Happy to Help

We are here to help.

Gankers care about the galaxy…


…will do whatever it takes.

We are consummate professionals.

Our sales team is waiting for you!

We are even recruiting!

Mining law is easy to understand…

…but difficult to master.

Be well!

 

 

Kelroth

Recently, citizens of my Why Was I Ganked? channel have come to know the Bible flat earth guy, who preaches the Bible and the gospel of flat Earth. He appears to have no interest in the game itself, and is merely here to save souls.

He’s actually quite serious.

Yes, he’s a Christian fundamentalist flat earther.

He goes on and on, until I ban him.

Then he comes back with a new alt.

One day, he wrote me.

I wasn’t sure who he was.

It’s happened quite a few times…

Oh… oh!

There’s a story that still hasn’t been told.

The story of Kelroth.

To be continued…

 

The Best Revenge, Part 95

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka SUPERFASTBULLET GOZOOM, aka Mittens Loves Kittens, aka The GewnFueherer, warned the Swarm not to push past 45% galactic dominance until ready for “the big push”.

Ensconced inside Goonswarm High Command, avia was well positioned to grasp the grand strategic situation, and plotted endlessly to destroy that whore, Elise Randolph, and her double traiting sidekick, Vily.

As always, avia was assisted by his combat secretary, Princess Aiko, and their loyal synthetic companion, Slackbot.

Together, they made an unstoppable team. Of course, from time to time, Aiko would make stupid mistakes, and avia would use these as learning opportunities to train Goonswarm’s elite fighting bumblebees.

Indeed,  you’ve been hearing it for months, and now it is CONFIRMED. Goonswarm hereby invites anyone, and everyone, to attack Pandemic Horde and take as much of their territory as possible! The rules are simple: 1) Don’t shoot Goons, and 2) Contract all loot to Aiko Danuja (or any other verified Goonswarm director).

avia’s suppercomputer implants whirred with brilliant ideas, the beginning of a successful campaign, Operation Honeypot. He also devised the now infamous Bzzbzzbzz lag / power gun n-1 vorton elemental doctrine.

With the help of Aiko, avia held ultimate power.

It was a good partnership.


As the cost of war took its toll, avia naturally considered other means of funding the Imperium. For example, the Jobworks! program allows Goon combat pilots to get a second job with the home gaurd or the lodgistics bears.

 

 

Hello again

Hello friends!

Miners are concerned about the economy.

However, they don’t understand logistics.

They are also concerned about Safety.

Nobody likes a bully.

Unfortunately, crime doesn’t pay.

I don’t want miners to kill themselves, at least not IRL.

I just want to win EVE, but not by uninstalling and declaring ‘victory’.

I know exactly how to do it.

All my friends are here to help.

So you better watch what you say.

I have a very good memory.

I’ve got all the power.

Power beyond comprehension.

So you can do whatever you want.

I’ll find you eventually.

That’s right.

MrLeafs

    
[Cue Lights]

Aiko Danuja > 100000000
MrLeafs > I only need give it to you
MrLeafs > no one else ?
Aiko Danuja > That’s right.
Aiko Danuja > Well done.
MrLeafs > ill come for my stuff now
Aiko Danuja > ok

     [Zopiclone enters, stage right]

Aiko Danuja > He is ready to arrange pickup of the Mackinaw.
Zopiclone > Ok.

     [Aiko turns to MrLeafs, making a sad face]

Aiko Danuja > Zopi requires 50 million to release the ship.
MrLeafs > im prepared to send the 50
Zopiclone > No scam there.
MrLeafs > I’m not saying the scam is there

MrLeafs lost a Mackinaw, and bought another.

In a cruel harsh galaxy, Princess Aiko is a veritable saint.

When a miner needs help, Our Lady of Agil is there.

Somehow, MrLeafs spent more than he anticipated.

Fortunately, Aiko is always willing to negotiate in good faith, always!

100 + 50 + 25 + 25… +5…

+20!

MrLeafs was most pleased, paying a 20% tip in advance!

Aiko truly appreciates friendship.

She deserves it.

Alas, MrLeafs was a grumpy old Scrooge.

He didn’t appreciate Aiko’s help.

He began to lash out, with threatening language.

Suddenly, he began trying to extort Aiko!

They felt a connection, finishing each other’s sentences.

Was it meant to be?

MrLeafs missed his chance, wallowing in a depression of his own making.

Meanwhile, Aiko was dealing with her own grief.

Finally, MrLeafs worked up his courage, and asked the BIG question.

His Mackinaw was gone forever. Sad!

The Proposal

I’m the most beautiful woman in the galaxy.

I get about one marriage proposal a week.

Everybody wants to marry into power.

Of course, I’m more than just a pretty face.

Consequently, I like to define the relationship in advance.

I expect suitors to bring something to my table.

Necro was trying his best to impress.

He really needed my favour.

Unfortunately, he didn’t have anything to offer, except delusions of grandeur.

What’s in it for me?

Alas, his dreams crashed upon the hard reef of reality.

The poor guy had no chance.

A princess does not wed a peasant pretender.

At least he learned something.

Busy in Uedama

Today, we dunked freighters in Uedama, as antigankers spectated.

Most NPCs appear surprised when they enter.

They are perpetually confused.

Did they just jump into a warzone?

Some suspect multiboxing.

Our fleets are rather large.

Miners are so easy to please.

A few bears notice something amiss.

Something seems really wrong in Uedama.

There’s definitely something wrong with the antigank intel channel.

The antigankers just want us to leave.

Why would I attack my own rorquals?

March 13

Miners don’t like being ganked.

Fortunately, they can afford it, right?

They also have excellent social skills…

… and recognize us as ‘upper level’ players…

They are happy to have experienced mentors.

We are looking forward to a bright future, together FOREVER.

Always!

Princess Aiko Hold My Hand

A lot of people are talking about Highsec’s hot new mining corporation.

Princess Aiko Hold My Hand is the place for A1 miners.

It’s one of my personal fan clubs.

There are several elite tiers.

All miners are invited!

My themed mining corps encourages submissive miners to orbit me.

Finally, miners can simp in style.

Just listen to these authentic testimonials!

I also train newbro gankers.

Literal hand holding.

You are personally invited to join me (in a wholly separate alliance).

Recently, antigankers have started ganking innocent newbro miners.

Antiganking fails again! Daily!

Baited on a free _____