Asesinatos de la Semana

Hola, amigos y amigas! Here are some osas that got dunked between July 26th @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 1st @ 23:59 EVEtime.


Vogon Hameraz thought he could smuggle compressed gneiss into Highsec, but he got a reality check from iZaEaRl, Gandor Ironfist, and Airne Earl. The good news is that Last Stand Enterprises is looking to hire a new hauler.


Ragnar Royce lost his gold-plated Paladin last week, and was ordered to purchase a mining permit. Ragnar ran away, hoping we would forget, but he was wrong. After a thorough search of Apanake, Ragnar was punished a second time, by Shadow Cyrilus, Sven Ole-Torssen, midijerk93 Patrouette, Yes Mr Cheng, and Buttercup Potemkin.


Roman Beshlyk was excited to finally find his niche, as a member of the Total Mining Company. Unfortunately, as you might have guessed, his exhumer failed to pass an inspection conducted by Ulianov and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM.


joe stonegrinder wanted to make a name for himself, and decided to become a fittings innovator. We’ve all seen mining battleships before, but behold the salvage battlecruiser. Fortunately, Lyrialtus took out the trash. 


Lay Klaus forgot about PvP, and decided this was a perfect time to load his jump freighter with some tritanium and a stack of ORE Expanded Cargoholds. What a goofus. Lay was evicted from Highsec by Inspector Implant, Keisharae, Jayson Kusion, Charlie Jacobson, George Painter, and Dubious Anime Name. Great job guys!


Hurricane Jefferson slapped some expanded cargohold modules on his empty blockade runner, and was promptly counter-MWDwarpcloaktricked by Augustus De Morgan, Niels Henrik Abel, and Erhard Schmidt. When Ernst Steinitz spotted an escape pod, the illegal miner was vaporized, along with his High-grade Hydras.


BONUS: I wouldn’t be the official Saviourette of Highsec, if people weren’t commissioning paintings of me, and praising my name. CODE. Origin’s in-house artist, Xeux, made a portrait of me and the boys.


Apples in the Orchard, Part 3

Apples in the Orchard, Part 1

Previously on James315.Space… Highsec miner Gripen ANM lost his Orca, and his drones. Inside the confiscated vessel, agents of the mighty CODE. alliance found an illegally modified Stiletto, which could only be piloted by a bot aspirant with an illegally modified brain. Gripen returned in an illegal Condor, which suffered a fatal malfunction, exploding in a brilliant flash of light. Could Gripen trust the most loyal agents of James 315?

Gripen hesitated to return for a thorough pod inspection, but CODE. hero TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet solemnly promised that Gripen would be featured on an award-winning blog. Now that sounds legit!

Gripen arrived for his inspection, demanding the interceptor. However, access was restricted to citizens, and greedy Gripen finally purchased a mining permit. This was great news, as Kalorned alts Keraina and Kiberra were cleared for takeoff. Kalorned wanted to thoroughly examine that pod, dispatching not one but TWO minions.

Gripen was thus vaporized by multifrequency neutrons. 


Gripen was hemorrhaging isk, and sharks could smell blood in the water. Normally, at this point, even the most oblivious miners would suspect something amiss. However, Gripen continued to splash around, and spooky people began whispering his name in a mysterious palace known only as Crystal Castle IV-3. Meanwhile, the population of AAAAAYYYYY LMAO was steadily increasing.


Fool you once, shame on you. Fool you twice, shame on you. Fool you thrice, how is this even happening? Gripen accepted an apology for the zealous K-names, and brought his pod back. This time, nobody bothered to shoot him. Instead, Gripen was merely allowed to examine the Stiletto, and verify that he definitely wasn’t getting it back. Never ever.

Tweeps was starting to feel a little bad for Gripen, and wanted to make things right.

When you need to give a sincere apology, always do it in comms. Always!

To be continued…