Kills of the Week

Down Bad Bros

Yesterday, we learned about Lazar us.

He still doesn’t want to purchase a mining permit.

After completing the Highsec tutorial, he invaded Pochven.

He deleted the resulting twelve hour diatribe, but the gist of it…

…is he has a fetish for fellatio.

Those of you who watched, know what I’m talking about.

Krig Povelli also showed up for the party.

Adopting miner lingo, Krig showed himself to be cool.

Even the Saviourette herself made a surprise guest appearance.

The look on his face was truly priceless.

After a stunned silence, Lazar lashed out against all women, denouncing the fact that a hot piece of ass cocksucking whore BITCH is able to turn all of Highsec into a cuckold incel simpfactory, just because she takes pictures of her tits and sends them daily to James 315. What can I say, Amouranth is my mentor, and (let’s be real) even Lazar admitted that he’d love to fuck me.

Lazar’s miner friends tried to defend his position.

Other miners (that I’ve ganked) privately denounced him.

Lazar urged me to suicide IRL.

He urged all of us to commit suicide IRL.

If he meets me in real-life, he’s gonna wreck my pretty face.

He repeatedly called me a “stupid fucking bitch” and wrote angry mails.

@Matterall, I’m the griefer here?

Should CCP cater to carebear space bullies?

Nobody likes him.

When he visited null, my boyfriend paid him a visit.

Yo boy, you down bad bruuuh, lamao!

Fortunately, lazar intends to continue losing EVE.

That’s fine with me!

Fortnite is Plebville

Fortnite is for plebs. In a world of blind poors, the one-eyed man is king. It was thus that Lazar us declared himself a ‘professional’, and decided to up his game. He downloaded EVE, started a ~~corporation~~ ‘squad’, and became a BILLIONAIRE Highsec miner. Someone stole his first Orca, but Lazar continued his space adventure.

Lazar was pleased to have so many new Twitch viewers, but was disturbed by the random ships bumping into him… and the “weird” Jackdaw, Firetail, Tengu, Buzzard, and various Catalysts following him from system to system.

Hiding his location didn’t seem to help.

Lazar was beginning to suspect that EVE is a PvP game.

Before long, his friend was gone.

Carebears whine and complain, claiming that we grief and bully newbros, but we did our best to show that EVE is a worthy challenge.

Lazar appreciated this, and began renouncing his “stupid” friend, making it clear that EVE is only for the most elite gamers. Unfortunately, he judged poorly, and accepted William Rageclaw (of minerbumping fame) as his personal white knight mentor. By the way, if you haven’t read my other blog, now is a good time. Anyways, Rageclaw advised Lazar to try PvE missions, with a predictable carebear result.

Afterward, Lazar’s capsule tried autopiloting to Jita, before returning to Amarr. He raged for hours, cursing anyone and everything (including Rageclaw).

I remember the moment I sat in lowsec, listening to creepy space music, and realizing that I didn’t have a friend in the galaxy. Lazar had this same epiphany in Highsec. His newbro bluster was gone, replaced by a thousand yard stare.

Yes, EVE is a battle royale PvP game, and everyone here is either going to kill you, enslave you, scam you, disappoint you… or seduce you.

He was surprised to learn that I’m a Princess.

Like most men, he soon hit me up on Twitter.

I know how to turn boys into men.

Lazar is finally ready to play EVE.

I wish him the best of luck!

Welcome Back

Welcome back, Ralliana.

As you can see, I moved the community to Safety.

Frankly, I had a lot of help from Lewak.

James. Friend. You can’t go AFK, and let a bottle of booze run your alliance.

So don’t blame shift at me. I didn’t want this. I loved CODE.

Super cringe.

Be careful!

He’s literally an idiot, irl, fyi.

However, even Super can see the problem with James.

An AFK saviour is no saviour at all.

He ignored Globby.

He even ignored the #1 PvP champion of all time.

Loyal wasn’t bluffing.

James forced a fateful decision.

Sometimes, we need new leadership.

That’s right.

Many people say that I am sensational.

Others think I’m just a nice lady.

One thing is crystal clear.

The law is immutable.

Your consent is not required.

Thanks for understanding.

Be well. o7

Kills of Yet Another Week!

Kills of Some Preceding Week

Wow, just when you thought the CODE. was finally dead, it somehow keeps going. Here are some crabby miners, who faced justice during the week of August 13.

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Matumba F knew what she was getting into, that’s why she joined a corporation called Dead Squad. She got everything she bargained for. Great!

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UEDKnight also went for thematic roleplay, joining The Superior NPC Corporation. Apparently, bot aspirants really do aspire to become NPCs. Well, his wish was granted, and he was dunked in seconds, just like a real NPC! Wonderful.

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Gothryc Bumgardener thought working for an inflammable powder factory would keep his ship from exploding. Unfortunately, when exposed to neutron radiation, everything burns. Can you believe, he was defeated by gay pride? BOOOOM!

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v3rmin isn’t just a miner, he’s a smuggler. Within the cargohold, Billy discovered a secret stash of tritanium, with traces of pyerite and isogen!

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Everybody hates moonpire, and for good reason. marco has been getting great kills, but I just love seeing him dunk these depots. The EVE community thanks you!

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Ibowto Noone had a bad attitude, and was just chilling and relaxing, when she was erased by my good friend Berger. Good fight!

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Dunked Miners of This Here Half Fortnite

Kills of the Previous Week

Oi, check it. Here be some dumb bunnies, fleeced between October 6 at some time and October 12 at some later time. That’s one week, right? Aight.

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I recently found CCP Alpha lurking about. During the initial skirmish, I am ashamed to admit, I failed to kill him. I should have brought a blob, cuz all I managed to kill was a nearby Hecate. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. My bad.

Fortunately, Cargo Bandit felt sorry for me, and brought reinforcements.

Here is damning proof that CCP Alpha was AFK.

Like most miners, CCP Alpha is a liar, but at least he appreciates me.

Afterward, he bought a new Endurance, demanded a rematch, and logged off.

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Juxta Blix is a typical carebear, who thinks New Eden is divided into warring factions. In reality, everybody is united against the bot mining menace. In order to hunt down Juxta, a combined taskforce was formed, representing CODE., Goonswarm, Pandemic Horde, and Did He Say Jump? Are we jumping?

Juxta was feeling a little salty.

It wasn’t clear what side of the war Juxta is on. He blocked me, so I couldn’t reply, but he agreed to a follow-up interview with Whadda Badasaz.

Juxta obviously isn’t upset.

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Molten Wreck knew the wind was coming from the north, and he assumed this was just the start of another ice storm. However, something went horribly wrong, and his ship is now a… molten wreck. Good fight!

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Mikhoel Avrom loved his fancy ship, but apparently he wasn’t quite ready to fly it. GAY PRIDE wrecked him BOOOOOM! SICO DOWN!!

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Svendolina Tuttolo lost a 20 billion isk freighter to the Snuggle Society. After all these years, people still don’t know how to survive in Highsec. That’s not funny.

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Too Ducky didn’t lose his pod in Highsec, lowsec, nullsec, or some dusty wormhole. He lost his pod in abyssal space, which is also my space. WTF? I guess it’s time to steal mom’s credit card again. Here’s a pro tip: You don’t need all those implants.

Too was probably AFK. They always are.

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EXTRA CREDIT: Several agents have been practicing forkbomb techniques.

How are you spreading the CODE?

Zabójstwa Tygodnia

Kills of the Previous Week

Cześć przyjaciele! Today is Sunday, so here are some niedźwiedzie, purified between November 29 @ 00:00 and December 5 @ 23:59.

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Good ol Cutchybank never ceases to amaze us. This is his third appearance, and lately he has been trying to reign in his expenses. Nevertheless, he’s still blinged out like a madman, and I’m gonna guess that Votre Dieu knows exactly where to find him.

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AnderwwwDeathGrind intended to grind hard, until the day he died. It all happened so fast, he didn’t even have time to board his escape capsule.

Antiganking carebears have responded with a flurry of forum posts.

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FreaZy Akachi didn’t anticipate MrDiao would have a warp disruptor, nor did he expect the Triglavians to grief him. Good fight!

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killdashnine knew two things about CODE. First, we are afraid of lowsec. Secondly, we don’t shoot ships that can shoot back. Therefore, he felt totally safe. Unfortunately, Julian Snelders ganked him with an Astrahus. Elite PvP! The word in the belt is that killdashnine was upset, because someone shot a Venture.

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Adrian IV stuffed his battleship full of blueprints, and tried to plow straight through Sivala. As you might imagine, it just didn’t work.

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blu c blu filled his head with the usual garbage, and died.

Marbhadh na Seachdain

Here are some mathain, defeated between November 22 @ 00:00 and November 28 @ 23:59.

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Direwolf2000 thought he could pick a scary name, and use an innocent looking Orca to smuggle a Hel blueprint through Uedama. However, Dolphin Don and Nitetime Video weren’t afraid of the big bad wolf.

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Klorel Hakaari decided to fly another Hecate, directly against the North Wind. I don’t know who is coming up with these zany doctrines, but they are stupid.

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Antiganking goofus Alice Blacktail also had a cunning plan. She fitted her Venture with green stuff, and patiently waited in the belt. She didn’t have to wait long, and Alleil Pollard dropped in for a quick chat. Afterward, Alice gloated in public, because she ‘killed’ Alleil. What a dummy dumdum!

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Xrea Nefarious didn’t want to fly his battleship in Highsec, where evil ganker griefers might extirpate him, so he went into hiding. However, IllumuIll Estemaire and Celedion Warseraph found him in the Vale of the Silent. Killboard awarded them each 94 points, so it was a fair fight. No blobbery here!

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Catalyst Jhonson 1 was happily mining in her Vindicator, when she encountered a real Catalyst. Unfortunately, her head was full of junk, and she died. Sad!

Ye Olde Killinges o’thine Weeke

Previous Kills of the Week

Oi, and well met me lubbers. Ere be some berran that be deaden o’twixt the weeke o’ November 14 @ 00:00 and November 21 @ 23:59.

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Haha, I lied! Pharos Rollett died last week, but his memory lingers, and this certainly qualifies as a Kill of the Week. People keep asking whether ganking is profitable, and I just shake my head. Others tell me how easy it is, and I wonder why everyone isn’t doing this. I’ll tell you what, the northern wind doth verily blow cold and fierce, so I’d sure hate to be a dumb goofus trying to haul stuff in a destroyer.

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Cutchybank died again! OMG. This is his second appearance here, and I imagine we will see him again. I occasionally wonder whether it’s ethical to encourage carebears to swipe their credit card and buy pixels from CCP. I guess it’s a lot like playing poker, in the basement of a strip club. Don’t spend what you can’t afford to lose!

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Sometimes a jump freighter forgets to jump, and they just AFK meander into Uedama, where they die for no real reason at all. Who knows what Ella Ponz was thinking, but at least now she is with her dead friends.

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Lemmann Russ had a nightmare. When he woke up, he realized it wasn’t a dream. Some people say that CODE. is a joke, but Never Gonna SeeGrandKids is pretty serious. He misses them dearly, and has nothing better to do with his time.

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Rak Kronos really doesn’t like CODE. He proved it by CONCORDing his Vindicator on an innocent Astero. Learza Thiesant was rather surprised to be ‘ganked’, and hopes to experience this again. I suppose it’s the equivalent of dropping a Talos on a Venture. Kudos to Rak for his inspired determination, but he might want to consider the longterm financial efficacy of his ganking operation. Try using a Catalyst!

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I’m sure glad that I’m on a winning team with Zopiclone, and not in a loser mining corporation with Imelda Virpio.

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BONUS CONTENT

Nitetime Video killed a streamer. This bear used inappropriate language, and wondered why he was targeted. I know why. He didn’t have a mining permit.

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DOUBLE BONUS

In the sandbox, everything you do has the potential to cause endless ramifications which echo across spacetime. When I ganked Pranav Singh‘s Orca, I had no idea this would awaken a PvP champion. Good job Pranav, I hope you keep going! I guess Princess Aiko truly is the promised Saviourette. I’m here to help.

Previous Kills of the Week

I sure do love killing miners! Here are some bears, arrested between November 8 @ 00:00 and November 14 @ 23:59.

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No surprises here. Cutchybank is a confirmed goofus, who already lost four hundred billion isk to the mighty CODE. alliance. What’s another twenty-four billion? I’m just happy to hang out with cute boys, like Jason Kusion and Dolphin Don.

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You might not know who MrDiao is, but let me assure you, he is the man. When MrDiao saw kk ly botting in her Gila, he knew exactly what to do. Zkillboard recognized his victory, awarding him twenty-eight points. Well done, friend!

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slaventii7788 Akita was tired of mining. In order to hurry up and finish the job, he decided to utilize an illegal ‘Aoede’ fit, and there was only one response. As required by law, Ulianov and Shilliam Watner put this miner out of his misery.

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Pitraven filled her ship full of the usual trash. This got me all kinds of excited, and Jake Kusion thinks there is nothing better than running a train up on Princess Aiko. I don’t mind, I kind of like it. I think my favourite Kusion is Janiqua Kusion.

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I’m not very good in an interceptor, but Eva Govli isn’t any good in a ‘combat recon ship’. We found her hiding in the Vale, and Julian Snelders put her down. Did you really think we were afraid? Good fight!

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sexicool Maricadie thought she was hot stuff, with a brain full of silicon wafers. We dunked her, and she was finished off by Aryte Vesperia and Zigam.

Pagpatay sa semana

Kills of the Previous Week

Someone said I should gank more. My bad. Here are some mga oso, eradicated between November 1 @ 00:00 and November 8 @ 15:35.

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Elena Niminen is the sister of Overmind Niminen, but she’s no ordinary goofus. I have it on good authority, that she is the alt of Fraternity’s glorious leader. Amazing. This nullbear tried to take a shortcut through Highsec, but CODE. agents were standing by, with an elite squad of Imperial stormtroopers. Great job team! Speaking for James 315, let me just say how much we value and respect our friends in Goonswarm.

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Asja Gor attempted to smuggle garbage into Highsec, with intent to distribute. Look here nullbears, Highsec is not some third-rate pawn shop! The wind came from the north and blew her away. Go away Asja, we don’t want your junk (but we are keeping it). If anybody ever asks, whether ganking is profitable, just give them a weird look.

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anavel physalis is another lazy bear, who can’t even capitalize his own name. Ever since I became the official executor of the mighty CODE. alliance, I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing personnel files, attempting to determine who is worthy. Let me tell you what, at the top of my list are such elite agents as MrDiao, Ulianov, and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM. I’m proud to be in an alliance with such fine individuals.

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ivanigh Antollare has been a busy little miner, but he didn’t want to purchase a mining permit. He’s been ganked a few times, and knows the law, but he still insists on playing the goblok. That’s just fine. We dunked him (again), and confiscated his ore. Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.