Category: Witchcraft

Miner Obsession, Part 2

Dark Disco

Miner Obsession, Part 1

Hey there.

I’m a subject matter expert (SME).

Welcome to Part II of my FanFest Presentation.

Miners have been stalking gankers for years.

Sometimes, they just want to say hi.

Believe it or not, there are women in the galaxy.

I’m doing great, btw.

You just can’t win Incels Online.

Some people can’t decide if I’m a guy or a girl.

Bro…

In game or out of game.

Ain’t no man getting attention like this.

If I ‘win’ EvE, at least you’ll know why.

Regardless, boys only want one thing from me.

Whatever I am, they love it.

Honestly, some of them are just plain crazy.

He wants me to commit suicide, in real life.

Blocking him doesn’t work.

I’ve blocked him at least 100 times.

Ain’t I a woman?

(yes he drew that)

Here’s the same guy, a month later.

Same guy, twenty minutes later.

Three minutes later.

Another month later.

See what I mean?

Oh look, another antiganker.

These plebs are obsessed with me, in real life.

I deserve it – right?

Oh boy, it never stops.

The diagnosis is clear.

I’m gonna blog.

Some of this is funny.

Most of it is cringe.

Some of it is mental.

All of it is batshit crazy.

Oh man, I really missed out.

What???

Uh…

Anyways…

No!

To be continued…

Miner Obsession

=Trigger Warning: EvE Online=

Miners have a lot to say.

Previously, on my best EvE Online blog.

Miners think about me a lot.

It’s a competition, to see who obsesses the most.

Yep, I’m lookin great.

[ 2024.08.25 22:15:53 ] Kathus > onlyganks.com

I don’t mind a little flattery.

However, antigankers go too far.

They take it from awkward to creepy.

It gets a little weird.

I’m not looking for a boyfriend in EvE Online.

Sorry to disappoint.

Uh…

Wtf is a sparrow?

I’m not a tsundere! Hmph.

I actually haven’t read all these mails.

See, that’s where it gets crazy…

Bro…

We aren’t going to Iceland together.

Steven, my guy… you mail me all the time.

To be continued…

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #247

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #246

Oh, hey there.

I guess it’s mailtime.

Some miners are not upset.

They are quite calm.

Some miners roleplay as notaminers.

No mining in Delve!

That’s right.

This Orca had plenty of ‘no’ warning…

It was all a setup! The miner exposed CCP’s evil ways.

I’m the most upvoted person in EvE forum history.

Unlike some people, I actually play EvE Online.

I get way too much email (unlike James, I don’t have a cute secretary).

It is funny tho.

A mining sniper, and not even his first time…

Bro has been doing that longer than I’ve played.

Send me one billion isk, buy 5 get one free.

Boy, I got so much game up in here.

Wow, just wow.

I can’t wait to hear more.

That’s right.

I won’t tolerate griefing in my alliance.

Sure thing, little buddy.

Ah, but I’m also cute.

That’s my isk/hr.

Hey, I’m having fun)

<3

Welcome to Highsec.

We can play EvE Online together.

Let’s send those miners to otherwhere!

That’s right, go on, git.

I’m a real Space Ganger now.

Tunnel snakes don’t scare us.

I run five successful alliances.

We are all one team…

…spoonfeeding content to the regular workingpleb.

They love it.

Cheerzah brav.

Nobody likes a loley miner.

Loleylol!

Gotta catch em all, and then do it again.

Astero Wannabe

In EvE Online, carebears are creepbears.

Everything has a price.

There’s only way to respond.

I sent IceyCreeper619 straight to Zboard.

Then I sent a bill, for a bill.

What a neat trick.

Get ganked, miner.

That’s right.

Every miner has a dream.

It’s always nonsense.

Don’t forget to buy your mining permits.

Hellform Down

Listening to: Miner Down

Some alliances are trash.

Some are not.

My alliance has a flagblog, with fun stories about Tee Ka’s alts.

We provide a real service for the community.

We are doing great!

Miners are so stupid, and they don’t even know it.

Fumbled? No loot? What?

No kidding.

Some carebears hide behind a good sport veneer.

I see right through that.

What would make my alliance better?

GarRrrAR Gr00)00)((()()()()N

What a game.

Krig’s Korner, Episode 18

Krig’s Korner, Episode 17

This is the private log of Captain Krig Povelli.

Recently, I came within 1,588m of a compressor.

Fleet chat was invigorating.

Suddenly, spaceships.

Plot Twist: I’m Krig Povelli.

I beat my own fleet at their own game.

There was no way to heal.

The ganker guy left no space.

This is what defeat looks like.

CONCORD just watched.

That fleet sucked.

Set up, hacked, and dunked.

Every fleet has winners and losers.

Aside from yours truly, this fleet was full of losers.

They decided to downgrade.

They also vowed revenge.

Will pirate kings save the miners?

Doubt.

I can’t wait for our next fleet!

Drinkin Drank

Listening to: MEGASAFE

It happened last night.

Oof.

Then it happened again.

That’s truly amazing.

He’s too poor for simping.

He’s just a Highsec miner.

What a pleb.

Miners are to be euthanized, and not heard.

=BONUS CONTENT=

Hananeri Muvila released his AI generated album, with such hits as Safety, Mining, and Aiko Wormtongued My Orca.

Wipe Out

Miners make a lot of threats.

Naturally, we evict riffraff.

Sometimes, they are crazier than normal.

Yep, it’s a Jesus miner.

The power of Christ compels!

They’ll never calm down.

That’s right.

Cheerzah!

=BONUS CONTENT=

Let’s see what Catalina had to say.

Ah, it’s a make-a-deal miner.

Sounds legit.

This was one tough negotiator.

Wow, this miner has connections.

Miner’s rebellion when?

Mmhm, sure.

Anyways, I got killrights.

I had to get out of there!

…then I came back (with more killrights).

Fun times!

Empty

What happened?

Nobody likes a miner.

We kill miners )))

“Bitch, you are jerking people off killing them. I feel sad that your older brother rapes you. Your attempt to self validate on the internet will not help. You need a real psychologist. You are sick. I pity you”

I pity the miner.

Why does the miner spew?

Let’s find out!

Get drained.

Let’s read that again…

That’s right.

That’s right!

Welcome to EvE Online.

There’s a learning curve.

That’s right.

Service guaranteed.

Agents are standing by.

I love this game.

That’s right…