Perfect -10

Dunk Dinkle ranked his favourite EvE players.

I’m a perfect -10.

Miners are always excited to see me.

They often have questions.

I love to help!

Anthony has been a good little miner!

His alts all have mining permits.

What a happy bear!

What could possibly be wrong?

Oh, right, he still needs a fleeting permit.

Anthony just had one more question.

It would only cost 100 175 million isk to get an answer.

I’m sure he’s paid all the fees — right?

Like omg, I’m like such a cutie!

MARRY JUNETEENTH

Large Quafe Zero recently lost a Vedmak.

I’m a busy with real Juneteenth festivities, but I want to address his concerns. Look, if you fly a ship into lowsec, you should expect PvP. Furthermore, if you are streaming your location, you should definitely expect PvP! You may not like it, but nobody cares, so adapt or die. Your choice! Seriously, this is all we do, everyday. This is our lifestyle. If you feed us, we will feed off you. We do it like a record on repeat, and we are not going to stop. If you are the kind of person who plays Monopoly, and you just want to circle the board endlessly, then I’ve got some bad news for you. Rent is not optional!

Pro tip: Streaming is optional.

Super Toxic B

People are starting to notice.

I’m minerjamming.

It’s pretty great.

I’m like a sexy James 315, in Tama!

Same blue background, with a super cute face!

Xaxaxa)

Did you know I multibox multiple alpha accounts?

Oh ho ho.

This is the best.

Ain’t never gonna stop!

Miner Durishaka couldn’t get enough.

He didn’t know what to think.

EDITOR’S NOTE: What’s the point of streaming if you remove your clips?

Transcript, “Aiko is a super toxic b… with an army of simps!”

So he checked me out on Google.

Transcript, “Googling Princess Aiko, and the first result is sex with James 315…”

EDITOR’S NOTE: What’s the point of streaming if you remove your clips?

What a goofus!

That’s right!

That’s right!

Fan Fest, Part 2

Previously, in Iceland, CCP faced tough questions.

One thing became clear, it is time for an Aiko statue.

This is an undeniable reality.

It’s what the galaxy needs.

Meanwhile, CCP Rattati defined “new player”.

Carebears believe in a regional skill gradient (from Highsec to nullsec). However, as Rattati stated, “You are not a new player, [just because you are] in Highsec.” According to CCP, players cease to be ‘new’ when they reach 30 days, or leave the New Player Experience. Highsec is not the tutorial, and it is not “griefing” to engage Naval Academy graduates.

Rattati noted that CCP wasted “considerable time and resources” investigating carebear allegations. While griefers do disrupt the tutorial, gankers don’t. CCP determined that gankers and griefers are two separate groups, and ganking is explicitly allowed. Isanamo is not a mining tutorial, nor is Uedama a hauling tutorial. These are elite PvP zones, and Rattati emphasized that ganking is “fair” gameplay.

COOL FACT: When we changed our alliance name, we ensured that autist crybots would get confused. If you still think James 315 is griefing miners, then you obviously aren’t paying attention. Fortunately, CCP is not siding with antigankers, and Rattati concluded (to thunderous applause), “Gankers, you’re SAFE.”

If antigankers care about noobs, why are they defending nullsec alts?

Glory to Ichinumi! GLORY TO AIKO!

My goodness, I’m busy.

You might yearn for the old days, when loyalanon dunked freighters in Uedama, and Super Perforator roleplayed at Ventures in Poinen. However, the new normal is that 41% of all ganking is Aiko. This is my time, my era. This is the future, and the ganking community is better than ever. Ganking is strong, because I am strong, and I am great, and I am a beautiful Princess in real-life, chaste and pure. Sometimes, I regret that I didn’t call the alliance AIKO, with AIKO as the ticker — but I’m not a narcissist.

Previously, we learned of Auviken, the first system to report more Safety ganks than CODE ganks. We then celebrated Unpas, the first system to endorse Safety as the #1 alltime alliance. Afterward, we heard of Waira, the first system to elect Aiko Danuja as the #1 alltime PvP champion. I am now pleased to present, the first system to simultaneously have Aiko listed as the top pilot of alltime, and Safety as the top alliance. Truly, we are well into a new era, and whilst Halaima might always be a spiritual Mecca, Ichinumi will be forever known as the site of Aiko’s impenetrable inner chamber.

Behold, Ichinumi, bastion of Aikodom. The miners of Ichinumi will always live with dread and fear in their pathetic hearts, for their system is 100% dangerous, and that is no place for a mining simp. If James 315 were alive today, he would give me a hug, and whisper in my ear to tell me how proud he is. We would hold hands, and laugh about all the losers, who failed to be here today. Good job Aiko! Thanks James!

GalacticoGalicticon

GalactusGalactuss was the only son of an illiterate lumberback.

When I sent him a violation notice, I had no idea he is a disgusting manpig.

I decided he needs a little attention.

Elite vounty hunter Adrian Vexler volunteered, vowing to venerate me with vengeance.

Galacticus Galactus Galactuss watched with concern, as his isk evaporated.

Clearly, something had gone horribly awry.

As he fitted a new corvette, Galactor finally understood the true meaning of Safety.

It had been a costly lesson in space law.

Galactron decided to turn that killboard upside down.

Galactinator understands now…

…all miners must die.

That’s the spirit!