Still Down Bad

Previously, we met Lazar us, an incompetent Highsec miner. We learned he is an infinite salt mine. Lazar deleted his videos, in which he began crying, and raged so hard he fell out of his chair. I guess he just doesn’t like me.

He is nauseated by my crying miner tattoo.

I don’t know why, other miners love my tattoo.

Lazar hates the CODE., even though he can’t spell it.

He is down bad, bros.

Meanwhile, his stream is becoming more popular.

Even high ranking carebears are watching.

On the forums, Lazar learned he is the victim of cybercrimes.

While on hold with his ISP, Lazar read his chat.

He was not surprised to learn Aiko is a thot.

How could he defeat her simp army?

Meanwhile, Lazar and his friends continued to lose.

They tried to spin defeat into victory.

Before long, they decided to blackmail Aiko.

They have all her private photos and videos.

However, Aiko was not worried about that.

She already seduced one of Lazar’s miners.

So he started killing miners.

If you can’t beat them, join them!

PSA

It’s important to follow Safety. precautions.

An official inspection might happen at any moment.

We have developed a holistic system to facilitate your training.

If you follow our advice, you will succeed.

If you disobey, you will have unexpected visitors.

They might arrive when you are distracted.

Sometimes, they stay a little longer than you like.

Sure, you can pretend you don’t mind the inconvenience.

You can even make your own ‘laws’ to defend yourself.

However, eventually, you’ll start to notice a consistent pattern.

You’ve already lost.

That sucks!

New Post

Everybody is concerned about the mining menace.

Space bully griefers are a threat to their own Safety.

Miners pride themselves on their ability to survive.

However, they aren’t very good at it.

We know exactly what to do with them.

We can put miners out of their misery.

It’s the right thing to do.

I’m sure you understand.

Still going

I’m a Princess!

My word is my bond.

As the Heroin of Highsec, I am here for the miners.

We work together, like a team.

Sometimes, things do not go as planned.

Of course, we cannot escape our past.

We must continue.

We must look toward the future.

Someday, we will look back and remember.

We were the CODE. all along.

Which means…

… we are the law.

So you should probably think about why this happened.

You need more Safety.

The next generation needs Safety.

Until next time…

…stay SAFE!

Dock Up

Miners disgust me.

The crabs don’t even enjoy EVE.

They are always AFK.

Why are they such poors?

What are these bots thinking?

Are they even thinking?

I think we should exterminate them all.

It’s the right thing to do.

Let’s make them quit (again).

We can also take their money.

It’ll be fun!

So let’s PvP the carebears.

The only good miner is a dead uninstalled miner.

Right?

Attention

When I log into EVE, people notice.

I always check for friendly greetings.

I’m happy to hear from locals.

Sometimes, we even have a nice conversation.

If you purchase a mining permit, you can enjoy this same attention.

evan mclean wears his permit with pride, in nullsec.

evan loves his permit.

Everybody loves me.

I’ve got the galaxy wrapped around my fingers.

Just obey the rules…

…there’s nothing to be confused about.

I’m the heroin of Highsec.

So let’s have fun!

We’ll find you…

…and you’ll love it.

Until next time…

Keep calm and carry on.

You might even be a winner!

Attentions

I have heard the rumours.

Some say that Princess Aiko is a Sani Sabik cultist, bathing in the blood of miners.

Does that sound like something I would do?

They claim she is in league with Gallente terrorists.

Following a hostile takeover, she seduced the Caldari State.

The Brutor hordes, it is said, proclaim her name as a divine omen.

I have even heard that the Triglavian Collective obeys her every whim.

I can neither confirm nor deny.

I can only observe the obvious facts.

The galaxy belongs to me, and you need my permission to exist.

Everybody loves me.

Everybody else is nobody at all.

There is a new litmus test.

Consequences will never be the same.

I’m just really good at what I do.

Trust me.

You know the law.

So please stay safe…

…and don’t fall asleep!

The Best Revenge, Part 96

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Now then, dear Reader, where were we? It all began a long time ago, when a Highsec Orca got into a standoff with Kalooooronooed Kalorned. Before long, Tweeps and Princess Aiko and Dolphin Don hailed aiva naali as the Grand High Lord of the Delve. Indeed, The Mittani personally appointed aiva (now avia, aka ‘lil bullet, aka Gooninatius Reximus, aka He Who Knocks) as the lead abstract theorecraftitician of the entire Swarm. Yea, and did aiva avia solemnly prophesize the double trading of Vily, who did thusly conspire with the WHORE Elise Randolph.

With TEST reeling before his counteroffensive, the suppercomputer began playing nth+n+2th-dimensional chess, in hyperspace.

Meanwhile, in the secret Goon headquarters, Aiko and avia developed the Goon Bounty Board, as a means to ensure that unemployed drones were able to find suitable work to ensure the survival of the hive.

At every moment, avia is watching his Swarmlings, dutifully guiding them toward victory.

It was avia who snuffed out Snuffed Out.

It was avia who kept our FCs safely hidden away.

It was avia who taught James 315 how to minerbump.

It all started with a modest vow to utterly destroy Pandemic Horde.

It became the best revenge.

To be continued…

 

Just wait…

Miners make a lot of special requests.

They simply don’t understand what is happening.

They are worried about the future.

Who will help the miners?

The poor little things…

I know exactly what they need.

We are going to cleanse the galaxy.

If you don’t read my blog, you are dead already.

The rest of you, well, you better send me money.

No refunds!

Honorable Mentions

Recently, on the forums, they were discussing the greatest EVE players of all time.

Consensus naturally formed around myself, with Brisc Rubal in second place.

Let’s consider some other honorable mentions.

Elite PvE miners, who don’t shoot back, they are the real heroes – right?

The poor miners struggle daily, to ensure CCP doesn’t get any funding.

Why pay for PLEX, when you can just grind?

Mining is a truly honorable profession.

Well, at least, it’s relaxing…

The miners are content.

Without them, we’d have no game.

Without us, they’d have no game.

We are like two peas in a pod.

I’m glad to see miners are still out there.

I just want to meet them all.

What would we do without miners?

Cheers!