The Conference Elite

Guest Author
Tweeps (aka John E Normus)

Hello there.

I didn’t see you come in.

As you can see, the CODE. alliance was never more than a facade, built upon the mighty Conference Elite. A galactic alliance is nothing without TCE, and that’s an undeniable fact.

As the heiress of both James 315 and loyalanon, I now command the ship of state. Of course, wannabe orbiter plebs insist I never received a sacrosanct blessing, as if I need one.

Seems legit?

If James did not choose me – who did? It is one thing to be annointed, but if I crowned myself, then I am even more powerful. If James were invincible, I must be omnipotent!

After seizing command of TCE, I have delegated authority to my trusty lesbian sidekick, Alleil Pollard. Henceforth, as acting executor, Alleil will oversee the Byzantine bureaucracy.

Of course, the miners inevitably write me.

As you know, we are a PROUD antiganking guild.

I hope Alleil can keep up with the daily correspondence.

Good luck Alleil!

Bee well!

EvE Online Mining Tutorial

Charles Stevens Jr was enjoying the Highsec mining tutorial.

One day, he learned how to eject from his space Orca.

So he tipped his volunteer tutor.

PLOT TWIST: Charles is a minor miner.

Arabella was not an effective guardian.

Fortunately, Krig is a man of his word.

Meanwhile, the plot thickened.

Arabella also wanted to double up.

We love to help.

Eventually, the Stevens family calmed down.

Another successful training op.

AIKO Buyback now available at home!

TamiyaCowboy

TamiyaCowboy brought a terrible crime to my attention. As you know, Tamiya is a veteran streamer. Over the course of a legendary seventeen year career, with seventy thousand hours of combat experience, Tamiya has dunked more than one hundred vessels. Unfortunately, his inspirational story reached a disturbing finale.

Our whiteknight champion was brought down, by an “instalocking hacker multiscript kiddy stream sniper.” Supposedly, I am responsible, because this “f****** b****” is a member of my alliance. However, I am not the dean of SAK, and have never met Caldari Citizen. Nevertheless, as Tamiya informed me, 2119440471 is a brainwave controlled minion of the notorious cyberbully, Adrian Vexier.

Miners dread this vexatious capsuleer, but Adrian is also not a member of my alliance. In fact, he is in another alliance.

Regardless, Tamiya described a brutal beating…

I began to suspect Tamiya was exaggerating, falsely portraying himself as an innocent victim.

As Tamiya explained, he was also bullied by lead developer Ergroth DeBruges (once again, not in my alliance).

However, contradicting this claim, Tamiya’s own viewers felt that Ergroth’s newbie Tristan posed no threat.

According to Tamiya, Adrian stalked him, trespassing upon Tamiya’s private public Twitch stream. In fact, Tamiya invited Adrian to the party! It is unreasonable to claim Adrian invaded the stream, when Tamiya repeatedly and personally invited Adrian Ergroth, whom Tamiya believed to be a “f****** total newbie.”

Meanwhile, viewers observed that the alleged “stream sniper” didn’t even want to join Twitch.

Subsequently, Tamiya began to trash talk the “f****** newbie in a piece of f****** s*** ship.” Tamiya called him a “broke a** b***** r*****” and vowed to “f****** r*** and literally f****** kill and literally f****** r*** to little bits.” Yes, our innocent streamer vowed to “literally rape” and “literally kill” Ergroth. That’s a verifiable fact.

They wanted to provoke an emotional reaction.

Within Tamiya’s toxic chat, virtue signalling carebears frequently violate the EULA of both Twitch and EvE Online.

As a journalist, I am an advocate of free speech. I don’t think bad language is that bad, because I grew up in the hard towers of a palatial estate. However, some people conspire to portray PvP players as griefers, whilst themselves engaging in griefplay. I don’t mind the inappropriate language, but I object to blatant hypocrisy.

Tamiya’s viewers wanted him to PvP a “newbie”, and plotted to “r***” Ergroth. Therefore, Tamiya invited Ergroth to Twitch, for the purpose of extracting newbie salt and tears.

Tamiya wasn’t trying to get away from Ergroth. Instead, he encouraged Ergroth to follow. Tamiya literally said, “Let’s see if I can bait him. I want him to follow me.”

Only turbominer Lucas wanted a boring PvE stream.

A career forum troll, Lucas has been ranting for fifteen years, in an endless crusade against video game PvP.

Why is Lucas so mad?

He just wants to mine in easy mode…

Therefore, Lucas hopes to remove PvP.

Tamiya tried to include Lucas (who was afraid of Ergroth).

Everyone else was ready to fight!

Meanwhile, Tamiya invited people to Twitch, including the person he intended to bait. Is it reasonable to accuse someone of stream sniping, when you invite them to your stream?

Wasn’t Tamiya asking for it?

PLOT TWIST: With an instalocking script, and smartbombs, Caldari Citizen wallhacked his way to victory!

As I watched this unfold, I realized Tamiya is a poor sport, salty after losing a fight he intended to win. He tried to bait a newbie, and got mad because they won. As a veteran player, he should know better. You don’t need to stream snipe, to find a pod on the Jita gate!

After his humiliating defeat, Tamiya switched to Elite Dangerous, a game where carebears pretend to be space pirates. Ironically, even this game warned Tamiya to be more careful.

Oh no, simulated tunnel snakes!

Tamiya failed again.

Without further ado, Tamiya’s vulgar stream is linked below, where you can hear him for yourself.

It’s obvious what happened.

Tamiya wanted to fight a new player, and lost. Subsequently, he made a false accusation, pretending to be the victim of someone he tried to bait, “We could just report him for being a f****** griefer… just to really rub some salt…” Meanwhile, he gloated about preferential treatment “because I’m a f****** streamer.”

What an angry bear.

He even said CCP devs are “literally f****** little b**** girls”.

That’s just sexist!

*****

POSTSCRIPT: Upon viewing this blog, at least one of Tamiya’s viewers has understood my point. Tamiya’s chat was full of people laughing at Ergroth, and trying to provoke a fight.

Tami still claims to be innocent.