Kills of the Week

I sure do love killing miners! Here are some bears, arrested between November 8 @ 00:00 and November 14 @ 23:59.

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No surprises here. Cutchybank is a confirmed goofus, who already lost four hundred billion isk to the mighty CODE. alliance. What’s another twenty-four billion? I’m just happy to hang out with cute boys, like Jason Kusion and Dolphin Don.

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You might not know who MrDiao is, but let me assure you, he is the man. When MrDiao saw kk ly botting in her Gila, he knew exactly what to do. Zkillboard recognized his victory, awarding him twenty-eight points. Well done, friend!

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slaventii7788 Akita was tired of mining. In order to hurry up and finish the job, he decided to utilize an illegal ‘Aoede’ fit, and there was only one response. As required by law, Ulianov and Shilliam Watner put this miner out of his misery.

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Pitraven filled her ship full of the usual trash. This got me all kinds of excited, and Jake Kusion thinks there is nothing better than running a train up on Princess Aiko. I don’t mind, I kind of like it. I think my favourite Kusion is Janiqua Kusion.

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I’m not very good in an interceptor, but Eva Govli isn’t any good in a ‘combat recon ship’. We found her hiding in the Vale, and Julian Snelders put her down. Did you really think we were afraid? Good fight!

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sexicool Maricadie thought she was hot stuff, with a brain full of silicon wafers. We dunked her, and she was finished off by Aryte Vesperia and Zigam.

Pagpatay sa semana

Kills of the Previous Week

Someone said I should gank more. My bad. Here are some mga oso, eradicated between November 1 @ 00:00 and November 8 @ 15:35.

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Elena Niminen is the sister of Overmind Niminen, but she’s no ordinary goofus. I have it on good authority, that she is the alt of Fraternity’s glorious leader. Amazing. This nullbear tried to take a shortcut through Highsec, but CODE. agents were standing by, with an elite squad of Imperial stormtroopers. Great job team! Speaking for James 315, let me just say how much we value and respect our friends in Goonswarm.

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Asja Gor attempted to smuggle garbage into Highsec, with intent to distribute. Look here nullbears, Highsec is not some third-rate pawn shop! The wind came from the north and blew her away. Go away Asja, we don’t want your junk (but we are keeping it). If anybody ever asks, whether ganking is profitable, just give them a weird look.

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anavel physalis is another lazy bear, who can’t even capitalize his own name. Ever since I became the official executor of the mighty CODE. alliance, I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing personnel files, attempting to determine who is worthy. Let me tell you what, at the top of my list are such elite agents as MrDiao, Ulianov, and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM. I’m proud to be in an alliance with such fine individuals.

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ivanigh Antollare has been a busy little miner, but he didn’t want to purchase a mining permit. He’s been ganked a few times, and knows the law, but he still insists on playing the goblok. That’s just fine. We dunked him (again), and confiscated his ore. Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

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Catweasel is ugly, smells bad, and keeps clawing up the furniture. 8Fold Chelien and Ginger Anne Salt knew what to do with this foul beast.

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BONUS ART: Someone keeps losing freighters in Uedama.

It’s not easy being zuzzik, but he understands the law, and each time he dutifully pays his Princess the requisite fee of 100 million isk.

I’ll allow it.

Recently, as part of freighter loss therapy, zuzzik beceme an artist.

ਹਫ਼ਤੇ ਦੀਆਂ ਹੱਤਿਆਵਾਂ

Sargon of Amerish has made an amazing triptych, depicting the current state of Highsec and the mighty CODE. alliance. On the left, you can see a goofus antiganker, lagging behind the lovely Princess Aiko (with her trusty submachine gun). On the right, Khanid flametroopers disembark, to help miners see the light. Above them all, James 315 watches from his throne in the Heavens. He is dead, as he has officially confirmed, so that makes him a God King. Right? James flies my spaceship! Amazing!!!

Hahaha, silly antigankers, failing daily!

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Is this just propaganda? Is the New Order actually dead and gone? It’s hard to say, but let’s check out the killboard, and search for clues. Here are some ਰਿੱਛ, that were stomped on between October 25 @ 00:00 and October 31 @ 23:59.

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MrUnique Android was a bot, but he was our bot. He was blue to the Imperium, and a proud member of the Goonswarm Federation. However, he decided to betray his fellow Delvians, and left the alliance. As this coward attempted to flee the battlefield, he was caught and summarily executed. Kudos to our glorious heroes: Gallente Citizen I, Yes Mr Cheng, Chad Thundercaulk, Katrl, and uninstall 05.

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Filo Crendraven wanted to be a fleet commander, so he jumped into a command ship and set sail for somewhere. Unfortunately, he ran his ship unto the neutron blasted shores of Uedama. There, he met a better fleet commanded by Alleil Pollard, Jason Kusion, and Joseph John Thomson. Good fight!

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Sant1aga Shadi was a member of Silent Company, and went down in flames. Here’s a pro tip: Hillbilly-2000 is a great ganker!

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D33XX3R heard that CODE. doesn’t shoot ships that can shoot back. He studied Never_C0nvicted‘s double web Kentucky Vindi fit, and prepared to invade Highsec. A few seconds later, D33XX3R was D34D. The usual crowd was there to watch, but everyone was surprised by who got top damage.

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John N8fall was just a typical Highsec miner, hauling garbage around in his trashmobile. Fortunately, The Highsec Goddess (that’s me) was on duty. What is even happening these days? Is antiganking still a thing, or did they all just give up?

Maybe the antigankers are demoralized?

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Marti Tachibana went AFK in her cheap Corax, and woke up to Hell Dawn. Even though her High-grade Amulet Epsilon granted a +4 bonus to Charisma, this wasn’t enough to charm her way out of CODE. compliance.

Mharaíonn an Tseachtain

Kills of the Previous Week

Oh boy, it finally happened. I’m late, I’m late, but there’s a Vindicator! It’s gotta die. *silent scream* Ok, it’s dead. Here are some béir, annihilated between October 18 @ 00:00 and October 25 @ 02:13. Ready to pull!

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Martin Youngs is a mundane kill of the week, failing to be of interest, aside from the fact that he was an idiot with a jump freighter. Something sure is unusual about that killmail though. Is CODE. working with Goonswarm and Pandemic Horde? If so, that means that someone is a master diplomatess, and that is really bad news for Highsec miners! Great job AGBee 001, Jason Kusion, and Ninjajolic.

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Jason CHEN Cj made a strategic error when he adorned his Orca with Chinese runes. This indicates someone unwise with isk, and a New Order fleet immediately profiled Jason, as the kind of person who might use his Orca for illegal smuggling. Oh boy, did he try to run, desperately seeking to reach Planet 5. Eventually, he died at the customs office! Antigankers could have saved him, and they definitely tried, but they are also incompetent. Shout-outs to Alleil Pollard, Shouka, and Joel Kusion.

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Pink torpedo tear was just an ordinary noob destroyer in Highsec, or was she? Previously, we saw how Votre Dieu has been dealing with a bot aspirant plot to transport illegal items, via a poorly fit Sunesis. GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM and Ulianov were intrigued by this, and shot the first Sunesis they saw. No surprises here!

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BLACK SKAT777 died awhile ago, and I completely forgot, until I remembered. He was killed in Isanamo, and came back in an unfitted cargo expanded Retriever. He just sat there at the belt, not mining. Isn’t that strange? What does it mean?

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Mercurius Sobrius made four crucial mistakes. 1) He joined SICO. 2) He filled his head with garbage 3) He undocked. 4) He went AFK. He also made some other mistakes. Fortunately, Aaaarrgg was willing to show Mercurius the error of his ways. I guess the EM-706 Evasive Maneuvering implant isn’t worth the price.

***

Những vụ giết người trong tuần

Kills of the Previous Week

Here are some gấu, vaporized between October 11 @ 00:00 and October 17 @ 23:59.

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Rogue Priest was a heretic, and his Tsukurasian cult has been vandalizing the sacred rocks. Fortunately, Ernst Steinitz and the New Eden Institute of Mathematics calculated exactly how many Talosi were needed. The correct answer is nine.

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Nigel Shardani was a strange man, with a weird dream. He brought his shield boosting Loki to Bagodan, for reasons which will never make sense. One gust from the north, and his cruiser was gone. That wasn’t very strategic.

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Grom Larsson thought he was some kind of Scandinavian ‘engel der absolution’. When he fit his Paladin full of green things, he anticipated epic success. Unfortunately, PvE bears aren’t very good at PvP, and Grom had an escalation with MrDiao, Sessin Severasse, Aryte Vesperia, Catherine Catharsis, Shadow Defiance, and myself.

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Licrahe Eimae knew that green trash isn’t the best, and she decided to try some blue stuff. The result was no different, and she went down to a pair of destroyers, piloted by Ulianov and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM.

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You might assume that Alice Walkure had a head full of blingy combat implants. Actually, she was just a common miner, with a Crystal addiction.

Вбивства тижня

Kills of the Previous Week

Once a week, we like to verify the New Order is alive, by listing our glorious ‘kills of the week’. Usually, all we can manage are a couple noob Ventures, and the occasional Retriever. However, this week was different. Here are some Радянські ведмеді, arrested between October 4 @ 00:00 and October 10 @ 23:59.

Stormgnun was buzzing about in a ship that technically could shoot back, and he was also a member of the secondmost wonderful alliance to ever exist in any reality. He felt truly invincible, cramming his cheap vessel full of magical items, which would assure him victory in any engagement. Alas, the North magnets respectfully descended with the fury of three icenados, and Stormgnun learned why you shouldn’t listen to salty nullbears, who pretend the CODE. isn’t a real thing. The Mittani has my regard.

People often ask me if ganking is profitable. What do you think?

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Pomodor was celebrating the successful conclusion of his first month in EVE. He was a quick learner, proudly displaying his Consortium Vorton Projector, and decided it was time to invade Isanamo. Gallente Citizen, Our Lady Entropy, and Allie Vaille sent Pomodor straight to the biomass queue. Thanks for playing!

Apparently, EVE isn’t a pay to win game? Back to Candy Crush!

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LANVIKA TheForkbeard is a notorious pirate. When Hillbilly-2000 and Ulianov discovered LANVIKA has been stealing my ore, they gave her a close shave and hung her giblets from a yardarm. We don’t tolerate space bullies in Highsec.

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tokoroten eins is a scammer, who stole a Skiff from the Caldari Navy. The New Eden Institute of Applied Mathematics defeated him with numbers.

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brandon pablon thought he was safe, without any CODE. agents in local. Unfortunately, Hell Dawn is basically the exact same group. If anybody gets a chance, ask Amonkhira Drell whether he is willing to SRP my hauler alts. I’m gonna guess not, isn’t that right? I’m just glad you finally got your Raitaru back, friend.

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Silance McCrackin loved his Askleps, but Blade Rayl didn’t approve. Oh well.

Zabójstwa Tygodnia

Kills of the Previous Week

Here are some Highsec niedźwiedzie, eliminated between September 27 @ 00:00 EVEtime and October 3 @ 23:59 EVEtime.

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It’s common knowledge that CODE. doesn’t shoot ships that can shoot back. However, when our enemies fit their ships like James Baboli, we just never encounter any. Votre Dieu was disappointed this cargo Loki didn’t drop blingy garbage, but that’s fine. Don’t worry, there will be another goofus soon.

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Ernst Steinitz isn’t the only agent to be surprised by the poor decision-making skills of the mining caste. Recently, my good friend Gallente Citizen I spotted an illegal bot. She was left speechless by Francesca Celine’s poor programming.

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GreenEarth Aurora is playing EVE all backwards. When Don Purple showed up with a Nereus, GreenEarth learned that ganking is elite PvP.

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Fjake is a member of the Sylvnais Argeir Military. They are well funded, but if your multi billion isk warship is destroyed by three Catalysts, that’s not cool. Hillbilly-2000 didn’t even need to use all of his alts.

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James 315 was a rational man, but I’m unhinged. His Kills of the Week took place within the course of a week, but mine are timeless. Anyways, Talivaldis was just another dumb Nestor pilot, forgettable in every way. However, he has become obsessed with Princess Aiko, chasing her around and desperately seeking attention with endless messages, cringy mails, random trade offers, and invitations to get naked and hang out. He is harassing me, even stalking me, and we all know why. He kind of likes me.

As if!

Of course, he isn’t the least bit upset that I sunk his battleship.

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sangwooLee sangwooLee wanted to dispose of his trash, so he stuck it all in an ORE expanded freighter and headed to Uedama. Pranav Singh and the beautiful Highsec Goddess are always willing to help someone confront their hoarding problem.

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Victor Victor Rothwulf has a history of losing blingy pods, but I guess you never know when you’ll need a 6% boost to large hybrid turrets on an Orca. Zopiclone suggested to Victor that this might be a good time to try being sensible.

Nineteen hours later, when Victor finally checked on his bot, he was ashamed.

Doden van de Week.

Kills of the Week Before

Here are some Highsec draagt, extirpated between September 20 @ 00:00 EVEtime and September 27 @ 05:51 EVEtime.

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I’m not really sure what is going on down in Bagodan, but apparently they are having a winter storm. Adam Feng missed the severe weather advisory, and jumped directly into a cluster of ice tornadoes. If you don’t know who killed Adam, then you probably haven’t been paying attention, have you? Here’s a pro tip: if you want your ship to have more hitpoints, then maybe consider welding some steel plates to the hull.

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When Ulianov and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM were informed that shareholders approved a funding grant from the Official Holy New Order Treasury, they knew it was important to ensure the money was wisely invested. Instead of some convoluted carebear production plan, they ignored the market altogether, and just went straight for the K0enig. A 3000% return on investment is nothing to be ashamed of.

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Gobloks like to write in the forums, chiding Princess Aiko, because she is afraid to PvP. I confess. I’m a little embarrassed, because it’s absolutely true, I’m so frightened by ships that shoot back. Eep! Hey, I never claimed to be the best ganker in the galaxy, I’m just the cutest! Recently, Gallente Citizen I and First Gallente Citizen showed me how to kill Caberwolfe’s cargo Loki. What was I scared of?

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The new leader of Goonswarm, Emperor Avia Naali, aka Destroyer of Worlds, asked me to shut down Pandemic Horde’s Highsec mining programme. We were having some difficulty catching all those little Ventures, but eventually we discovered how they move the ore. I contacted my friends, Don Purple and MrDiao — we got the job done. Miners ask where we get our ships from, well… now you know!

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I don’t really use implants, because I’d be ashamed for James to discover that he married a mindless bot, so I’m not really sure what all these chips do. Did you know there is something called a Nirvana Omega? I guess it makes you feel really good, but Lenya Nazgul recently discovered that there are some serious side effects, when she was disconnected from the main server. Symptoms of withdrawal include reduced self-esteem, depression, irritation, and myocardial infarction. Fortunately, Moustached Slimy Worm and Unluckyy were there to help Lenya calm down. I’m sure she will recover.

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BONUS: Market Tycoon is the New Order’s leading expert on EVE Online’s farming experience. What are the most effective means to maximize your income, without risking isk or having to do anything at all? Market recommends that crabs head to the Abyss, because CCP encourages mindless gameplay.

Egbu nke Izu

Kills of the Week Before

Here are some bea, annihilated between September 13 @ 00:00 EVEtime and September 19 @ 23:59 EVEtime. Everyone enjoyed whoring on free killmails during CCP’s Yulai event, which took place in excruciating slow motion, but real PvB involves shooting bots before CCP finally gets around to doing something.

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Seam Daigon was hoping to make it to next week, but got caught by Votre Dieu, shortly before intergalactic midnight. No matter what timezone Seam is currintly AFK in, this was an obvious Kill of the Week. Yikes!

Seam took his case to Miner’s Court…

…but the cargo manifest was proof of intent to distribute.

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Lokoboto looks like a goofus, because he is. I was able to uninstall his gas huffing Megathron with a little help from Zoe Nyx, Shadow Cyrilus, MrDiao, Yes Mr Cheng, Independence Day, Encrypted Transmission, and Gallente Ambrye.

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Tanarisa Star wanderer actually dies next week, but she’s already tackled and going down very slowly. Squidhunting Manwhore did the math, and Tanarisa’s death is imminent, with termination in exactly 24 minutes. For some reason, she agreed to duel a Catalyst, and all she has to defend herself are five Harvester drones. Good fight!

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Fez Hideo reinforced her bulkheads, blinged her shields, and prepared for elite PvP in an 0.7. Her pirate ship was promptly vaporized by Ulianov and mat Otsito.

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St0n3 lost his Kronos weeks ago, and it’s now a Kill of the Week, because I say so. While looking through old logs, I suddenly remembered this orbiter who tried to defend his Retrievers with a Marauder. When asked why, he explained that it was all a ploy to get my attention. Indeed, I showed up with my girlfriends: Alleil Pollard, Keraina Talie-Kuo, AgBee 001, Shadow Pearl, and Zopiclone.

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Sirtech Silicore lost his spaceship way back in 2017, and it finally became a Kill of the Week in 2020, after Sirtech’s alt repeatedly returned to the Why Was I Ganked? channel. Tax Collector HongMei probably doesn’t even remember this incident, but Sirtech certainly does, and he has successfully campaigned for recognition of his loss. Congratulations on your impressive second place finish!

I asked Felicia/Sirtech if she had anything she wanted to tell James 315.

Mission complete.

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rhe natu was relaxing while mining in her command ship, when suddenly she was ejected into the harsh vacuum of outer space. Before she could click a button, her pod was vaporized by Buttercup Potemkin (who is definitely not in a terrorist cult). Replacing your brain with bot chips may seem like a good idea, but it’s illegal.

Drep Vikunnar

Kills of the Week Before

Here are some bera that got obliterated between September 6 @ 00:00 EVEtime and August 12 @ 23:59 EVEtime. Haha, just kidding, time doesn’t go backwards.

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Dart Zannah had a Nightmare, and woke up shivering. It turns out the Nordwind is approaching Hek, and it’s awful cold in space.

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Alex Jefferson was glad Hulkageddon is over, warping to the belt with all haste, but unfortunately he didn’t have room in his cargo for a mining permit. The Tactical Narcotics Team is proud to enforce CODE. compliance.

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Isogren Faith Ronuken loved her little salvage retriever. Alas, false faith led her astray, and she encountered a purple ball of TNT.

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Shadow Uzumaki Jr wanted to try everything EVE has to offer. Whadda Badasaz and Lavish DeGankar suggested Shadow stop mining and try dunking battleships.

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Ares PK was into Death by dying, and got his wish. PogChampion, Bob Welder, big brutor two, and Loota’Plex are good boys.

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When Akasha Thorne isn’t giving me three fortizars, she is forcing everyone in her alliance to embrace total CODE. compliance. It’s the law!

Taylor accepted judgment with grace and dignity, unlike so many carebears.

When Princess Aiko demands feudal subservience, she doesn’t just want you to turn over all assets (including three fortizars). She also expects the vassal levy.

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BONUS: The New Eden Police Force has declared CODE. to be the “most wanted” group in the galaxy. It’s true. A lot of people truly love us, and I’m sure you will enjoy the Anti-Ganking Security Guide.

I offered to edit their website, but they couldn’t afford to pay me. Remember, if you need help with grammar and spelling, contact a CODE. agent today!

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DOUBLE BONUS: Zane Arnolles encourages everyone to watch this informative video, which (now that James is dead) appears more relevant than ever. It’s a decent introduction, although it fails to discuss how our Princess managed to seduce the Byzantine emperor and thereby turned him into a loyal simp.