bubble burst. I am more sophisticated than that. By applying the principles of Hari Seldon, the Order has evolved into a grassroots autocracy.

Many battles, she emerged victorious,
Leaving her foes feeling notorious.

#SouthSide

Bards don’t hiphop for Zazz.

James was a funny man, but I’m not.

I’m just here to help.

Some miners yearn for the old Minerbumping, with Annie Frank who on September 6, 2018, said “You did really good work. I really appreciate your new and different post. Please guys keep it up and share with us some unique post in the futureMenmy shopCar Stereo Double Din Android Player Hyepersonic Double Din Player Hyundai Creta Double Din Player CBSE open school cbse private banzaraon journeyAdj online.”

James always believed in me, even if Zazz lost faith.

I don’t think this is funny.

Who writes erotic fanfic about me and James, in the belt?

I get it… This is an ‘origin’ story.

Grrr. Hulksgarrrrr hathat. Hulkgeddon SMASH

“Praise Aiko!” is reverberated throughout the entire starbase, again and again, as the fleet takes off. Today, the miners will be hunted. Today, the miners will once again know fear.

It goes on, and reaches a happy ending.