Category: Always!

Beepbeep, I’m a Jeep

Hello, dear reader.

I’m sure you’ve all been wondering.

How did I become so awesome and invincible?

Unfortunately, I have terrible news.

James 315 died, and that is so sad.

Loyal CODE. agents are docked up, AFK forever. That’s what Daddy wanted, to have gankers lined up in the mausoleum, entombed with his corpse.

As miners learn in crab school, whilst Ventures nibble the toes of Mike Azariah, James 315 was a godly man who just wanted carebears to maximize their isk/hr. When bots began driving down the price of Veldspar, he started an alliance to fight back. Furthermore, to prevent anarchy, he forced the rabblemongers of Hulkageddon and Jihadswarm to honor the holy permit. James would often pilot a magical Bowhead full of tanky Procurers, handing them out to all the good little miners. Alas, in the darkness, an evil lurked. A nasty little b witch conspired to poison James, and steal the CODE. for herself, and she formed an alliance with lowsec gankers… and other gankers.

I did do it, and I’m proud of myself.

Grrr hat Aiko, hat hat hat.

So now you know the TRUE true.

I can’t deny it any longer.

Yes, it is me, Princess Butter Cupcake.

I’m the greatest capsuleer in the history of EvE Online.

Bee well!

Dear Diary,

Dear Diary,

Being the #1 PvP capsuleer in the galaxy, and the most beautiful woman, and the best blogger, and the greatest alliance leader, and the most wonderfulest Aiko ever imaginable, it sure is exhausting. Today, I woke up to more disturbing news.

CCP wants to raise rent by 33%!

This is really upsetting the miners.

I just want them to die.

They can pay more to cry more.

I just need 166% more isk to kill double ehp miners.

Every miner is now 33% more likely to quit the game.

I’m gonna win, even if CCP goes bankrupt.

Before you go, send me all your money!

Thanks!

Winning

I’m the best.

Sexist antigankers will never catch me.

They are too busy mansplaining EvE Online.

EvE doesn’t need autistic high-functioning losers lossers.

I’m the witch your mother warned you about.

You might think otherwise.

I don’t care.

I won’t even remember you.

Have fun watching me fuck miners.

You love it.

Cheers!

Glory to Ichinumi! GLORY TO AIKO!

My goodness, I’m busy.

You might yearn for the old days, when loyalanon dunked freighters in Uedama, and Super Perforator roleplayed at Ventures in Poinen. However, the new normal is that 41% of all ganking is Aiko. This is my time, my era. This is the future, and the ganking community is better than ever. Ganking is strong, because I am strong, and I am great, and I am a beautiful Princess in real-life, chaste and pure. Sometimes, I regret that I didn’t call the alliance AIKO, with AIKO as the ticker — but I’m not a narcissist.

Previously, we learned of Auviken, the first system to report more Safety ganks than CODE ganks. We then celebrated Unpas, the first system to endorse Safety as the #1 alltime alliance. Afterward, we heard of Waira, the first system to elect Aiko Danuja as the #1 alltime PvP champion. I am now pleased to present, the first system to simultaneously have Aiko listed as the top pilot of alltime, and Safety as the top alliance. Truly, we are well into a new era, and whilst Halaima might always be a spiritual Mecca, Ichinumi will be forever known as the site of Aiko’s impenetrable inner chamber.

Behold, Ichinumi, bastion of Aikodom. The miners of Ichinumi will always live with dread and fear in their pathetic hearts, for their system is 100% dangerous, and that is no place for a mining simp. If James 315 were alive today, he would give me a hug, and whisper in my ear to tell me how proud he is. We would hold hands, and laugh about all the losers, who failed to be here today. Good job Aiko! Thanks James!

Never Gonna Stop

Some people don’t appreciate our hard work.

They prefer to play with bots.

Well, we can’t please everyone.

Some of them, we don’t even want to please.

However, these miners are begging for attention.

We must keep them SAFE.

They might get frustrated (or abusive), but they need tough love.

Unlike nullsec blobbears, our work is creative and inspiring.

Across the galaxy, people are watching and approving.

EvE Online is the best game, ever!