Kills of the Week

Dunked Miners of This Here Half Fortnite

Oi, check it. Here be some dumb bunnies, fleeced between October 6 at some time and October 12 at some later time. That’s one week, right? Aight.

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I recently found CCP Alpha lurking about. During the initial skirmish, I am ashamed to admit, I failed to kill him. I should have brought a blob, cuz all I managed to kill was a nearby Hecate. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. My bad.

Fortunately, Cargo Bandit felt sorry for me, and brought reinforcements.

Here is damning proof that CCP Alpha was AFK.

Like most miners, CCP Alpha is a liar, but at least he appreciates me.

Afterward, he bought a new Endurance, demanded a rematch, and logged off.

***

Juxta Blix is a typical carebear, who thinks New Eden is divided into warring factions. In reality, everybody is united against the bot mining menace. In order to hunt down Juxta, a combined taskforce was formed, representing CODE., Goonswarm, Pandemic Horde, and Did He Say Jump? Are we jumping?

Juxta was feeling a little salty.

It wasn’t clear what side of the war Juxta is on. He blocked me, so I couldn’t reply, but he agreed to a follow-up interview with Whadda Badasaz.

Juxta obviously isn’t upset.

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Molten Wreck knew the wind was coming from the north, and he assumed this was just the start of another ice storm. However, something went horribly wrong, and his ship is now a… molten wreck. Good fight!

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Mikhoel Avrom loved his fancy ship, but apparently he wasn’t quite ready to fly it. GAY PRIDE wrecked him BOOOOOM! SICO DOWN!!

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Svendolina Tuttolo lost a 20 billion isk freighter to the Snuggle Society. After all these years, people still don’t know how to survive in Highsec. That’s not funny.

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Too Ducky didn’t lose his pod in Highsec, lowsec, nullsec, or some dusty wormhole. He lost his pod in abyssal space, which is also my space. WTF? I guess it’s time to steal mom’s credit card again. Here’s a pro tip: You don’t need all those implants.

Too was probably AFK. They always are.

***

EXTRA CREDIT: Several agents have been practicing forkbomb techniques.

How are you spreading the CODE?

Zabójstwa Tygodnia

Kills of the Previous Week

Cześć przyjaciele! Today is Sunday, so here are some niedźwiedzie, purified between November 29 @ 00:00 and December 5 @ 23:59.

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Good ol Cutchybank never ceases to amaze us. This is his third appearance, and lately he has been trying to reign in his expenses. Nevertheless, he’s still blinged out like a madman, and I’m gonna guess that Votre Dieu knows exactly where to find him.

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AnderwwwDeathGrind intended to grind hard, until the day he died. It all happened so fast, he didn’t even have time to board his escape capsule.

Antiganking carebears have responded with a flurry of forum posts.

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FreaZy Akachi didn’t anticipate MrDiao would have a warp disruptor, nor did he expect the Triglavians to grief him. Good fight!

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killdashnine knew two things about CODE. First, we are afraid of lowsec. Secondly, we don’t shoot ships that can shoot back. Therefore, he felt totally safe. Unfortunately, Julian Snelders ganked him with an Astrahus. Elite PvP! The word in the belt is that killdashnine was upset, because someone shot a Venture.

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Adrian IV stuffed his battleship full of blueprints, and tried to plow straight through Sivala. As you might imagine, it just didn’t work.

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blu c blu filled his head with the usual garbage, and died.

Marbhadh na Seachdain

Here are some mathain, defeated between November 22 @ 00:00 and November 28 @ 23:59.

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Direwolf2000 thought he could pick a scary name, and use an innocent looking Orca to smuggle a Hel blueprint through Uedama. However, Dolphin Don and Nitetime Video weren’t afraid of the big bad wolf.

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Klorel Hakaari decided to fly another Hecate, directly against the North Wind. I don’t know who is coming up with these zany doctrines, but they are stupid.

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Antiganking goofus Alice Blacktail also had a cunning plan. She fitted her Venture with green stuff, and patiently waited in the belt. She didn’t have to wait long, and Alleil Pollard dropped in for a quick chat. Afterward, Alice gloated in public, because she ‘killed’ Alleil. What a dummy dumdum!

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Xrea Nefarious didn’t want to fly his battleship in Highsec, where evil ganker griefers might extirpate him, so he went into hiding. However, IllumuIll Estemaire and Celedion Warseraph found him in the Vale of the Silent. Killboard awarded them each 94 points, so it was a fair fight. No blobbery here!

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Catalyst Jhonson 1 was happily mining in her Vindicator, when she encountered a real Catalyst. Unfortunately, her head was full of junk, and she died. Sad!

Ye Olde Killinges o’thine Weeke

Previous Kills of the Week

Oi, and well met me lubbers. Ere be some berran that be deaden o’twixt the weeke o’ November 14 @ 00:00 and November 21 @ 23:59.

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Haha, I lied! Pharos Rollett died last week, but his memory lingers, and this certainly qualifies as a Kill of the Week. People keep asking whether ganking is profitable, and I just shake my head. Others tell me how easy it is, and I wonder why everyone isn’t doing this. I’ll tell you what, the northern wind doth verily blow cold and fierce, so I’d sure hate to be a dumb goofus trying to haul stuff in a destroyer.

***

Cutchybank died again! OMG. This is his second appearance here, and I imagine we will see him again. I occasionally wonder whether it’s ethical to encourage carebears to swipe their credit card and buy pixels from CCP. I guess it’s a lot like playing poker, in the basement of a strip club. Don’t spend what you can’t afford to lose!

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Sometimes a jump freighter forgets to jump, and they just AFK meander into Uedama, where they die for no real reason at all. Who knows what Ella Ponz was thinking, but at least now she is with her dead friends.

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Lemmann Russ had a nightmare. When he woke up, he realized it wasn’t a dream. Some people say that CODE. is a joke, but Never Gonna SeeGrandKids is pretty serious. He misses them dearly, and has nothing better to do with his time.

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Rak Kronos really doesn’t like CODE. He proved it by CONCORDing his Vindicator on an innocent Astero. Learza Thiesant was rather surprised to be ‘ganked’, and hopes to experience this again. I suppose it’s the equivalent of dropping a Talos on a Venture. Kudos to Rak for his inspired determination, but he might want to consider the longterm financial efficacy of his ganking operation. Try using a Catalyst!

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I’m sure glad that I’m on a winning team with Zopiclone, and not in a loser mining corporation with Imelda Virpio.

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BONUS CONTENT

Nitetime Video killed a streamer. This bear used inappropriate language, and wondered why he was targeted. I know why. He didn’t have a mining permit.

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DOUBLE BONUS

In the sandbox, everything you do has the potential to cause endless ramifications which echo across spacetime. When I ganked Pranav Singh‘s Orca, I had no idea this would awaken a PvP champion. Good job Pranav, I hope you keep going! I guess Princess Aiko truly is the promised Saviourette. I’m here to help.

Previous Kills of the Week

I sure do love killing miners! Here are some bears, arrested between November 8 @ 00:00 and November 14 @ 23:59.

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No surprises here. Cutchybank is a confirmed goofus, who already lost four hundred billion isk to the mighty CODE. alliance. What’s another twenty-four billion? I’m just happy to hang out with cute boys, like Jason Kusion and Dolphin Don.

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You might not know who MrDiao is, but let me assure you, he is the man. When MrDiao saw kk ly botting in her Gila, he knew exactly what to do. Zkillboard recognized his victory, awarding him twenty-eight points. Well done, friend!

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slaventii7788 Akita was tired of mining. In order to hurry up and finish the job, he decided to utilize an illegal ‘Aoede’ fit, and there was only one response. As required by law, Ulianov and Shilliam Watner put this miner out of his misery.

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Pitraven filled her ship full of the usual trash. This got me all kinds of excited, and Jake Kusion thinks there is nothing better than running a train up on Princess Aiko. I don’t mind, I kind of like it. I think my favourite Kusion is Janiqua Kusion.

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I’m not very good in an interceptor, but Eva Govli isn’t any good in a ‘combat recon ship’. We found her hiding in the Vale, and Julian Snelders put her down. Did you really think we were afraid? Good fight!

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sexicool Maricadie thought she was hot stuff, with a brain full of silicon wafers. We dunked her, and she was finished off by Aryte Vesperia and Zigam.

Pagpatay sa semana

Kills of the Previous Week

Someone said I should gank more. My bad. Here are some mga oso, eradicated between November 1 @ 00:00 and November 8 @ 15:35.

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Elena Niminen is the sister of Overmind Niminen, but she’s no ordinary goofus. I have it on good authority, that she is the alt of Fraternity’s glorious leader. Amazing. This nullbear tried to take a shortcut through Highsec, but CODE. agents were standing by, with an elite squad of Imperial stormtroopers. Great job team! Speaking for James 315, let me just say how much we value and respect our friends in Goonswarm.

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Asja Gor attempted to smuggle garbage into Highsec, with intent to distribute. Look here nullbears, Highsec is not some third-rate pawn shop! The wind came from the north and blew her away. Go away Asja, we don’t want your junk (but we are keeping it). If anybody ever asks, whether ganking is profitable, just give them a weird look.

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anavel physalis is another lazy bear, who can’t even capitalize his own name. Ever since I became the official executor of the mighty CODE. alliance, I’ve spent a lot of time reviewing personnel files, attempting to determine who is worthy. Let me tell you what, at the top of my list are such elite agents as MrDiao, Ulianov, and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM. I’m proud to be in an alliance with such fine individuals.

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ivanigh Antollare has been a busy little miner, but he didn’t want to purchase a mining permit. He’s been ganked a few times, and knows the law, but he still insists on playing the goblok. That’s just fine. We dunked him (again), and confiscated his ore. Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

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Catweasel is ugly, smells bad, and keeps clawing up the furniture. 8Fold Chelien and Ginger Anne Salt knew what to do with this foul beast.

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BONUS ART: Someone keeps losing freighters in Uedama.

It’s not easy being zuzzik, but he understands the law, and each time he dutifully pays his Princess the requisite fee of 100 million isk.

I’ll allow it.

Recently, as part of freighter loss therapy, zuzzik beceme an artist.

ਹਫ਼ਤੇ ਦੀਆਂ ਹੱਤਿਆਵਾਂ

Sargon of Amerish has made an amazing triptych, depicting the current state of Highsec and the mighty CODE. alliance. On the left, you can see a goofus antiganker, lagging behind the lovely Princess Aiko (with her trusty submachine gun). On the right, Khanid flametroopers disembark, to help miners see the light. Above them all, James 315 watches from his throne in the Heavens. He is dead, as he has officially confirmed, so that makes him a God King. Right? James flies my spaceship! Amazing!!!

Hahaha, silly antigankers, failing daily!

***

Is this just propaganda? Is the New Order actually dead and gone? It’s hard to say, but let’s check out the killboard, and search for clues. Here are some ਰਿੱਛ, that were stomped on between October 25 @ 00:00 and October 31 @ 23:59.

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MrUnique Android was a bot, but he was our bot. He was blue to the Imperium, and a proud member of the Goonswarm Federation. However, he decided to betray his fellow Delvians, and left the alliance. As this coward attempted to flee the battlefield, he was caught and summarily executed. Kudos to our glorious heroes: Gallente Citizen I, Yes Mr Cheng, Chad Thundercaulk, Katrl, and uninstall 05.

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Filo Crendraven wanted to be a fleet commander, so he jumped into a command ship and set sail for somewhere. Unfortunately, he ran his ship unto the neutron blasted shores of Uedama. There, he met a better fleet commanded by Alleil Pollard, Jason Kusion, and Joseph John Thomson. Good fight!

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Sant1aga Shadi was a member of Silent Company, and went down in flames. Here’s a pro tip: Hillbilly-2000 is a great ganker!

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D33XX3R heard that CODE. doesn’t shoot ships that can shoot back. He studied Never_C0nvicted‘s double web Kentucky Vindi fit, and prepared to invade Highsec. A few seconds later, D33XX3R was D34D. The usual crowd was there to watch, but everyone was surprised by who got top damage.

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John N8fall was just a typical Highsec miner, hauling garbage around in his trashmobile. Fortunately, The Highsec Goddess (that’s me) was on duty. What is even happening these days? Is antiganking still a thing, or did they all just give up?

Maybe the antigankers are demoralized?

***

Marti Tachibana went AFK in her cheap Corax, and woke up to Hell Dawn. Even though her High-grade Amulet Epsilon granted a +4 bonus to Charisma, this wasn’t enough to charm her way out of CODE. compliance.

Mharaíonn an Tseachtain

Kills of the Previous Week

Oh boy, it finally happened. I’m late, I’m late, but there’s a Vindicator! It’s gotta die. *silent scream* Ok, it’s dead. Here are some béir, annihilated between October 18 @ 00:00 and October 25 @ 02:13. Ready to pull!

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Martin Youngs is a mundane kill of the week, failing to be of interest, aside from the fact that he was an idiot with a jump freighter. Something sure is unusual about that killmail though. Is CODE. working with Goonswarm and Pandemic Horde? If so, that means that someone is a master diplomatess, and that is really bad news for Highsec miners! Great job AGBee 001, Jason Kusion, and Ninjajolic.

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Jason CHEN Cj made a strategic error when he adorned his Orca with Chinese runes. This indicates someone unwise with isk, and a New Order fleet immediately profiled Jason, as the kind of person who might use his Orca for illegal smuggling. Oh boy, did he try to run, desperately seeking to reach Planet 5. Eventually, he died at the customs office! Antigankers could have saved him, and they definitely tried, but they are also incompetent. Shout-outs to Alleil Pollard, Shouka, and Joel Kusion.

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Pink torpedo tear was just an ordinary noob destroyer in Highsec, or was she? Previously, we saw how Votre Dieu has been dealing with a bot aspirant plot to transport illegal items, via a poorly fit Sunesis. GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM and Ulianov were intrigued by this, and shot the first Sunesis they saw. No surprises here!

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BLACK SKAT777 died awhile ago, and I completely forgot, until I remembered. He was killed in Isanamo, and came back in an unfitted cargo expanded Retriever. He just sat there at the belt, not mining. Isn’t that strange? What does it mean?

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Mercurius Sobrius made four crucial mistakes. 1) He joined SICO. 2) He filled his head with garbage 3) He undocked. 4) He went AFK. He also made some other mistakes. Fortunately, Aaaarrgg was willing to show Mercurius the error of his ways. I guess the EM-706 Evasive Maneuvering implant isn’t worth the price.

***

Những vụ giết người trong tuần

Kills of the Previous Week

Here are some gấu, vaporized between October 11 @ 00:00 and October 17 @ 23:59.

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Rogue Priest was a heretic, and his Tsukurasian cult has been vandalizing the sacred rocks. Fortunately, Ernst Steinitz and the New Eden Institute of Mathematics calculated exactly how many Talosi were needed. The correct answer is nine.

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Nigel Shardani was a strange man, with a weird dream. He brought his shield boosting Loki to Bagodan, for reasons which will never make sense. One gust from the north, and his cruiser was gone. That wasn’t very strategic.

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Grom Larsson thought he was some kind of Scandinavian ‘engel der absolution’. When he fit his Paladin full of green things, he anticipated epic success. Unfortunately, PvE bears aren’t very good at PvP, and Grom had an escalation with MrDiao, Sessin Severasse, Aryte Vesperia, Catherine Catharsis, Shadow Defiance, and myself.

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Licrahe Eimae knew that green trash isn’t the best, and she decided to try some blue stuff. The result was no different, and she went down to a pair of destroyers, piloted by Ulianov and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM.

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You might assume that Alice Walkure had a head full of blingy combat implants. Actually, she was just a common miner, with a Crystal addiction.

Вбивства тижня

Kills of the Previous Week

Once a week, we like to verify the New Order is alive, by listing our glorious ‘kills of the week’. Usually, all we can manage are a couple noob Ventures, and the occasional Retriever. However, this week was different. Here are some Радянські ведмеді, arrested between October 4 @ 00:00 and October 10 @ 23:59.

Stormgnun was buzzing about in a ship that technically could shoot back, and he was also a member of the secondmost wonderful alliance to ever exist in any reality. He felt truly invincible, cramming his cheap vessel full of magical items, which would assure him victory in any engagement. Alas, the North magnets respectfully descended with the fury of three icenados, and Stormgnun learned why you shouldn’t listen to salty nullbears, who pretend the CODE. isn’t a real thing. The Mittani has my regard.

People often ask me if ganking is profitable. What do you think?

***

Pomodor was celebrating the successful conclusion of his first month in EVE. He was a quick learner, proudly displaying his Consortium Vorton Projector, and decided it was time to invade Isanamo. Gallente Citizen, Our Lady Entropy, and Allie Vaille sent Pomodor straight to the biomass queue. Thanks for playing!

Apparently, EVE isn’t a pay to win game? Back to Candy Crush!

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LANVIKA TheForkbeard is a notorious pirate. When Hillbilly-2000 and Ulianov discovered LANVIKA has been stealing my ore, they gave her a close shave and hung her giblets from a yardarm. We don’t tolerate space bullies in Highsec.

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tokoroten eins is a scammer, who stole a Skiff from the Caldari Navy. The New Eden Institute of Applied Mathematics defeated him with numbers.

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brandon pablon thought he was safe, without any CODE. agents in local. Unfortunately, Hell Dawn is basically the exact same group. If anybody gets a chance, ask Amonkhira Drell whether he is willing to SRP my hauler alts. I’m gonna guess not, isn’t that right? I’m just glad you finally got your Raitaru back, friend.

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Silance McCrackin loved his Askleps, but Blade Rayl didn’t approve. Oh well.