
Oh look, Dakkonka (again).



That’s right.

That’s right!

I’m the best.

o7

Meanwhile…

Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Welcome to the best EvE Online blog.
CCP’s best advertising is customer review.
What a sport!
That’s right.
That’s right!
Listening to: Princess We Obey
I’ve been busy.
Previously, antiganker Valryon defected.
Antiganking the gankbears has never been so lucrative!
Globby just inspired me.
That’s right.
Cry harder, bitch.
Can’t think of a more deserving person.
Famous last words…
Nazi around and find out.
#MENTAL
Globby was getting S.A.L.T.Y.
I love it!
I do, for real.
I literally wrote a book on Sun Tzu.
Come and take it, bro.
They had a bad plan, as we anticipated.
Sun Tzu called this, “Tempting the Bull”.
#BAITEDONAFREE
Globby only thought about isk.
We thought about moon cycles.
We gladly gave them enough to hang themselves.
Our plan worked, as always.
We gave them a second third fourth fifth? chance.
We do eventually respond to aggression.
Then they fucked up (again).
So they were punished.
We fucked them up.
Thanks for the year of drama, bro.
In EvE Online, politics are wars by other means.
The freighter gankers are were L.O.S.E.R.S.
Like, for real.
This is funny.
Ho ho ho.
I don’t need those people in my alliance.
I gave Globby one final chance.
Consider yourself warned, bro.
Bro, I will fuck you up.
What a bitch.
Mistakes were made (again and again).
It was a bad strategy.
I’ve got new friends now.
Globby actually gave me the idea.
The antigankers love this idea.
Now that’s high praise indeed.
Do I need racists, anti-Semites, and neo-Nazis in my alliance?
Some people just don’t have the right character.
You’ve gotta be cool.
Miners can’t stay calm.
Bro, try breathing exercises.
Meanwhile, Valryon has completed his homage to me.
Your enemies are now my friends.
We did it!
Let’s hear what antigankers say about me.
Even my sworn enemies, acknowledge I’m the best.
My powers are incredible.
There’s no shame in accepting the Mule of Highsec.
Let’s recap.
I guess things are going well (for me).
How are things going for you?
o7
To be continued…
THE GANKBEARS, aggrieved at having no established Executor, sent ambassadors to James 315 entreating for a King. Perceiving their aspirations, he cast down the CODE. The bears were terrified at the splash occasioned by its fall and hid themselves in the depths of Uedama. But as soon as they realized that the huge treatise was motionless, they swam again to the top of the water, dismissed their fears, climbed up, and began squatting on it in contempt. After some time they began to think themselves ill-treated in the appointment of so inert a Ruler, and sent a second deputation to James praying that he would set over them another sovereign. He then gave them Super Perforator. When the bears discovered his simple nature, they sent yet a third time, begging James to choose another. James, most displeased with all of them, unleashed a Princess who preyed upon the bears till there were none left.
Listening to: Princess Aiko, Space Librarian
I’m doing great!
Let’s meet a miner…
This one doesn’t like me.
They understand perfectly.
That’s right.
I also understand them.
I guess I’ll look for another target.
o7
Most people accept (and even love) me.
A few grumpy carebears do not.
Aiko Danuja > We are a Goon Special Interest Group established by karttoon in 2005.
Pietro Micca > No.
Pietro Micca > You are not linked in any way to goonswarm.
Aiko Danuja > that is an OUTRAGEOUS lie
Pietro Micca > I’m a goon.
Pietro Micca > You are not linked in any way to goonswarm.
In fact, Pietru is the real notagoon.
Another stolen valour miner…
Pietro Micca > If you want, i can brb in 3 days corped.
Whadda Badasaz > Pietro Micca you are the equivalent of some kid who just got accepted to basic and you are here telling us that you are like real Goon or something and that’s cool, but right now we are on special assignment in Tash-Murkon
Jinx Beirut > Gankdrop over Jarkalad in T Minus 10
Sonja Jang-mi Black > Roger that, now cut the comms, don’t want this greenhorn to ruin our entire op.
Aiko Danuja > Pietro Micca u are one fake goon unlike the good people in this Goon special operations taskforce
What do you think?
Jinx Beirut > plz gib molok 4 poor not goon
Aiko Danuja > i can definitely not afford to lose 20 titans
Mary Gankins > im not a goon im just called Mary Gankins like ok bro im secretly PanFam
Jinx Beirut > i support RMT and BOTTING
Pietro Micca > Well, it’s also globally know that you are huge liers
What’s the truth?
Aiko Danuja > We are the SWORD of the Mittani, enforcing the Great Gallente Ice Interdiction.
Pietro Micca > No
Pietro Micca > Don’t lie to me here. I KNOW
Pietro Micca > I know because i asked to director of goon.
Whadda Badasaz > Pietro Micca It sounds like your security clearance is too low for this channel. You should stay in NewGoon carebear support channels.
Pietro Micca > You are not affiliated (ever) to goon, plz stop scam.
Aiko Danuja > Sir, this is a high security zone…
Suddenly, Pietro hurled a vile insult.
I guess that’s a compliment?
So am I a mythological Goon, or not?
I decided to verify my citizenship, just to make sure.
It takes one to know one.
That’s as official as it gets.
Indeed.
o/
Listening to: Aiko Danuja, The Musical
The clue crew knows my score.
That’s right.
I’m not hard to understand.
This train is just getting started.
Are you ready to ride?
My people are the best.
I’ve got some interesting new ideas.
Thank you friends!
Chuggachuggachoochoo!
=COMING SOON TO A TWITCH NEAR YOU=
=PAID ADVERTISEMENT=
=YOUR ADVERTISEMENT HERE FOR 1 BILLION ISK=
o7 James!
That’s right.
I forgive you.
Do you ever wonder why miners get ganked?
I host a channel in EvE Online.
That channel is: Why Was I Ganked?
It’s a popular place.
All the best gankers are there.
Are you wondering why?
Let the experts help you.
You were ganked.
Just wait until you find out why!
Ok ChatGPT, make me an image…
Listening to: Ozzy
Welcome to my real-life EvE Online fanclub.
It is nice (and increasingly lucrative).
Check this out.
I think I’m just getting started.
Ya know?
I know what losers cry about
I’m making my own decisions
They ain’t gonna bring me down
I just gonna stay high
I like playing this game
It looks nice from here
All my life I’ve been over the top
I know exactly what I’m doing
All I know is I ain’t gonna stop
All fired up, I’m gonna go till you drop
Why don’t fools listen to me?
Nothing I say is gonna set them free
Don’t need no racist gankbears bro
Too many religions for only one god
I don’t need another saviour
Don’t try to change my mind
You know I’m one of a kind
Ain’t gonna change me
I don’t wanna stop
Are you ever going to stop? (yes)
I don’t wanna stop, I ain’t gonna stop
I ain’t gonna stop, I don’t wanna stop
Are you ever going to stop? (yes)
I ain’t gonna
o7 capsuleers.
Today we host a guest panel.
Miners are crazy people irl.
I know what they need.
A little discipline.
A little order.
A little justice.
That’s right.
That’s right.
Lately I’ve been herding cats.
I’m pretty good at this.
I’m so funny!
Like a real space celebrity.
\o