May 23

It’s important to follow the rules.

Customs enforcement agents are here to help!

We are always watching!

Safety isn’t free.

You voted for me, and I am your official leader.

I’m kinda like a big deal.

Everybody acknowledges my divine grace.

So let play EVE Online, together…

Stay in touch!

The Best Revenge, Part 95

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka SUPERFASTBULLET GOZOOM, aka Mittens Loves Kittens, aka The GewnFueherer, warned the Swarm not to push past 45% galactic dominance until ready for “the big push”.

Ensconced inside Goonswarm High Command, avia was well positioned to grasp the grand strategic situation, and plotted endlessly to destroy that whore, Elise Randolph, and her double traiting sidekick, Vily.

As always, avia was assisted by his combat secretary, Princess Aiko, and their loyal synthetic companion, Slackbot.

Together, they made an unstoppable team. Of course, from time to time, Aiko would make stupid mistakes, and avia would use these as learning opportunities to train Goonswarm’s elite fighting bumblebees.

Indeed,  you’ve been hearing it for months, and now it is CONFIRMED. Goonswarm hereby invites anyone, and everyone, to attack Pandemic Horde and take as much of their territory as possible! The rules are simple: 1) Don’t shoot Goons, and 2) Contract all loot to Aiko Danuja (or any other verified Goonswarm director).

avia’s suppercomputer implants whirred with brilliant ideas, the beginning of a successful campaign, Operation Honeypot. He also devised the now infamous Bzzbzzbzz lag / power gun n-1 vorton elemental doctrine.

With the help of Aiko, avia held ultimate power.

It was a good partnership.


As the cost of war took its toll, avia naturally considered other means of funding the Imperium. For example, the Jobworks! program allows Goon combat pilots to get a second job with the home gaurd or the lodgistics bears.

 

 

MrLeafs

    
[Cue Lights]

Aiko Danuja > 100000000
MrLeafs > I only need give it to you
MrLeafs > no one else ?
Aiko Danuja > That’s right.
Aiko Danuja > Well done.
MrLeafs > ill come for my stuff now
Aiko Danuja > ok

     [Zopiclone enters, stage right]

Aiko Danuja > He is ready to arrange pickup of the Mackinaw.
Zopiclone > Ok.

     [Aiko turns to MrLeafs, making a sad face]

Aiko Danuja > Zopi requires 50 million to release the ship.
MrLeafs > im prepared to send the 50
Zopiclone > No scam there.
MrLeafs > I’m not saying the scam is there

MrLeafs lost a Mackinaw, and bought another.

In a cruel harsh galaxy, Princess Aiko is a veritable saint.

When a miner needs help, Our Lady of Agil is there.

Somehow, MrLeafs spent more than he anticipated.

Fortunately, Aiko is always willing to negotiate in good faith, always!

100 + 50 + 25 + 25… +5…

+20!

MrLeafs was most pleased, paying a 20% tip in advance!

Aiko truly appreciates friendship.

She deserves it.

Alas, MrLeafs was a grumpy old Scrooge.

He didn’t appreciate Aiko’s help.

He began to lash out, with threatening language.

Suddenly, he began trying to extort Aiko!

They felt a connection, finishing each other’s sentences.

Was it meant to be?

MrLeafs missed his chance, wallowing in a depression of his own making.

Meanwhile, Aiko was dealing with her own grief.

Finally, MrLeafs worked up his courage, and asked the BIG question.

His Mackinaw was gone forever. Sad!

March 13

Miners don’t like being ganked.

Fortunately, they can afford it, right?

They also have excellent social skills…

… and recognize us as ‘upper level’ players…

They are happy to have experienced mentors.

We are looking forward to a bright future, together FOREVER.

Always!

LoL @ Khromius

@everyone LoL @ Khromius. It’s not every day I make isk fall from the sky, but it happens more often when salty carebears freak about ganking.

Gay Pride BOOOOOM caught Erbacher doing PvE carebear mining missions, so he did the only thing a self-respecting ganker would do. He put the hapless miner down. For some weird reason, this made Khromius cry, so he decided to declare war on me, lol! Why did Khromius become an antiganker? Yikes!

Khromius is learning the hard way. I’ve been nice and polite, but things go poorly for those who oppose me. You know, a little bird told me it’s possible to gank quantum cores. Is that true? Meanwhile, station grinding is beyond boring, not lucrative, and kind of awkward when gankers are in system. Yes, Khromius was so salty, that he literally paid CCP to make it easier for us to kill poor Erbacher again.

Behind the scenes, I’ve always supported wardeccers, and discouraged hostile actions against them. Meanwhile, my supporters inside BLACKFLAG. question their leader’s fitness to command. They don’t actually want to be antigankers, and they don’t enjoy cringing at his emotional blunders. Is Khromius really naive enough to think this war will end in a few hours? Why is he so salty about a mining Kikimora?

As Sun Tzu said, it’s best to check who you are attacking, before blindly stumbling into an always war. Khromius probably won’t believe the truth, but the good guys are laughing in Teamspeak, because he handed us piles of isk.

As the Queen of Antiganking, I let miners know my alliance is beset by space bully griefers. It didn’t take long to attract a white knight orbiter…

Khromius likely has no idea that Aiti Jen is a big supporter of Princess Aiko. Hey, just check out Proof of Concept, Part III. I’ll tell you what, it doesn’t matter how good you are at game mechanics, if someone else is way better at basic social skills. It’s called metagaming, because I win from beyond the game.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Maybe an alliance should be in order
Shekelstein Shakiel > thats correct
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Very well. I heard you guys needed help. We have a common enemy, I thought I might be of help.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

To be continued…

 

 

Riddle Me This

Believe it or not, sometimes miners make mistakes.

Riddle Voldemort was surprised by the notorious EVE learning curve.

Like most haulers, he wanted to cram his eggs into a rickety basket, and derp about in safety. Unfortunately, EVE is more complicated than that.

Princess Aiko, as always, was eager to help.

Voldemort gladly accepted her assistance.

The clock was ticking…

He just wanted to get this over with.

Ridley was in a hurry.

To be continued…

 

 

The Secret Speech

Apparently, I’m the legendary heroin who finally brought it down. Antigankers couldn’t do it, and only the Code has the power to defeat the CODE.

We aren’t getting a divorce, because I’m a space Catholic, but we’ve moved into opposite sides of the house and are dividing assets. James will retain his inactive membership, and I’ll take the future.  Of course, if you want to join New Order Logistics, you can still roleplay in the theme park. However, the rest of the alliance is hereby dissolved.

This is happening. It is done.

I tried my best to keep the alliance together, but James (in his infinite wisdom) has decided to trigger an irreparable failure cascade. I won’t even pretend to praise this judgment, and I must instead acknowledge reality. It’s time for some real talk. 

James 315 has never been to outerspace. Neither have I. It’s important (always!) to recognize the fundamental difference between the game and reality. For example, in real-life, I am a Princess and my daddy’s lawyers can destroy your whole family. However, in-game, I sometimes have to deal with common plebs. In the same way, James is a great guy in real-life, but neither perfect nor divine in a video game.

James is the Saviour of Highsec, that is true. He saved it for ME. Thanks James!

He understands the people need something he can’t provide.

I know gankbears are angry at me, but everyone else is in agreement, a course correction is necessary. James also agrees with me. He despises idle sycophants who endlessly praise him without merit. He is disgusted by AFK non-undocking carebear roleplayers. He is sorely disappointed by his most devout followers. 

The cult of personality was a powerful tool, and James used the doctrine of infallibility to ensure success. However, propaganda inevitably undermines internal decision making policies. We must end this madness.

Isolated in his bubble, James drifted away from reality. We shouldn’t cast judgment here, and no disrespect is intended, but dictatorships fail for precisely this reason. He was a strong independent man, but he spent a little too much time secluded in his dacha. I will let Nikita Khruschev explain the situation:

While ascribing great importance to the role of the leaders and organizers of the masses, Lenin stigmatized every manifestation of the cult of the individual. Stalin acted not through persuasion, explanation, and patient cooperation with people, but by imposing his concepts and demanding absolute submission to his opinion. Whoever opposed this was doomed.

We must first of all show everyone what harm this caused to the interests of our party. There is no more bitter misery than to sit in the jail of a government for which we have always fought. We have to analyze this matter carefully because it has a tremendous significance, not only from the historical but especially from the political, educational, and practical point of view…

Stalin doubtless performed great services to the party. However, he was excessively extolled. Our historical victories were attained thanks to the organizational work of the party, and to the self-sacrificing work of our great people. They are not at all the fruit of the leadership of Stalin. Can we deny this? 

Many (many) crimes were committed in the name of James, as his absent leadership allowed corrupt roleplay bureaucrats to undermine the alliance. Competent and highly esteemed gankers, such as Alt 00, were brutally persecuted. Meanwhile, antigankers (and even miners) were allowed to walk free, protected by those who would loudly praise James. This is unacceptable. Enough is enough.

With all due respect to James 315, we cannot and will not maintain a successful alliance based upon the cult adulation of an individual who no longer plays the game. We will not allow our alliance to be mismanaged, like an AFK Orca on autopilot. We like James, and we love James, but he is gone. We are a glorious democratic people’s republic,  and the shareholders have now elected me to represent you. This is neither what I wanted, nor what I expected, but I am happy to serve the people.

James, call me, you owe me $20.

Fun Police

EMERGENCY ALERT

That’s right, the fun police are here. Dock up!

***

You know, back when I dated James, he caught me hustling Krig. Ok! So things were SUPER awkward. It got even more weird, after I formed the most successful World of Warcraft griefing new player assistance guild. We broke up eventually, but stayed in touch, and James knew exactly whom he wanted to expand his glorious EVE Online empire. There was only one problem. Can I be trusted not to just seduce men, take their stuff, and act really vain and self-centered? I mean, like, yah, of course.

Calm down boys.

Ok, look, here’s what we are gonna do.

Once you invite a woman into your house…

…she’s gonna re-decorate.

 

 

Hard as f

How you doin?

BREAKING NEWS

I’m kind of a big deal.

Don’t worry, I’ve got something special for you.

That’s right.

You love it.