Category: Kills of the Week

Look Both Ways

Listening to: Plain Jane

Miners are dim.

Bears are incompetent.

At least they are calm.

Good fight, miners!

*BONUS CONTENT*

=Interview with A Miner=

Some miners are opinionated.

I decided a long time ago.

We should just kill them.

That gets their attention.

Young Money
Isanamo
Yeah

Ride with the mob, Alhamdulillah
Check in with me and do your job
Aiko is the name, karttoon was a thing
Halaima for the watch, presi Plain Jane
Dodixie chain, rest in peace to my superior

Probes on scan, causin’ mad hysteria
Momma see me on ZKILL and started tearin’ up
I’ma keep killin’ miners, how you get that trife?
I am poppin’ pills like rappers in society
I gank yo Hulk for irony

Buy another or somethin’
I’ma explain why you probably never see me
Chocha magic like Houdini
I go hard in the belt

I’m a classy trillionaire
Antigankers, I swear they are bottom feeders
Catalysts could feed a village in Liberia

Death of an antiganker

Bloody Bear loves antiganking.

Back in the day, he even made illegal videos.

One day, justice finally caught up with him.

At first, Bloody Bear tried a bribe.

Of course, Krig had to confiscate the stolen ship.

Next, the carebear tried to buy a new ship.

This went as well as expected.

He only owed 300 million…

He only had one ship left…

So he traded his Falcon…

Thanks for the free ship, bro!

In one day, he lost all his killmarks…

However, he was already planning to get more.

What a silly bear!

Oh well…

Cheerzah!

Puppers Gets a Gila

Prince Puppers wanted a Gila.

He wasn’t joking.

Puppers wanted to be a Gila main.

Oh boy, a discount Gila!

He sold everything he had…

…to buy a Moa.

Oh, it’s a free Moa…

With premium insurance!

So Puppers went to fetch his new Gila.

GrrrrrrrrrGROONSgaaarRRrr/

Puppers tried to get around the grief blockade.

So he employed null security comms.

This went as well as one might expect.

Puppers even tried a wormhole!

His friends were happy to help.

Meanwhile, Sargon was at the foot dentist.

When Sargon returned, he noticed the problem.

The Goons were using an isk tracker.

So Sargon cleaned Puppers out.

Eventually, Puppers contacted me.

He seemed confused.

The next day, everyone wondered about Puppers.

Apparently, his new home was in Thera?

Who told him to go there?

Eventually, Puppers just bought a Gila.

Another happy ending!

Cheerzah!

Highsec Recruiting, Part 3

Highsec Recruiting, Part 1

Previously, newbro Mason vowed to destroy me.

This would require preparation.

Mason was excited by the thought of PvP with me.

In EvE Online, PvP is a sign of genuine affection.

Our relationship began to blossom.

However, I don’t like impudence.

Mason is a real miner.

Whereas, I am a perfect tenth-wave feminist!

Like all miners, he is a cyberbully greefer.

Fortunately, Mason began to regret his evil ways.

It was time to turn over a leaf…

My expectations were clear.

I demanded an isk sacrifice, for me.

So Mason sent his life savings.

Now I have Mason right where I want him.

He hates being told what to do…

…but now he has new friends, and a new corporation.

Everyone was impressed!

It was the start of a new era.

Mason is my miner.

I sure hope we get along!

What a good boy.

He deserves me!

Cheerzah!

Warcdeck SHAME

Recently, we learned that warcdeck griefing is out of control. In EvE Online, there is nothing you can do to stay SAFE.

I wanted to report this to the EvE Online forum community. However, doing so is a violation of the EULA…

Fortunately, I have a blog.

Thotapleb is widely hailed as the most dedicated antiganker.

He is the only loser of the Guardian Angel Award.

It all started when thotapleb got ganked, after which he began obsessively antiganking empty pods.

Three years later, he joined the once mighty Goonswarm. As readers may recall, this is a carebear’s best revenge.

Now he has to kill 1’309’276 more pods, just to break even.

The biggest joke, aside from thotapleb joining the very alliance which originally ganked him, is this…

Haha, lol, gf!

Despite blobbing like a coward, with 2344 other crabs to protect him, thotapleb failed to ensure that his bowhead followed basic safety protocols, and he got dunked by a lone mercenary.

Next time, stay out of Highsec!