The Miners of Misneden

One rainy day, Alt 00 discovered a miner’s nest.

Oddly enough, these miners felt invincible.

Inspired by the Saviourette, Alt began exterminating them.

However, the miners were suspicious.

Emille Droffer wanted answers.

He considered placing a bounty, but who can kill a ganker?

Could Alt kill Alt?

Emille begged Alt to die.

Would Alt accept the challenge?

Of course.

However, Emille refused to pay.

It was a scam!

To be continued…

Battle of Torrinos, Postscript

Previously, we studied the battle of Torrinos, learning how Grand Admiralette Aiko defeated the evil Vast Empire.

We also learned more about the mental muddle, surrounding antiganking loser Everess 88. Princess Aiko wonders, in the third person, whether she goes too far in describing Highsec more ons as autistic reetards. Is this fair? Fortunately, Everess 88 decided to briefly unblock Aiko and fire off a quick clarification, before reblocking our glorious dear leaderess. Presented here, now, for the first time… Everess 88 on Everess 88.

Clarifying his mental afflictions, Everess included a creeper link to a Youtube song. Wow! After some reflection, Her Royal Majesty has linked another Youtube song for Everess to find, when he obsessively reads every word.

This is a friendly reminder to take your meds, always!

The Battle of Torrinos

When I’m not blogging, I sometimes undock.

I recently discovered a vast empire.

In distant Torrinos, the miners are always AFK.

However, they remember my previous visits.

I often cower in a nearby station.

So they sent their best man, HogTits, to camp me down.

He taunted me.

He brought an entire hit squad.

I was in serious trouble.

The miners knew who I was, and they weren’t scared.

I was trapped, and couldn’t escape.

The miners were mocking me.

They even summoned the antiganking main of antiganking loser Everess 88.

That’s the retard goofus who thinks the actual IRL year is 1984. Like wtf.

This was getting serious.

It all happened so fast.

Fortunately, Krig Povelli taught me a magic trick.

Australian Jesus came to my rescue, straight out of Halaima.

Everybody was amazed.

They never anticipated my counterattack.

It was clear who won the battle of Torrinos.

The wouldbe antigankers began to reconsider their choices.

Everess 88’s antiganking main was losing their respect.

The battle was over, and birds began to chirp.

Everybody reflected on the experience.

One thing was crystal clear.

I have a Highsec PvP alt.

So Dumb

If you never played EvE Online, you might be confused.

Antigankers are stupid, in real-life. Actual more ons.

These are the most disgusting, bigoted, toxic people in the game.

They are absolutely mental.

Deep down, they know the truth.

Antigankers are bad at the game.

They are absolute trash.

I’m the best, and they are desperate for attention.

I’m better at EvE, and chess!

I beat Hazen Koraka, at both games, simultaneously.

What a guild of permafailures!

 

1000!

Hello there, friendo.

When James 315 logged into World of Warcraft, I knew something was up. Why would he summon me, an Elven-Italian princess, to rule over his feudal space empire? Well, I don’t know why, but it has something to do with me. I’m the best.

Writing a daily space blog was never my plan in life, this is what James wanted for me, but he died. So what? I do my best to keep his memory alive, but honestly I’m kind of busy being the absolute #1 alltime PvP champion. You know, it’s like being an Olympic gold medalist. I’ve gotta stay focused on my dreams.

I’ve been chatting with Brisc Rubal, and I don’t think he gets it, but that’s ok. I’ve said some mean words, over the years, but I’ll say this – nobody else on the CSM (or at CCP) makes as much effort to discuss the game. I can’t expect a nullsec blobberbear to understand elite Highsec ganking, so I don’t hold that against him. Anyways, I just want to explain something, in the hopes that someone (perhaps you?) might understand.

EvE Online has a market economy. Supply and demand regulate the market. If supply drops, then prices increase. Therefore, CCP has no reason to protect carebears from PvP. It should be dangerous to mine, crab, rat, or haul. This will increase rewards for those who engage in active gameplay, and that will improve the game. Risk = Reward.

I’ve played Minecraft, and I dug down to bedrock, with tunnels to nowhere. Diamonds were worthless, cuz it was too easy. I quit, because zombies are not a threat, and the game is boring. I want a challenging PvP battle royale. Unfortunately, in EvE Online, it’s way too lame. Even the wormholers are asleep. I want us scrambling to survive. We won’t even need Titans, because frigates are fun.

CCP tried to implement Blackout and Scarcity, but they failed to stand up to the carebear whinelords. We need to let those people uninstall. Goodbye to losers and lossers! I believe there is a niche market for PvP, and every uninstalling reetard will be replaced by someone who gets it. All miners must die.

This special essay was composed by cranberry vodka, and I know you are wondering… Aiko, what is the occasion? Well, there is an ancient curse. If a ganker loses 1000 destroyers, before they enter the ranks of the top thousand players, then they will magically be transformed into a salty bitterbear. Fortunately, I’m a success!

I was so scared, my entire legacy hung in the balance, and antiganker Everess 88 had an alt parked on the gate…

Boom goes the dynamite! From downtown, Aiko dunked on the HookNose clan, scoring 5 points and sealing eternal fate. Everess had a chance to send Aiko to permanent damnation, and wow, just wow, antiganking failed again.

Yea, verily, and so it came to pass. One Aiko the Fair, a Maiden true and Agilborne, did thusly ascend into the ranks of the mightiest thousand players to ever undock a spaceship, and she was most beautiful and gracious.

Squizz Caphinator personally demoted Servanda, a once mighty battleship pilot from Northern Coalition. Instead, Aiko will be hailed in his place. Servanda wasted more than twelve long years on his foolish quest to destroy the Mittani, and he was defeated by a mere girl. Oh Servanda, the Valkyries weep for you.

Everyone who plays EvE Online goes to Valhalla. If you are among the thousand greatest, you are invited to the party in my box. The next nine thousand players, people like Suitonia, will be cast into darkness, gnashing their teeth in miserable anguish. Everyone else, anyone who ever made an account, will become a ravaging zombie. If you are fortunate enough to be in the top hundred thousand players, you will be a fast zombie. The loser lossers will tear each other apart, whilst we dance in the Hall of the Thousand.