Highsec Miner Grab Bag #213

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #212

Last night was great, as all the boys were logged into Teamspeak, and a lot of important words were uttered at my coronation party. Amidst the clink of silver and crystal, I sang I’m a Barbie Girl and Bombs over Baghdad. Life in plastic, it’s fantastic. Don’t pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang. I also recited the life story of Princess Olga, and easily won Bonus round after Bonus round. CODE. celebrations are the best. Always!

James always said that he could keep MinerBumping going indefinitely with all the unpublished material, and some spicy stuff remains archived. The galaxy awaits the story of Kelroth, will it ever be told? What of the mining witches of Estwyck, or the Prince of Abu Dhabi? These stories are not tall tales, but absolutely fascinating case studies in the depravity of the common Highsec miner. The mantle is now mine, and the burden is also mine, as each night I find myself wondering whether this blog will last even one more day… thus far, each and every morning, my answer is emphatically yes.

Today, I’d like to do something special. I have decided to reach into the bag, pulling out bits and pieces. It’s possible that some items were already published on MinerBumping, and perhaps I will duplicate a bit. If so, that’s just confirmation of our great content. Folders and folders of screenshots, days and days of audio, endless videos and eternal logs of each and every channel from the deepest Delve to the Cobalt Edge. Some have stated that Miner Grab Bag was their favourite. Indeed, it was my favourite, and this seems like the right time. Let’s just open up that bag, and see what we find.

The miners always seem to know exactly what to say, even when they get it backwards. There would be no point logging in, except that the miners have such strong feelings for us, and it is only polite to try and provide them with additional content. Meanwhile, there are other miners who just seem to need a little bump.

I’ve always had a special effect on the miners. As the official Saviourette of Highsec, I know exactly what they need.

Some gobloks want ‘proof’ of my special status in the New Order, but let’s be real. Miners love me, in a way they never could experience James.

Consequently, they recognize me as Supreme Protectress, yours and theirs.

It doesn’t actually matter what the miner’s background is, whether they be Catholic or whether they share the One True Faith, inshallah, every miner knows that the Jamespocalypse means a glorious Age of Aiko is upon them.

As we move forward, the faithful will recognize that James315.Space is home, and I am merely your humble servant. As the General Secretary of the Bumper’s Union, it is my sworn duty to help in your brave fight against the mining peril.

Sometimes, it seems that the miners only want to hurl insults and explore my pretty mouth, but we can hold our heads high, and know that they are super lonely. Just look at Overmind Niminen! The miners desperately need us!

I know for certain that dear James published this next screenshot, but there’s no harm in repeating it. Sometimes, the truth is worth a second look.

You can’t stop a train
Who want some? Don’t come un-pre-pared
But this’ll be the year that we won’t forget
Uno, dos, tres, it’s on
Did you ever think a pimp rock a microphone?
Should have held back, but you throwed the punch
Don’t even bang unless you plan to hit something

Before you read up, get a laptop
Make a business for yourself, boy, set some goals
Make a fair diamond out of dusty coals
Record number four, but we on a roll
Movin like Floyd comin’ straight to Florida
Lock all your windows then block the corridors
Pullin off a belt ’cause a whipping’s in order
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!

Pew Pew, Part 2

Previously on James315.Space… Alpha female Zopiclone was cruisin through the galaxy, encountering sad pathetic miners. Vasalinda Fingerbang wasn’t as cool, and gave out some seriously mixed messages. I don’t need to tell you who has the better character portrait. Gankers do it better, always!

Vasalinda Fingerbang > Im not goint to talk to you guys anymore… gank away … just stop
Vasalinda Fingerbang > I read the terms.
Fate and Destiny > Im trying to run a business here and you are trying to Space Lawyer me?

Zopiclone just wanted to conduct space business, but you know what they say about miners. They aren’t very good at anything.

Gualu Echerie > some fat schoolguys are playing eve and gank miner, so they have at least one success that day… stealing a loly from a baby is more dangerous, the mom could punsh them….
Vasalinda Fingerbang > i have to report them every time htye hit me.. this is three times in a week.
Vasalinda Fingerbang > They will eventually lose their accounts
Renee en Welle > No, they won’t.
Fate and Destiny > and believe me Ive won against all Space lawyers
Vasalinda Fingerbang > im sot a space lawyer. Stop fucking with me
Renee en Welle > Wow… You’re giving them all the salt they want and more.

Vasalinda Fingerbang didn’t understand why gankers were so interested in her, and she was beginning to feel a little flustered.

Fate and Destiny > You need to buy a Mining Permit for 10 Million ISK and Ill add you to my blue list. Thanks for showing up
Fate and Destiny > But for you the fee went up to 30 million because you are trying to strong arm me with your space lawyer tall tales

Naughty miners shouldn’t expect us to waive their fees and penalties.

Renee en Welle > At the end of the day it’s a game, what these guys do provides as much content as anything else. Frankly their playstyle shouldn’t be annoying or surprising 🙂
Max Hoxen > you losers gankers are wankers
Max Hoxen > you can atttack only miners 😀
Vasalinda Fingerbang > you know it .
Vasalinda Fingerbang > I know leave me alone
Vasalinda Fingerbang > i was not away from keyboard
Gualu Echerie > yeah, they gank because they want easy kills… too afraid to go into lowsec….

The gobloks insisted that Zopiclone would have more difficulty in a region where her ship didn’t automatically explode after a few seconds.

Zopiclone > you need to calm down and buy a Mining Permit. Its the law
Vasalinda Fingerbang > fuck you
Vasalinda Fingerbang > is that clear enough for you?
Max Hoxen > no permits in ihigh sec … come out of your station 😀
Gualu Echerie > you have no mining permits to sell….
Gualu Echerie > check market and contracts, there are no miningpermits in game… 🙂
Vasalinda Fingerbang > it’s a bullshit extortion scam they are trying to run on newbies

The miners were increasingly agitated, squawking and ruffling their feathers.

Max Hoxen > HEY LOCALS, im gathering the fleet to make the life of these suckers misearable … please DM 😀

Zopiclone was a titan unto the miners, bringing each to judgment.

Sent: 2020.07.14 20:41

The kill right K Moros has on you has been made available to E.A.G.L.E.S. for 0 ISK.

Never Gonna SeeGrandKids > OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


UPDATE: Following yesterday’s post, the mighty moderators of the CODE. alliance have hastily issued an official decree, in honour of Ward Meltdown Week. I am proud to inform you that it is once again decided, now and forever, that “Respecting James 315 is not optional!” Huzzah! I only wish he could hear the Good News. 

With Ward Week upon us, it has been one full year since I seized mechanical control of the CODE. alliance. I will therefore spend this evening celebrating in Perimeter, singing a little karaoke with the Bonus Boys. I will also be reciting the humble tale of Princess Olga, and her crushing defeat of the nasty Drevlians. Hopefully, they will soon give me my ganking titan, and I will finally take my seat on the Imperial War Council.

Pew Pew

EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Raneilles
Flies Undone > ganker alert
Zopiclone > blah blah blah

Some people think that being an elite CODE. ganker is all excitement and adventure, like being a supercool intergalactic agent. Those people are right.

Zopiclone Kill: Ken Ozura (Hecate) pew pew
Zopiclone Kill: Ken Ozura (Capsule) gf AFK miner

EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Vay
EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Scheenins
Gualu Echerie
> you need a shower… a cloak can’t really hide you when you smell like a 10 day dead fish with a touch of cat pee…

Harald Uanid > the smel is so horibal thet even the FEMA needs to take actions …
Learza Thiesant > wow you kids need new more hateful hobbies 😀 QQ
Zopiclone > Pretty salty about some Drones blown up?
Zopiclone > bye

Agent Zopiclone was always one of James 315‘s favourite agents, and even though our High King is at rest, Zopiclone continues to spread the Good Word and let miners know they have been blessed by the Saviourette’s officious grace.

EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Amygnon
Fate and Destiny
> Bored of mining?
Zopiclone > gf Fingerbang Kill: Vasalinda Fingerbang (Retriever)
Fate and Destiny > That’s a special special miner

Unfortunately, the passing of James 315 created a power vacuum, and a number of false prophets and tinpot wannabe leaders have attempted to carve out a vanity niche for themselves. Vasalinda Fingerbang has thus established herself as an unofficial foreman of the so-called Verge Mining Consortium.

Vasalinda Fingerbang > you guys realize that harrassment is agains the term of service. You guys making it a point to gank me everytime you see me is gonna eventually get you in trouble. Obviously, I’m not skillful enough to stop you.. .. trying to extort me for isk is within the perview of the game.. but it’s just some made up scam you guys are playing around with… pleas eleave me alone
Fate and Destiny > Negative. You are just another miner
Vasalinda Fingerbang > im trying the best I can to lear how to play this game… I actually paid to be here.. so would you do me a personal favor .. and stop harrassing me.
Fate and Destiny > Pay your 30 Million ISK for the mining Permit
Vasalinda Fingerbang > that’s not going to happen
Fate and Destiny > Or keep dying…

Zopiclone’s loyal sidekick, Fate and Destiny, recognized that it is time to stop beating about the bush and get down to business.

Vasalinda Fingerbang > I have asked yopu politely to stop harrassing me. stop destroying all my6 ships.
Vasalinda Fingerbang > I’m not going to pay any fees to you.
Gualu Echerie > lol… that miningpermit again… you say all they have to buy one, and when one want to buy one, you are not willing to trade it at npy station or make a contract over it….
Fate and Destiny > You are playing EVE. Your ships will blow up
Vasalinda Fingerbang > I am not in a low sec area.
Fate and Destiny > Go to Arraron and let trigs kill you on gate k?
Vasalinda Fingerbang > just stop
Fate and Destiny > Make sure you fit your best possible ship

With the death of James, carebears assert that mining permits are not mandatory, or even real! These heretics insist that respect for James 315 and the Code is officially not not optional. Indeed, Sun Tzu observed that the most dangerous moment for an army is at the very moment of victory, as cheerful celebrations disintegrate into woeful anguish. When line members heap praise upon dead heroes, they fail to maintain vigilance, and effusive worship turns into grotesque mockery. Lazy gobloks will thus embrace the sweet toxin of eternal victory, but the gallant faithful will remain on duty, always!

Vasalinda Fingerbang > it is against to terms of service to specifically harrass a player.. unless you declair war.

Is the once victorious CODE. alliance on the brink of war?

To be continued…

BONUS: I have been rummaging through filing cabinets and that rickety desk. I jiggled a locked drawer and was surprised to discover a stash of personal keepsakes. An expired Ice Mountain ski pass, faded photographs of James and John at the Dolphinarium, a dried up red pen, and a beautiful gold pendant. Oh James, I miss you so much. 



PlexForce, Part 3

PlexForce, Part 1

Previously on James315.Space… lee dantier was a confirmed goofus, and a proud member of PlexForce07. Meanwhile, everyone in Osmon was laughing at PlexForce Nick, who wasn’t amused.

Nick tried to blame his ex-wife’s boyfriend’s children for his own ineptitude. Just for the record, let’s be clear. In order to dock, Nick would merely need to click on a destination, and hit the dock hotkey ‘D’. That’s it. Easy. Even if your child is rolling on the ground, screaming in agony, you have plenty of time to dock.

After confiscating Nick’s battleship, the GankForce moved on to people who were actually playing the game, but Nick did not forget his defeat. His friend or ‘alt’ eventually arrived in the official Why Was I Ganked? channel.

GlitchyDev hoped to tempt fate with a hint of bait. Unfortunately, he had not anticipated that nobody would recognize him.

Koizumi Taira wanted to help GlitchyDev achieve full compliance.

Alas, the bot was already malfunctioning.

GlitchyDev was furious about what Princess Aiko done did.

There would be hell to pay!

GlitchyDev vowed to be different than all the other goofuses, like William Rageclaw, or Lahnius, or Gevlon, or Overmind, or Sharkhunter Quint, or Dracvlad, or Dryson Bennington, or JTClone Ares… Finally, the mighty CODE. alliance had an enemy who would make a ‘difference’.

Ax’l Thorne decided it was time to intervene…

Glitchy demanded to speak with a supervisor…

Glitchy was torn with guilt. He felt responsible for Nick’s death. If only he had done a better job babysitting his friend!

Glitchy was shocked by the callous disregard for his friend’s illegal lifestyle…

The time for talk was over, and Glitchy led a posse to Osmon, where he intended to avenge Nick.

Even the reincarnation of Nick attempted to catch our Saviourette (yours and mine), but she wielded a powerful weapon: his own incompetence.

In the battle for hearts and minds, the Code wins every time! Embarrassed and humiliated before the loyal citizens of Osmon, Glitchy decided it would be best to only engage Princess Aiko in private chats.

Shortly thereafter,  lee dantier’s battleship exploded! BOOM!

PlexForce, Part 2

Previously, on James315.Space… lee dantier was mining in sunny Isanamo, just two jumps from Jita, when he was totally surprised to encounter the mighty CODE. alliance. lee tried to pretend that he was making a profit from dying, even though he was obviously an abject failure. Meanwhile, lee was friends with a group of 07bears. You might know the type, pubbies who dispense with the wave, and just go all in for hardcore salute roleplay. Welcome to the elite content of PlexForce07.

PlexForce07 isn’t just a sleuth of bears, they are also a clowder of goofuses, and they love AFK mining in a rhumba of Rattlesnakes. The leader is PlexForce Nick, and he’s a fun automating guy who likes to not interact with the EVE client. When Your Awesum Brutha realized that PlexForce07 is a klan of bots, a special GankForce was dispatched to decapitate the Grand Mufti. This proved easy, as he was away from keyboard.

Sometimes, when we say a miner is AFK, we mean only that he was utterly incompetent and failed to touch his keyboard, or glanced away from his monitor for more than one half millisecond. However, PlexForce was most definitely AFK in the most literal sense of the acronym. Consequently, like the captain of a battleship who is passed out drunk in his cabin, Nick didn’t even realize his ship had burst into flames.

Eighteen minutes passed, before he awoke to find himself floating in the nether.

Nick was only awake for a few seconds, before the lights went out again…

Everyone in Osmon was laughing at Nick, but he wasn’t amused.                  

To be continued…

Asesinatos de la Semana

Hola, amigos y amigas! Here are some osas that got dunked between July 26th @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 1st @ 23:59 EVEtime.


Vogon Hameraz thought he could smuggle compressed gneiss into Highsec, but he got a reality check from iZaEaRl, Gandor Ironfist, and Airne Earl. The good news is that Last Stand Enterprises is looking to hire a new hauler.


Ragnar Royce lost his gold-plated Paladin last week, and was ordered to purchase a mining permit. Ragnar ran away, hoping we would forget, but he was wrong. After a thorough search of Apanake, Ragnar was punished a second time, by Shadow Cyrilus, Sven Ole-Torssen, midijerk93 Patrouette, Yes Mr Cheng, and Buttercup Potemkin.


Roman Beshlyk was excited to finally find his niche, as a member of the Total Mining Company. Unfortunately, as you might have guessed, his exhumer failed to pass an inspection conducted by Ulianov and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM.


joe stonegrinder wanted to make a name for himself, and decided to become a fittings innovator. We’ve all seen mining battleships before, but behold the salvage battlecruiser. Fortunately, Lyrialtus took out the trash. 


Lay Klaus forgot about PvP, and decided this was a perfect time to load his jump freighter with some tritanium and a stack of ORE Expanded Cargoholds. What a goofus. Lay was evicted from Highsec by Inspector Implant, Keisharae, Jayson Kusion, Charlie Jacobson, George Painter, and Dubious Anime Name. Great job guys!


Hurricane Jefferson slapped some expanded cargohold modules on his empty blockade runner, and was promptly counter-MWDwarpcloaktricked by Augustus De Morgan, Niels Henrik Abel, and Erhard Schmidt. When Ernst Steinitz spotted an escape pod, the illegal miner was vaporized, along with his High-grade Hydras.


BONUS: I wouldn’t be the official Saviourette of Highsec, if people weren’t commissioning paintings of me, and praising my name. CODE. Origin’s in-house artist, Xeux, made a portrait of me and the boys.


Apples in the Orchard, Part 3

Apples in the Orchard, Part 1

Previously on James315.Space… Highsec miner Gripen ANM lost his Orca, and his drones. Inside the confiscated vessel, agents of the mighty CODE. alliance found an illegally modified Stiletto, which could only be piloted by a bot aspirant with an illegally modified brain. Gripen returned in an illegal Condor, which suffered a fatal malfunction, exploding in a brilliant flash of light. Could Gripen trust the most loyal agents of James 315?

Gripen hesitated to return for a thorough pod inspection, but CODE. hero TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet solemnly promised that Gripen would be featured on an award-winning blog. Now that sounds legit!

Gripen arrived for his inspection, demanding the interceptor. However, access was restricted to citizens, and greedy Gripen finally purchased a mining permit. This was great news, as Kalorned alts Keraina and Kiberra were cleared for takeoff. Kalorned wanted to thoroughly examine that pod, dispatching not one but TWO minions.

Gripen was thus vaporized by multifrequency neutrons. 


Gripen was hemorrhaging isk, and sharks could smell blood in the water. Normally, at this point, even the most oblivious miners would suspect something amiss. However, Gripen continued to splash around, and spooky people began whispering his name in a mysterious palace known only as Crystal Castle IV-3. Meanwhile, the population of AAAAAYYYYY LMAO was steadily increasing.


Fool you once, shame on you. Fool you twice, shame on you. Fool you thrice, how is this even happening? Gripen accepted an apology for the zealous K-names, and brought his pod back. This time, nobody bothered to shoot him. Instead, Gripen was merely allowed to examine the Stiletto, and verify that he definitely wasn’t getting it back. Never ever.

Tweeps was starting to feel a little bad for Gripen, and wanted to make things right.

When you need to give a sincere apology, always do it in comms. Always!

To be continued…


Table of Contents: July 2020

We Miss James 315

Previously on James315.Space… The Saviour of Highsec died quite suddenly, surprising those who weren’t informed years in advance. Many mourners have thrown messages at the wailing wall, but there has never been any reply. Woe, woe unto those who have not repented of their sinful transgressions, for the Jamespocalypse has befallen us all!

Fortunately, a few good citizens recognized that the responsible thing to do, would be to throw a little celebration to commemorate the heroic passing of this great man. The funeral in Halaima was thus attended by a crowd of more than a thousand capsuleers, who gathered to praise his name in obedient silence. We’d like to thank CCP for reinforcing the node, and providing a free Fleet Stabber to all attendees.

Several prominent historians and space archivists have been clamoring for a complete transcript of the funeral, with audio bookmarks so that we can all easily find our favourite speakers. Without further ado, the agents of the Old Guard hereby present the official transcript [check against delivery]:

[0:15] Message to the Faithful – Encrypted

[0:30] Dance of the Goblok

[0:54] Message to the Less Faithful – Encrypted

[1:15] Dance of the Golden Catalyst

[1:44] Whadda Badasaz: “Now entering system are the shareholders, followed by the agents. Throngs of supporters are gathered in the streets of the cities and towns on every planet in Halaima. People from all corners of Highsec have surged into the system for this auspicious funeral. Waves upon waves of Catalysts fill the skies of Halaima I, and… what’s this? Now here come the Coercers, the Atrons and… oh, look there! Bumping Machariels! Standby, I’m receiving word that somebody’s taking the stage. Let us turn our attention now to the main event, which begins in a jiffy!

[2:19] March of the Mashtori

[2:52]: Jimmy315: Victory. Comrades, Agents of the New Order, and supporters of the Code – we come together today, not to mourn the loss of James 315, but to celebrate his life and victory with some of his closest friends. James 315 was many things: the Supreme Protector of Highsec, the Father of the New Order, and a friend to each and every one of us who has assembled here today. But to many of us, he was simply Dad. He was not the first member of our family that we have lost; and he will not be the last. But have no doubt – his passing does mark a unique milestone. Many of our fallen comrades could not be here today in person, to pay their respects. But to them I say this – we salute you! Your sacrifice is noted.

The New Order of Highsec is a precious thing. It is the only force standing in the way of ETERNAL OBLIVION. Highsec – or James 315 space, as it is more commonly known – was in fact saved by James 315. For this reason, he is not only the Supreme Protector and Father of the New Order, but the literal Saviour of Highsec. His words and deeds echo through the ages. He is thus immortal. He has passed, but it is important to remember: HEROES NEVER DIE. He is still with us. If you squint, you may even be able to still see him in Local. Today we have assembled a roster of Highsec notables who will share with you their memories and various recollections of their Father – James 315. Representatives from every major active CODE. corporation, and a few surprise guests from the past, will now take the stage. It is my great pleasure to introduce our first speaker: former CODE. Executor and bumping extraordinaire, Siegfried Cohenberg.”

 [5:15]: Siegfried Cohenberg: Hello, Siegfried Cohenberg here. The running chairman of the Bumper’s Union and previous Executor of the alliance. Now, James 315 is probably the most influential player in the entirety of EVE. Let me tell you why. Thanks to James, I was able to leave the ways of a bot aspirant, and ascend to that of the freighter bumper. And because of the direction that he gave me, I was able to spread the word of the Code, to hundreds of more than satisfied freighter pilots and I think the game is better off because of his influence, and his message for the carebears of EVE Online and for those who just wanna be a bot.

James is the One, who gave me supreme power over every single Highsec hauler in the game. With this new authority, I was able to reclaim hundreds of billions of stolen CODE. assets from Highsec haulers. This entire time, people were playing the game, thinking they were building wealth for themselves. But really, they were building wealth for James. Whenever I encountered a bot aspirant, that resisted giving up what was rightfully ours, all I had to do was utter his name. I would utter his name, and they would realize the error of their ways and immediately hand over what was CODE. property all along.

I’m saddened to hear that James has passed on, he was like a Father to me. You know, I really didn’t have much interaction when I was a bot aspirant, but he came to me and gave me guidance, was a role-model. You know, CODE., we’re a family, we all are agents, and James really was the best Dad we could ask for. You know, I remember back in the day, you know, James… He and I, that little bonding… We’d toss the ‘ol freighter around, you know back and forth. I’d catch it, he’d catch it, he’d eject, and we’d get a freighter. Some of the things, you really can only do with your Dad, just, you can’t do anymore, now that he’s gone.

You know, sometimes, he and I, we’d lose track of time. We’d be throwing that freighter around for hours. One time, that poor little guy, he was out there six thousand kilometres from the gate, and he tried to report us! You know what James said to me? You know what? Why not twelve thousand? And we had fun all night long. Just, ah, James. Man. You really taught me so much, about throwing the ol freighter around. It’s a sad day to hear that James 315 is going away, but my message to you, agents of the Code, is remember this one lesson, that James has bestowed upon me. Void might be the best messenger we have to spread the Word of the Code, but always remember, a conversation is maybe all you need to defeat the bot aspirants. You might be surprised at the results! This is Siegfried Cohenberg signing out, and farewell James.

[9:00]: Jimmy315: Thank you Siegfriend, I miss Dad too. We will next hear from one of the New Order’s greatest metagamers – Erotica 1. Erotica, take it away.

[9:12]: Erotica 1: James 315 has changed the game for the better, more than any other player in EVE, aside from myself of course. When I met James, around April 2013, I invited him to a chat with a lucky contestant. That was the day the future would change forever, I had faith James would participate, and James went with the flow. Then I bought some shares for the first time. Unfortunately, lucky contestant Constantine did not win the Bonus Round that day. His sacrifice set forth a new era for the New Order. Content creators and community leaders like myself, joined the New Order in droves. One of my favourite quotes from James, “A carebear can hide her true nature for awhile, even for a five hour Bonus Round, but sooner or later the bot aspierancy comes out, and with it the fatal consequences. Does that mean we give up? Heck no! It just means we fight harder to save Highsec. For more information, simply google MinerBumping.com Erotica 1. Perhaps there will be more new stories, on the new blog, James315.Space. As they say, I’m EVE’s St. Olga of Kiev, long live the New Order!

[10:24]: Jimmy315: Thank you Erotica 1. What a moving speech that was, and a great reminder of our roots. Up next, I have the great pleasure of passing on a few remarks from John E Normus. John is a fantastic New Order Logistics pilot, former CODE. Executor, and all around great guy. He always had full faith in our eventual victory. Unfortunately, he couldn’t be here today in person, but he did want the following statement read on his behalf. “You’re on your own now. James is gone, and you’ll need to forge your own path. Sincerely, John.” John, thank you, I’m sure James 315 would appreciate your brevity. Next up, many of you will remember Kalorned, as the man who once saved the CODE. alliance. Kalorned will now offer some brief remarks.

 [11:21]: Kalorned (smiling): Hey James! It’s your pal Kalorned! I just wanna say how cool a guy you were! Thanks man! Had you not created the New Order, I’d likely never have come across some of the best players in the game, players like Alt 00, Aiko, Tweeps, or even Zopiclone! Thanks to James, metagaming will always have a place to thrive within the game!

[11:41]: Jimmy315: Thank you Kalorned, you’re a great guy, and I know James 315 would appreciate your words. He told me so in a private chat yesterday, after I ran your remarks by him. Next up, we will hear from a very special guest, aiva naali, aka FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years, aka ‘lil bullet’, aka Agent Anvil, who is still hard at work attempting to conquer all of nullsec.

 [12:08]: Aiva Naali: Where do I begin with James 315? Someone, from nowhere? Hardly. We all had humble beginnings. James chose his path, to, well, to defend Highsec, his own kingdom. Now, when he found me, he pulled me out from the gutter. I may have started from nothing like him, but we chose different paths. Keep defending Highsec, big guy. Even though you are no longer around. We’ll all be here.

[12:50]: Jimmy315: Thank you Aiva, I can tell that really came from the heart and was completely voluntary. Certainly no torture there! Now back out the airlock you go. For the rest of us who have been around for a while, our next speaker certainly needs no introduction. For the benefit of everybody else, it is my great honor to introduce none other than Jerry Rin himself. Jerry, take it away!

[13:16]: Jerry Rin: I once saw James, uh, club the head clean of a miner with a Louisville fucking slugger. He was seven feet tall, and he could shoot lightning from his eyes. His cowboy hat was always tilted left, because that’s where the sun always was relative to his position. Hooraariggityrrarara babopboprubar babopadeepbopah. You know who else was good at scat? James 315.

The Code, you could argue that the Code is based on scat music from James. James’ original scat music. Well, he was good at scat, but really, you know, we grew up on a childhood, uh, area. We grew up together, in an area, with farms. K? He was a simple, we were simple kids, we were simple man, he was a simple man! We were shooting cans, at the farm and drinking malted milks in town. But word came that it was war, war with the miners, right, and we were too young, right, he was only fifteen at the time, but we lied about our age, and got in anyway. Got into the bootcamp, signed up, so we went to fight fight the miners, and fought in many battles. Fought in the foxhole, grenades coming at us, sniper fire, tanks, but we won. The battle raged on for years, you know we won that war… awarded many battles, some of which can be found in my bio. Now James was hailed as a hero! Many parades and dinners in his honour, statesmen, celebrities, the whole nine. Praise was heaped on his name.

We won that first war, but at what cost? Could we ever even get back what was lost? James was never the same. He began his work on the Code in earnest. You know, the Code started merely as thoughts, but it has become so much more. That old cliche rings true. It’s taken on a life of its own, and life may not be what we think. You know, life brings to mind a beating heart. Breathing lungs. Blinking eyes, things you can’t have down in the dust catacombs.

But the real life is in our imaginations, and who better embodies the definition of imagination, if not a simple man. An author, who puts his ideas to paper, so that they may live on. So that our children, and our children’s children, and their children’s children children, can access the wealth of ideas that have accumulated thus far. They will plug themselves into an information grid, and they will have access, and they will read every MinerBumping post, eighty thousand years from now!

A child will see a simple agent ganking a miner. He will look for a permit and compliance, but that compliance is not there! He will left his head and think, “When will total compliance be achieved?” And what then, eighty thousand years from now? The child reading this MinerBumping post will smile, and that smile will transcend space and time, and the physical limitations of this existence, whatever they may be! However many dimensions exist, there will always be the Code, and there will always be its creator, James 315. I once saw James, club the head of a miner, with a Louisville slugger. He was also amazing at scat!

Ahjibbidabotbajibbajibbda mdamememinimnimama mimimimimiminamina minaminaminaminaminer jibajabo kbowbwobo wwbwaaah! Jibbaba! Jibbada bopbooooo bababababa deetdabaaba bajibbadab abawhaddabaddasazj ayjajibaba jayjaymes315

James, you owe me fifty dollars, and I don’t know how I’m gonna get it now. Call me!

Bababadota baoeeeaaaaaa

[17:50]: Jimmy315: Wow. Jerry really is a force of nature. I know James 315 has missed Aiko since he was forcibly retired, by the carebears at CCP, just as we all now miss James 315, who decided to ascend to an even higher plane of existence after achieving victory in Highsec. His eight year mission is now complete. Incredible. Next up we have controversial agent of the New Order, Zopiclone.

[18:19]: Zopiclone: Hello, thank you James, for all the good times you provided to the EVE community. The years flew by, reading your guidance on the MinerBumping blog, you’ve inspired generations of new law abiding citizens. You’ve really given a good part of the decade to making EVE what it is today. Thank you! We salute you, live, now I’m getting back to the party in your name. I would light a cyno in your name, but alas, I must get back to patrolling Highsec for more filthy miners are out there without permits. Zopi out.

[19:00]: Jimmy315: Oh no, it seems that Zopi stole the show! Why does this keep happening? Now being wheeled into the auditorium, in shackles and restraints, is the villain Tweeps, on loan from the Hague, who will now repent for his aggregious crimes against humanity.

[19:22]: TheInternet TweepsOnline The Internet: I’m sorry.

[19:26]: Jimmy315: Ok. Thank you to the International Criminal Court for lending us this vile creature for the day. May James forgive him. Next up we will hear from a shining light of Highsec art and culture, and Director of the Conference Elite, Alt 00.

[19:45]: Alt 00: Many of you have grown accustomed, to reading your adventures on James 315’s blog. He provided us with a voice, he made heroes of each and every one of us, old and new alike. Our great general now lays dead before us. Now, when an agent joins our ranks, he does so without the voice of the Saviour. Whilst James was uttering his final words to Princess Aiko, Agent Shadow bravely led his comrades into battle against hordes of marauders, and as James passed, let it be known that it was new player Codus Maximus who hastily took up arms against his fellow miners. We must ensure that agents such as Maximus go on to achieve the recognition that they so deserve. And let it be told that Agent Aiko is working on her fine new blog, James315.Space. It is thanks to the efforts of members such as Aiko that we continue to prosper, as James intended. Our new recruits shall once again have their story told, and proudly celebrate their first kills of the week.

Yet, for all our efforts, there are those who choose to stand in our path. I must warn you, certain ‘agents’ within our ranks, now wish harm upon us. Let it be known that these bureaucrats, have formally declared Alt 00 as an enemy of the New Order! They have in effect declared, that all you who side with me, are also criminals! Princess Aiko has been silenced, and censored. A knight of the New Order, treated lower than an antiganker! Can you imagine a more terrible sacrilige? To my oppressors, I say one thing. Support us in our new endeavours, and our quarrels will be forgotten. Oppose us, and the New Order will not forgive you a second time. My esteemed friends, let us now lay James to rest.

[22:19]: Jimmy315: Incredible work as always, Alt. You’re a really swell gal – and I know James would agree, based on the frequency with which you appeared in his marvelous stories on MinerBumping.com. Well done. Next we will hear from an upcoming FC representing an upcoming corp, Shadow Cyrilus from Big Willies PVP Madness – a great place for gankers new or old.

[22:44]: Shadow Cyrilus: Before I begin, I would like to thank you all for giving me this opportunity, to once again voice my support for our Saviour, James 315, and help commemorate the life of the singlemost influential man in the universe. Without James, I for one would still be a carebear, doing repetitive missions for a few million isk a day. I would still be a mindless bot aspierant, with no soul to speak of. When I first joined the CODE. alliance, I was quickly made aware of the MinerBumping blog, and quickly came to see the light. Through the blog, James has touched us all, and turned us into better people, both in game and in real life. I hope him well, and am happy to see queen regent Aiko Danuja, his successor, stay so faithful to his legacy. Praise James, and may the CODE. alliance continue to reign over Highsec for the years to come.

[23:40]: Jimmy315: Next up we have some remarks from Highsec all-star, Krig Povelli. Unfortunately, a scheduling conflict prevented him from being here with us today, and so I have the great honor of passing on the following message from him: “James 315 is not dead. James is all of us. The foolish miner will claim victory over the Code, up until the moment our Void S tears into his hull and unveils his frozen corpse to drift endlessly in the space of The New Order.” Wow, those were really great words Krig. Thank you so much, I know we all feel the same way. James 315 is in each and every local graced by His Agents. James is in all of us, always! Our penultimate speaker is CODE. celebrity Zaenis Desef, EVE Online’s premier twitch streamer, and producer of amazing New Order content.

[24:57]: Zaenis Desef: Hello friends. This is Zaenis Desef. For eight years, James 315 dedicated his life, to a goal that is greater than one man. He’s inspired others to follow his lead. The goal for a better community, a better place for all of us. I heard his message, I was inspired to teach, to help others to become better. I owe a lot to James 315 and his teachings. The whole EVE community does. Without James 315, Highsec would be a boring cesspool of bots. Few people have had such impact on this game, as James 315, and his impact will be felt long after today. CODE. is forever, and on the day that CCP finally shuts down the servers, we will be ganking everything in sight shouting, “Praise James!”

[25:40]: Jimmy315: Thank you so much, Zaenis. Of course, it goes without saying that everybody should check out his Twitch stream and show your support for New Order content by hitting that subscribe button. We shall next hear, the Party Keynote Address to the High Council Shareholders, delivered by the Queen regent, Princess Aiko. The mere mention of her name, dear Comrades, should strike terror in the hearts of our enemies. In particular, the carebear politicians on the CSM and the carebear posters on the forums, with their vile accusations and slanderous lies. Withour further ado, Aiko.

[26:23] Princess Aiko: From the very first, I have aimed at something more, than becoming a mere princess. I have resolved to be the destroyer of the miners. This I shall achieve, and once I’ve achieved that, I shall find the title of princess ridiculous. When I first stood in front of James’ grave, my heart overflowed with pride, that here lay a man who had forbidden any such petty inscriptions such as, “Here lies state councilor, executor director, his excellency the Saviour, James 315.” I was proud that this man, and so many others in Code history, have been content to leave their names to posterity and their titles to me.

I ask you now, what is the state? The state is a ganking organization, an association of persons formed it would seem for the sole purpose, but to destroy the miners. I therefore, consider it the supreme task, of the CODE. alliance leadership to do everything humanly possible to strengthen our military strength, and bring the miners closer to James. If he must be dead, then so must they.

And above all, you, my dear shareholders, do not forget one thing. In certain democracies, it seems that one of the special prerogatives, of political democratic life, is the artificial breeding of hatred of the so-called ‘totalitarian’ states. That is, to raise public opinion against peoples that displace others, through a flood of partly disfiguring partly even fictitious reports! If we defend ourselves against the antigankers, and the carebears, then this is considered an interference in the ‘sacred rights’ of the miner. In the opinion of these so-called gentlemen, they have the right to engage in PvE content, but no one has the right to resist it?

I do not need to assure them, that as long as the CODE. alliance is a soverign state, the state leadership will not allow a carebear politician to forbid us from ensuring the utter and unconditional destruction of the mining caste. The fact that we remain a soverign state, will be ensured in the future by our weapons and our friends. Therefore, we owe it to the security of the Code, to enlighten the people about the true nature of the carebear. Many miners continue to be spurred on by carebear agitators, agitating against the Code and hoping to trick our agents into themselves becoming carebears, and being psychologically unprepared for the Bonus Room.

I therefore think it necessary, that from now on in our propaganda, and in our press, the attacks should always, always, be answered and above all brought to the attention of the people. In particular, all the assertions about my intentions, are either morbidly hysterical or out of the personal self-preservation addiction of individual politicians, but we know, we know, that in certain states conscienceless thieves serve to save their own carebear finances, and that above all, intergalactic minery hopes to achieve satisfaction and vindictiveness and greed for profit. These bears represent a monstrous slander, and we will root out their lies, and we will biomass them all.

[30:58]: Crowd (chanting): Cardboard is a vegetable!

[31:00]: Jimmy315: Wow, that was astonishing. Now, if you would please, please direct your attention to Planet I, for a very special fireworks show, and another special surprise, which will begin presently. Thank you.

[36:00]: Jimmy315: Another glorious victory for the CODE., as Princess Aiko has utterly destroyed the Invincible Stabber, armed with only six civilian gatling railguns. Wow, amazing. Gatling guns truly are the weapon of the people!!! Another great victory for Princess Aiko! Well done Aiko!!!!!


BONUS CONTENT: Erotica 1 also gave a secret speech, which was deemed far too boring for public release.

Wow, what a great speech. Amazing.

The Best Revenge, Part 80

The Best Revenge, Part 1

Previously, on James315.Space… Ancient prophecies came true, despite vain protestations from the faithless, and Aiva Naali (aka ‘quantum’) decided it was time to get the band back together. As our ‘lil bullet once again sets course toward Chicago Nullsec, we now continue with the rest of the story, as James 315 always intended.

There was only one problem. Just as the mighty CODE. alliance cannot achieve success through fantasy roleplay, neither could quantum conquer the real-life galaxy by raiding the laundromat and an adjacent junkyard. Miners can never hope to become stone cold spacelords, at least not without a little help from their magical friends. As the session’s designated gamemaster, Kalorned described the scene. When our powerful warlord checked his state correspondence, he noticed a bill from the War Council’s Official Financial Group. That’s right, it’s official, and that’s a big deal!


It’s easy to dream about building a space republic, just as James 315 once sat in Arvasaras, plotting his fateful course toward Halaima. Quantum knew the direction he wanted to go, but could he afford the butcher’s bill? Indeed, it had been some time since Agent Anvil made a payment, and Goonswarm Logistics was growing impatient.

Like any chief executive officer, Quantum gave the statement a cursory glance…

When you took the sum total which Quantum already paid, exclusive of funds diverted for private luxuries (such as rorquals, mining titans, vanity nyxes, personal hauling service, or ethical skillpoint doubling) and adjusted for various sundry fees and surcharges, it was clear that Quantum owed 20 billion isk (OEIP, or equivalent in PLEX). If he did not pay immediately, late fees would continue to compound, and his War Council Director’s campaign would face a potentially irrecoverable setback. Fortunately, there was some good news. If Quantum paid now, he would qualify for rewards!

The financial statement came with a special message from MiniMed

Quantum read every word of the memo, nodding with concern at the gravity of a global pandemic. This was no laughing matter!

Aiva didn’t need to write James and beg for guidance. He knew what to do.

To be continued…