Month: October 2020
100 Billion!
As your official Saviourette (yours, and yours), I am pleased to announce that the mighty CODE. alliance continues to win daily.
That’s right.
This is some high praise!
I’ll allow it.
I like when people pay me to endorse myself.
Tweeps has been funding the alliance for a long time.
I imagine she will continue.
I’d super hate to be on her blacklist. Tweeps has so many alts, like literally thousands. It would be nigh impossible to play EVE, against an enemy who can destroy an entire alliance, without even bothering to login. Fortunately, Tweeps likes the CODE. and that’s part of our secret recipe — we have powerful friends in Highsec.
When I first met Tweeps, people told me to be careful. They said she is a dangerous evil scammer, who would take everything I have. Actually, they had it all backwards. Tweeps is really great, and I’m also like totally invincible. Everyone should strive to be more like Tweeps, and send everything they have to me.
Tweeps celebrated her wise investment, donning a party hat of solid gold, inlaid with diamonds, rubies, emeralds, amethysts, and chunks of pure zydrine.
In the old days, James would tip his own hat, in honor of such tribute. As a Princess, I can offer a slight wave of my hand, and perhaps a little something extra.
As word spread, spontaneous celebration erupted within the sacred Minerbumping channel, where everyone loves me.
Of course, friend.
We also had a big party in Teamspeak.
Everyone was invited. Some people were afraid to come, because they are intimidated by a strong woman, but apparently Aiko is really nice. Everybody enjoyed the opportunity to mix and mingle with their Saviourette, discussing personal goals, and how the OHNO! treasury might benefit their corporation.
Praising spread through every channel in the galaxy.
We had a super swell time.
Eventually, all parties come to an end.
Let’s do it again!
I was trying to decide if I should buy a fifth Titan, and intervene in the war. However, Magalaus Shardani had a much better idea.
Let’s just kill the bears.
All of them.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
A Few Questions
Why do we do it?
Sometimes, it takes a while for the miner to wake up.
AGBee 001 was busy ganking freighters, but she could spare a moment.
The Wayfarrer had finally found his way.
Without a doubt, Agent 001 is one of the best.
The price was most reasonable.
It wasn’t a hard decision.
CODE. compliance is easy.
Another satisfied customer!
Congrats miner!
***
BONUS: Fortuna Avarice Cash has promised to stop antiganking!
***
DOUBLE BONUS:I love these boys.
Big Deal
Listening to: Indestructible
I’m kinda like a big deal.
“You fucked up whore”
“You shit jew sympathizer.”
In any culture, or language, they know I am.
“Well it’s fun to have a Donald Trumpette in EVE Online”
They understand what I want.
“fuck you shit”
They’ve studied my law.
“We have to respect the CODE…”
“…and better purchase a mining permit.”
They have it memorized.
They can sense what I need.
They love what I do.
They can’t get enough.
I love it too!
I’m gonna give it to them.
They’ll just keep coming back for more.
James told me to never stop.
He wants me to continue.
Always, means always.
I’m your Saviourette (yours, and yours).
It’s not roleplay.
I’m just so perfect in every way.
That’s why James gave Highsec to me.
The CODE. belongs to me now.
So I’m gonna finish the job.
Welcome to the future.
I’m invincible.
That’s right.
Another time
To carry the colors again
My motivation
An oath I’ve sworn to defend
My true vocation
And now my unfortunate friend
You will discover
A war you’re unable to win
I’ll have you know
That I’ve become
Indestructible
Determination that is incorruptible
Annihilation will be unavoidable
Every broken enemy will know
Take a last look around while you’re alive
I’m an indestructible master of war
I carry out my orders
With not a regret
A permanent reminder
Of how we began
No hesitation
When I am commanding the strike
You need to know
That you’re in for the fight of your life
You will be shown
How I’ve become
A terror to behold
The Best Revenge, Part 90
The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78
Previously, in James 315 Space… Lord Star Emperor avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka Astevon, aka Hazen Koraka, aka the Suppercomputer, was determined to secure his rank as grand doctrineer and Void Marshal of the Imperium. He also gave a speech on lag gunning tactics, enlightening the Swarm with his mighty theorycraft.
Princess Aiko was truly amazed. She had known of Pandemic Horde’s sneaky gimmick of DDOS Lag Induced DPS Application (DDOSLIDPSA), but never considered the possibility of blending a lag gunner with a strong power gun fit. Fortunately, having served as a spy within Pandemic Horde, avia was well versed in their strengths and weaknesses. Meanwhile, Princess Aiko continued to train the fleet dancers, incorporating her newfound understanding of lag gunning to create a TiDi ‘moonwalk’ effect.
With Aiko’s full attention, avia issued orders to the fleet.
avia once vowed to destroy Goonswarm within just four years, but was now prepared to crush both Pandemic Horde and TEST in just one week.
Inspired with foreknowledge of James 315’s impending fate, avia found himself contemplating the future, a galaxy without the guiding light of Halaima. Faster than a ‘lil bullet, Agent Anvil, aka 140, sped outward into the abyss. As he viewed the galaxy from afar, the stars began to blur together, indistinguishable and insignificant. From this perspective, he wondered if the war against Pandemic Horde even mattered. Although he had set out to exact revenge, he now found such petty human desires far beneath him.
Yes, avia was finally ascending. He realized now that he was far above the petty internecine squabbles of the null blocs, as he was himself a God, the God of Gods, standing tall above such lesser divinities as BoB and Doblauk the Goblok.
Master avia revealed unto Princess Aiko the ultimate supper power, by which an FC might harness the infinite army. He proclaimed himself to be queen of the rats, and proved his powers by casting a plague of Triglavians.
On a rehearsal break, Princess Aiko naturally wondered if she might herself become a rat queen. However, Master avia, aka Sun Tzu, warned that such powers were beyond a mere mortal, and feared Aiko might be consumed by lust.
Ah, and what of the double traitor Vily, who was even then plotting her betrayal of the Swarm. Could the dinosaurs defeat a rat queen?
To be continued…
Highsec Miner Grab Bag #218
Some people think the purpose of this blog, is to showcase the tearful cries of Highsec miners. More accurately, this blog exists to tell the truth, and the facts are clear. A lot of people love the CODE. Of course they do!
I haven’t finished discussing the battle of Nalvula, but when I clarified that we have powerful friends in lowsec, nullsec, and spooky j-space… well, I wasn’t bluffing. It’s true, we are the most powerful coalition in the galaxy. You might be a crusty crab, mocking gankers, but that umbrella you depend on – those are CODE. titans, friend. Oh, did we not arrive in time? So sorry, you died! Seriously, how come nobody will help, when those nasty cloaky campers are hunting you? Hm. I wonder why? Well, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. James isn’t actually dead. He’s on his main, and a lot of alts.
While he is away, James wants me to domesticate the miners.
Indeed, they are desperate to please their queen regent.
I’ll allow it. I’ll even buy your stuff for free.
Of course, some gobloks seem upset about something.
“Fuck you, bastard! You yourself are bot!”
“You stupid bastard fuck you”
Bears love to communicate…
…although they aren’t very smart.
They think I’m cute, and love the official New Order hairstyle.
I like the attention.
I like my friends even more.
I enjoy killing dolbauks.
They are gross.
Let’s kill them all!
“I FUCK YOUR KIND, YOUR JAMES 315 FUCK DEAD ASCKES, YOU FUCKING CUM DIRTY DRESSFUCKING, ABOMINATION YOU ALL SUCK DUCK TV PUBLIC TOILETS You are a fucking filthy son, you are such a huya in life, they don’t take you on the panel, so go suck in public toilets there you belong hey you are a fucking nasty whore I’m not Ukrainian let them fuck your mouth, but I fucked your family, and everything that is connected with you with gross filth, a cocksucking whore went to the cost of a creature FUCKING SLUT THAT FUCK AND WILL FUCK ALL DIRTY ANIMALS, GO AND SELL YOUR HOLES FURTHER, I’M NOT A URANIAN, YOU ARE A FUCKING HOLY LOST CREATURE AND IN THIS, I AM SURE
FUCK YOU AND YOUR CORPORATION OF PIDARAS AND PROSTITUTES AND YOUR WHOLE SHIT ALLIANCE TOGETHER WITH THE MAIN SLUT JAMS WHO SUCKS EVERYBODY, FUCKING LOST SCROOM I FUCKED YOUR KIND”
Yet, I’m the one who gets warned?
BONUS VIDEO: Imagine being an antiganker!
Stark Raving Mad, Part 7
Watch this AFK streamer get WRECKED!
Listening to: The Plan
Previously, in James 315 Space… Princess Aiko was once an ordinary gankerette, with perfect breeding, impeccable charm, and endless Khanid wealth. Of course, the Jamespocalypse was nigh, and Aiko intended to supersede Helicity Boson as the Imperium’s Divine Keepstress of Hulks. Could the siren of Orcageddon survive one last challenge from the rebellious Highsec mining caste?
Each day, like clockwork, Lilliana returned to Audaerne.
Lilliana knew the truth. Aiko is a shameless hussie, who slept her way straight to the top. James 315 was thus seduced by Aiko’s vision of a New Order, rejecting Caldari corporate heresies and embracing the pious mercy of Khanid. However, could Lilliana defeat Aiko and seize the High Throne of Halaima for herself?
Lilliana’s alt VictorStark Stark sacrificed an Orca, in a vain attempt to impress James. Would the future of the mighty CODE. alliance rest upon the AFK leadership of gobloks, non-undockers, and super cringy roleplay carebears? Each and every day, the miners of SICO listened intently as Lilliana made her case, denouncing Aiko and boldly proclaiming herself to be the one true Saviourette.
Lilliana and Victor lost everything they had, including their dignity, but perhaps they could convince Aiko to quit EVE (again)? Some of the SICO bears supported Lilliana, urging Aiko to give them a hasty blowjob before uninstalling.
Inspired by Lilliana, every miner fantasized about how they might run the mighty CODE. alliance, if only James would support their candidacy.
Some prophesied the coming of a carebear messiah.
Others saw themselves as the promised ganking CEO.
Lilliana saw herself as the future of CODE.
She intended to bully Aiko straight out of the game.
However, Aiko has a lot of friends.
Were Aiko’s friends strong enough to endure Lilliana’s abuse?
Aiko had never experienced such discipline.
Perhaps, the Princess was willing to negotiate a truce?
If not, Lilliana would continue until downtime…
Would Lilliana ever calm down?
Finally, it was time for a permanent nap.
Lilliana’s former main, VictorStark, had been reduced to a mere assetless alt. He briefly chimed in, as Lilliana logged off.
The other miners watched sadly, as VictorStark faded from history.
***
BONUS: Do you know what’s going on in Uedama? The Reddit plebs aren’t sure, but perhaps you can chime in and let them know what’s up.
***
Yeah, ayy, uh
I gotta, I gotta, I gotta blap
Yo, yo, yo, ayy
I do this cause I can (yeah)
I just took care of my fam (ayy)
Thought this was always the plan (yeah)
You don’t understand (ayy)
Karttoon just opened the can
No fufu that’s not on my brand (ayy)
Call me when you need a hand (yeah)
Always scrutinized
Must have mixed us with a different group
Spot the truth or lies, I mean business but I’m not in suit and ties
Just been prophesized (yeah, uh)
This fell right into place (yeah)
Liquor and women, two things I don’t chase (uh)
Don’t got a minute to waste (yeah)
Mask off, I’m showing my face (yeah)
They hate so much, it’s a disgrace (uh)
I put ’em back into place (yeah)
Hall of Fame, Aiko’s a shoe in
Ten years, this has been brewing (ayy)
Number one spot, I’m pursuing (ayy)
Exclusive like “Who done let you in?”
Money talks, I speak it fluent
Pack, flip that, making quick stacks
Taking a quick trap nap (yeah)
I go all night and shit, ain’t gotta hide this
This hit’s a freestyle, I ain’t even write this
Thought that was always the plan (ayy)
There’s only one way, there’s only one option
There’s only one route to get there, you know?
And this got more and more digits than a license plate
Them nine-ten figures don’t make themselves, yadadamean?
You gotta get it! This was always the plan
Mharaíonn an Tseachtain
Oh boy, it finally happened. I’m late, I’m late, but there’s a Vindicator! It’s gotta die. *silent scream* Ok, it’s dead. Here are some béir, annihilated between October 18 @ 00:00 and October 25 @ 02:13. Ready to pull!
***
Martin Youngs is a mundane kill of the week, failing to be of interest, aside from the fact that he was an idiot with a jump freighter. Something sure is unusual about that killmail though. Is CODE. working with Goonswarm and Pandemic Horde? If so, that means that someone is a master diplomatess, and that is really bad news for Highsec miners! Great job AGBee 001, Jason Kusion, and Ninjajolic.
***
Jason CHEN Cj made a strategic error when he adorned his Orca with Chinese runes. This indicates someone unwise with isk, and a New Order fleet immediately profiled Jason, as the kind of person who might use his Orca for illegal smuggling. Oh boy, did he try to run, desperately seeking to reach Planet 5. Eventually, he died at the customs office! Antigankers could have saved him, and they definitely tried, but they are also incompetent. Shout-outs to Alleil Pollard, Shouka, and Joel Kusion.
***
Pink torpedo tear was just an ordinary noob destroyer in Highsec, or was she? Previously, we saw how Votre Dieu has been dealing with a bot aspirant plot to transport illegal items, via a poorly fit Sunesis. GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM and Ulianov were intrigued by this, and shot the first Sunesis they saw. No surprises here!
***
BLACK SKAT777 died awhile ago, and I completely forgot, until I remembered. He was killed in Isanamo, and came back in an unfitted cargo expanded Retriever. He just sat there at the belt, not mining. Isn’t that strange? What does it mean?
***
Mercurius Sobrius made four crucial mistakes. 1) He joined SICO. 2) He filled his head with garbage 3) He undocked. 4) He went AFK. He also made some other mistakes. Fortunately, Aaaarrgg was willing to show Mercurius the error of his ways. I guess the EM-706 Evasive Maneuvering implant isn’t worth the price.
***
Fuck!
I’m a little busy, because it’s springtime in Uedama.
You might think it’s easy to gank, blog, spy, dictate, negotiate, logisticate, fetch James another beer, and find the time to look so great. However, in reality, it’s all a bit much. Someday, I will not write a blog post. Someday, I will not gank. Someday, I will sleep, but that day is not today. Understandably, miners are often overwhelmed, when they realize that someone else has more isk, more friends, more charm, and more DPS. What can they do about it? Frankly, all they can do is [expletive] die (again).
“Write in Russian, I won’t read your fucking English”
OVERHEARD IN TEAMSPEAK
Jason Kusion, “That’s the gank I live for. Fucking tidi. Fucking Aiko, up there trolling on me. Haha. CONCORD was on grid. I thought faction police were gonna kill us all. It could have jumped but it just sat there. That was definitely one of my better performances.”
Holdmybeer, “Imagine that, flying a triple bulkheaded Ark. Nobody is gonna gank me. Oh wait, where the fuck am I?”
Tweeps, “What the fuck!?!”
Pay Your Rent, Part 2
Previously, in James 315 Space… Newgal pokoko bought PLEX, injectors, and a Marshal. She was ready to play, proudly undocking in Jita. A few seconds later, she found herself in the Why Was I Ganked? channel, wondering what happened.
Cargo Bandit offered to sell a mining permit for 20 billion isk, but pokoko was a tough negotiator, talking the price down to just 18 billion.
Cargo listened patiently, as pokoko explained her concerns.
However, Cargo was busy, and her red timer was about to end. It was a big decision, and (for some reason) pokoko wasn’t entirely sure the mining permit would be worth it, but Cargo made a compelling argument.
Just like that, it was done.
Perhaps, someday, we will hear more about pokoko’s adventures.
Meanwhile, the New Order just keeps winning. Like any good ganker, Cargo Bandit sent a billion isk to my Official Holy New Order Treasury.
P.S. Did you know there is a Korean ganker group that supports the New Order? I’ll give you a hint who – they killed pokoko! They have some kind of Korean website, where they discussed this incident. Here is what people in Korea had to say.
“This crazy hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha”
“That’s fucking funny hahahahaha”
“Isn’t this a violation of EULA?”
“It is content.”
“I was a dolbauk newbie, but the code protects me.”
“Wow hahahahahahaha”
“hahahahahahahahahahahaha”
Don’t be a dolbauk! Join the New Order today!