Golem Resurrected

Ann Mari found Safety… and the CODE.

Inpendius > James 315 can eat my filthy ass.
Ann Mari > This is a game
Inpendius > saviour my cock
Ann Mari > I mean this is mafia irl.
Inpendius > your code is meant to benefit the few at the expense of the weak masses. repugnant at best.
Ann Mari > Pay to win

Like many miners, she refused to buy a mining permit.

This would cost her.

Sargon Of Amerish > Ann Mari sounds like you could use a warm glass of milk.
Whadda Badasaz > She’s crying and attention seeking.
Sargon Of Amerish > poor thing
Ann Mari > I have brandy and ccoke lol.

Indeed, she began to annoy me.

Ann Mari > Can we at least agree that my boobs are better than Aiko Danuja ‘s?
Cute Gank > No
Sargon Of Amerish > yours are fake
Donatien Alphonse Francois > Aiko is a princess
Whadda Badasaz > Aiko is a feminist
Zynot Idama > im not objectifing Aiko Danuja
Ann Mari > I am a dirty miner
Zynot Idama > Ann Mari did you have to pay plex for your implants?

Fortunately, the Dolphins came to my rescue.

However, Ann wouldn’t shut up.

Ann Mari > I’m not buying into your lil mafia sccheme forget it, and fucck off
Ann Mari > Work, you lazy scum XDDDD
Ann Mari > This isn’tt socialism 101
Ann Mari > Check my boobs
Ann Mari > Have I said that reccently?
Ann Mari > I don;’t mine…. I rlly rlly don’t

I kicked her from Why Was I Ganked?, and she invited me to but hurt much.

Aiko Danuja > Look at you, all dressed up like a strumpet
Ann Mari > Aiko Danuja 2018.06.14
Ann Mari > I have been around for nearly 20 years
Aiko Danuja > Imagine how badly you have failed at EVE, that here you are, being talked down to by a 2018 player.
Ann Mari > nothing will ccome of this….

It was time to give her a lesson in Highsec 101.

Aiko Danuja > You aren’t even a wallet warrior, you are just a wallet miner.
Ann Mari > Need a new brandy and coke…. brb

She thought she was winning.

So she decided to embarrass me with an impromptu erotic fan-fic contest.

I’m a published professional writer, available for hire.

Ann Mari > So tell me more about the girl and the men that surround her? Where di you guys meet etc?
Whadda Badasaz > I met her at Fan Fest
Donatien Alphonse Francois > We met in Princess Aiko’s castle in Lichtenstein.
Whadda Badasaz > her dad is some bigwig in goonswarm
Ann Mari > For a good story, I’ll pay
MarshallTeagan > ok send 30 mil
Ann Mari > ok go

Marshall was the first winner, and Ann paid.

The alcohol was in charge.

Ann Mari > I want to get right to the dirty stuff that all you guys wanna do to this princess of yours…. Get it good
Whadda Badasaz > I’d like to hold her hand.
Ann Mari > hold hands? just kill yourself if that’s all you want to do with a blah blah blah priness…. voice like a … I forget… goddess? Jesus…. I’d expecct anal to be like the first stop

Dolphin Don was the next winner.

Donatien Alphonse Francois > Aiko moaned lustfully as the arachnid filled her up. It wasted no time in pounding its large member against her cervix. It hurt, but it was a pain filled with pleasure, and her body tensed as an orgasm hit her hard. The spider’s venom was some mix of hormones…

It was a terrible story, with a surprise ending involving a tentacle monster.

However, Ann liked it. She wanted more.

Ann Mari > Come on guys gimme real shhit. Tell everyone it’s fake…. Tell the real story, get paid, have deniability…..
Whadda Badasaz > i have a fake story about aiko
Whadda Badasaz > when i saw her at fanfest she was jumping up and down in her miniskirt, grinding against the mittani
Whadda Badasaz > I asked her to dance with me but i dont think she heard me or maybe she was ignoring me im not sure
Whadda Badasaz > his hands went around behind her and he pulled up her skirt and i could see she wasnt wearing anything underneath
Whadda Badasaz > later she got really drunk and i think they were snorting lines
Whadda Badasaz > i watched her giving a blowjob to james 315, and it was really hot, then i felt dizzy just thinking about it
Whadda Badasaz > I LIKE HER FEET
Ann Mari > fucck

Now this is the kind of stuff you won’t get from a MinerBumping post…

Ann felt sorry for poor Whadda.

She read the story, again and again, and each time Whadda received another royalty check.

Ann was so delighted to hear the truth about Aiko, she decided to reward everyone.

Whadda won the grand prize.

I looked at zkillboard and found a recently deceased Golem.

Some people say I’m a witch, and those people are right.

I put a spell on Ann, and brought that dead Golem back to life.

Ann celebrated her victory, having paid my alts to betray my darkest secrets.

The only thing left to do, was lose a freighter to some random pod that Aaaarrgg shot.

Zynot Idama > and nice boobs Ann Mari
Ann Mari > Thanks!!!!
Zynot Idama > np

Women love flattery.

Now that’s how you score!

When you hang out with me, ships just fall from the sky!

That’s how I roll!

Victory!

Getting It Done

Hey there friends!

As one of the greatest gankers in the history of New Eden, I am far too busy to write a blog, but I make time for you, dear reader.

Today, I will examine the process by which an illegal miner becomes a lawful citizen of our glorious Democratic People’s Republic of New Halaima.

First contact is an important stage in diplomatic relations.

Afterward, we iron out the basic terms of our treaty.

Just follow the step-by-step instructions.

Make sure to read the fine print.

It’s all there in your paperwork.

No miner is left behind!

That’s how we get it done!

Always!

It makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Let’s just say that I’m doing very well.

calm down

EVE is a roleplaying game.

I’m not in Conoban anymore.

Unfortunately, someone vanished.

He either quit, or he was permabanned, or he died, or he vanished, or he was arrested, or maybe he’s still there, always watching.

Some say he climbed aboard a giant balloon and sailed to Hek.

So I made my own alliance.

Safety. is like CODE. but with more Aiko.

I’m a Princess of Khanid.

I’m not roleplaying.

You owe me money, in real-life.

I am extorting you, in real-life.

James 315 was a nice guy, but I’m not.

I’m an evil witch.

I love my flying monkeys.

They love me.

Do you play Stellaris?

I am the Crisis.

 

Wind in the head

Valentin lost a Retriever.

Aiko beat him down.

He had a vision of her, in white slippers.


He had to admit, she looks great.

Grarrr America hathathat.

Efil WITCH greefer bully complete shit katoraya!

You are not who without Russia, and you can’t call you what.

Here’s a funny joke.

Miners are weak.

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 5

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aikotopia… Kiara lost two ships, and needed help. So when Karma offered to summon Princess Aiko, a known whore, Kiara gladly paid.

Kiara Wildmann > what i do for a refound of my retriever ?
Akasha Thorne > send me 220 million ISK

While awaiting the arrival of Her Royal Highness (HRH), Kiara whispered to one of the ladies in waiting, hoping for some advice.

Kiara Wildmann > thats the taxes how i can trust you while i got fucked 3 times todays?
Kiara Wildmann > i´m not unwilling
Akasha Thorne > I’m glad to hear that ^-^
Kiara Wildmann > glad that i got tricked’?
Akasha Thorne > that you’re not unwilling
Kiara Wildmann > how i can trust you i guess you understand that why i´m asking that to prove your trustworthy
Akasha Thorne > I can issue you a permit

Akasha explained that mining permits were required by the Constitution of New Halaima, and suggested that Kiara buy one.

Kiara Wildmann > hears what i can offer if i get my retriever fitted back as a refound i pay the price but idc about the permit i just want my lovely silent peace so long i got my marshal+fitting than i fly back in my home region wide wide away from jita
Akasha Thorne > you will never know peace

Kiara wanted to pay her way through Highsec, taking her Marshal far from Halaima. However, without a permit, she would always be in violation.

Kiara Wildmann > i pay the price but want my peace a long that i buy and fit my ship that i wanted why now aggressive ?
Akasha Thorne > you can pay and have a permit
Kiara Wildmann > thats means?
Akasha Thorne > you will receive a permit
Kiara Wildmann > ok
Akasha Thorne > we will help you

Instead of using some mystical Jedi mindtricks, Akasha merely calmly explained to Kiara what she could do, and what she was going to do.

Kiara Wildmann > what about the retriever?
Akasha Thorne > your retriever has been impounded
Kiara Wildmann > how i get my retriever
Akasha Thorne > we have reclamation agents
Kiara Wildmann > i really hope you dont trick me

Ah, but when could Kiara resume mining?

To be continued…

Scary

Miners want to fight back.

They invent complicated schemes.

They invite their friends and family to help.

Someday, they are gonna get us…

Just you wait!

They even have kill rights.

Someday.Somehow.

They are gonna do something.

Good luck miners!

 

The Lawsuit

The tale of Lazar us is being ‘censored’.

Today, I received formal notification of a pending lawsuit.

I used magical spells, forcing Lazar to break his mother’s favourite glass.

I’m a real-life witch!

I’ve done a terrible thing.

So I met with Lazar’s space attorney.

At first, we did not reach an agreement.

Is it morally wrong to PvP in a PvP video game?

Justice in Gaming is sexist.

However, he eventually declared me the winner.

We agreed that Lazar owes one billion isk.

We also agreed that he is utterly incompetent.

I demand unconditional surrender.

Unfortunately, the space attorney went too far.

He committed a serious criminal offense.

I have no legal recourse left.

We must continue to fight against these space bully griefers.

They want to exterminate us.

They will never stop.

We must exterminate them.

Just calm down

Miners often struggle to remain calm.

Don’t go out and mine, if you can’t afford the fine.

We are here to help.

ANT77 was having a particularly rough time.

Even CONCORD was ganking him!

Fortunately, he made a new friend.

A lot of miners are finding their home in Princess Aiko Hold My Hand.

It’s a safe place to mine.

We are even endorsed by EVE University.

Miners don’t always understand what is happening.

However, they are happy to belong.

Everybody loves to be part of a winning team.

Kelroth, Part 6

Kelroth, Part 1

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Kelroth bought a C7 wormhole, with all the keepstars, and a lifetime VIP mining permit. However, when evil traders infiltrated DarkStar Industries, Kelroth knew he had a CODE. spy on the inside. It didn’t take long for his new friends to identify the secret agent. It was none other than Kelroth’s own security chief, the Bible thumping flat Earther Brutus.

Brutus was upset, especially when accused of being a CODE. agent.

After some reflection, he liked the sound of this.

So he went to the Minerbumping channel…

…where Princess Aiko had finally defeated Lewak.

To his surprise, nobody believed him!

Although Aiko was back, other agents were unprepared for elite content. 

Brutus wondered how a true agent could fail to BONUS a miner.

Alas, Ernst and Guybertini let the opportunity pass.

Fortunately, someone invited Brutus to a better channel: Why Was I Ganked?

Always willing to help, Aiko took a break from her routine duties.

Despite connectivity issues, she knew Brutus deserved special attention.


As Brutus transferred his stuff, they had a vibrant discussion.

The Lord himself listened intently, blessing Aiko with eternal grace.

There was even a BONUS round!

In this way, did Brutus garner his most Divine revenge, transferring thusly unto fair Aiko.

Afterward, Brutus found a new calling in EVE.

He became a campus preacher.

To be continued…

Gosh

Welcome back, to the Princess Diaries.

I know you love it. It feels so naughty, but you just can’t help yourself…

It’s hard being me. I have to be the best ganker, the best blogger, and I’ve still gotta find time to drink cranberry vodka at Club Monaco. As a woman, I have to work three times as hard, and CCP Fleebix won’t even dance with me!

Some days I wake up, and I just don’t want to blog, because I need to step on tiny little kittens Ventures in Isanamo. As my soft foot gently crushes their cute little shell, I naturally want to share their mewling with my fans. However, when I’m hungover, I let special guest alpha males tell their own stories. For example…

Krig Povelli recently joined a public mining fleet with Javar Chegal. Naturally, he offered assistance as fleet organizer, and renamed the various squads. His daily mission accomplished, Krig went on to eat a live Rattlesnake.

In most games, you can volunteer to help newbros. However, in EVE Online, you can turn this into a real profession, and get paid for it!

With a little persuasion, Krig convinced Elliot to calm down.

Look for the helpers.

Elliot was too poor to accept Krig’s gracious offer.

Krig has trained law enforcement to level V.

Meanwhile, Elliot is training to be a space warlock.

He decided to cast a curse of regret upon Krig.

This is what makes me want to blog, and log in.