Kage Rage

As the official CODE. secretary, I recently discovered 150 megabytes of salt…

Kagemaru Ingano > New Year Lotto!!! Win your own Astero with only 5,28M to start your own explorations TODAY!!! 10more to go New Year Lotto!!! Win your own Astero with only 5,28M to start your own explorations TODAY!!! 10more to go

Kageoni Atumaru > HyperNet offer: Corelum C-Type 10MN Afterburner HyperNet offer: Coreli A-Type 5MN Microwarpdrive HyperNet offer: Coreli A-Type 1MN Afterburner

Kagemaru Ingano > New Year Eve Lotto : Win your own Gila with 35M only

When you search through the voluminous CODE. archives, you learn to despise Jita, which clogs the chat logs with endless trash. I was looking for kage1982, but he wasn’t in Jita, at least not on this day. I needed to refine my search.

I eventually found him with the wayback machine…

Channel Name: English Help

kage1982 > Hi guys i redeemed my Skill points for the log on rewards but instead of applying them its given me an item i cant use or move

That’s right friend, we are always listening – always! Now that we know what we are searching for, we can easily pick him out of a crowd, even in Jita.

Steelbreaker Onzo > HyperNet offer: Rattlesnake HyperNet offer: Large Skill Injector HyperNet offer: Panther HyperNet offer: Golem HyperNet offer: Paladin less than 4 mil per node!

kage1982 > Ernst Steinitz off to kill your mates instead

TARANTUL BEL > Предложение гиперсети: @@@@@@@@@@Republic Fleet Medium Shield Extender*

EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Sobaseki
EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Isanamo

Sometimes he appears like a faint echo, far too late to affect reality…

[ 2020.05.22 21:17:03 ] Ernst Steinitz > No Permit = No Ship
[ 2020.05.22 21:17:20 ] kage1982 > watch for code

Occasionally, he is triggered, exploding like a bomb… In other cases, he will just give you the silent treatment.

Kinch Dedalus > how much is a permit?

kage1982 > code a bunch of grown men who have very sad uninteresting real lives so the pretend to be some authority on here going round attackign miners and other random players all to cover the shortfallings of real life where they are sad pathetic loosers who dont matter

Kinch Dedalus > sounds like you didnt have a permit

kage1982 > i can give you deatailed instructons of where to shove your permit

Blitz Kishunuba > i suggest you read the code

kage1982 > i sugest you shove a sansha ship up your arse

kage1982 > honestly i recon these sad twats go around telling folk they are “pro gamers” when in fact they a low class dole scum

kage1982 > best way to haze code is block their toons

When Overmind logged in to praise me and check if he was even still in CODE., Kage was already there, attacking the confused ‘agent’ with unprecedented accuracy.

kage1982 > Overmind Niminen you just sit there and cower in your station

Meanwhile, kage infiltrated the MinerBumping channel, where he boldly announced that he wasn’t intimidated by CODE.’s fearsome reputation. 

zander kage > honestly though rare i bother with this toon but thought id drop by to let you know what shitbags you are

zander kage > go on all you like about ganks son not phasing me

Your Awesum Brutha > Calm down miner

zander kage > proper noob tears of salt

Ernst Steinitz > Please calm down miner

zander kage > i drink your salty tears

Sun-Tzu Rollard > he is a tough guy

zander kage > you seem mad

Your Awesum Brutha > are you interested in buying a permit?

zander kage > are you interested in stopping crying?

Faster Eddy > lol, another day, another angry illegal miner

zander kage > calm down

zander kage > calm your salty tears

zander kage > calm down you seem mad

In a galaxy full of CODE. Space Bullies, one man is always ready to dish out the salt.

zander kage > im guessing you have to play space bullies because daddy isnt proud of you

To be continued…

Bonus Content: Pix Severus has recently decided to continue his blog, MTU Hunter. Check it out! As you know, mining structures will often explode and shower bystanders with miner bits. Some people enjoy “treasure hunting on a galactic scale”, and this hobby is certainly more respectable than mining in Isanamo.

 

 

Miner, Don’t Beat Your Wife!

ROB-MMC > And when you say praise his name…like get on my knees and praise him the way i do Jesus Christ…….So Maje James 315 my Lord and praise him as my new GOD….Jesus is no longer my GOD.

mat Otsito > For those of us just logged in, what did this guy lose?

No, that’s not the right killmail… Ah, here we go!

After losing a Mackinaw, Rob’s wife lost her Retriever to Ulianov

GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM > today you have been declared guilty and must redeem yourself… what a shame of fit, btw

Rob wasn’t very happy with this downward progress.

ROB-MMC > thats my wifes ship…….we always online together mining…..so Im confused and yall can have this game,,,,,wtf…why fit it with people like yall around….im not fucking stupid… Fuck the fit……..yall gone take it anyway….lol. I been learned that lesson

However, he would feel better if someone dunked his wife (again).

ROB-MMC > ROB-MMC’s Procurer Come gank this as my wife is flying that now Isikano III – Asteroid Belt 1

ROB-MMC > Its a much better fit as I told her not to fit it like that but she dont listen

He was getting all excited, just thinking about someone dunking upon his wife.

ROB-MMC > so if you hit her again…..that would be great as I love to see her upset…lol. The sex is amazing

GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM > your wife is also a bot-aspirant

ROB-MMC > What does bot mean if Im a fucking human playing and so is my wife……I boost her with my orca and we both play…wtf

ROB-MMC > Tjis is her account and thanks for adding her to bad standings so you can kill her everyday now…….cool

Why was Rob on his wife’s account? T’was a mystery with no easy answers.

ROB-MMC > yall saying i broke laws and she probably did….my wife is an asshole….and she says what she wants….I google permits and CODE shit ad nothing came up,,,,so its either a scam or yall just dont like black players…im confused and just want to mine…but if thats not the case then she ruined my game and now ill find something else to play…..Yall won

MINERBITCH > It’s not against TOS to have multiple accounts, no need to use a blowup doll and another PC to multibox mining.

ROB-MMC > I dont understand……..so Im only allowed to have 1 acct. Then why did EVE send me an email saying you can have muultiple accounts……i would never have let my wife fuck me if i knew it was a lie and only 1 could be on eve at a time…..CCP lied to me and now Im punished….bullshit

One thing was clear, Rob is a typical highsec miner.

Oxycon > Ok, I will try and explain. You can have all the accounts you want, play them as you want, but you need a permit to mine in CODE. space.

ROB-MMC > Oh….ok…….so all 70k systems in hi sec are CODE’s

Lord Osama3rd Hita > Buy the permit… Otherwise, get the hell out…

ROB-MMC > I got 3 accts,,,,,,,,,but yall want 100 bil an acct who the hell has that

ROB-MMC > So now do i just quit or I have to join a low sec corp

If he couldn’t come up with 300 billion isk, he was going to be evicted. He prayed that the New Order has a welfare system which would accommodate his incompetence.

ROB-MMC > I really dont know how to play……….so where do i go as no where is safe and now Im a red target

Lord Osama3rd Hita > just have to figure it out yourself.

Blitz Kishunuba > I bought a permit and my quality of lifes never been better

Lord Osama3rd Hita > ^^^^^^^^

Oxycon > ^

MINERBITCH > I suggest not skilling towards exhumers

Oilrag > I like high sec suicide ganking.

Everyone took time to listen and offer sympathetic advice.

ROB-MMC > I can use my debit card and i got maybe 200 cash to spare that should be enough plex to buy 3 permits at 100 bil a piece….who do i pay

ROB-MMC > Now that I want to pay……..no one wants to tell me….wow

Oxycon > no one wants you to spend real money

Antiganking white knights often claim that the New Order is full of evil ruffian griefers and real-life criminals, but the reality is that nobody wanted to take advantage of Rob. Everybody just wants him to get some help, for his wife’s sake.

ROB-MMC > I enjoy this game and I love my wife but that bitch is not online as much as i am, and I love to play and mine….for real….so i can just buy all the plex in the world to enjoy the game….i aint invest all that time and training for a bitch to fuck it up……I am ready to pay whatever….just I need alot of Plex to cash in 300 bil……Im doing it now……

Kariza Yang > damn.. someone fucked up

ROB-MMC > I just to get back to mining…..dammit…this is not how i wanted to spend my off day……damn near wanna punch this bitch in the face….fucking pissed

Rob was getting angrier and angrier, just thinking about how much his wife had already lost, and now he needed to come up with 300 billion isk!

To be continued…


BONUS CONTENT: Our good friend Zaenis Desef made an awesome Kills of the Week video. A lot of miners have been asking how they can identify an official CODE. government press release, and I refer them to the words of our Saviour, which are verily filled with gold and dripping with luscious sweet honey, “A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore, by their fruits, ye shall know them.” Clearly, everyone should subscribe to Desef’s fruitful channel and learn to make 50 million isk, nice!

Kills of the Week

A lot of people have been wondering, if this is an authentic blog, then where are the kills of the week? Well, here are some kills that happened between one point of time, and another arbitrary moment, over the course of approximately a week.

 

Lapsh dared to show his fat face in Jita, and he got dunked by CheytanElRagim, Jayden Kusion, and Amallea (along with a few of their good friends). That’s just another red line in Silent Company’s long killboard history…

 

NO COL was flying her salvage Golem in Piekura, where she got told NO by Gankzter McGankFace, Ivanna GanksChu, and GankzPewPew. Great job!

 

Likewise, Macus Irrelium was commanding his salvage Paladin in Avyuh, when he had a ruh roh with Shadow Fireball, Void Delivery Service, and Evil Marxist. Well done, and thanks for the free salvage!

 

TieLight was operating his Aeode ORE Mackinaw in Luminaire, when he got deleted by Ulianov and Shilliam Watner. Awesome work!

 

Biggy Din put a blingy tier II warpcore stabilizer on his ORE Hulk in Kaunokka, but he got destabilized by Pod-Goo RepoWoman and Aaaarrgg. Here’s a pro-tip: If you are AFK, you won’t be able to warp away.

 

popetown thought she was safe in the null tutorial zone, where she got snuffed out  by MIC Improvise, Codeysatfa, and SidtheKid100. Next time, she should try farming in an empty wormhole.

 

ChostDog was surprised to lose his 2.5 billion isk Vargur in Apanake, where he got obliterated by Whadda Badasaz, Shadow Cyrilus, Seamus Scrapmagnet, and Shadow Defiance. That High-grade Crystal Omega sure was expensive… but what does it do?



As queen regent of the galaxy, many miners have been coming to me with their concerns and questions. Most recently, Martin Lockheart was crying because he claimed a ‘funeral procession’ as his excuse to smuggle a war fleet through our high-security zone in Molea. Our friends in Hell Dawn were there to offer their condolences, but LeiLong Pong noticed something suspicious about the ‘hearse’.

That’s right, it didn’t even have a mining permit.

Martin appealed directly to my sentimental nature, stating that the ‘funeral’ was for a beloved miner: binette evingod. I checked to see if she was naughty or nice.

I’m sorry, but bots don’t get funerals.

When you go to hell, expect Hell Dawn.