Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Miners make a lot of special requests.
They simply don’t understand what is happening.
They are worried about the future.
Who will help the miners?
The poor little things…
I know exactly what they need.
We are going to cleanse the galaxy.
If you don’t read my blog, you are dead already.
The rest of you, well, you better send me money.
No refunds!
Recently, on the forums, they were discussing the greatest EVE players of all time.
Consensus naturally formed around myself, with Brisc Rubal in second place.
Let’s consider some other honorable mentions.
Elite PvE miners, who don’t shoot back, they are the real heroes – right?
The poor miners struggle daily, to ensure CCP doesn’t get any funding.
Why pay for PLEX, when you can just grind?
Mining is a truly honorable profession.
Well, at least, it’s relaxing…
The miners are content.
Without them, we’d have no game.
Without us, they’d have no game.
We are like two peas in a pod.
I’m glad to see miners are still out there.
I just want to meet them all.
What would we do without miners?
Cheers!
Every now and again, a miner appears agitated.
In such cases, they often lash out.
Unfortunately, other miners set a bad example.
Fortunately, Sabrina wasn’t too upset.
She was just a little perturbed.
One of my bots offered helpful advice, but Sabrina wasn’t satisfied.
Naturally, in times of crisis, miners turn to the Heroin of Highsec.
I wanted to help her be content.
She contacted me, so naturally I replied.
I didn’t want to be rude.
Clearly, something is wrong.
I hope she repairs her calm.
Regardless, she needs a mining permit.
The high security zone is a Safe Space.
It’s ok to mine, as long as you pay rent.
It’s not like someone is going to gank you.
Right?
Gankers are irrelevant noobs who can’t even PvP.
You can play your game however YOU want.
Just watch out for angry space feminist griefers…
My mother supports me, 100%.
I live in the basement, and Daddy plexes my accounts.
I’m the greatest heroin in the galaxy.
I’m here to PvP ships that can’t shoot back.
After I dunk them, I’m gonna extort them.
I ain’t no roleplayer.
I’m a space bully meanie.
So give me your lunch money.
Otherwise, I’m gonna keep you real safe.
Miners cry a lot.
However, when we aren’t there, they miss us.
We make them content.
We give them what they want.
We are here to help.
Antiganking isn’t easy.
I prefer shooting ships that can’t shoot back.
I find it relaxing.
So we are gonna keep having fun.
Ain’t never gonna stop!
It’s important to follow the rules.
Customs enforcement agents are here to help!
We are always watching!
Safety isn’t free.
You voted for me, and I am your official leader.
I’m kinda like a big deal.
Everybody acknowledges my divine grace.
So let play EVE Online, together…
Stay in touch!
Previously, in the Princess Diaries… avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka SUPERFASTBULLET GOZOOM, aka Mittens Loves Kittens, aka The GewnFueherer, warned the Swarm not to push past 45% galactic dominance until ready for “the big push”.
Ensconced inside Goonswarm High Command, avia was well positioned to grasp the grand strategic situation, and plotted endlessly to destroy that whore, Elise Randolph, and her double traiting sidekick, Vily.
As always, avia was assisted by his combat secretary, Princess Aiko, and their loyal synthetic companion, Slackbot.
Together, they made an unstoppable team. Of course, from time to time, Aiko would make stupid mistakes, and avia would use these as learning opportunities to train Goonswarm’s elite fighting bumblebees.
Indeed, you’ve been hearing it for months, and now it is CONFIRMED. Goonswarm hereby invites anyone, and everyone, to attack Pandemic Horde and take as much of their territory as possible! The rules are simple: 1) Don’t shoot Goons, and 2) Contract all loot to Aiko Danuja (or any other verified Goonswarm director).
avia’s suppercomputer implants whirred with brilliant ideas, the beginning of a successful campaign, Operation Honeypot. He also devised the now infamous Bzzbzzbzz lag / power gun n-1 vorton elemental doctrine.
With the help of Aiko, avia held ultimate power.
It was a good partnership.
As the cost of war took its toll, avia naturally considered other means of funding the Imperium. For example, the Jobworks! program allows Goon combat pilots to get a second job with the home gaurd or the lodgistics bears.
[Cue Lights]
Aiko Danuja > 100000000
MrLeafs > I only need give it to you
MrLeafs > no one else ?
Aiko Danuja > That’s right.
Aiko Danuja > Well done.
MrLeafs > ill come for my stuff now
Aiko Danuja > ok
[Zopiclone enters, stage right]
Aiko Danuja > He is ready to arrange pickup of the Mackinaw.
Zopiclone > Ok.
[Aiko turns to MrLeafs, making a sad face]
Aiko Danuja > Zopi requires 50 million to release the ship.
MrLeafs > im prepared to send the 50
Zopiclone > No scam there.
MrLeafs > I’m not saying the scam is there
MrLeafs lost a Mackinaw, and bought another.
In a cruel harsh galaxy, Princess Aiko is a veritable saint.
When a miner needs help, Our Lady of Agil is there.
Somehow, MrLeafs spent more than he anticipated.
Fortunately, Aiko is always willing to negotiate in good faith, always!
100 + 50 + 25 + 25… +5…
+20!
MrLeafs was most pleased, paying a 20% tip in advance!
Aiko truly appreciates friendship.
She deserves it.
Alas, MrLeafs was a grumpy old Scrooge.
He didn’t appreciate Aiko’s help.
He began to lash out, with threatening language.
Suddenly, he began trying to extort Aiko!
They felt a connection, finishing each other’s sentences.
Was it meant to be?
MrLeafs missed his chance, wallowing in a depression of his own making.
Meanwhile, Aiko was dealing with her own grief.
Finally, MrLeafs worked up his courage, and asked the BIG question.
His Mackinaw was gone forever. Sad!
Miners don’t like being ganked.
Fortunately, they can afford it, right?
They also have excellent social skills…
… and recognize us as ‘upper level’ players…
They are happy to have experienced mentors.
We are looking forward to a bright future, together FOREVER.
Always!
@everyone LoL @ Khromius. It’s not every day I make isk fall from the sky, but it happens more often when salty carebears freak about ganking.
Gay Pride BOOOOOM caught Erbacher doing PvE carebear mining missions, so he did the only thing a self-respecting ganker would do. He put the hapless miner down. For some weird reason, this made Khromius cry, so he decided to declare war on me, lol! Why did Khromius become an antiganker? Yikes!
Khromius is learning the hard way. I’ve been nice and polite, but things go poorly for those who oppose me. You know, a little bird told me it’s possible to gank quantum cores. Is that true? Meanwhile, station grinding is beyond boring, not lucrative, and kind of awkward when gankers are in system. Yes, Khromius was so salty, that he literally paid CCP to make it easier for us to kill poor Erbacher again.
Behind the scenes, I’ve always supported wardeccers, and discouraged hostile actions against them. Meanwhile, my supporters inside BLACKFLAG. question their leader’s fitness to command. They don’t actually want to be antigankers, and they don’t enjoy cringing at his emotional blunders. Is Khromius really naive enough to think this war will end in a few hours? Why is he so salty about a mining Kikimora?
As Sun Tzu said, it’s best to check who you are attacking, before blindly stumbling into an always war. Khromius probably won’t believe the truth, but the good guys are laughing in Teamspeak, because he handed us piles of isk.
As the Queen of Antiganking, I let miners know my alliance is beset by space bully griefers. It didn’t take long to attract a white knight orbiter…
Khromius likely has no idea that Aiti Jen is a big supporter of Princess Aiko. Hey, just check out Proof of Concept, Part III. I’ll tell you what, it doesn’t matter how good you are at game mechanics, if someone else is way better at basic social skills. It’s called metagaming, because I win from beyond the game.
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Maybe an alliance should be in order
Shekelstein Shakiel > thats correct
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Very well. I heard you guys needed help. We have a common enemy, I thought I might be of help.
WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!
To be continued…