Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
What is even happening?
Miners get all worked up.
They know they done wrong.
I know what they need.
It’s all they think about.
In any language, they say the exact same thing.
I make them so excited.
I just want them to be content.
My mom reads the blog.
Even she makes fun of miners.
They are losers.
We are winners!
Miners hate getting ganked.
They just want us to go away.
That’s not likely to happen.
Begging won’t change anything.
There are a lot of us.
We’ve got nothing better to do.
We are here to win the game.
Only losers quit.
So let’s play EVE!
Miners say a lot of strange things.
They do a lot of weird stuff.
They don’t seem to understand EVE.
They are basically losers.
There’s only one way to save them.
First, we must find them.
Next, we put them out of their misery.
Then, we sell them a mining permit.
Afterward, we collect additional taxes.
They seem to enjoy it.
I can’t complain.
I’m gonna save all the miners!
They deserve Safety.
You might be wondering…
Why Was I Ganked? is the best channel in EVE.
It’s a place where miners experience Safety.
They are often confused about why they were ganked.
Sometimes, they are new players.
Sometimes, they are returning newbros.
Sometimes, they are space lawyers.
Sometimes, they are distracted.
Sometimes, they are horny.
Sometimes, they are having a medical emergency.
Regardless, no matter why they were ganked…
…I’m always happy to help.
Their EVE experience has changed forever.
They have learned an important lesson.
The future burns brightly.
Be well!
Previously, in the Princess Diaries... Kelroth found a new friend in Princess Aiko, and squeaky Sievert Solutions began to cry, as Kelroth transfered billions and billions and billions to Aiko and her IRL friends.
Aiko’s main watched with amazement, as her Highsec trade alt’s ganking alt suddenly experienced a rapid isk influx, supplanted by large quantities of skill injectors (which were promptly sold on the Jita market). It wasn’t long before Aiko’s other alts were getting in on the intense gameplay.
The transfers kept coming, and a party atmosphere prevailed, as Kelroth invited the best gankers and scammers in the galaxy to come take his stuff. There was little doubt that Kelroth was snorting lines of pure crystalline cocaine, as he he happily indulged Aiko in beautiful renditions of I’m a Barbie Girl and Behind Blue Eyes.
The party went on, day after day. Everyone (except Sievert) was amused, as Kelroth rained PLEX, isk, and injectors down upon Teamspeak (with the sad exception of Sievert, whom Kelroth found annoying).
Eventually, everyone agreed to join Kelroth’s mining fleet, and help out the various newbros who had been convinced to join DarkStar Reprocessing.
Something went horribly wrong.
It was a dark day for DarkStar.
Kelroth had given all his money to Aiko, Lovin, and BigTits. He couldn’t afford any SRP for his miners, and the corporation was on the brink of insolvency.
To be continued…
A lot of miners think we are cheating.
They believe we are space bullies.
However, we’ve never forced someone to stop playing.
We want them to keep enjoying the game.
We especially love newbros.
I would be sad if I made someone leave.
What would EVE be, without iconic players like FARTSTINGER II?
Greedy carebears deserve to pursue their dreams.
Without miners, who will build our spaceships?
We appreciate their dedication.
Every miner is a cherished member of our community.
Please don’t uninstall.
Mine on!
See ya!
Quick nslo wasn’t quick enough…
He wasn’t a very good sport.
In fact, he was a crybaby.
However, he kind of likes me.
He started to calm down.
Maybe I would be his friend?
Maybe I would be his girlfriend?
Maybe I would replace his spaceship?
Or maybe not…
He began to beg.
He lashed out in anger.
He appealed to reason.
He wanted a Dom.
He needed a Dom.
Poor guy.
Maybe James will save him?
Welcome to Uedama.
It’s a great place to hang out with friends.
It’s like going to the club.
There’s only one problem.
Your ship might explode…
So come on over, and check it out.
Everybody is here!
You might even be a winner!
Are you feeling LUCKY?
Newbro haulers are especially welcome.
We’ll be waiting for you!
Listening to: Tyrant
Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Sievert Solutions was a salty antiganker crybaby Mormon. He took to the forums, warning New Eden about the rise of a powerful new force. Whilst other antigankers celebrated the slow decline of the CODE. alliance, Sievert knew that something wicked this way comes.
Everyone concluded this was just the ranting of a Highsec carebear, but deep in the subterranean archives of the New Order Historical Origin Society (NOHOS), the story of Kelroth is preserved as a pivotal moment in galactic history.
The New Year began with dire omens, for the Jamespocalypse was nigh. Elite Amarr ganker Lovin Jr was surprised to find an Enforcer loaded with skill injectors, and even more surprised to encounter the same goofus in a Magnate full of skill injectors. Shortly thereafter, a young Princess Aiko was contacted by Kelroth, who invited her to Teamspeak where they plotted against Lovin Jr.
Surprise plot twist! Aiko and Lovin are IRL friends.
Shortly thereafter, Aiko arranged an in-game meeting with Kelroth.
Kelroth bought a mining permit.
Sievert watched in horror, as the spider queen spun her web.
Kelroth gave Aiko another billion, plus a fifteen billion advance on Lovin’s bounty.
Sievert couldn’t believe Aiko’s dank tics.
Meanwhile, Kelroth was pleased to receive VIP status.
Aiko decided it was time to send an agent to Amarr.
Her scout reported that Kelroth was handing out Large Skill Injectors.
It was time to summon the girls!
To be continued…
Miners really appreciate our content.
They recognize me as their official Saviourette.
They are always watching yours truly, their living Goddess.
I’m the best friend a miner could hope for.
They don’t always understand.
However, they respect my pedigree and lineage.
Indeed, they are truly grateful.
I can’t wait to see what happens next.
Don’t forget your mining permit!
