Hedvard Gets Owned

Hedvard Vetranax met his fate and destiny.

…and they said I never leave Highsec?

I know what men really want.

To Princess Aiko, Keeper of the Drones
From: Hedvard Vetranax

They want to write poems (about me).

Princess Aiko, jewel of the Chain,
I’ve chased through fire, through void, through flame.
I’ve broken pirates, kings, and fleets,
Yet found defeat where our destinies meet.

The whispers say I threw the fight,
That somehow I forgot my might.
They ask, “Why didn’t the Astero burn?
Why let the heatless modules turn?”

The answer’s simple—though hard to confess,
A deputy can falter, I guess.
When your ship appeared upon my scan,
My courage fled my careful plan.

My heat racks waited, cold and still,
Unused by choice, not lack of will.
The overheat lights never shone…
For fear I’d leave you podded… alone.

What glory lies in molten steel,
If victory ends what I might feel?
Better an honest bruise to pride
Than scorch the star where hopes reside.

Yet let no soul mistake the tale—
Your victory was no fairy tale.
Those faithful drones obeyed your hand
Like knights responding to command.

They struck with grace, returned with speed,
Each recall timed to meet the need.
No drone was wasted, left to die;
You ruled the field with watchful eye.

I watched them weave through fire and smoke,
Each perfect orbit, every stroke.
A captain’s worth is plainly shown;
By how she guides each faithful drone.

So if they ask why heat was spared,
Or why my armor wasn’t repaired,
Tell them this, and tell it true:

A deputy may hunt the stars…

But even Bulldogs lose their nerve…

When fighting someone worthy of their heart.

Until the next duel beneath Anoikis’ endless skies!

Maybe he should make this into a song?

What a good little boy.

Yes, there’s more!

…but why did he set me to red standing?

Hedvard Vetranax > girls make me nervous

You know what I really like?

Songs about me…

I’m the star!


Now, Hedvard just needs to send isk (and lots of it).

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #359

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #358

ALERTO! ALERTA! ALERTI!

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

I get a lot of email.

They also write my friends.

I’m not sure what they are going on about.

Everybody has something to say.

I really don’t know what to say.

What does it mean?

I guess that makes sense…

They just assume I understand.

I receive many interesting offers.

This can be very lucrative!

That’s right.

That’s the plan.

Isn’t that special?

Here’s a long one…

Bro, I don’t speak Polish.

Why not?

Naturally, I explained my lawful CODE.

He didn’t like the answer!

Goddess Aiko

My name is Aiko Danuja.

Everybody thinks I’m great.

Objectively, I’m the best player in the history of EvE Online.

I was voted “coolest hottest best of the best”!

I also made an elite top tier PvP alliance!

That’s right.

Just read these customer testimonials!

That’s right!

Many miners purchase multiple permits!

I think it’s kinda funny…

o7 capsuleers!

A Little Roleplay

Miners notice me.

I’m a legend in my own time.

They often have something to say.

Sometimes, they are less philosophical.

I always tell them to buy a permit.

I think they like me.

I consider them fans.

That’s right.

That’s not right.

Welcome to EvE Online!

…but wait, there’s more.

I will always be me.

Here is some wisdom.

Miners are idiots.

o7 capsuleers!

Catalina Talks Trash

TRIGGER WARNING: EvE Online

Recently, we encountered an observer.

Catalina Asanari had something to say.

We’ve heard this before!

It never gets old…

I encouraged her to calm down.

Local chat thought she was hyperbolic.

Catalina Asanari > you gonna come to null???
Catalina Asanari > id love to find you there.. lol
Cassian Vale > now you’re just getting desperate
Aiko Danuja > Why dont you just try a permit?
Catalina Asanari > the devs never put it in the game .
Admiral Jackson Wolfe > Hi Aiko Danuja
Monika Hrastin > this is like when my parents got home and started yelling at each other 🙁
Yes Mr Cheng > i wish my parents would come home

I tried to just keep it real.

However, Catalina kept doubling down on negativity.

She poured out endless salt.

I believe in quality over quantity.

Catalina believes in sheer vitriol.

What if we reversed roles?

When you think about it, I’m not so bad.

She was as bad as that other guy!

Catalina wanted me outOUTout.

Eventually, I ganked something in the adjacent system.

Catalina wasn’t happy when I came back.

Apparently, I’ve met Catalina before (but I don’t remember)…

She kept crying for a full week.

That’s kind of crazy!

Eventually, she suggested I commit suicide.

That’s right.

Happy Aiko Day

We interrupt our regularly scheduled content to bring you a post of supreme importance.

Everybody loves Aiko.

People are starting to understand.

I’m the best!

That’s right.

So today, we celebrate Aiko Day.

Everybody is feeling that Aiko spirit.

It’s a real holiday.

On the first Aiko Day, I declared war upon the Minnies.

By the second Aiko Day, I had my first nightmare!

James 315 subsequently declared this to be a state holiday.

He used this time to reflect upon the future of warfare.

As a prophet of Aiko, James foresaw the future.

This was a rather long essay…

Some people say James liked to get really high.

I certainly do!

Well, that concludes our Aiko Day festivities.

That’s right!

Miner’s Feud

TITUS8 > frankes being a major asshole

The boys were fighting again.

What happened?

Two miners, one belt…

TITUS8 > Frank vanWulfen you are so emotional

Frank vanWulfen > TITUS8 are you fear any Bumper or why are you need 2 Orcas?
TITUS8 > dont be all stupid ass again
Frank vanWulfen > what up Master of Mining?? are you only abe to Autocintroll your ships today again?

It was a regular bump-off.


Titus brought two Orcae, so Frank brought two Machariels.

What would happen next?

TITUS8 > imma just got get my ships and bump his ass

Both miners appealed to witnesses (get it?).

TITUS8 > 1 bill to gank him… lols
TITUS8 > you fear hence the skiffs
Frank vanWulfen > every Times lies
TITUS8 > 1 bill if you ganke him

Every story has two sides.

Frank vanWulfen > TITUS8 you think to kick me every time we meet in the Ass…

Frank vanWulfen > i may gonna go back to the last Things we did to you …
TITUS8 > like i dont fucking care

They were having fun in EvE Online.

TITUS8 > you pay gankers for permits, get ganked, then hate on miners
TITUS8 > your a fucking complete retard bro
Frank vanWulfen > well send the Wind and you get back the Storm
TITUS8 > place the balls on your teeth, and inhale

What a game.

TITUS8 > so stop the gay mach shit, or i will go get 5 and bump butt fuck you and your mom/dad
TITUS8 > id totally fuck his dadx and his mom
TITUS8 > hes german, he knows what its like

That’s right.

That’s right!

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