Category: Tears

Lazar Ragar

Previously, we met Highsec miner Lazar us, who continues to struggle with the fact that EVE Online is more difficult than Fortnite. Unfortunately, although Lazar voluntarily broadcasts himself to the entire galaxy, he seems to consistently regret this (and winds up deleting all videos and clips). Luckily, someone took the effort to record a few clips, and someone else uploaded them to the galactic interwebs.

Thanks to everyone who creates and preserves  important moments in EVE history.

If you encounter such glorious moments in your own exciting space adventure, rest assured that Princess Aiko Danuja is here to ensure that your heroic story is not lost to the sands of time. Feel free to contact me (and send isk).

DISCLAIMER: Several whiteknights have contacted me with grave concern about the continuation of “toxic CODE. style ganking”, which they view as a form of “spacebully griefing” which is “illegal” and likely to cause “severe mental distress” for carebears. Rejoice, knowing that Princess Aiko will never hesitate to assist those who dedicate their lives to the mindless repetition of boring stale content.

If you find this objectionable, you may file complaints with James 315, who will respond just as soon as he feels like it.

Still Down Bad

Previously, we met Lazar us, an incompetent Highsec miner. We learned he is an infinite salt mine. Lazar deleted his videos, in which he began crying, and raged so hard he fell out of his chair.

I guess he doesn’t like me.

He is nauseated by my crying miner tattoo.

I don’t know why, other miners love my tattoo.

Lazar hates the CODE., even though he can’t spell it.

He is down bad, bros.

Meanwhile, his stream is becoming more popular.

Even high ranking carebears are watching.

On the forums, Lazar learned he is the victim of cybercrime.

While on hold with his ISP, Lazar read his chat.

He was not surprised to learn Aiko is a thot.

How could he defeat her simp army?

Meanwhile, Lazar and his friends continue to lose.

They tried to spin defeat into victory.

Before long, they decided to blackmail Aiko.

They have all her private photos and videos.

However, Aiko was not worried.

She already seduced one of Lazar’s miners.

So he started killing miners.

If you can’t beat them, join them!

Down Bad Bros

Yesterday, we learned about Lazar us.

He still doesn’t want to purchase a mining permit.

After completing the Highsec tutorial, he invaded Pochven.

He deleted the resulting twelve hour diatribe, but the gist of it…

…is he has a fetish for fellatio.

Those of you who watched, know what I’m talking about.

Krig Povelli also showed up for the party.

Adopting miner lingo, Krig showed himself to be cool.

Even the Saviourette herself made a surprise guest appearance.

The look on his face was truly priceless.

After a stunned silence, Lazar lashed out against all women, denouncing the fact that a hot piece of ass cocksucking whore BITCH is able to turn all of Highsec into a cuckold incel simpfactory, just because she takes pictures of her tits and sends them daily to James 315. What can I say, Amouranth is my mentor, and (let’s be real) even Lazar admitted that he’d love to fuck me.

Lazar’s miner friends tried to defend his position.

Other miners (that I’ve ganked) privately denounced him.

Lazar urged me to suicide IRL.

He urged all of us to commit suicide IRL.

If he meets me in real-life, he’s gonna wreck my pretty face.

He repeatedly called me a “stupid fucking bitch” and wrote angry mails.

@Matterall, I’m the griefer here?

Should CCP cater to carebear space bullies?

Nobody likes him.

When he visited null, my boyfriend paid him a visit.

Yo boy, you down bad bruuuh, lamao!

Fortunately, lazar intends to continue losing EVE.

That’s fine with me!

 

Talking in Stations

Last night, Zaenis Desef was on Talking in Stations.

Matterall kept worrying about all the newbros who are permanently traumatized by Highsec ganking, but Zaenis did a good job of urging everybody to calm down and remember that this is just a video game.

Let’s check out some highlights from the chat!

Great segment!

BONUS: Afterward Zaenis streamed some Orca ganking, and you could hear Princess Aiko nagging him to fix his audio settings.

Niiice!

 

Travels

I’ve been learning how to govern the galaxy.

I’m starting to get the hang of it.

Recently, I went on a tour of my extensive holdings in Piak.

Local miners immediately began to moan.

Afterward, I reviewed my vast holdings in Oipo.

Eventually, I encountered the village idiots.

They had some concerns about my playstyle.

They apparently think I’m a terrorist princess.

Why haven’t I been banned?

I think it’s because CCP likes me.

I’m pretty goshdarn awesome!

I’ll see you around!

More Fs

We know miners are bots, but they think we are rats.

Mean mean meanies.

Please don’t send me to a brothel.

Mining sure is hard, with Trigs and Gankers in local.

It’s especially difficult, when you are AFK.

You better look at your computer screen.

Someone is trying to kill you.

Someone wants your money.

Just calm down.

We wish you all the best.

So please obey the law…

…and send us your money.

See ya!

 

Sabrina

Every now and again, a miner appears agitated.

In such cases, they often lash out.

Unfortunately, other miners set a bad example.

Fortunately, Sabrina wasn’t too upset.

She was just a little perturbed.

One of my bots offered helpful advice, but Sabrina wasn’t satisfied.

Naturally, in times of crisis, miners turn to the Heroin of Highsec.

I wanted to help her be content.

She contacted me, so naturally I replied.

I didn’t want to be rude.

Clearly, something is wrong.

I hope she repairs her calm.

Regardless, she needs a mining permit.

 

Sirtech Silicore

Previously, in the Princess Diaries…. Sirtech Silicore dramatically quit EVE quite a few times, but here’s more Sirtech content.

Sirtech hates this grief monger platform.

Apparently, he has quit again, after quitting again.

The CODE. is dead, but the memory lives on.

We wish Sirtech all the best!

Is there any cure for EVE induced psychosis?

Probably not…

Poor Sirtech…

I sure hope he calms down.

Oh well!

Don’t Quit!

A lot of miners think we are cheating.

They believe we are space bullies.

However, we’ve never forced someone to stop playing.

We want them to keep enjoying the game.

We especially love newbros.

I would be sad if I made someone leave.

What would EVE be, without iconic players like FARTSTINGER II?

Greedy carebears deserve to pursue their dreams.

Without miners, who will build our spaceships?

We appreciate their dedication.

Every miner is a cherished member of our community.

Please don’t uninstall.

Mine on!

See ya!