James 315 is dead, and salty at me (or so they hope).
Miners are kinda dumb.
I’ll try to explain…
Here is an example.
This old meme charts the tragic lifecycle of a typical PvP player. At first, they gleefully trumpet their existence, then they count isk, and finally they notice all the “good” targets are gone – “game is dead, bro.” It’s true, any nerd can buy killmails, but many end their lives with the nagging sensation that they wasted years. For what? The fate of top tier players is actually kind of grim. They openly question whether it was worth the time, and then they are gone forever, forgotten by the disinterested sands of time. They literally regret succumbing to what can only be considered an autistic obsessive compulsion. #sad2see!
In contrast, things are going well for us.
As seen in many preceding posts on this fine blog, we’ve done something different with the mighty CODE. Safety. alliance. As gankbears, nullbears, lowbears, and wormbears grow increasingly bitter and despondent, the Safety alliance is evolving each and every day. The old regime collapsed precisely because it followed the doomed path of the PvP pleb, but my friends chart a different course.
Unlike our wannabe rivals, we take to heart the prophetic words of James 315. Mere ganking is no better than mining, as ganking alone cannot build a true civilization. Killboard grinding is no different than mindless farming. Ganking for isk is a pathetic and contemptible act, not unlike collecting Pokemon cards. In the end, nobody actually cares bro. All that isk won’t buy you a single friend. People will only care about me, and that is as it should always be, just as James intended.
That’s right.
Facts!
Only true faith can guide us, and what is better than knowing that the permanent destruction of our enemies (whom I erased from history) has opened doorways beyond imagination. For example, what might transpire if all the good targets fled wormholes? What might transpire, if CCP encouraged this by buffing Highsec PvE? In such a world, as we now find ourselves in, one thing is becoming clear.
Highsec miners are no longer poor.
A steady stream of rental income is flowing into our coffers – specifically, my personal wallets. Tune in tomorrow, for another example which once again verifies and substantiates my rightful claim to be the greatest capsuleer in the history of EvE Online. I’ll give you a subtle hint, it’s going to involve me selling yet another mining permit.
This is a paid advertisement. Publish your essay here, for 1 billion isk.
Saint Jb Hitmarker, known as great philosopher and vanguard of FRT elite force. He has been obsessed with AO and Highsec Miners since the old days.
Known as great Highsec Saviour & Ganker
He is known with great reputation and full trustworthiness to ‘Help’ the miners and new players of Highsec, by ganking them. In the name of making the game better and ‘Improve the community’
Our Saint Jb Hitmarker, regardless he wants to ‘help’ the community of EvE, he met many difficulties on his holy path. He was firstly in FRT Highsec Academy, then left and joined ‘Star Nation’ inside of CVA, then he flipped side again, back to FRT.
Of course, we can not judge a Saint’s loyalty, it is beyond our capacity to do, after all, he is a Saint Anti-Fascist hero and a big hero for trying to save Highsec by ganking everyone randomly !
Sadly, not everyone agrees about our great Saint’s opinion. After he flipped to FRT, CVA, then FRT again, our Saint got removed and kicked and voted out by Kenshin. as a group decision.
Under our Saint’s command, he successfully wiped an Azbel of Test which was worth almost 23 Billion.
Our Saint, great hero, Jb Hitmarker, after getting voted out by his own group that he played together for more than 1 year, joined of course another corp of FRT ‘C5’ then recently, he left C5 again.
In next chapter, we updating with more interesting fact about our Saint Jb Hitmarker and his group & TEST Pets.
Since then, I have continued a tradition of utter success, like my forefathers before me. Of course, I have my share of detractors, as did James 315. Many said he was just an old goonbear, drifting through Highsec like an AFK orca. It’s true, when he died, the CODE. alliance imploded! That’s what happens when a big star burns out.
I’ve enjoyed a bit of a reputation.
In those days, there were false prophets, pretending to be the heir of James 315. For example, literally one day after James died, a boomer (who previously quit after ganking a couple barges) came back and declared himself successor. He urged people to join a new alliance, and scammed a couple plebs from New Order Logistics (who removed their mining permits, betraying James and leaving the CODE. in order to worship a blue cut and paste). James was replaced so easily! Today, these antiagents continue to comingle with miners, fleeting and sleeping together. They don’t even blog!Another basketcase tried to do a coup on me, and that alcoholic crackhead was dunked straight out of the game, along with his best friends. I had fun and heard they lost a few trillion isk (frfrfr).
GF!
I always told them what’s up.
Such is the Jamespocalypse.
Some people get what they deserve.
Such gankbears are not meant to be.
It must suck to not exist, but consequences.
I’ve learned how to get by. I grew up listening to James 315, who always described me as a “lucky little lady”. He was a great history teacher, got me interested in worldweb blogging, and coached our girl’s soccer team to five consecutive state championships. James always said, a game without a red card is no game at all! Later, although we dated for awhile, it never worked out because he was dead. I never would have become a 3-time WKL kickboxing champion, without his profound influence and guidance. What a guy, thank you Barry, for everything you’ve done.
As a new player, I enrolled at Conoban University (Go Crusaders Go, Fight Fight Fight), watching in disgust as a Sigil mined an 0.9. I recall Youtube videos advertising the most effective AFK mission running, and a nice website offering bots with features including rudimentary communication via ingame chat. For example, if someone messaged you, then you could program the bot with a 50% chance of \o, 25% chance of o/, 10% chance of ?, and 15% chance of closing the convo after variable x seconds. The professionalism of the website was what bothered me (compared to comparable botting sites for other games), because this indicated real money was involved. Welcome to Bots Online!
When James wrote this, he was not writing you. He was writing me, across spacetime, anticipating our future together forever and ever. On that day, I went to Amarr, and found floating corpses on the undock, with bright red flashy pods committing suicide before me. Indeed, capsuleers were celebrating my glorious arrival! I soon met Anyanka Funk who became my friend and mentor, giving me all her isk and assets when she quit EvE to become a professional Fortnite dad. It was Anyanka who taught me the way of the Blood Raider. Space vampires have a rightful ingame roleplay duty to hunt and kill miners. That’s EvE Online, and it’s what the developers intended. Anyanka also showed me how miners automate their mining, warping back and forth even after their Venture is long dead. I thus found faith in one thing – all miners must die!
We all remember the time globby wrote James, on behalf of Miniluv, demanding Anyanka be kicked from the CODE. Well, where is globby now? I guess he found the strong leadership he so desperately needed. Isn’t there some fable, about the frogs and the stork? Many people believe this to be the greatest truth in the history of EvE Online. As I always say, if you come at the princess, you better not miss!
I began to feel EvE might be the game for me. Shortly thereafter, driven by fate and the curiosity to visit Jita, I discovered a fortizar in Niarja called minerbumping.com, and realized James 315 created an empire just for me! Thanks. I joined New Order Logistics, and found myself the only player in the entire CODE. alliance. As for the minerbumping fortizar, it inevitably died because the CODE. alliance was dead. Only a single roleplayer miner showed up to defend it. Those were the days!
James kept me company, while I invented ganking.
We often chilled in the empty minerbumping catacombs, browsing dusty old NOL pamphlets and checking out my pics Discord in Halaima. After some reflection, I declared myself loyal and true, not to James but to myself. Since he always hated roleplaying sycophants, James was most pleased, and encouraged me to keep ganking.
