Author: Princess Aiko

Beepbeep, I’m a Jeep

Hello, dear reader.

I’m sure you’ve all been wondering.

How did I become so awesome and invincible?

Unfortunately, I have terrible news.

James 315 died, and that is so sad.

Loyal CODE. agents are docked up, AFK forever. That’s what Daddy wanted, to have gankers lined up in the mausoleum, entombed with his corpse.

As miners learn in crab school, whilst Ventures nibble the toes of Mike Azariah, James 315 was a godly man who just wanted carebears to maximize their isk/hr. When bots began driving down the price of Veldspar, he started an alliance to fight back. Furthermore, to prevent anarchy, he forced the rabblemongers of Hulkageddon and Jihadswarm to honor the holy permit. James would often pilot a magical Bowhead full of tanky Procurers, handing them out to all the good little miners. Alas, in the darkness, an evil lurked. A nasty little b witch conspired to poison James, and steal the CODE. for herself, and she formed an alliance with lowsec gankers… and other gankers.

I did do it, and I’m proud of myself.

Grrr hat Aiko, hat hat hat.

So now you know the TRUE true.

I can’t deny it any longer.

Yes, it is me, Princess Butter Cupcake.

I’m the greatest capsuleer in the history of EvE Online.

Bee well!

Miners of Misneden, Part 2

Previously, in Aiko Danuja Space, Emille Droffer refused to pay rent.

Alt 00 decided to investigate the local community.

One miner won a free spelling lesson.

However, they did not seem to understand.

Alt found them insufferable.

An example was made of ‘not a miner’ Nelforce.

He is a liar and a criminal.

Furthermore, he is dumber than Alt anticipated.

Nelforce was clearly unwell.

Who would keep him safe?

To be continued…

Z Nation

Previously, in the best EvE Online blog…

pravednik III paid 300 million isk to keep zvezda solnze safe.

I found this offer enticing and intriguing.

When I discovered zvezda mining, all alone, in a highly dangerous security system – I knew what to do. I gave her a gentle nudge, encouraging her to find a safer space to AFK bot farm. Safety first, always!

Wait, what?

Uh oh…

Here comes the Z!

xaxa western monkeys)))

Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

Being the #1 PvP capsuleer in the galaxy, and the most beautiful woman, and the best blogger, and the greatest alliance leader, and the most wonderfulest Aiko ever imaginable, it sure is exhausting. Today, I woke up to more disturbing news.

CCP wants to raise rent by 33%!

This is really upsetting the miners.

I just want them to die.

They can pay more to cry more.

I just need 166% more isk to kill double ehp miners.

Every miner is now 33% more likely to quit the game.

I’m gonna win, even if CCP goes bankrupt.

Before you go, send me all your money!

Thanks!

Writing Jesus

Imitation is the most sincere flattery.

I’m cool, and so are my alts.

I’m the best ganker, and Australian Jesus is the best scout.

Everybody loves me and mine.

Even Russians want to be friends.

I dunno if it’s gonna work out.

There’s only one solution.

They need Jesus to find them.

They want it bad.

What happens next?

Miners gonna get SAFED!

Dest Royer got Destroyed

Every miner has a background story.

Dest Royer came from a rough neighborhood.

He needed to express his feelings.

Sometimes, therapists need therapy.

With a name like Dest Royer…

…you know he is a mining machine.

Why else would loosers bully him?

The conversation became increasingly academic.

Finally, James Aiko asked the BIG question.

Dest is one mad therapist.

He is a trained psychoassassin.

Dest Royer took careful notes.

It was a revealing conversation.

Winning

I’m the best.

Sexist antigankers will never catch me.

They are too busy mansplaining EvE Online.

EvE doesn’t need autistic high-functioning losers lossers.

I’m the witch your mother warned you about.

You might think otherwise.

I don’t care.

I won’t even remember you.

Have fun watching me fuck miners.

You love it.

Cheers!