Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Miners have a lot of questions.
They can’t tell up from down.
Who is winning? Who is losing?
Who am I?
Miners have such a strange way of talking.
I’m not sure what they are thinking.
I’m sure they feel quite normal.
However, something is wrong with their brain.
Like, really wrong.
FUCK YOUR MOTHER’S ASSHOLE AND YOUR MOTHER’S B
HateLesS apparently hates me. He’s been claiming I declared a crusade against streamers! This isn’t true at all. The Sheikh declared Jihadswarm long before I was born, and I’m merely His divine messenger, borne on the wings of the VCBees.
We don’t believe that miners, like HateLesS, are entitled to free easy boring quick MindLesS isk. Don’t brag about how much isk/hr you make, and then demand CCP make it easier. Welcome to EVE. We are your challenge.
HateLesS says that we are griefers, evil space bullies who just want to make him angry. Look, HateLesS, we don’t care how you react. We are just here to play the game, and normal gameplay is not ‘griefing’. You can cry, or not cry, we are gonna come anyways. That’s not abuse, it’s fair competitive play.
EVE is a wargame, and we are allowed to harass and demoralize you. If this makes someone quit the game, that’s great. We call that winning.
I’m most motivated by “I don’t care” miners, who care so little that they AFK daily. They have a bad attitude, and it’s my duty to antigank them.
We are knights of the New Order, sworn to defend Highsec and ensure it isn’t overrun by bot-aspirant isk-efficient repetitive grinding farmers.
We want a better game, more complicated than blobbing together and blapping defenseless triangles. You might not like it, but we are here to help.
I don’t shoot miners because it’s funny, for isk, or because I have some roleplay sentiment. I don’t do it for a dusty old essay, or some guy who died years ago. I do it for one very simple reason. I don’t like miners, in real life.
I’ve despised basically every video game ever, with their guides and walkthroughs and meta-strategies and canalized rote content. EVE offers something unique, unlike anything else. CCP can introduce all the stale PvE content they want, and it won’t change a thing, because PvP players will ensure that miners burn.
PvE streams don’t draw new players. People just conclude, “Wow, EVE is incredibly boring.” The only interesting moment is when we show up.
HateLesS, calm down… miner.
Ultimately, EVE is a game of cat and mouse. CCP has placed cheese, to entice you poors. Don’t act surprised when you encounter cats.
Cheers!
The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78
Previously, in Aikotopia… Highsec miner anaCheeya ANARKY lost his Orca, and fell into a CODE. rabbit hole. Before long, he was living a life of intrigue and danger, securing an ironclad grip upon the mighty Goonswarm Federation. He also changed his name, several times, before settling upon avia naali (aka aiva naali).
Within the elite Goonswarm Führerbunker, somewhere outside of 1DQ, avia held court with his most trusted assistant, Princess Aiko.
Together, they prepared to accept the humiliating surrender of that whore, Elise Randolph, who would be imprisoned in Kamio.
Elise would spend the rest of her miserable days as a mining Tayra, desperately scrounging for Veldspar in Kamio IV’s belt 4 III’s belt 1.
When avia noticed that the Minerbumping blog was dead, Princess Aiko explained that it was all part of the plan.
Meanwhile, avia developed his own plans, for combat can flipping.
He continued to serve as Chairman of the Delve Racing League.
As always, avia developed Goonswarm’s most elite doctrines.
Sometimes, avia wondered if Aiko was listening. Oh, there she is!
A two front war was imminent, and avia ordered Goonswarm to teir 6.
Channeling Sun Tzu, avia masterminded the entire course of the war. Goonswarm would withdraw, abandoning the floodplains and unreal Delve, allowing the enemy to exhaust themselves on skanktrap Keepstar timers. Only then, over a year later, would the Swarm finally begin to counter break.
The dance team, a pinnacle of Goon high culture, was suddenly disbanded.
World War Bee was just getting started (again)…
Tonight we went aganking in Uedama.
Our CSM representatives even showed up.
Bless their hearts.
It’s almost like ganking is a legitimate form of gameplay.
Antigankers spread the alarm…
…but miners just kept dying.
It was a battle as significant as any nullbear lagfest.
We dominated those miners.
Everybody was really impressed.
Uedama is a wonderful place to visit.
A few lucky winners even get a free teleport.
We had a lot of fun!
Come back soon!
A lot of people are saying that Highsec miners are dumb.
It’s true.
They aren’t good at mining.
They are bad with money.
They are bad at PvP.
They can’t tell a win from a loss.
They don’t understand the law.
They enjoy mundane repetitive tasks.
They don’t know how to have fun.
They are out of touch with reality.
They can’t stop crying.
They are stupid.
Some don’t like Safety.
They hate their own government.
We try our best, but it’s never good enough.
These bots need to calm down.
They lash out blindly at everyone.
They invent paranoid conspiracies…
…with imaginary enemies lurking in the shadows.
There’s only one reasonable solution.
We must euthanize the miners.
All of them.
Russian bots often utilize inadequate chat scripts.
Flopalopadoobie had this one-sided conversation, with a Venture.
Anna Alduina > blasphemy you climbed idiot
Anna Alduina > standing dripping no fucking out of the ear
Anna Alduina > na xyi yebok
Anna Alduina > pindostan unfinished
Anna Alduina > fak niger
Anna Alduina > Because of you idiot, I leaked all the lawsuits, I dug no need to destroy them, so tell me what the fuck did you earn from me? Well, you destroyed the ship, well, rejoice. Why do I need to lay an egg, I spent a month collecting implants. Or that your balls are so small that you only drain small things like me?
Anna Alduina > How tired I am that everyone is trying to take away the little trifle that I have already collected, but what can I say to you, you leaked me and you are happy. You don’t understand!
Anna Alduina > Well, you leaked me the arguments, and what? Did you kill the capsule? Absurd! If you have such kils in high esteem, then the most that I can tell you is that it’s stupid. And yes , I don’t care , unlike you, I even write, even if it’s bad. How insignificant you are then, well, go on catching the little ones. After all, it seems that you are not capable of more. Rat, this is what’s perfect for you! You’re pathetic in your attempt to be cool by merging the weaker ones.
Usually, commies struggle with alphabets.
This miner was trying to spell, “You are fucked up! If your destiny is to PvP, I feel sorry for you.” Close, but keep practicing!
Ukrainian men are desperate for free-market blowjobs.
My mouth drives them crazy!
Where is that whore who wants 30 million isk?
Crazy Miner Garry offers advice for his comrades.
More frequently, we don’t understand what the pinkos are saying.
When we do take time to translate, it’s usually either:
You pathetic clowns! Your mothers will die of Wu Flu!
or…
How can I be nice to faggots like you?
or…
Smoke pussy scum))
Recently, they threatened to report us for RMT!
The only good red miner, is a dead miner.
Увидимся позже!)))
I’ve been thinking.
I’m in charge.
So I declare a miner hunt.
I hereby summon all the knights and sundry pages.
Show me your best kills, and amaze me.
I will show you mine.
When you catch a miner, make it talk.
Teach it who is boss.
That’s right.
Come on, come all!
It’s gonna be fun!
Just like old times…
I know how to keep miners happy.
First, you shoot them.
Then, you have a conversation.
Usually, they cry.
Let them express their feelings.
Eventually, you can find common ground.
It’s not hard to figure out what miners want.
They need a friend.
For a bit of money, they can finally be happy.
Don’t let them scam you with a sob story.
Take their isk.
This gives them a sense of purpose.
They just want to belong.
They love it.
Miners love to write about the New Order.
They have delusions of grandeur.
The poor things are confused.
Don’t press the seagull pomornik!
Some miners have learned helplessness.
They are barely trying.
They aren’t safe, even in the high-security zone.
So they take their abuse out on us.
They cry and cry and cry.
Sometimes, they pretend they aren’t crying.
They might even thank us.
Or they send some helpful advice.
It’s all just crying.
These miners are salty.
Really salty.
They are frostbitten and gone to forest.
We leaked their ship.
Silly miners.
They have so much to say.
We will stay in touch!
