Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
This is how it’s done.
I’m a miner’s best friend.
I’m here to help!
I’m the best.
I’ve sure come a long way.
Would you like to know more?
That’s fine, I’m having a party in his crypt.
Everybody knows what happened.
Sometimes, these things happen.
Antigankers are gonna need new corporations.
Meanwhile, I’m doing pretty good.
Feel free to join me.
We can have a lot of fun.
You know what I mean?
It’s gonna be great.
I’m Aiko!
Thanks for the support!
That’s right!
My email gets a lot of spam.
Yes, that Ward.
EVE has endless cringe drama.
When I kicked Ward out of CODE. with the blessing of James 315, I only did it because I didn’t want to be in the same alliance. No thanks!
Like, really?
Apparently, Ward didn’t biomass.
So now I’m getting more insane rants.
That’s right. James 315 was bullied out of the game, by Ward.
So now you know, the rest of the story.
Ward, I’m sorry, you aren’t even interesting enough for a full post. It’s just like yikes, like omg stop mailing me. Like wow, like how are you still like writing emails at me?
Let’s check out some ok quality salt.
Arkan Soikutsu is a born again miner.
Was that an un-ironic grrrrr?
Arkan Soikutsu > christianity says not to killl………….
Aiko Danuja > You broke the 10 commandments
Aiko Danuja > The wages of sin are DEATH
Arkan Soikutsu > so did you ?
Aiko Danuja > I am without sin, a virgin and chaste.
Radar-FTL Interlink Communicator > filthy miners will meet justice
Aiko Danuja > Pay unto Radar-FTL Interlink Communicator what is Radar-FTL Interlink Communicator’s – this is written in the Bible.
Every now and again, we meet an unrepentant miner.
They are salty with the tears of Christ.
What a great game!
As for Ward… I know you are reading this. Please, just be honest with yourself, and review the email I sent you literally years ago.
It’s been memorable, that’s for sure.
Happy New Year!
Yah, you’ve sure changed a lot…
That’s right.
I like new players.
I love to help.
Even my enemies adore me.
Everybody is content.
I’ve met a lot of nice men…
…and women too.
I kind of like the attention.
Sometimes they write Soviet love letters.
They just need a little discipline.
Ok, goodnight!
My business is Highsec business, and I mean business.
When I discovered Tathar mining in an 0.9, I was absolutely disgusted. He’s been playing since 2011, and mining in an 0.9!
I finally got his attention.
He was ashamed. However, when asked to purchase a mining permit, Tather began to extort me. He threatened to quit, unless he could mine for free!
Meanwhile, he worried I might shoot his ship (again).
Perhaps I might give it back, if he obeys the law?
Tathar wanted his ship, but he didn’t like having to pay for it. He just wanted to relax, and make isk while doing something else.
We had a little debate about governance and property rights.
I had to exert my authority.
He prophesied that EVE is dying, and it is Aiko, Destroyer of Miners, who will be the ultimate undoing of the AFK caste.
I tried one last time to be reasonable.
Some people say I’m a beeutiful witch. Bzzbzz.
That’s right. I’m a wasp.
Pay me.
It works like a charm.
It’s not roleplay.
This is serious space business.
As part of our lowsec outreach programme, we are removing Gallente terrorists from former Caldari space. Dodixie democracy is a scam, and ‘their’ stars are rightfully administered by my loyal vassal, the Caldari State.
During the Siege of Fliet, Gallente crabs were evicted by the New Order.
Subsequently, the dead pirate Sheltark Sykari decided it would be ok to pad his Caldari killboard, by whoring on gank catalysts in Uedama. This is a good time to remember that our claim in Uedama is real, unlike the claims of faction warfare roleplayers. I consulted with Dolphin Don, and we agreed it was time.
Don began clearing the gate, removing Sheltark’s morale support barge, piloted by fellow streamer evan mclean (aka Kalle Almighty). Subsequently, we were approached by a frog, Fjun Saraki. Since he was at war with Sheltark, Fjun offered assistance. However, we soon noticed something wrong with Fjun.
Aiko Danuja > the issue is Sheltark will just jump gate
Fjun Saraki > but once he jumps other side is where i want him
Aiko Danuja > can u catch his frigate?
Fjun Saraki > my bc locks slow right?
Aiko Danuja > yep
Fjun Saraki > if i shoot him hes a legal target for me cause im gallente militia
Aiko Danuja > i know this
Fjun Saraki > but then that means im suspect right?
Like most frogs, Fjun was incompetent. Meanwhile, on Sheltark’s stream, we observed Fjun sending salty messages.
I wasn’t sure who to bump first. Neither miner had a mining permit, so how should I prioritize? Naturally, I consulted the Code, which I personally wrote (and loaned to James 315, back in 2012), “I will occasionally have more than one miner whom I could bump. So how should I prioritize? Those who violate the Code will be at increased risk.” With this in mind, I constructed a target priority matrix.
It was close, but the matrix designated Fjun as our target.
It thus came to pass, that Safety agents rescued an antiganker, whilst the antiganker was busily crafting himself another medal.
Sheltark was the happiest ag in the history of Uedama.
Afterward, I updated my tactical matrix.
It was clear what must be done.
Victory!
Why, hello there!
That’s right! I’m exactly what James was hoping to summon.
I’m soo cool. I even ganked a Venture!
Ventures are the saltiest pilots in the galaxy.
Angel pretended to be an “I don’t care” bear.
This didn’t last long.
Recently, I noticed the newest carebear corp.
The recruiter from SICO started his own alliance.
Do you think she is cute?
Cuter than me???
I was a little jealous.
Come on boys, don’t simp for Anlions.
She’s got those hooks in deep.
He won’t be joining Princess Aiko Hold My Hand(((
Sad!
tanktheface lost his Iteron, and a Caracal.
He didn’t care.
He enjoyed full SRP, after losing someone else’s ship.
Despite not caring, tank vowed that someone else would extract revenge.
vault 4+2 (aka vault 6) was on the case!
tanktheface > the man it was knows has give me 50mil… and a new order
tanktheface > he on discord now…so mad
Aiko Danuja > He’s mad at himself for trusting you?
tanktheface > thats why i get the big isk
tank gloated, sending proof of the incoming attack.
Aiko was alarmed. What if 4+2 actually had a battlecruiser?
Furthermore, tank had killrights.
The situation was bleak.
Fortunately, his corporation subsidizes incompetence.
Now we own the Hammer of God.
What an astonishing turn of events!
4+2 is one salty taskforce.
Cordillia denied being a 4+2 agent.
She claimed we are liars, like Biden.
What’s wrong with Sleepy Joe?
Meanwhile, Cordillia (the Orca pilot) insisted that she isn’t a miner.
I think she might be the liar.
Regardless, she wasn’t very calm.
Why was she so angry?
Oh! I guess she is a miner.
Cordillia > You don’t know me, i Just returned to this game after 3 years of military duty in Afganistan. Now you want to tell me that I am a MINING Addicted person. WOW have you all fucking lost it
Whadda Badasaz > The issue here is not your service record, but your mining record.
Northbridge West > That went well over there, didn’t it?
Cordillia > REPORTED
Cordillia > your all safe at home
Cordillia > hiding under your bed
Cordillia > your so far ass whips to me
Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.
When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.
After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).
CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate.
Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.
She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.
Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.
Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.
Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.
This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.
Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.
Jim is one happy botter.
He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?
No bots allowed!
Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.
Ann Mari found Safety… and the CODE.
Inpendius > James 315 can eat my filthy ass.
Ann Mari > This is a game
Inpendius > saviour my cock
Ann Mari > I mean this is mafia irl.
Inpendius > your code is meant to benefit the few at the expense of the weak masses. repugnant at best.
Ann Mari > Pay to win
Like many miners, she refused to buy a mining permit.
This would cost her.
Sargon Of Amerish > Ann Mari sounds like you could use a warm glass of milk.
Whadda Badasaz > She’s crying and attention seeking.
Sargon Of Amerish > poor thing
Ann Mari > I have brandy and ccoke lol.
Indeed, she began to annoy me.
Ann Mari > Can we at least agree that my boobs are better than Aiko Danuja ‘s?
Cute Gank > No
Sargon Of Amerish > yours are fake
Donatien Alphonse Francois > Aiko is a princess
Whadda Badasaz > Aiko is a feminist
Zynot Idama > im not objectifing Aiko Danuja
Ann Mari > I am a dirty miner
Zynot Idama > Ann Mari did you have to pay plex for your implants?
Fortunately, the Dolphins came to my rescue.
However, Ann wouldn’t shut up.
Ann Mari > I’m not buying into your lil mafia sccheme forget it, and fucck off
Ann Mari > Work, you lazy scum XDDDD
Ann Mari > This isn’tt socialism 101
Ann Mari > Check my boobs
Ann Mari > Have I said that reccently?
Ann Mari > I don;’t mine…. I rlly rlly don’t
I kicked her from Why Was I Ganked?, and she invited me to but hurt much.
Aiko Danuja > Look at you, all dressed up like a strumpet
Ann Mari > Aiko Danuja 2018.06.14
Ann Mari > I have been around for nearly 20 years
Aiko Danuja > Imagine how badly you have failed at EVE, that here you are, being talked down to by a 2018 player.
Ann Mari > nothing will ccome of this….
It was time to give her a lesson in Highsec 101.
Aiko Danuja > You aren’t even a wallet warrior, you are just a wallet miner.
Ann Mari > Need a new brandy and coke…. brb
She thought she was winning.
So she decided to embarrass me with an impromptu erotic fan-fic contest.
I’m a published professional writer, available for hire.
Ann Mari > So tell me more about the girl and the men that surround her? Where di you guys meet etc?
Whadda Badasaz > I met her at Fan Fest
Donatien Alphonse Francois > We met in Princess Aiko’s castle in Lichtenstein.
Whadda Badasaz > her dad is some bigwig in goonswarm
Ann Mari > For a good story, I’ll pay
MarshallTeagan > ok send 30 mil
Ann Mari > ok go
Marshall was the first winner, and Ann paid.
The alcohol was in charge.
Ann Mari > I want to get right to the dirty stuff that all you guys wanna do to this princess of yours…. Get it good
Whadda Badasaz > I’d like to hold her hand.
Ann Mari > hold hands? just kill yourself if that’s all you want to do with a blah blah blah priness…. voice like a … I forget… goddess? Jesus…. I’d expecct anal to be like the first stop
Dolphin Don was the next winner.
Donatien Alphonse Francois > Aiko moaned lustfully as the arachnid filled her up. It wasted no time in pounding its large member against her cervix. It hurt, but it was a pain filled with pleasure, and her body tensed as an orgasm hit her hard. The spider’s venom was some mix of hormones…
It was a terrible story, with a surprise ending involving a tentacle monster.
However, Ann liked it. She wanted more.
Ann Mari > Come on guys gimme real shhit. Tell everyone it’s fake…. Tell the real story, get paid, have deniability…..
Whadda Badasaz > i have a fake story about aiko
Whadda Badasaz > when i saw her at fanfest she was jumping up and down in her miniskirt, grinding against the mittani
Whadda Badasaz > I asked her to dance with me but i dont think she heard me or maybe she was ignoring me im not sure
Whadda Badasaz > his hands went around behind her and he pulled up her skirt and i could see she wasnt wearing anything underneath
Whadda Badasaz > later she got really drunk and i think they were snorting lines
Whadda Badasaz > i watched her giving a blowjob to james 315, and it was really hot, then i felt dizzy just thinking about it
Whadda Badasaz > I LIKE HER FEET
Ann Mari > fucck
Now this is the kind of stuff you won’t get from a MinerBumping post…
Ann felt sorry for poor Whadda.
She read the story, again and again, and each time Whadda received another royalty check.
Ann was so delighted to hear the truth about Aiko, she decided to reward everyone.
Whadda won the grand prize.
I looked at zkillboard and found a recently deceased Golem.
Some people say I’m a witch, and those people are right.
I put a spell on Ann, and brought that dead Golem back to life.
Ann celebrated her victory, having paid my alts to betray my darkest secrets.
The only thing left to do, was lose a freighter to some random pod that Aaaarrgg shot.
Zynot Idama > and nice boobs Ann Mari
Ann Mari > Thanks!!!!
Zynot Idama > np
Women love flattery.
Now that’s how you score!
When you hang out with me, ships just fall from the sky!
That’s how I roll!
Victory!
The Safety. alliance is the best alliance ever.
Everybody brings a little salt to the table.
Together, we make it work.
Our alliance is the only one to have a blog about whiny miners.
We have the only blog that features ME.
Support me and thrive.
Cross me and die.
Together, we will enforce the LAW.
I look forward to meeting you!
Be well.
