Miners have been celebrating the apparent demise of our beloved MinerBumping. Indeed, it is the end of an era. For the first time in nearly a decade, they have begun imagining a Highsec without the invisible hand of James 315. Has the Father of the New Order finally logged out forever? Have the miners won?
Of course, this is nothing new. Soothsayers have been predicting the disappearance of their Saviour since time immemorial.
However, this time, it feels different. With the conclusion of MinerBumping, rumors and speculation run rampant. Some miners insist the Imperium has cancelled the embargo of Dodixie, and ice freighters claim free transit through Uedama. Others claim there is a new blog, and even a new James, or is it the anti-James? What are we to believe? Who can we trust?
Recently, Jesus has been grappling with these very questions, and the moderators of Rookie Help have been forced to relax their censorship, so new players may fully digest the momentous changes which are coming down the pipeline. Meanwhile, antiganking carebears have descended upon the vulnerable MinerBumping channel, spreading toxic heresies.
Jesus, if you are listening, I want you to know that I am here for you. You may call me the old James, the new James, or no James at all. Some miners speak of a trinity, formed by James the Father, the joyous spirit of the AGBees, and a not so mysterious third party. Regardless, the shareholders have enshrined our Code as a constitutional law, which ensures a peaceful transition from one blog to the next. Rest assured, my dear CodeAnons, we will leave no miner behind.
In Grab Bag #212, the Lord Protector spake thusly:
These Goofuses don’t even understand how government works.
Now, I know what you are wondering. As the miners have bent the knee, accepting the auspices of civilization, just what kind of government have we established? I tell you this, friend, it is a republic – if you can keep it. With the cherished democratic principles of the shareholders, and the voice of the people represented by the Code, I have supreme confidence in the future of our great democratic people’s republic.
Our first order of business is clear enough. We must ensure that the miners do not relapse, forgetting their most gracious master, who has set them free from the shackles of bot aspirancy. The freedom to exist also implies the freedom to fail daily, and many miners are already taking advantage of this opportunity. Some believe their deliverance is at hand, talking about the mighty CODE. alliance in the past tense, as if we no longer existed.
The miners may be confused, but we know the solemn truth. Our historic revolution may be complete, but we have already begun our second great revolution. Indeed, it is our humble duty to export this unceasing revolution throughout the galaxy, and safeguard it against the counter-revolutionary rantings of the miners and their carebear brethren.
Without MinerBumping to guide them, many miners have already begun relapsing, endlessly reliving painful memories of their awkward adolescence. Naturally, these simpletons are convinced our glorious victory has no discernible impact upon their wretched lives.
A few sillies, sensing the disappearance of Minerbumping’s omnipresent gaze, have begun openly confessing to grotesque crimes.
The most foolish have naively concluded that this is their time to shine, and are dizzy with delusional ‘success’.
Indeed, a lot of miners have been celebrating, and it’s been one long Juneteenth. Fortunately, the shareholders are ready for a new era of renewed success, ensuring that our benevolent governance of Highsec will not be undermined by those who reject the Code.
Can you imagine? The sheer audacity of this rebel, pretending that he doesn’t even know what a permit is for.
Ah, but he knows… The antiganker may not realize he is failing daily, but he most assuredly understands what the permit is for.
It is, of course, for him.