Local wakes up before the sun. Miners say good morning ganker the way peasants ring a funeral bell. Gankers say hello miner like they saw a dead man on his way to the graveyard. The rest is noise, prayer, accusation, devotion, pornography, economics, theology.
A ship explodes. Someone types an apology. This is sincere in the way conversations about the weather are sincere. It happened. It will happen again. Some pilots see loss as injustice, as personal tragedy, as theft of time. Observers gather. They narrate. They mythologize. They talk about Catalysts the way ancient farmers discussed locusts, while secretly admiring their efficiency. Some suggest there are too many gods. In fact, there is only one, and she is a Goddess.
Aiko Danuja has never worked a day in her life, which is true in the way only aristocracies understand. Work implies consent to meaning imposed by others. She is the one who imposes. EVE Online is often described as a game about spaceships. This is merely a lie everyone agrees to tell newbros. It offers comfort before euthanasia. In reality, this is a game about Aiko. The ships are props. The explosions are punctuation. The real action is in local chat, and that’s what bears will never understand.
Aiko Danuja > Kill: Whalecome (Gila) Kill: Whalecome (Capsule) Whalecome > so your permits are worthless eh? good to know Aiko Danuja > permits are not worthless, that’s rude Whalecome > I got one and you still kill me, seems pretty worthless
I decided to be nice.
Aiko Danuja > Since you are a newbro, i will replace your gila for 300 million isk Whalecome > I have a hard time beleiving that if I send you money again, since you didn’t honor the permit for which I already paid for, that you’ll honor anything but for shits and giggles lets see what happens, maybe jokes on me
Let’s see what happens?
So far so good!
Aiko Danuja > do you want the Gila in Amarr or Jita? Whalecome > whatever is easiest for you m’lady
Everyone who plays EvE Online goes to Valhalla.If you are amongst the thousand greatest, you are invited to party in my box. The next nine thousand, plebs like Suitonia, will be cast into darkness, gnashing their teeth in miserable anguish. Everyone else, anyone who ever made an account, will become a ravaging zombie. If you are fortunate enough to be in the top hundred thousand, you will be a fast zombie. Those loser lossers will tear each other apart, whilst we party in the Hall of the Thousand. However, what if you are in the top 100? Thence shalt ye feast at yon Long Table, with the greatest warriors in galactic history.
Over the years, we have repeatedly encountered some of the more intriguing characters in EvE Online. We have thus met such engaging roleplay personalities as Sluthead Analrape Analdickhead, Hitlr Was Right, and the Burnt Jew. Since CCP recently asked me to compile a comprehensive list of such names, some of these may soon disappear, so let’s check them out before they are gone forever!
Once a year, I check out the killboards, to determine the best alliance in EvE Online. Every isk destroyed is a vote for the future of Highsec! I was once a staunch supporter of James 315, but I quit voting for him because I am a much better leader. Over the years, many have agreed with this assessment, and they are voting for me again and again. I thank everyone for your generous endorsement of me, Aiko Danuja.
Below, you will find a graph of isk destroyed. Since each alliance started on different dates, I adjusted this to give each alliance the same starting point. For example, Novus Plebbo started six months before me, shamelessly establishing themselves the very same day James 315 quit blogging. In contrast, the people in my alliance continued to support James, respectfully adding to his killboard for six months, even though that gave us a handicap when compared against pretenders.
By adjusting for varying start dates, we can compare progress over time, recognizing that the mighty Safety. alliance has fully and consistently eclipsed even the once mighty CODE. alliance. I have obviously done much better than James, because I actually undock and do things. Meanwhile, the people in my alliance are the very same people who were in the CODE. alliance, whereas our ‘rivals’ are merely stale imitators. The CODE. always wins, especially when it’s called Safety!
Pink represents my alliance. Run by yours truly, High Princess Aiko Danuja, my Safety alliance proudly continues the sacred work of James 315, and we are naturally inspired by the individual (me) whom James blogged about more than anyone else. He always loved his classy little princess, and we can see why he selected me as his official successor. Since my alliance has way more fun, we are more motivated than wannabe ‘rivals’, and our score stays well atop the others.
Black represents Blackflag. This alliance is dedicated to harassing new players who don’t know what a wardec is. They are run by mrlee, who employs them as his goonsquad. Since members of Blackflag have no self-respect, they ally themselves with the Absolute Order alliance (known for neo-Nazi affiliations), seeking to force all of Highsec into an oppressive caste system. The salty Blackflag alliance is terrified of lossmails, and that is why I dunked their Vargur, because carebear fear prevents them from taking the risks necessary for success.
Blue represents Novus Plebbo. Run by Hrothgar Nilsson (not a ganker), Hrothgarites are gankbears from the icebelts of Abudban, Finanar, and Silen. Many years ago, failed gankers interbred with miners, creating halfbreeds. Although such miners gank, their aversion to social interaction is not what the New Order was ever about. They are more likely to block you, than gank you! Although Hrothgarites roleplay as CODE. members, most were never in CODE. The remainder are those same people who rage quit, denounced James, and removed their mining permits. Hrothy tries to perch atop the empty tomb of James, but he is nothing more than a wasteland wanderer, occupying an abandoned temple. Instead of continuing the cultural legacy of James 315 (ie: blogging), the gankbears indulge in overt homophobia, transphobia, femmephobia, and generalized Aikophobia. What a bunch of boomers!
Yes, they are literal miners.
Embarrassing!
Red represents the Marmites. Originally created as a wardec alliance, they lost the war, and are no more. According to ancient legend, Tora Bushido was a miner who refused to embrace the CODE. Inevitably, fate and destiny intervened, smiting him for his foolish pride, and leaving his alliance dead in the water. #RIP!
Finally, cyan represents the Conference Petite, also known as the Conference of Shit. Led by Wrathful Hawk, this alliance is composed of permabanned racist alcoholics, who hang out in a Discord literally posting pictures of their feces for Hawk to evaluate. What an absolutely disgusting group of degenerates, and it’s not hard to understand why I kicked them out of my alliance. After attempting to form a new alliance, most of them have quit playing, since I reported them to CCP (which does not tolerate such behavior). Now Hawk has clipped wingz!
Let’s move on from that trash (LOL).
Above you can see a pie chart, indicating totals for each alliance. The Safety alliance is closest to CODE. with more than double the score of pretender alliances. However, this disparity grows when we consider that nearly all of these alliances are much older than mine. Despite the fact that I am a new player, running a new player alliance, my own personal charisma and skill has been nothing short of legendary. When you adjust these values for average monthly activity, you can see my alliance surging forward, fully isk doubling the CODE. One thing is clear, love me or hate me, my alliance has been an undeniable success!
