Oh look, a miner.
They ask a lot of questions.
Yep!
Another miner gone forever.
Fortunately, they are easily replaced.
It’s like he never left.
That’s right.
Meet a Miner
Category: Kills of the Week
ugle banter
Welcome to my space blog.
Miners say a lot of strange things.
It’s nice to have friends.
These boomers lack social skills.
They are bads.
They are also thirsty.
Sometimes, they get very excited.
They love to chat.
I can’t wait to kill them again.
What an actual pleb.
That’s right.
No More Permabanned Racists in Highsec
Old News: Globby and loyalanon got permabanned (again)
#SAD
#GETFUCKED
Oh well…
I guess we’ll never know what happened.
Maybe I had something to do with it?
I kinda don’t like racist losers.
I don’t want to be associated with them.
They just don’t get it.
They are, well…
Kinda mental!
Fortunately, I’ve got good news.
Where we’re going, we won’t need miners (or racists).
We can just kill them all.
Globby Got Dunked
Listening to: Princess We Obey
I’ve been busy.
Previously, antiganker Valryon defected.
Antiganking the gankbears has never been so lucrative!
Globby just inspired me.
That’s right.
Cry harder, bitch.
Can’t think of a more deserving person.
Famous last words…
Nazi around and find out.
#MENTAL
Globby was getting S.A.L.T.Y.
I love it!
I do, for real.
I literally wrote a book on Sun Tzu.
Come and take it, bro.
They had a bad plan, as we anticipated.
Sun Tzu called this, “Tempting the Bull”.
#BAITEDONAFREE
Globby only thought about isk.
We thought about moon cycles.
We gladly gave them enough to hang themselves.
Our plan worked, as always.
We gave them a second third fourth fifth? chance.
We do eventually respond to aggression.
Then they fucked up (again).
So they were punished.
We fucked them up.
Thanks for the year of drama, bro.
In EvE Online, politics are wars by other means.
The freighter gankers are were L.O.S.E.R.S.
Like, for real.
This is funny.
Ho ho ho.
I don’t need those people in my alliance.
I gave Globby one final chance.
Consider yourself warned, bro.
Bro, I will fuck you up.
What a bitch.
Mistakes were made (again and again).
It was a bad strategy.
I’ve got new friends now.
Globby actually gave me the idea.
The antigankers love this idea.
Now that’s high praise indeed.
Do I need racists, anti-Semites, and neo-Nazis in my alliance?
Some people just don’t have the right character.
You’ve gotta be cool.
Miners can’t stay calm.
Bro, try breathing exercises.
Meanwhile, Valryon has completed his homage to me.
Your enemies are now my friends.
We did it!
Let’s hear what antigankers say about me.
Even my sworn enemies, acknowledge I’m the best.
My powers are incredible.
There’s no shame in accepting the Mule of Highsec.
Let’s recap.
I guess things are going well (for me).
How are things going for you?
o7
To be continued…
THE GANKBEARS, aggrieved at having no established Executor, sent ambassadors to James 315 entreating for a King. Perceiving their aspirations, he cast down the CODE. The bears were terrified at the splash occasioned by its fall and hid themselves in the depths of Uedama. But as soon as they realized that the huge treatise was motionless, they swam again to the top of the water, dismissed their fears, climbed up, and began squatting on it in contempt. After some time they began to think themselves ill-treated in the appointment of so inert a Ruler, and sent a second deputation to James praying that he would set over them another sovereign. He then gave them Super Perforator. When the bears discovered his simple nature, they sent yet a third time, begging James to choose another. James, most displeased with all of them, unleashed a Princess who preyed upon the bears till there were none left.
Return of Princess Tabaqui
Listening to: Dock Up Quick
Recently, Aveve Olerie found a botnest.
They are all dead now.
Meanwhile, SDENSK is still writing essays.
The miners have given me a new name.
Hail High Princess Aiko, the Jackal Queen!
That’s right.
Players are massively hearing about me.
I’m a real saddie.
This is what it’s like to be a space celebrity.
Now I’m crying frfr.
They are gonna bully train on me.
There’s a reason I’m so space famous…
Suddenly, my plan went awry!
Wtf?
I overplayed my hand, and SDENSK felt guilty.
Can you guess what happened next?
I overplayed my hand again.
Some people like my attitude.
Others… not so much.
I know how to get what I want.
o7 bro!
Krig’s Korner, Episode 24
Listening to: Villains in the Air
Watch out…
EvE Online has a lot of evildoers.
Fortunately, Trey Bakker filed a police report.
So Tip engaged the target.
This was a Golem class maraudership!
Wait a minute…
Is Trey Bakker the bad guy?
He was trying to bribe an agent.
Meanwhile, a clock was ticking.
Suddenly, Krig did a magic trick.
I guess Trey ran out of time!
It was an expensive lesson.
F.L.Y.S.A.F.E.
Main Character Syndrome
Listening to: UNDOCK and GET DROPPED
Neffi Cake might be allegedly permabanned, but that hasn’t stopped him from reading my blog. Neffi called co-conspirator Srajin, who brought a few shorties, and they let the lyrics flow.
Meanwhile, I’m still hearing from SDENSK.
He knows what to call me.
That’s right.
I tried to tell him.
What an idiot.
I HATE my new nickname.
What out for Aiko and the Poodle Squad.
Nobody wants to be a flying poodle.
Gankers hate that.
I sure hope he gets paid.
Is he asking me out?
Bro…
Grrrr jackalhathathathta
What a sad story.
What?
I guess I’m a typical predator.
At least I’m good at something.
o7
Jackal in the Henhouse
Listening to: Gangsta Aiko
I’m now doing requests.
This blog is getting better all the time!
Indeed.
Recently, SDENSK had a bad day.
Wtf?
Bro…
Space littering is a capital felony.
Miners love good girls.
I know what they want.
What’s a shmara?
Guilty as charged!
The hypocrisy is endless.
Are all men the same???
What a charmer.
He wants it bad!
Miners need to keep it in their pants.
Oh, he’s not done?
I sent him a link to my pinterest.
He liked that.
I’m glad I killed him.
Get eaten…
Sounds like a plan!
o7
Rollin’ through the belts, cruisin’ on autopilot,
Highsec grindin’, where the ore be silent.
Got the lasers hummin’, beams so golden,
Stackin’ Veldspar, wallet lookin’ swollen.
Asteroids twinkle, they callin’ my name,
That dank space dust, yeah, fuelin’ the game.
Cargo hold fat, holdin’ all that glow,
But Princess Aiko lurkin’, yo, keep it on the low.
Get that good good ore, stack it to the ceiling,
Space dust in my lungs, yeah, you know the feelin’.
Mining in the zone, gotta watch for the snare,
Princess Aiko a gangsta, she don’t fight fair.
Warp core steady, but my mind stay hazy,
Clouds of that green, keep my moves all lazy.
Rock after rock, yeah, I’m claimin’ my stake,
But them gankers out here, man, they plot and they take.
Comets rain riches, but it ain’t all sweet,
Galaxy’s a jungle, gotta watch your fleet.
Princess Aiko , she a queenpin in the void,
Pop your pod quick, leave your ship destroyed.
Get that good good ore, stack it to the ceiling,
Space dust in my lungs, yeah, you know the feelin’.
Mining in the zone, gotta watch for the snare,
Princess Aiko a gangsta, she don’t fight fair.
You Won’t Believe (or will you?)
Only the faithful believe my incredible stories.
I’m a legend in my own time.
I’m making a difference in EvE Online.
I’ve even had some conversations.
> Oh Aiko, you are a doll.
Many like what I have to say.
Like I actually have to explain this.
CCP knows the truth about me.
I don’t really scam people.
It’s more of a polite request.
I just kill enemies (or befriend them).
Dreams do come true!
This antiganker know I’m fun and interesting.
A lot of people love me.
I know plebs won’t believe this.
I’m a real-life space witch.
There is a force stronger than PvP.
MANIFEST DESTINY!
My enemies admire and respect me.
I’m happy to help.
This is what the new New Order is all about!
Convert your items into killmails.
Give your stuff to Aiko Danuja.
Thanks for everything.
I often converse with the deceased.
I learned from the best.
Praise James 315! \o/
I’m gentle at the end.
Unlike griefers, I have no malicious intent.
The best thing in the galaxy is friendship with me.
I know I’m the best!
Some people can’t get enough…
He’ll be back.
THE GANKBEARS, aggrieved at having no established Executor, sent ambassadors to James 315 entreating for a King. Perceiving their aspirations, he cast down the CODE. The bears were terrified at the splash occasioned by its fall and hid themselves in the depths of Uedama. But as soon as they realized that the huge treatise was motionless, they swam again to the top of the water, dismissed their fears, climbed up, and began squatting on it in contempt. After some time they began to think themselves ill-treated in the appointment of so inert a Ruler, and sent a second deputation to James praying that he would set over them another sovereign. He then gave them Super Perforator. When the bears discovered his simple nature, they sent yet a third time, begging James to choose another. James, most displeased with all of them, unleashed a Princess who preyed upon the bears till there were none left.
Safety is Dead
Carebears have a desperate dream.
James 315 is dead, and salty at me (or so they hope).
Miners are kinda dumb.
I’ll try to explain…
Here is an example.
This old meme charts the tragic lifecycle of a typical PvP player. At first, they gleefully trumpet their existence, then they count isk, and finally they notice all the “good” targets are gone – “game is dead, bro.” It’s true, any nerd can buy killmails, but many end their lives with the nagging sensation that they wasted years. For what? The fate of top tier players is actually kind of grim. They openly question whether it was worth the time, and then they are gone forever, forgotten by the disinterested sands of time. They literally regret succumbing to what can only be considered an autistic obsessive compulsion. #sad2see!
In contrast, things are going well for us.
As seen in many preceding posts on this fine blog, we’ve done something different with the mighty CODE. Safety. alliance. As gankbears, nullbears, lowbears, and wormbears grow increasingly bitter and despondent, the Safety alliance is evolving each and every day. The old regime collapsed precisely because it followed the doomed path of the PvP pleb, but my friends chart a different course.
Unlike our wannabe rivals, we take to heart the prophetic words of James 315. Mere ganking is no better than mining, as ganking alone cannot build a true civilization. Killboard grinding is no different than mindless farming. Ganking for isk is a pathetic and contemptible act, not unlike collecting Pokemon cards. In the end, nobody actually cares bro. All that isk won’t buy you a single friend. People will only care about me, and that is as it should always be, just as James intended.
That’s right.
Facts!
Only true faith can guide us, and what is better than knowing that the permanent destruction of our enemies (whom I erased from history) has opened doorways beyond imagination. For example, what might transpire if all the good targets fled wormholes? What might transpire, if CCP encouraged this by buffing Highsec PvE? In such a world, as we now find ourselves in, one thing is becoming clear.
Highsec miners are no longer poor.
A steady stream of rental income is flowing into our coffers – specifically, my personal wallets. Tune in tomorrow, for another example which once again verifies and substantiates my rightful claim to be the greatest capsuleer in the history of EvE Online. I’ll give you a subtle hint, it’s going to involve me selling yet another mining permit.
Isn’t that the truth?
