Sales – Page 18 – ‎James 315 Space

The Cataline Conspiracy

Minx Mattel has long been a supporter of Princess Aiko.

You may have noticed that Catalyst prices spiked recently, peaking at 15 million isk per ship. Was this an antiganker conspiracy? Yes, it was.

Minx would know, since her market alt sold a lot of Catalysts.

I remember dab dabonez. Do you?

James 315 always loved his little Princess (that’s me!), because she was his favourite angel. In A Deal with Code, James described how Aiko and her big sister, Alt, helped Scooby Snacks Corp, with assistance from Drugs.

Two years later, James is dead, Aiko is a verified Godqueen, and old dabber finally saw his chance to drive a disbanded alliance from the game, by artificially manipulating the price of Catalysts. My, how the galaxy spins.

Minx’s alt tried to explain economics, but dab wouldn’t listen.

dab spent two years blazing it, and wasn’t about to stop now.

dab’s alt alazarr was authorized to purchase Catalysts at any price.

What a champ.

Former CODE. gankers are the only people who mass produce Gallente destroyers, and we ramped up production to meet Scooby Snacks demand.

It was hard to keep up, and prices skyrocketed.

In an attempt to minimize supply, dab paid us to halt production.

Eventually, he ran out of money, and prices began to decline.

After attempting to list Catalysts at 15 million isk (and paying exorbitant broker fees), the market manipulator was forced to relist everything at a loss.

Stupid miner!

Riddle Me This, Part III

Riddle Me This, Part 1

Previously, in James 315 space… Riddle Voldemort was an evil miner, who lost everything when he hastily gave it all away.

Nine minutes later, he began to regret his investment.

Bankrupt and alone, Riddle finally hit rock bottom.

Riddle swore eternal fealty, trusting upon the mercy of Princess Aiko.

Consequently, he was lawfully convicted of botting.

Riddle was fortunate to hear the divine wisdom of royalty.

He thus received a new quest, to fetch 960 million isk.

Riddle truly loved his holy Princess.

What a happy miner.

Riddle lingered in the royal court, eager for additional favour.

Ultimately, he was a satisfied peasant.

What a lucky fellow.

Riddle Me This, Part 2

Previously, in James 315 space… Riddle Voldemort lost his poorly fit Tayra, and received instructions to promptly transfer the remainder of his assets to Cargo Bandit. In such cases, it is important to proceed as quickly as possible.

There was no time to waste.

Voldemort transferred his assets in haste.

Would it be enough to pay his debts?

Unfortunately, Voldemort was bankrupt!

His world was crashing down around him.

To be continued…

Riddle Me This

Believe it or not, sometimes miners make mistakes.

Riddle Voldemort was surprised by the notorious EVE learning curve.

Like most haulers, he wanted to cram his eggs into a rickety basket, and derp about in safety. Unfortunately, EVE is more complicated than that.

Princess Aiko, as always, was eager to help.

Voldemort gladly accepted her assistance.

The clock was ticking…

He just wanted to get this over with.

Ridley was in a hurry.

To be continued…

The Best Revenge, Part 94

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in James 315 space… avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka ‘lil Suppercomputer, aka Speedier Gonzalez, aka the Mittani, was delighted to learn his director of strategic operations campaign was coming along perfectly, as planned.

As confirmation, he received his official DBCSC certification, which doubles as a ski pass during the biannual Goon retreat to Colorado Springs.

As Pandemic Horde line members will remember, cloaky protius infiltraters and spys caused havoc during the early stage of the war, all thanks to the brilliant leadership of Emperor avia. Of course, it was not easy fooling the carebears.

Utilizing advanced lag gunning technologies, within the conservative constraints of fiscal austerity, avia developed a cheap billion isk ‘biker fit’, with the ability to deploy tactical rat bombs. Everybody loves a good lag gunn.

As discussed in part 93, avia also established wormhole truckstops, to ensure effective intergalactic logistics. This was soon expanded into a comprehensive backup empire, henceforth referred to as the imerium.

Of course, the real struggle lay in high sec.

Advanced psyops techinques brainwashed miners into supporting CODE.

Meanwhile, everything depended on pushing from 45% to 55% as quickly as possible, passing through the “dangerous ten percent” and securing an inevitable victory after 56%. Listening carefully to avia, Aiko and Mittens thus agreed to halt their fleets at the 44% line, and prepare for the “BIG PUSH TO FIFTY SIX”.

Honestly, EVE Online can be a lot of fun!

To be continued…

Safety. Announcement

From time to time, as Chief Safety Officer, it is my duty to make a Safety. announcement to ensure safe mining for all miners. That’s fair, right? Miners always beg for a warning, and this is the warning. You’ve been warned.

WARNING

Today’s Safety. announcement is brought to you by Zopiclone.

Thank you Zopi.

When you purchase unsafe items, we know.

Don’t you want to live, and see your grandchildren?

Safety violations are serious offenses.

Just think of us, as a less friendly version of the CODE.

Hell hath no fury like a female ganker.

We are like Germans, but sexy and competent.

This is not a negotiation.

Safety isn’t free.

Safety isn’t cheap.

Don’t be stiped.

Sigh…

Some people are winners, some people are losers.

I honestly have no idea.

Thanks miner!

Be well.

Proof of Concept, Part 3

Previously, in James 315 space… The mighty CODE. alliance imploded overnight, catching antigankers, carebears, James 315, and Matterall completely off guard.

Subsequently, Princess Aiko declared victory. Highsec is now a safe space.

However, Aiti Jen Ichinumi had doubts.

When Aiko offered to sell Aiti a ‘safety pass’ for the low price of just 10 100 million isk, Aiti launched into a familiar diatribe against James. Who is that?

Aiti likes nice gankers, not mean space bully griefers.

He was delighted to learn of Aiko’s glorious victory over the CODE.

Like it or not, Aiko seems to be a natural communicator.

She sure knows how to make a man feel safe.

Safe for everyone, including Aiko’s antiganking friends.

It sure is nice to be friends with Aiko.

What a special little lady.

She’s the best.

Hail Aiko!

Deal Storm, Part 8

Deal Storm, Part 1

Previously, in James315.Space… Warrior McQueen lost his Mackinaw, and trusted the mighty CODE. alliance to provide him with a new mining ship. The price was right, and the shipping charge was very reasonable, so Warrior agreed to pay and pay. However, he was also feeling a little confused.

Why does the twinkly red star rise high in the night?

Warrior doesn’t understand economics. He’s just a miner.

Warrior was relieved to know his ship (and implants) would arrive soon.

Of course, there is a 30 million isk processing fee.

Warrior wondered whether the fee might actually be 40 or even 70 million.

A friendly hauler contacted Warrior privately, and let him know he could rent a Mastadon for 50 million isk, and avoid paying so many fees.

For some reason, Warrior felt Anaxagoras might be scamming him.

Therefore, Warrior asked to speak with a supervisor.

It was all a misunderstanding.

Oops, a typo.

Like most men, Warrior was starting to feel entitled and bossy.

He just needed to complete payment!

Warrior agreed, it was a fair deal.

No refunds!

Ganked in Fallujah

Everybody loves my channel: Why Was I Ganked?

Uncle Pudge is a typical Highsec miner.

After losing his favourite shuttle, he was less than calm.

When asked why he used such vulgar language, Uncle Pudge made an announcement.

He was a glorious veteran of some sort.

Veterans get 10% off on Tuesdays, and extra special treatment online.

Pudge also applied for a senior citizen discount.

After his proud service in Company C, Uncle Pudge retired to EVE Online.

From behind his computer, Pudge is internet brave.

Apparently, he is still in dusty Fallujah.

Meanwhile, Serbian Gamer shows how a real man reacts when ganked.

Deal Storm, Part 7

Deal Storm, Part 1

Previously, in James 315 Space… Warrior McQueen lost his Mackinaw, and promptly ordered another one for 100 million isk. He also needed to pay 30 million isk, plus 10 million isk, plus 30 million. Afterward, he needed to pay 30 million, but he only had 4 million. Where would he find another 26 million?