Category: Always!

Crazy Cat, Part 2

Back by popular demand, Crazy Cat!

What a miner…

Cat just wanted an appologuy.

Protip: There is a proper size for screenshots.

Rants can be endless.

However, screenshots should be less than 400 pixels in width.

Here’s a nifty chart.

Meanwhile, Catalina denied PvPv.

Everybody just wanted Cat to calm down.

Why was Cat ganked?

Hm, now there’s a thought…

Will she ever learn to enjoy EvE Online?

Finally, the court reached a verdict.

Cat is guilty as charged.

The end.

I said, the end.

I said… THE END.

THE END.

However, Cat had more to say.

Tricky TrickyNicky

Listening to: It’s Too Late

TrickyNicky was a real trickster.

I’ve heard allegations of stream sniping and illegal EULA violating Highsec PvP. However, nobody stream sniped Nick. Absolutely not. Although he was streaming, nobody was watching his stream for any kind of intel or ingame advantage. In fact, believe it or not, but we can actually find you with (or without) combat probes. For real. No cap.

Secondly, as you watch the video, you can see Nick was AFK. In fact, he was busy on a video call, showing off his electric shapes and his shades. Indeed, when I entered local, Nick wasn’t in the same room as his computer! Can you imagine playing any other game, and your opponents aren’t even there? What kind of game is that? Hello?

We must recognize the truth. Miners covet ice and ore, but they refuse to follow basic safety protocols. As dedicated content providers, it is our duty to make EvE Online challenging and interesting, so they decide to actually try and pay attention. They might call us griefers, and threaten to ban us, kill us, rape us, and report us. However, we must do our part to help them stay awake. Remember, this is a game.

We had a quick chat.

Aiko Danuja > If everyone mined all day, then the ore wouldn’t have any value. So when you think about it like that, ganking is good for miners.
TrickyNicky > your not wrong on the ganking
TrickyNicky > tipping my cap = o7
Aiko Danuja > I’ll allow it.

He told me a little about himself.

TrickyNicky > im going to give you my resume
Aiko Danuja > Very well.
TrickyNicky > my main is mining, i have a mackinaw and hulk for ore and ice mining, im about within a month or 2 away from a ship that can do ore and ice compression. (all depends what comes first)
Aiko Danuja > I see.

He also explained his revenge plot.

TrickyNicky > im a numbers guy, I am more in favor by reporting Sargon Of Amerish for stream sniping
TrickyNicky > either way i have caught Sargon Of Amerish for stream sniping. but i would like to put diferrentices aside for future employment.

I sure hope he calms down.

Aiko Danuja > You were reported by an anonymous informant who noticed you did not have a mining permit.
TrickyNicky > thats a “3rd party in game permit” with controversal stream sniping. which in the end is a war…. do we want that???
Aiko Danuja > I should hope not.

Nick left me with an ominous warning.

I asked my mom to review the gank.

Don’t worry mom, I’ll save the miners.

Thanks for the memories (and augmented mining drones).

… I’m holding on to this scram
Got your shields ten percent down
And I’m hearing what you say
But I just don’t even care

… You tell me that you need ore
Then you go AFK, and oh wait
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d warp in and say

… That it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
Too late, oh

… I’d take another security hit, just let it fall
To take a shot at you
But that’s nothing new, yeah yeah

… I loved you with neutrons, flashing red
And you say it’s just not fair
CCP let you think it was safe
But you should be afraid

… It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late, whoa


Hole v Hole

Nice greetings are on order, friend…

…and now our feature presentation.

*****

Wormholer Jeff encountered Wormholer Akrich, in Highsec.

Jeff naturally began collecting rent.

Akrich made a partial payment, but things went sideways.

Jeff faced a perplexing dilemma.

What to do?

Meanwhile, the miner began throwing n-bombs.

Really?

Surprisingly (not really), Akrich isn’t a new player.

Akrich blamed his son.

All Jeff wanted was a killmail.

He sent Akrich one final warning.

Once again, Akrich blamed his son.

The end.

Mission Accomplished

Every Aiko Day, celebrated on June 24, we take time to think about Aiko (that’s me) and worship our (your) beloved princess. However, as CCP has repeatedly nerfed ganking, I cannot deny that my activity has declined. As the most active ganker in the game, those nerfs were clearly aimed directly at me, and I take pride in knowing CCP developers are in awe of me. One of them wrote, “As you might imagine, your name often comes across my desktop…” Indeed!

Over the past few months, several people have taken to routinely messaging me, whenever they feel my activity does not meet expectations. In order to address these concerns, I have decided this is the appropriate time to declare victory and be done with it.

I have already won EvE. I’m a winner! Not in the sense of quitting, but in the sense of doing quite well, and being generally pleased. As a new player, I joined the mighty CODE. alliance, and watched as that alliance died. Afterward, I made my own alliance, and observed as it grew stronger than anyone could imagine.

I think my alliance is amazing. Unlike every other alliance, we tolerate no miners. We are purely a PvP guild, and we do absolutely nothing to help newbros. I’m proud of that. Meanwhile, I don’t know how many records I broke. I don’t even know, because there are so many of them, and I consider that a truly decisive win.

I have destroyed more procurers than anyone else, in the entire history of EvE Online. I have killed more skiffs, more marauders, and more porpoises than anyone, ever. Furthermore, I achieved my victories in the most difficult way, ganking in Highsec, where I was forced to kill the target in seconds (before invincible CONCORD bots automatically defend the target). I’m been playing with a handicap, and I still managed to become #1. I’m not ashamed of that!

I know a few losers are trying to compete, desperately whoring on keepstars and doing whatever they can to catch up. At this rate, if they maintain their current pace (and I stop altogether), it will take them decades. These wannabes made an entire wannabe alliance, and they still can’t catch up. I’ve left them in the dustbin of history.

I know some people won’t understand, but look. It’s like running a race, and I’ve lapped my opponent repeatedly. I’ve crossed the finish line, and am now drinking a nice cool refreshing cranberry vodka. Other people are free to keep running, as much as they want, but the race is over and I’ve already won. I’m gonna get drunk, have a little party, and move on with my life. If you missed your chance, that’s too bad!

You can no longer defeat me, because I’ve already won. It’s over. Let’s say someday down the road, I’m trying to gank a freighter, and you come along to antigank, and by some unimaginable scenario I make a mistake… so you actually manage to ‘save’ the freighter. Woah! Have you won? No. I’ve already won. Nothing you do will ever matter, because you can can’t change history or take back my outstanding success.

What does all this mean? Well, I have no intention to stop. I will continue to gank miners, and record their whiny attempts to emotionally manipulate me with fake suicides. I’ve simply won, and I consider my victory to be permanent, irrevocable, and decisive. Anything I do beyond this point is merely a victory lap, in which I celebrate my success and adorn myself with accolades. What it comes down to, is I’m just not mentally ill enough to think I have anything to prove.

I’ve been playing EvE a fair amount these past few years. I don’t need any justification to do something else. However, if you want one, I’ve been writing another book, and brushing up on calculus. In so doing, I stumbled into a scholarship program for alcoholic young ladies with a troubled past. Lo and behold, I’ve received a scholarship to study electrical engineering. Thanks Lockheed! I don’t really want to, but ok? In a few months, I’ll probably be thinking more about integrating imaginary numbers, and I really just won’t have time to gank barges.

Without further ado, I would like to thank a few people. If you are my friend, great! If not, get fucked. If you want isk, that’s fair, but you will have to wait until I quit (which is not today). Someday, if I realize I’m not going to play at all, I will absolutely rain isk on my alliance. Until then, just know that even if I don’t care, I’m still the best.

Krig’s Korner, Episode V

Krig’s Korner, Episode IV

Aiko’s ponytail is so long and strong, I use it to climb the ivory tower. At the top I sit and wonder, why is she so dumb?

Oh, well, hello there. Why, it’s me Krig Povelli, star of Krig’s Korner, where we celebrate the adventures of me, Krig Povelli.

On this Krig Day, I tell a tale of Rentlords.

Wow, that’s a neat logo! Nine stars, woah.

The Rentlords had a busy week.

My friend Lucy recently joined rentercorp Skepy.

This corp looks legit – amirite?

PLOT TWIST: Lucy is an anagram for I’m Krig Povelli!

I wanted to play with my new friends.

We are skeepy!

Pharmabro Martin told me wasup.

He even recommended me for a medal!

Woah, Hulks? Those must be tough guys!

Aiko, did you see the Hulks? Aiko? Aiko? Stop eating ice cream.

It’s pretty cool being in a real nullsec corp.

Why did they have friendly fire on?

Afterward, I got a fan mail!

Cheers!