Still Clamping

I love helping Highsec miners.

I also help lowsec bears.

Kuben craved attention.

However, he had no time for poors.

Kuben wanted the boss b.

So he went to the source.

We were amazed.

Kuben is a real money man.

PLOT TWIST: Kuben is also a secret agent!

He’s watching me!

Kuben infiltrated deep inside.

I’m surrounded by traitors!

Kuben knows what I did.

The truth is out.

DOPPLE TWIST: I actually am a secret agent.

I will cut a b.

I done did it.

I have so many names.

You can’t stop any of me.

We are already closer than you realize.

It’s way too late.

In EvE Online, only one name matters.

That’s right!

Everybody knows it.

You love it.

Cheers!

Goodbye TDF

I’ve lived through a lot of EvE history. The IRL death of James 315, the extinction of TEST, the purging of Mittens (also IRL), the dissolution of the Imperium, and now we observe the end of TDF.

Like most newbro friendly pedo guilds, TDF was dedicated to maximizing their isk/hr, via Highsec incursions.

These losers thought they were cool, but…

All autism must end.

The war was over before it began.

Wow, that was actually really easy.

Profitable too.

I hope TDF had as much fun as we did…

Cheerios!

Another Post

Another dead miner, and another great video.

GalactusGalactuss also released a music video.

Unfortunately, Galactus is being salty again.

He left my Discord in a huff.

Why do some people have to be cringy, always?

Meanwhile, gankbear MacGybo also made a video.

The video is incredibly boring.

Ganking for isk/hr is newbro friendly.

MacGybo prides himself on “profit” – legitimate gameplay.

However, miner permit roleplay is TOXIC.

Ethical gankers only kill newbros who lag out in Jita.

Hold on. I gotta say, like, wow. Before I ever even heard of EvE Online, before I ever started playing the game, this guy was camping the Jita undock and taking advantage of new players.

I never took 29 billion isk from a one day old character. However, MacGybo has the hypocritical audacity to claim that I am the griefer. You can debate whether I’ve driven a new player to quit, but you can be absolutely certain MacGybo has. That’s a fact.

We now return to ongoing Hateless drama.

In his own discord, Hateless is on the defensive.

Hateless has been struggling to gain sympathy.

Adrian Vexier made a compelling defense.

What will happen next?

Will Hateless get revenge on the space bully griefer guild?

What a Hateless crybaby

Believe it or not, but EvE Online is a PvP game. Players fight over resources, in a battle royale. As an analogy, consider the game Fortnite. In the image below, you can see a miner, harvesting ore.

Of course, there’s always a little cutie with a ponytail, who won’t hesitate to shoot a hapless miner.

Carebears whine and moan endlessly, complaining about those meanie “griefers” who engage in PvP. One crybaby recently gave me permission to share his tears with you.

Thank you Hateless.

Hateless sees no problem with “griefing” in nullsec, but he cries foul when someone touches him in Highsec.

I know what you are asking.

Earlier today, Adrian Vexier decided to bump an Orca.

I could have shot Hateless (again), but I was already shooting someone else, so the crybaby miner was perfectly safe. Ultimately, nobody ganked Hateless, but he is still crying.

Nobody shot Hateless. Nevertheless, the mere presence of another player was enough to “provoke an emotional response”. Hateless was frustrated that another player was playing the game. So he sat down next to his motorcycle, and quit his space “job”.

EvE Online “stream fleet” partners are coddled by CCP. They get free handouts, free plex, free skins, and free advertising. Apparently, it’s just not enough. Hateless merely wants to get paid for not playing, with no hassle from the other players.

Minerbumping is a timeless tradition. Consequently, I have no idea how Hateless can feel entitled to mine in Highsec, with a fleet of Hulks, and yet he throws a temper tantrum whenever someone bumps his Orca. What does he expect is going to happen?

Apparently, if you declare Highsec mining to be your “job”, then you can claim harassment because other players are interfering.

Hateless simps rallied to his defense.

New players deserve protection!

Everyone is discussing how to stop gameplay in a game.

Oh boohoohoo, the miner can’t maximize his isk/hr.

Honestly, CCP should stop enabling carebears.

Highsec miners should be banned from the Partner program.

They can go play a different game.

Seriously, just go.

It’s literally a game.

I will give the final word to Dex.

Pandemic Pallies

PAPI had a rough night.

Meanwhile, Aikowatchers noticed something unusual.

Opportunity knocked, and Kelgoroth seized the opportunity of a lifetime.

He thanked everyone who helped achieve his goal.

Miners will do anything for me.

I’ve got perky social skills.

When you fleet with Aiko, magic happens.

What could possibly go wrong?

I even won a free Paladin!

Don’t be shy!

CCP might ban me, but they’ll never ban the memories.

Neospace

If you are a preteen princess from the 90s, then you love Neopets.

Neopets are like furries, but for children.

I wonder how that upgrade went?

With their identities stolen, escaped neopets fled to outer space.

You can hang out with 36.5 billion baseliner civilian catgirls!

Unfortunately, they don’t like Highsec gankers.

The Neopian Federation is a carebear consortium.

Ajna was weak, but she wanted to be strong.

She did some research, and realized I only have 3 friends.

I guess numbers are important after all?

So she started bullying me.

This was one uppity miner.

James 315 was always afraid of duels, always!

Fortunately, I’m actually capable of undocking.

We met at the sun, where it is always high noon.

An HONORIBEL 1v1 duel.

MITTANI MAN BAD

I’ve heard the accusations.

*****

EXHIBIT A
(AKA PROOF OF PHOTOSHOP)

EXHIBIT B
(AKA FACEBOOK GOSSIP)

EXHIBIT C
(AKA MITTANIGATE)

This is some serious stuff.

If you want to report a crime, contact the police. I know what a judge would conclude. Case dismissed! You can submit Exhibit A, an edited chatlog from 2007, but it isn’t compelling. Of course, I want to acknowledge the theoretical possibility that there is some truth or substance to the allegations, but…

Mob justice is not justice.

That’s not cool!

Guilty until proven innocent?

I karttoon was right. I would know.

If you enable spergy whiteknight carebears, this happens.

What do we have here?

Wow, an Indian joked about India. That’s racist!

Wow, a gay made a gay joke. Oh no!

I’ve reviewed the evidence, and concur with my favourite sex pest.

Who do you believe?

These are the good guys?

Miners disgust me.

Grrrr Mittanimanbad PEDOWAFFE hathathat.

Welcome to EvE 2022, where my alliance is stronger than TEST.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Cheers!

Antiganking with Aiko

Even the best antigankers strive to perfect their craft.

Recently, I decided to level up.

I just won’t fight ships that can shoot back.

Tama is a safe space for my friends.

You are on Team Aiko, or you are trash.

Even big dog streamers are watching me.

There’s nothing else they can do.

Here’s a funny thought.

I literally have no balls, at all — in real life!