Category: Tears

Talk to your therapist

Silly miners.

Wake up!

Ledrian recently returned to EVE. Yes, that Ledrian.

Meanwhile, I’m such a bad girl.

Oof. Getting all kinds of distorted attention.

Carebears think my channel should serve as a suicide hotline.

If I don’t want to help miners, then I am supposed to ignore them.

Furthermore, I’m not qualified for bonus giveaways.

I’m sorry about your mental issues, but that’s not my problem. As if. At the video arcade, you aren’t going to get free gameplay tokens because you claim to be suicidal. Furthermore, the clerk behind the popcorn stand doesn’t care. Sorry!

I’m a really nice lady, but I’m not going to let you win.

You should, like, talk to your therapist about me.

OMG.

Miners are soo mental.

Gross!

 

Safety. Announcement

From time to time, as Chief Safety Officer, it is my duty to make a Safety. announcement to ensure safe mining for all miners. That’s fair, right? Miners always beg for a warning, and this is the warning. You’ve been warned.

WARNING

Today’s Safety. announcement is brought to you by Zopiclone.

Thank you Zopi.

When you purchase unsafe items, we know.

Don’t you want to live, and see your grandchildren?

Safety violations are serious offenses.

Just think of us, as a less friendly version of the CODE.

Hell hath no fury like a female ganker.

We are like Germans, but sexy and competent.

This is not a negotiation.

Safety isn’t free.

Safety isn’t cheap.

Don’t be stiped.

Sigh…

Some people are winners, some people are losers.

I honestly have no idea.

Thanks miner!

Be well.

 

 

 

 

Big Deal

I’m defo a big deal.

You aren’t truly space famous, until people you don’t even know are making EVE videos starring your beautiful face. Apparently, someone noticed that Highsec has a new queen. That’s right.


The people love me.

And who are you, the proud lord said
A spider still has fangs…

So now the rains, weep o’er his hall
With no one there to hear…
 

Fuck #4

Fuck #3

The miners have a lot to say.

Sometimes, they are more concise.

It’s not very hard to understand.

They want to do things their own way.

Unfortunately, they don’t have much luck.

They seem to be stuck, repeating the same basic patterns.

What does it all mean?

I don’t think they are calm.

They don’t seem to like us.

They don’t seem to like me.

I don’t like them much either.

They are crazy!

They’ve always been crazy.

Nobody likes a miner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All Stirred Up

Both Malls lost a Venture.

He hates education, business, and cleaning.

He proudly supports Trump 2020.

Both hasn’t finished training his trash talk skills.

I guess he doesn’t like me.

I make him feel nervous and frustrated.

Apparently, if you PvP in a video game, you are an infidel.

He’s a perfect example of the mining caste.

Princess Daniel

In a galaxy full of men, it’s natural to wonder whether Princess Aiko is actually a beautiful young lady. Is she really the heir to Ibiza? Did her daddy truly buy her a penthouse in Perimeter?

emperor 003 came to Why Was I Ganked? with shocking news. Princess Aiko is actually some guy called Daniel, from Chicago.

Some miners suspect Aiko is too intelligent.

Many were intrigued by ‘Daniel’.

Emperor doesn’t like Chicago.

He also doesn’t like the number 315. He prefers 003.

CODE. is nothing more than a Chicago numbers racket.

After 003 weeks of investigation, he discovered the ‘truth’.

Everyone was impressed.

PLOT TWIST: emperor was theorycrafting.

His credibility began to plummet.

I did a Google, and ‘Daniel’ doesn’t seem to exist. I’ve redacted the surname,  but I don’t think this is a real person. Indeed, 003 later denied that he ever included a surname.

He realized I was investigating his investigation. The address in question appears to be a parking lot.

He clearly hadn’t done his homework.

emperor claimed Aiko doesn’t exist, but Daniel doesn’t exist.

Inconceivable! The coup attempt failed.

Princess Aiko was once again hailed as a true lady of Agil.

As for emperor003, it turns out he isn’t even an emperor.

Corporal Jimbo, Part 2

Previously in James 315 Space… Corporal Jimbo used illegal expanders to dangerously overfill his Sigil. When the bubble finally popped, he was none too pleased, and took out his frustrations upon the arresting officer, Cargo Bandit.

After a night in prison, Jimbo wrote a complaint to the Department of Customs.

Corporal Jimbo just wants to play EVE, and looks down on those who do likewise.

Jimbo eventually arrived in court, where Princess Aiko was hearing an adultery case.

Eventually, he had his chance to address the court.

Jimbo denounced the rule of law!!!

Terrorism in game is worse than terrorism in real life!

He also posted a no luck spell upon Aiko!!!!!

Poor Aiko, trapped forever in EVE Online.

Jimbo petitioned CCP to ban tradehub PvP, informing them of CODE. arrogance.

A few moments later, another defendant arrived at court.

Subsequently, Jimbo enjoyed correspondence with his new pen pal, Cargo Bandit.

***

FW: Re: really?
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 10:05
To: Cargo Bandit,

okay so how much to u want that I will never see u again?

With your terrorism u really fuck eve up for me, do u know this? Still cant get why u doing such crap

***

Re: FW: Re: really?
Von: Cargo Bandit
Gesendet: 2020.10.03 10:06
An: Aiko Danuja, Corporal Jimbo,

The princess said in a previous discussion that your permit was 180b, if you’d like to discuss terms join the why was I ganked channel.

***

Aw: Re: FW: Re: really?
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 10:09
To: Cargo Bandit,

 I hope u will leave this game one time. And I will block u now. This is a game a play in my freetime and i dont want to spend another second with your roleplay terrorism sh*t bb I wish to meet you never again

***

Aw: Re: LoL
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 12:09
To: Cargo Bandit,

Dont worry i packed Internal stabilizers in my butthole so u will catch me again gg

***

Re: Aw: Re: LoL
Von: Cargo Bandit
Gesendet: 2020.10.03 12:14
An: Corporal Jimbo,

They won’t help you much. I thought you blocked me?

***

Aw: Re: Aw: Re: LoL
From: Corporal Jimbo
Sent: 2020.10.03 12:15
To: Cargo Bandit,

I did, But unblocked u

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Corporal Jimbo

BREAKING NEWS

CCP Convict was recently cited for illegal mining.

Loyal citizens quickly reported him to the authorities.

Convict only pretends to be a lawful miner.

Bystanders watched uneasily, as Convict began digging unsafely.

 

 

Not surprisingly, Convict is a known criminal.

Several bears were concerned Convict might be a victim of cyberbullying. They urged him to move to safe nullsec, where everybody is polite, and nobody pays rent.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programme.

Cargo Bandit spotted an excessively laden over-dimensional Sigil.

The driver was predictably abusive.

 

Supposedly, what CCP meant by a game of EVE Online, is that everyone can undock and endlessly AFK as they acquire easy isk. Surely CCP desires a utopia of carebearism, a roleplaying game without any roleplay-police-terrorists. What do you think? Is the CODE. a greater concern than the Chinese xeno virus (aka Wu flu)?

Back at the station, officers listened as the defendant tried to justify his actions.

The charges were most serious, with grave consequences.

Count 1: Transport of illegal contraband, with intent to distribute.

Count 2: Failure to maintain an undock permit.

Count 3: Inappropriate conduct, unbecoming of a Highsec citizen.

To be continued…