Crywhine

I just want to kill all the miners.

It’s my blog, and I’ll cry if I want to.

I dropped nine (9) T2 Catalysts on a Mackinaw, in a pulled 0.5.

It was buffed by two Orcas, implants, and a Loki.

I expected failure, and was not surprised.

The invulnerable miner, with his three Mackinaws, was pleased.

However, his main began to do math, while another miner sperged.

Local sentiment began shifting in my favor.

rathian‘s enthusiasm dissipated.

If everybody mines with invincible Mackinaws, the supply of ore will increase, and the price will drop. That’s bad news for any humanoid.

Ceterum, autem censeo fossoribus esse delendam.

Griefer Mode, Part 2

Previously... double EHP miners were surprised by double DPS gankers.

Before long, double dead miners became double salty.

Raven x1 had an offer for Princess Aiko.

He is gonna murder rape her family, in real life!

He went on for hours, while Aiko listened to other miners.

From time to time, Aiko tried to change the subject.

For Aiko, this was just a normal EvE Online conversation.

She tried to help the miner calm down.

However, he was obsessing.

She wondered if he was serious?

He went on and on.

She simply could not change the subject.

So she returned to her fanmail.

Meanwhile, Raven was working through his feelings.

He thought about Aiko’s pretty face.

The thought drove him crazy.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her…

…and then he remembered her kid.

Raven is a real family man.

However, Aiko was distracted, reading her mail.

How could he get her attention?

He thought about it for a long time.

Maybe he could find her on Facebook?

Suddenly, he had a burst of inspiration.

Why not just ask her out?

Maybe she’d like that?

He hopes to hear from her soon.

However, there’s a lot of other suitors!

Griefer Mode

Against double EHP miners, I must engage griefer mode.

This is war, total war.

Double EHP miners don’t need to fit their ships. CCP does it for them.

CCP loves their innocent newbro Highsec miners.

Nevermind, I guess I’m the new player.

Raven was furious that his double EHP exhumer malfunctioned.

He was definitely not calm.

Yes, this is sexual harassment in EvE Online.

Antigankers are trashy people, defending trashy people.

‘Niceguy’ whiteknight HateLesS protected my abuser.

This is literally what antigankers support.

Alleil decided to tell her mother.

To be continued…

Uedama Gankster Life

Tonight, we went aganking in Uedama.

Honestly, CCP is responsible for EVE.

Blame the developers, not the CSM.

Brisc Rubal isn’t my best friend, but he’s a friend.

My best friend is a fucking gankster.

Tonight, Brisc was doubling in Uedama.

Not Julian > Brisc Rubal brings isk doubling right here to Uedama, send him money and he’ll send you back double!
Brisc Rubal > I’m here for all your isk doubling needs.
Aiko Danuja > WoW! I sent Brisc Rubal 10 billion isk and he sent me 20 billion isk back!

Antiganker DrysonBennington got salty.

Welcome to the Cringe Zone.

The Imperium brought words of wisdom to Highsec.

Why was the next POTUS in Uedama?

Brisc was confounded by the antiganking mentality.

What kind of loser plays EvE Online?

Brisc gets it. EvE is a spaceship shooting game.

If Brisc pays me enough, I’ll vote for him.

Apply the lessons of EvE in real-life.

Here’s your daily carebear.

ok fine

The CSM is committed to doubling miner EHP.

Legal Disclaimer: The preceding statement is intended as a work of fictional satire, and bears no relationship to actual EVE Online power dynamics, real or imagined.

I don’t believe CCP wants this, but the CSM is demanding it.

Legal Disclaimer: The preceding statement is intended as a work of fictional satire, and bears no relationship to actual EVE Online power dynamics, real or imagined.

After the miner’s tantrum in Jita, they are buffing EHP and yield.

I hope miners enjoy grinding for paltry amounts of isk.

I’m actually doing really well.

I might just quit ganking altogether.

It will be mathematically impossible to sologank an exhumer.

It already requires overwhelming force, and now I need double overwhelming force?

Unfortunately, miners are salty little bitches, in real life.

I might start grieving them.

If you kill a double EHP miner, it’s gonna cry.

It’s gonna get salty.

I’m beyond annoyed with these carebears.

It’s time to try something new.

I’m gonna get twice as bad.

I’m gonna be an elite griefer.

I want to make miners cry, in real-life.

You can thank the CSM.

Oh well

I’ve been hoping this isn’t true, but perhaps it’s time to accept reality. Apparently, CCP intends to double the EHP of barges and exhumers.

I’ve tried to be optimistic, but I also need to be honest. This is not good. It will encourage AFK mining, and ganking will become financially prohibitive.

Solo gankers will struggle if EHP is doubled. In order to gank a Retriever, they will need to use a battlecruiser. In order to gank a Mackinaw, they will need a dreadnought! I wouldn’t blame them if they quit, because it’s not reasonable to expect someone to use a Naga or a Talos to kill a barge.

In order to kill this Mackinaw, I had to use 4 ships. After EHP is doubled, I would need 8 ships. Either that, or I would have to use battlecruisers. This is just not financially sustainable, considering the Mackinaw only dropped 6 million isk in ‘loot’. I would not blame myself, if I quit ganking miners after EHP is doubled.

James 315 declared victory, but if CCP decides to double barge EHP, then we can only consider this to be a defeat. Highsec is worth fighting for, but I’m not going to drop battlecruisers on barges. That’s just asinine.

Some people have tried to cheer me up, reminding me that CCP has buffed mining before, and ganking survived (barely). However, this comes atop all previous changes. As the most active ganker in the game, I know there isn’t much incentive to gank, and there are few gankers left. If barge EHP is doubled, there won’t be much interest in ganking. Most miner gankers will quit, and I might be the only one left.

What will I do, if they double the EHP of barges? Certainly, I’m not going to waste my time and energy trying to fix CCP’s mistake. Let the miners all go AFK, and watch as the price of Veldspar plummets. The bots will proliferate, in tanky little Covetors and invulnerable Mackinaws. What can I do about it?

Maybe it’s time for me to leave Highsec.

I might even enjoy it!

The Best Revenge, Part 101

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in Jamestown… avia naali (aka aiva naali) became the Grand Executor of the mighty Goonswarm Federation, and was determined to crush Pandemic Horde (because they made fun of him). However, the double trader Vily invaded Delve, and avia was forced to fight a war on two fronts.

avia stalled for time, ordering Brisc Rubal’s Initiative alliance to die in Fort Fountain, so elite Goonswarm diplos could find their way through the Byzantine wormhole maze and negotiate a treaty in the ruins of Fort Knocks.

avia prepared for an evacuation to Highsec, via the wormholes.

Meanwhile, he sent some advice to Brisc – don’t let the enemy win!

From time to time, Slackbot and Princess Aiko reported to their commander.

avia contemplated his strategic options.

Before long, a decision was made.

It was obviously necessary to appoint a duke/duchess for each keepstar!

Everyone in Goonswarm was ready to pod themselves.

The Imperial Navy hid in lowsec, pretending to be desprite.

It was all a trick!

avia was particularly keen to crush PanFam Joe.

Readers of MinerBumping will recall that Joe was a regular contributor to the boisterous comments, where he revealed himself to be avia’s arch-nemesis.

avia is much smarter than PanFam Joe.

The plan was working perfectly.

It was time to pay the hardworking war council.

Forward, to victory!

To be continued…

Top Tier

I am a top tier EVE Online champion.

Some people claim that mining permits are a scam.

The true scammers are bitterbear griefers who don’t want new players to be happy.

Let’s consider the benefits of a mining permit.

johnson Muvila bought a mining permit, after a long day of bumping.

When he was ganked, he bought an additional License ID CODE.

Aiko Danuja > Kill: johnson Muvila (Skiff)
johnson Muvila > can i ask why i was ganked? im a licensed miner 🙁
Aiko Danuja > You owe me money.
johnson Muvila > i thought i was paid off for a year?
Krig Povelli > Did you include the License ID Code?

Shortly thereafter, he lost another alt. 

Once again, he had a permit.

Does this look like a scam to you?

Main miner Lucas Malukker knew how to resolve this issue.

Problem solved.

He just needed an ID CODE for each alt.

Lucas loves me, and I would never scam him.

I’m the financial dominatrix Highsec needs.

He even sent a tip.

Lucas Malukker > alright it is done your highness, i am honoured to have been able to experience the great liberation of your cause 3 times in one day and i am grateful for your benevolence.
Lucas Malukker > i do have one question though, the code is the same “DURR-315” for all 3 accounts (i appreicate the humour lol) how can you be sure nobody will copy said code and play it off as their own
Aiko Danuja > it is registered to you
Lucas Malukker > i am glad to hear it, i trust your system and hope any false prophets will be vanquished by your glorious wrath
Aiko Danuja > Yes, you should be very happy now.
Lucas Malukker > i am indeed very happy and grateful for all you have done.
Aiko Danuja > Excellent news!
Lucas Malukker > Please accept another 100m as a token of my appreciation to you Princess Aiko Danuja, for all you do and say is right
Aiko Danuja > Very well, I will accept this.

It’s not a scam!

It’s the law.