Category: Grab Bag

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #215

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #214

I love hearing from tributaries. I especially like when they don’t trespass in my high security zone, and when they voluntarily send offerings from afar, formally acknowledging my absolute feudal sovereignty over the entire galaxy. It’s almost like some people want to see the mining caste erased, completely and utterly extirpated.

Sometimes, my subjects also seek a personal relationship with their Saviourette.

They don’t need to say a word. I understand.

I just hope everyone knows how to spell.

A lot of people wonder, as the most powerful woman in the galaxy, what do I enjoy the most? Dear friend, it’s not just the isk, sex, fame, and power. No, I’d say my favourite thing is the Highsec Miner Grab Bag. I find it relaxing.

Back in January, when James transferred me the logs and screenshots (dating all the way to 2003), I was absolutely amazed. I can enjoy this archive whenever I want, and oh boy, I sure do love these salted crabs.

Can you imagine??? Mining? Why?????

Honestly, what is wrong with these bots?

A lot of people enjoy EVE, but nobody likes a miner.

People claim that CODE. is irrelevant, but I’m not so sure.

I’ve got their sporadic attention.

Finished nasty slut, I’m your kind of fucking scum

They kinda like me.

Talcum on the level of your fucking mouth and in five condoms

However, I don’t really understand them.

You fucking horse, lover of wasp in dogs and cats. Learn the fucking creatures Russian, you are not worthy to talk to you, cocksuckers and cocksuckers, you fucking zoophiles

Nor am I especially fond of them.

PIDARASY YOU ARE ALL CODE, COCKES, SLUTS, ZOOFILES, YASH ROD AND ASS FUCKED ALL DIRTY ANIMALS

That’s why you were ganked, friend.

Truly, EVE has the best Soviet era content.

And you pissed shmuck, for the fact that your sixes attacked without warning, I am waiting for compensation, and I had 2 geckos inside.

Indeed, it’s great in any language.

I want to meet every Highsec miner…

…and I want to kill them all.

That’s what James would want.

It’s also what the miners want.

They love it.

They need it.

Let’s be completely honest…

…they truly deserve it.

Considering that Sirtech hasn’t quit the game, it’s fair to say CODE. has never caused CCP to lose a player. We provide content, and miners crave it.

 

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #214

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #213

Listening to: Techno House Music Jazz Techno
(featuring Lewak‘s elite parkour)

The Highsec Miner Grab Bag isn’t truly a bag of mail, it’s actually just a folder of screenshots, which sits nicely between two polar opposites: Dracvlad and Guybertini. On the far left is a folder with the final instructions and testament of James 315, and on the far right is a growing case file on notorious criminal Hazen Koraka.

Indeed, my folders are continuously arrayed in this pattern of opposing magnetic forces, with Koraka’s inept random antiganking attempts being perfectly countered by the wise strategic musings of James. Of course, James anticipated the Jamespocalypse, and left me with clear instructions on what to do in the event of his ascension. Someday, when I am an old princess limping around my palatial study, I will publish this final testament. It is truly a treatise worthy of intense study, alongside those written by such legendary gankers as Marcus Aurelius, Musashi, Vegetius, and Sun Tzu.

Each screenshot in the Grab Bag reflects an epic story of heroism, a snapshot of the New Order’s glorious history. For example, stoneface Killervent was sorely dismayed, upon learning he might be expected to pay a penny per day to remain in Highsec. He packed his bags and headed for lowsec, where stoneface Corporation has lost 4.5 billion isk, without accomplishing anything. Despite these losses, they do not dare return to face judgment. They are 100% snuggly ‘pirates’! Perhaps they steal hugs?

At the bottom, I’ll show their one ‘kill’. Can you guess how they did it?

GuiltyDog Denver lost his Venture back in January, and vowed to stop mining forever. He was recently interviewed, and it appears he is not doing well.

We have been learning miner speak. Here is how a crab says “Fuck you, you fucking creatures. Aiko Danuja, suck my cock!” Gross!

Look miners, my boyfriend is God, so you better watch what you say to me. Of course, women are not the only victims of sexual harassment.

I kind of liked the images, but for some reason he stopped sending them.

Hey, it’s not a “High Security” zone because it’s safe to mine. It’s high-security because we enforce the law. Would you start digging at the airport?

EVE University fellow Valiran Teleros has been interning at the prestigious Why Was I Ganked? channel, where he teaches a course on reality.

 

Overall, miners seem pleased with my governance of Highsec. Although they are unhappy about their punishments, they enjoy being civilized.

When you are on the E-team, getting dunked on daily, it’s always nice when the Harlem Globetrotters make time to teach you a couple neat tricks (and some valuable life lessons). Of course, there are always a few bad sports.

Surprisingly, some miners don’t believe I’m a real-life teenage princess.

Princess Aiko Honoured in Amarr

That thread featured an encounter with Arrendis, an incompetent writer (and failed logistician) who is eternally jealous of James 315.

For example, look what grumpy Arrendis had to say about dear James, within my James 315 Day post. It’s just positively shocking. 

Calm down miner.

Regardless, most people instinctively acknowledge my elite noble lineage, and they understand that I’m definitely not roleplaying.

It’s just a real pleasure to spend time with me.

 How about that stoneface Corporation ‘kill’?

When do the days get better?
Tell me, when do the days get better?
When do the days get better?
When do the days get better?
When do the days get better?
Well, the days get better, when you decide.
When you decide.
When do the days get better?
The days get better, when you decide.

 

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #213

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #212

Last night was great, as all the boys were logged into Teamspeak, and a lot of important words were uttered at my coronation party. Amidst the clink of silver and crystal, I sang I’m a Barbie Girl and Bombs over Baghdad. Life in plastic, it’s fantastic. Don’t pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang. I also recited the life story of Princess Olga, and easily won Bonus round after Bonus round. CODE. celebrations are the best. Always!

James always said that he could keep MinerBumping going indefinitely with all the unpublished material, and some spicy stuff remains archived. The galaxy awaits the story of Kelroth, will it ever be told? What of the mining witches of Estwyck, or the Prince of Abu Dhabi? These stories are not tall tales, but absolutely fascinating case studies in the depravity of the common Highsec miner. The mantle is now mine, and the burden is also mine, as each night I find myself wondering whether this blog will last even one more day… thus far, each and every morning, my answer is emphatically yes.

Today, I’d like to do something special. I have decided to reach into the bag, pulling out bits and pieces. It’s possible that some items were already published on MinerBumping, and perhaps I will duplicate a bit. If so, that’s just confirmation of our great content. Folders and folders of screenshots, days and days of audio, endless videos and eternal logs of each and every channel from the deepest Delve to the Cobalt Edge. Some have stated that Miner Grab Bag was their favourite. Indeed, it was my favourite, and this seems like the right time. Let’s just open up that bag, and see what we find.

The miners always seem to know exactly what to say, even when they get it backwards. There would be no point logging in, except that the miners have such strong feelings for us, and it is only polite to try and provide them with additional content. Meanwhile, there are other miners who just seem to need a little bump.

I’ve always had a special effect on the miners. As the official Saviourette of Highsec, I know exactly what they need.

Some gobloks want ‘proof’ of my special status in the New Order, but let’s be real. Miners love me, in a way they never could experience James.

Consequently, they recognize me as Supreme Protectress, yours and theirs.


It doesn’t actually matter what the miner’s background is, whether they be Catholic or whether they share the One True Faith, inshallah, every miner knows that the Jamespocalypse means a glorious Age of Aiko is upon them.

As we move forward, the faithful will recognize that James315.Space is home, and I am merely your humble servant. As the General Secretary of the Bumper’s Union, it is my sworn duty to help in your brave fight against the mining peril.

Sometimes, it seems that the miners only want to hurl insults and explore my pretty mouth, but we can hold our heads high, and know that they are super lonely. Just look at Overmind Niminen! The miners desperately need us!

I know for certain that dear James published this next screenshot, but there’s no harm in repeating it. Sometimes, the truth is worth a second look.


You can’t stop a train
Who want some? Don’t come un-pre-pared
But this’ll be the year that we won’t forget
Uno, dos, tres, it’s on
Did you ever think a pimp rock a microphone?
Should have held back, but you throwed the punch
Don’t even bang unless you plan to hit something
Before you read up, get a laptop
Make a business for yourself, boy, set some goals
Make a fair diamond out of dusty coals
Record number four, but we on a roll
Movin like Floyd comin’ straight to Florida
Lock all your windows then block the corridors
Pullin off a belt ’cause a whipping’s in order
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!