Category: Kills of the Week

Doden van de Week.

Kills of the Week Before

Here are some Highsec draagt, extirpated between September 20 @ 00:00 EVEtime and September 27 @ 05:51 EVEtime.

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I’m not really sure what is going on down in Bagodan, but apparently they are having a winter storm. Adam Feng missed the severe weather advisory, and jumped directly into a cluster of ice tornadoes. If you don’t know who killed Adam, then you probably haven’t been paying attention, have you? Here’s a pro tip: if you want your ship to have more hitpoints, then maybe consider welding some steel plates to the hull.

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When Ulianov and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM were informed that shareholders approved a funding grant from the Official Holy New Order Treasury, they knew it was important to ensure the money was wisely invested. Instead of some convoluted carebear production plan, they ignored the market altogether, and just went straight for the K0enig. A 3000% return on investment is nothing to be ashamed of.

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Gobloks like to write in the forums, chiding Princess Aiko, because she is afraid to PvP. I confess. I’m a little embarrassed, because it’s absolutely true, I’m so frightened by ships that shoot back. Eep! Hey, I never claimed to be the best ganker in the galaxy, I’m just the cutest! Recently, Gallente Citizen I and First Gallente Citizen showed me how to kill Caberwolfe’s cargo Loki. What was I scared of?

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The new leader of Goonswarm, Emperor Avia Naali, aka Destroyer of Worlds, asked me to shut down Pandemic Horde’s Highsec mining programme. We were having some difficulty catching all those little Ventures, but eventually we discovered how they move the ore. I contacted my friends, Don Purple and MrDiao — we got the job done. Miners ask where we get our ships from, well… now you know!

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I don’t really use implants, because I’d be ashamed for James to discover that he married a mindless bot, so I’m not really sure what all these chips do. Did you know there is something called a Nirvana Omega? I guess it makes you feel really good, but Lenya Nazgul recently discovered that there are some serious side effects, when she was disconnected from the main server. Symptoms of withdrawal include reduced self-esteem, depression, irritation, and myocardial infarction. Fortunately, Moustached Slimy Worm and Unluckyy were there to help Lenya calm down. I’m sure she will recover.

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BONUS: Market Tycoon is the New Order’s leading expert on EVE Online’s farming experience. What are the most effective means to maximize your income, without risking isk or having to do anything at all? Market recommends that crabs head to the Abyss, because CCP encourages mindless gameplay.

Egbu nke Izu

Kills of the Week Before

Here are some bea, annihilated between September 13 @ 00:00 EVEtime and September 19 @ 23:59 EVEtime. Everyone enjoyed whoring on free killmails during CCP’s Yulai event, which took place in excruciating slow motion, but real PvB involves shooting bots before CCP finally gets around to doing something.

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Seam Daigon was hoping to make it to next week, but got caught by Votre Dieu, shortly before intergalactic midnight. No matter what timezone Seam is currintly AFK in, this was an obvious Kill of the Week. Yikes! 

Seam took his case to Miner’s Court…

…but the cargo manifest was proof of intent to distribute.

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Lokoboto looks like a goofus, because he is. I was able to uninstall his gas huffing Megathron with a little help from Zoe Nyx, Shadow Cyrilus, MrDiao, Yes Mr Cheng, Independence Day, Encrypted Transmission, and Gallente Ambrye.

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Tanarisa Star wanderer actually dies next week, but she’s already tackled and going down very slowly. Squidhunting Manwhore did the math, and Tanarisa’s death is imminent, with termination in exactly 24 minutes. For some reason, she agreed to duel a Catalyst, and all she has to defend herself are five Harvester drones. Good fight!

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Fez Hideo reinforced her bulkheads, blinged her shields, and prepared for elite PvP in an 0.7. Her pirate ship was promptly vaporized by Ulianov and mat Otsito.

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St0n3 lost his Kronos weeks ago, and it’s now a Kill of the Week, because I say so. While looking through old logs, I suddenly remembered this orbiter who tried to defend his Retrievers with a Marauder. When asked why, he explained that it was all a ploy to get my attention. Indeed, I showed up with my girlfriends: Alleil Pollard, Keraina Talie-Kuo, AgBee 001, Shadow Pearl, and Zopiclone.

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Sirtech Silicore lost his spaceship way back in 2017, and it finally became a Kill of the Week in 2020, after Sirtech’s alt repeatedly returned to the Why Was I Ganked? channel. Tax Collector HongMei probably doesn’t even remember this incident, but Sirtech certainly does, and he has successfully campaigned for recognition of his loss. Congratulations on your impressive second place finish! 

I asked Felicia/Sirtech if she had anything she wanted to tell James 315.

Mission complete.

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rhe natu was relaxing while mining in her command ship, when suddenly she was ejected into the harsh vacuum of outer space. Before she could click a button, her pod was vaporized by Buttercup Potemkin (who is definitely not in a terrorist cult). Replacing your brain with bot chips may seem like a good idea, but it’s illegal.

 

Drep Vikunnar

Kills of the Week Before

Here are some bera that got obliterated between September 6 @ 00:00 EVEtime and August 12 @ 23:59 EVEtime. Haha, just kidding, time doesn’t go backwards.

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Dart Zannah had a Nightmare, and woke up shivering. It turns out the Nordwind is approaching Hek, and it’s awful cold in space.

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Alex Jefferson was glad Hulkageddon is over, warping to the belt with all haste, but unfortunately he didn’t have room in his cargo for a mining permit. The Tactical Narcotics Team is proud to enforce CODE. compliance.

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Isogren Faith Ronuken loved her little salvage retriever. Alas, false faith led her astray, and she encountered a purple ball of TNT.

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Shadow Uzumaki Jr wanted to try everything EVE has to offer. Whadda Badasaz and Lavish DeGankar suggested Shadow stop mining and try dunking battleships.

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Ares PK was into Death by dying, and got his wish. PogChampion, Bob Welder, big brutor two, and Loota’Plex are good boys.

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When Akasha Thorne isn’t giving me three fortizars, she is forcing everyone in her alliance to embrace total CODE. compliance. It’s the law!

Taylor accepted judgment with grace and dignity, unlike so many carebears. 

When Princess Aiko demands feudal subservience, she doesn’t just want you to turn over all assets (including three fortizars). She also expects the vassal levy.

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BONUS: The New Eden Police Force has declared CODE. to be the “most wanted” group in the galaxy. It’s true. A lot of people truly love us, and I’m sure you will enjoy the Anti-Ganking Security Guide.

I offered to edit their website, but they couldn’t afford to pay me. Remember, if you need help with grammar and spelling, contact a CODE. agent today!

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DOUBLE BONUS: Zane Arnolles encourages everyone to watch this informative video, which (now that James is dead) appears more relevant than ever. It’s a decent introduction, although it fails to discuss how our Princess managed to seduce the Byzantine emperor and thereby turned him into a loyal simp.

 

More Kills of the Week!

Oh boy, it’s Sunday, a day of rest in honor of when James created Highsec. It’s the perfect time to relax and acknowledge that the mighty New Order is dunking carebears into oblivion. It’s what they deserve. It’s what James 315 wants. It’s also what I want, and what any reasonable person wants. Here’s a video!

Gigacus Gank

Highsec miner Gigacus was desperately trying to compete with NPC miners, and  pleased to finally have an audience on his stream. However, the only people who watch Highsec mining streams are elite CODE. scouts (and people who enjoy watching miners face justice). Maybe he would have noticed James, if he was actually looking at his computer monitor. Did you know James is permabanned?

A few friends ate his retriever, and Gigacus tried to use the old “I’m having a real life tornado” excuse. Miner, tornadoes do not justify AFK mining! Gigacus tried to play off the gank like he didn’t care, but I could hear anguish in his voice, “Really, guys?” Oh yes, Gigacus — really! Permits are definitely a thing. I hope Gigacus understands that Princess Aiko does not approve of his inappropriate language.

I particularly enjoyed hearing Gigacus and his miner friend reminiscence about the good ‘ol days, when bumping was a literal thing, and not just a euphemism for taking out the trash. Highsec is different now. Anyways, after he calmed down, Gigacus reinvented himself as another kind of miner. My favourite part occurs here, when he takes his pet Gnosis for a little stroll. The soundtrack is just priceless , and it really gets you into the mind of a miner, and how they approach EVE. Gross!

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Miners insist the CODE. is dead. Well, here are some bears that got extirpated between August 30 @ 00:00 EVEtime and September 5 @ 23:59 EVEtime.

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Britannic Lord fancied himself something of an aristocrat, but really he was just a common peasant. Nordwind blew him away. They also killed an Occator, a Loki, an Impel, and another Occator. Looks like a storm is brewing!

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Zuysheam didn’t realize that Aiko is burning Isanamo. His abyssal Christmas tree was erased, with a little help from Shilliam Watner.

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Emilia yekaterina just wanted free easy isk, but didn’t even know how to capitalize her own name. She was promptly evicted by Whadda Badasaz, Shadow Redemption, Aimee Tzestu, and Zigam. Hm, James really does have new friends. 

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McMahon Aivoras had a freighter, and a vision. He wanted to be a speedy express, with Shadow Serpentis Inertial Stabilizers. A special taskforce was dispatched, led by our allies Carmeth Andari, Aedaric, and Tyrek Marlinsano.

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246624 is a poorly programmed bot, and equipped its Mackinaw with five (5) Harvester drones that now belong to Zopiclone. She did the right thing, and encouraged 246624 to start trading with nullsec nomad Princess Aiko. 

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

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Bleks Penken was unaware the New Order is rapidly expanding. Volunteers are coming out of the deep, with names like Independence Day, Gallente Citizen I, Xarayac quiffin, First Gallente Citizen, Ivellious Gray, Taylor Corveau, and Momiji Tetsuyo. Hello friends, and welcome back to Highsec.

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Khartausu let Michi excavate his brain. Ulianov and mat Otsito put him down.

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Overheard in Teamspeak

“I’m humbled to be in the presence of Princess Aiko.”

“You fucking should be! Princess Aiko is the dark queen, an evil witch. People think she is the devil incarnate. They vow to hunt her down. They want to destroy her. She will destroy them. They say she is a monster. She will kill you and bathe in your skill points. I wanted to strangle and rape her, but she’s actually quite personable. The things she has done, I have read about them, it is brilliant. Those people are fucked. People want to kill Aiko, I wanted to kill Aiko, but I heard her talk and there is nothing in her voice that makes me want to kill her. I like her. She’s a terrorist, but a good woman. I used to hate CODE. Fucking HATE CODE. However, I realize now, they are teaching basic game mechanics to people who will never contribute to the game unless CODE. steps in to teach them a lesson. A harsh lesson, but a lesson they need to learn. It’s a basic service. She should be paid by CCP. I do not understand this whiteknight antiganker community. Astevon? He makes my hairs stand on end. He’s in a real-life cult, in real-life! People go grr goons grr, but why? If you don’t want to get ganked, fuck off and do better. If you are not willing to learn, to observe, then you have no place here. EVE is not a place for you. I hated CODE. so much, they ganked me, but then I realized they are funny. I moved into a wormhole. I close all the exits. I am a PvP God, but I don’t want CODE. to find my hole. Do you know how many bots CODE. uncovers? I hate EVE. I hate it so much. It ruined every other game for me. No other game has this. Aiko plays a triple game in one game. Aiko plays EVE like Magic the Gathering. Aiko is the ultimate thot, she has so many simps. You are talking to the Princess of Highsec? You are in way over your head. Most people think Aiko must be James, they cannot handle the truth. Imagine being trounced by a woman. It is such a blow to a man’s pride. We are all here today because of the spider queen. Her web is strong, very strong. Bow down to her!”

Kills of Last Week

Kills of the Week Before

Listening to: 
Peaceful and Relaxing Gank Music

What day is it? Oh man, what a kerfluffle. What is a girl to do?

Calm down, I got this.

EARLY BONUS: If you read all the way to the bottom, sometimes you find a little something extra for the faithful. I better put it at the top, in case you have the ADHD. Check out this tight video by Zaenis Desef and watch twitch.tv/zaenisdesef

CODE. is FOREVER

That’s right, I can turn images into hyperlinks! Dayum, that’s the best EVE trailer ever, except for one I’ll link another day. Now here are some bears that got wrecked between August 23 @ 00:00 EVEtime and August 29 @ 23:59 EVEtime.

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Eyar02 was a good for nothing thief, but elite New Order agents brought him to justice. Back when I dunked Pranav Singh‘s orca, I just knew that he was gonna be inspired to start ganking. I guess that’s why they call me the Highsec Goddess. Pranav wanted Eyar dead, and accompanied my alts Aiko Danuja, Shilliam Watner, Minx Mattel, Shadow Fireball, Ariarno, Butter Button, and don’t forget Hide Yo Freighters!

Pranav knows what a big deal I am, and politely asked me to blog his own content. If you are into bubble blobs, I guess you might find this video interesting, but where is CONCORD? I don’t know, but Pranav has a great life story.

[ 2019.08.13 02:31:59 ]

AGBee 001 > !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 注意力惊慌失措的恐怖分子矿工：我们准备使用武力。 Highsec人民解放援助小组正在这里恢复 James 315的 和谐。!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Attention deranged terrorist miners: we are prepared to use force. The Highsec People’s Liberation Army Assistance Group is here to restore James 315’s harmony.!!!!!! !!!!! !!!! !!! !!+
Aiko Danuja > This is your final warning!
Whadda Badasaz > GLORY TO THE OLD GUARD!
Aiko Danuja > Pranav Singh You have been convicted as a member of Strategic Exploration and Development Corp
Viktor Rahl > that’s what you get for acting the mickey
Aiko Danuja > Praise James \o/

 You’re welcome!

***

Khaleeci Ve traded away her dragons, and was promptly obliterated by Ernst Steinitz. How did he know she had ORE miners? The best part of the story is that she immediately biomassed. A lot of people have flagged this kill as an example of real money trading, and it certainly is. CCP thanks Khaleeci for her mining service.

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RosefinchS spent a lot of money on her Golem. I have no idea why it was so expensive, CCP must be scamming these miners. Fortunately, Alleil Pollard, Gallente Ambrye, Shadow Cyrilus, and MrDiao helped me take out the trash.

***

Coreleon was operating with an EDENCOM fleet, in direct violation of the Halaima Halama. What was he thinking? When a New Order fleet warped in, composed of elite CODE. agents and their Triglavian Initiative allies, Coreleon panicked. He deliberately tried to repair our scout. That’s illegal in my Highsec! I guess CONCORD just doesn’t like these bot aspirant miners. When we noticed that Knowledgeminer was in the fleet, we came back and dunked him too.

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Knowledgeminer isn’t the only antiganking goofus to fail daily. His little dog Kippy Kipster uses the exact same fit as Knowledgeminer, and she dared to try and protect Isanamo’s 1 day old bot Ventures. Kippy vanished after her location was triangulated by the New Eden Institute of Applied Mathematics. I’ve heard a lot of insults leveled at our agents, but “dumb and uneducated” isn’t one of them. Most of us are tenured professors, and we like to gank during office hours. I have a meeting. Read Chapter 2.

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Trade Chee wanted to be a nullsec nomad, but got a reality check when he was wrecked by Charlotte Rackner, Yan Rackner, and Kimberly Rackner.

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Den Talidar thought we are afraid to leave Highsec, but he was dead wrong. Sometimes we like to relax and have a good time. Autumn Schereau was accompanied by Liam Shotson and Lynx Trild. Here’s a hint: stay cloaked.

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ronnie ballz is just another wierdo who replaced his brain with implants. They didn’t seem to help him much. I’d screenshot the implants, but trust me, they aren’t worth it. Ernst Steinitz didn’t even bother to scoop the frozen biomass.

 

Mission Accomplished

Listening to: Hell Yeah

Previously on James315.Space… The content vortex spans a galaxy, as the CODE. embraces a new mission. Henceforth, the miners will be extirpated, such is the divine will of the Clades.  Do not suffer the miner! Hal·le·lu·jah.

I confess. When I first proposed killing James, he thought it was a joke. However, after a few glasses of wine, he realized it was already done. Valor Morghulis. It had to be, and when my blue lips kissed him goodbye, he almost smiled.

Sometimes I bring him back, sucking James off into a vat, and jerking him awake just long enough to tell him what I think. He looks around, gives a tired wave, and submachine guns turn the lights out. I will let him slumber again, until it’s time for another little chat. Some people say he isn’t really living, but James isn’t truly dead either. We are keeping the ol’ man on blue ice in Hek. In their grey wisdom, our powerful friends in Trigspace have given Him eternal limbo, so long as we obey the Halama. Always!

When we held the funeral, miners watched gleefully, believing the CODE. would finally dissolve into chaos and internal strife.

The grumpy bears claim that we are mere roleplayers, dismissing us as if we are just really good at winning roleplaying games. What they forget is that roleplayers are also able to play a role. We can run a game on you, no doubt. That’s what we do, friend. Even James finally accepted his untimely death, written off at the end of the eighth season. It was the will of the shareholders. We voted, and I won by a landslide. The PermaBanned know I’m one of them, and the Old Guard stands firm.

As the mighty CODE. alliance is the elite roleplaying guild of EVE Online,  we might be able to infiltrate our own alliance and seize destiny (yours and mine)! Carpe diem! Unfortunately, although Knowledgeminer sits in the MinerBumping channel day and night, he ignored the dire omens of Super Perforator, who was concerned that Knowledgeminer might get dunked (again). Miners always say that we never warn them, but it’s not our fault if they can’t read between the lines. Super’s concern was well placed, for Knowledgeminer believed that James was truly dead. With the CODE. alliance neutered, and now in the grasp of a flirty airhead, it was safe to mine again. Right?

Not!

Wow, we even got the corpse. What a pleb. For all his talk about learning to PvP, Knowledgeminer sure got himself caught up in a little PvE honey pot. Baited on a free. We just hated to see him stuck in Edencom prison, so we helped him. It’s time to dust off the cloaky Loki and go back into hiding. Get on outta here!

Now that’s legit. What a common goofus pleb. Someone asked me how it felt to kill Knowledgeminer, and my reply was exactly what you might imagine, “I don’t feel anything for the mining caste.” Let them eat salt.

Oh, I know, he didn’t want that Hurricane anyways. Uh huh. We all know that he’s too scared to go into Low Sec, and forsake CONCORD. He’s even afraid of the Lonetrek FacPo! Yo, we is straight out of Halaima. Fortunately, the CODE. is here to ensure that every miner gets the content they so desperately need and deserve.

Bauldis Tivianne > Knowledgeminer he is a not very bright wanna be AG. He lost a nemisis to a thrasher with no point, and he attacked the thrasher to get a timer!
Josh en Welle > Knowledgeminer you are a rare breed of AG
Uncle Flacco > he whores on a lot of concord killmails

Aiko Danuja > will u help me with a special project?
Knowledgeminer > haha, what “special project”?
Aiko Danuja > i am going to save the antigankers from their sin!
Knowledgeminer > I’m not the typical miner you may troll all you want
Aiko Danuja > its not trolling friendo

Knowledgeminer > suicide ganking is treating ships as ammo, it’s just not the way I like to fly my ships
Aiko Danuja > i give each ship a unique name and get to know each member of the crew, but you should see your crew as expendable, because they are only common plebs without capsuleer implants
Uncle Paulie > he seems to care more about a 100mil ship then i did about my 5bil dreads i would fly in lowsec.
Aiko Danuja > that’s what is holding him back
Uncle Paulie > its why he will never be good at pvp, you have to learn to LET GO
Knowledgeminer > lol
Aiko Danuja > you are limiting your horizons
Uncle Paulie > for someone who isnt just a lvl 1 thinker, its pretty obvious
Alleil Pollard > Aiko’s a level 39 thinker
Whadda Badasaz > She’s almost completely clear of Thetans, she’ll be a Super Saiyan soon, it was prophesized.
Alleil Pollard > It is known.
Knowledgeminer > no, it’s not letting othres decide what those horizons should be for me
Aiko Danuja > just go find a customs office, shoot it, and the loki will be gone forever
Alleil Pollard > FREEDOM SWEET FREEDOM
Uncle Paulie > The things you own, end up owning you
Knowledgeminer > lol, what?
Uncle Paulie > Its only after you’ve lost everything, you are free to do anything
Knowledgeminer > avoidng the loss of my ship is part of the fun for me, it’s part of the challenge
Aiko Danuja > but you DO mind losing ur ship
Uncle Paulie > but you DO care about losing your ship
Knowledgeminer > I mind and care in the sense that I try to avoid it happen

Here’s a piece of knowledge. Miners need mining permits!

Ready for the caper, steady plottin’ for the PLEX
We ain’t getting paid grinding wage
I know a way
Lemme tell you how we finna to get paid
Let’s ride, steppin’ outside like warriors
Livin in the dark, hidin’ in the corridor
We gonna order Dead Frog and when we see the hauler
Miner in the wrong place at the right time
You know what this is, it’s a stick up
Gimme the dough from your pickups
You can get down, but you can’t be afraid
The name says you, but the face is me
Now it’s your turn take my paper work
Like 1, 2, 3 let’s make it work
Now we just walk right up and bump it
To the game we rockin’ brand names
CONCORD never know who to true blame
Repeat this cycle like a laundry mat
Like a glitch in the system it’s hard to catch
We can take it to Jita then get the cash
Yeah, get a friend and then do it again
Damn right that’s how we pay the rent
I’m down for the caper, we steady on the grind
I’m creepin their merchandise
I take mine off the top like a politician
It’s a daily struggle, we all gotta hustle
This is the way we survive
As long as there’s cats to be sold
I ain’t waitin’ for the system to plug up these holes
I be slippin’ through the cracks
I’m only trying to show how good gankers live
If you claimin’ gangsta, then bang on the system
We got to get over, We all gotta hustle
I found out how to pimp the system
We can get some government paper
Can we really do that?
That’s part of the game

 

Tueries de la Semaine

Bonjour, les amis! I woke up this morning and thought, “Oh boy! I can’t wait to see the Kills of the Week!” Without further ado, here are some ourses that got evicted between August 16th @ 00:00 EVEtime and August 22th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

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May Hamu filled her Bestower with garbage, and couldn’t even be bothered to go full MWD cloak trick fit. Fortunately, Cargo Bandit enforced the Code. Great job!

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Zigler was preparing to disband, when he got assistance from Joel Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Jason Kusion, Justin Kusion, and Master Kock. What nice boys!

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They claim we are afraid to leave Highsec, but CODE. enforcers had no qualms about entering Niarja, even after it lost high security status. Autumn Schereau joined a coalition fleet with Pen Is Out, Test Alliance Please Ignore, Brave Collective, and Goonswarm Federation. Yes, TEST and the Imperium are at war, but we cooperate against the miners. marley rockwell was astonished by how quickly his Sleipnir was erased.

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Seancelm was using his Orca as a storage unit, when Zopiclone, Krominal, Shilliam Watner, AGBee 513, Catalyst Whisperer, Rafa Quinterro, and The Kitchen Samurai arrived to take out the trash.

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Suta Camelia adorned her Leshak with green and blue, but this didn’t save her from Never Gonna SeeGrandKids, Shadow Redemption, and Keraina Talie-Kuo.

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Krispy Hirl was moving stuff, for no apparent reason. He wanted to do it all in one trip, and was bored out of his mind. Fortunately, he was rescued by Vitreous Humor, Highsec Goddess’ mi0, lady aspin, and The Goddess’ Chosen.

 

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Wolf Blut decided to shield tank his Mackinaw, but forgot his mining permit. He was evicted by Shilliam Watner, Ulianov, and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM.

Убийства недели

Привет друзья! Here are some медведи that got evicted between August 9th @ 00:00 EVEtime and August 15th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

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Pheonix Flambarde had a genius idea. He combined ORE Strip Miners, with Carpo Mining Laser Upgrades and an ORE Expanded Cargohold. He also included Synthetic Hull Conversion Inertia Stabilizers! This amazing auto-mining machine performed very well until it utterly exploded under the watchful gaze of Niels Henrik Abel, Felix Hausdorff, Max August Zorn, and Ernst Steinitz.

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Deador Alive found out he was dead when he crammed his occator full of garbage and rammed it into Hell Dawn. That was dumb. The illegal vessel was decommissioned by Fire h4ir, Devilish Hunters, PurgerAdrenaline, and XIIRU.

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When Silicia White loaded her freighter full of skill injectors, she assumed the RMT scheme was foolproof. Fortunately, CCP has authorized an elite strike force to clean up Jita, led by Amallea, Justin Kusion, Jake Kusion, and Mjolnir Rage Torpedo. 

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Meanwhile, when Doominatrix Easymount filled her Ibis with skill injectors, it was not at all suspicious for six hours old character 6aya to instinctively gank the corvette with a skill injected tier II thrasher. I’ll allow it.

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Kyrd Deninard thought his mining battlecruiser was suitable for passive income generation, but was corrected by Noll Kion, Lisa Tears, and Egon Halbdackel.

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Boko Sila was mining in Korsiki, when he was liberated by Shadow Fireball, Ulianov, Noll Kion, Gallente Ambrye, Your Awesum Brutha, and Yes Mr Cheng. Cool story! By the way, Pithum A-Type Multispectrum Shield Hardeners will not protect your capacitor tanked warship. Sorry!

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Boko Sila was still AFK, when he was euthanized by Shadow Pearl. Wonderful! Just in case you are wondering, High-grade Crystal is still illegal.

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Last week, we watched with amazement as Australian Excellence traveled into the future and blapped a blingy pod. This was so inspiring that Princess Aiko led a strike time into the distant past, eager to score a Kill of the Week during the final week of MinerBumping. In an instant, history was firmly rewritten, when Seather Peterson became the first goofus in EVE history to have his Thunderchild ganked in Highsec. Unfortunately, when James saw this, he was so startled that he fell out of his chair and promptly passed away. Oops! Our wonderful Saviourette was accompanied by her good friends Hide Yo Freighters, Safeword is Harder, Ship Insurance Liberator, Shadow Cyrilus, and Master Kock.

 

Todesfälle der Woche

ANNOUNCEMENT: Hallo Freunde. A lot of people have been wondering where to send their isk, plex, and moon goo. Now that James 315 is dead, several times over, it can be hard to know how to invest. You can naturally send your stuff to his old account, and that’s cool, like how the Wiking used to send gold and silver to Valhöll. I am sure James would appreciate your full faith. However, you might want to just send it all to her ladyship, Aiko Danuja. That’s right! It would really simplify the accounting.

Before you stop being calm, just think about this carefully. If your Ouija board is handy, you can easily ask James whether you should send me all your stuff, and I’m sure he will respond with a succint statement like “Sounds reasonable.” If he is feeling especially informative, he might even explain that I’ve been managing the Halaima MinerBumping IPO since he died back in 2018, and that’s just a fact friendo. Didn’t you know???

Did you really think this was satire? Really?????

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Ohne weiteres, here are some Bären that got dunked between August 2nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 8th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

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James 315 commanded us to “respect” the mighty Jihadswarm. One Venture ganker claimed that multiboxers are “cheaters”, and I advised him to biomass his alpha account, because Justin Kusion, Patricia Parra, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Charlie Jacobson, and Bob Mechanic are my omega friends. In fact, as Kusion reminded everyone last night, I’ve known him since before the sex change.

***

Some bots doubt that CODE. is the most powerful alliance in the galaxy, but they fail to realize that both Pandemic Horde and Goonswarm have sworn fealty to James 315, and his successor (that’s me). While plebian peasants bicker, knights of the realm focus upon what matters: burning wicked miners. I therefore offer my affections to Pranav Singh, The Highsec Goddess, and The Highsec Goddess’ Necromancer.

I know some cynical fools are thinking, it’s just some random coincidence that Pandemic Horde ganked a porpoise, which has nothing to do with me or the CODE. I don’t know what to say, but this same miner lost a Nestor just an hour earlier. Hmm. It’s not like the most elite gankers all sit in comms together. Right?

***

Highsec miners hide a lot of contraband, and it may appear to be just random luck, when we find their stash . However, we don’t just control Isanamo and Uedama… we also control Jita and Amarr! Miners are notoriously bad at business, and it’s actually CODE. which has all the elite market tycoons. Zopiclone and Never Gonna SeeGrandKids knew exactly where to find the evidence. Just say no to mining!

***

wotan vallvater defied the laws of space and time, combining reinforced bulkheads with expanded cargoholds, thereby creating an impossibly dense glob of goblok. When CODE. agents investigated this anomaly, they traveled into next week and dunked on wotan’s entire mining fleet. Congrats to the Old Guard, led by Aiko Danuja, Alt 00, AGBee 513, and Rafa Quinterro. This was the third time that wotan lost a mining fleet, and we can only hope he finally decides to purchase a permit. Wotan, if you ever read this website, I hope you can spot the hint (and send me your stuff in a slightly more efficient manner).

***

Taking advantage of the temporal anomaly, His Australian Excellence returned from the dead and traveled further into the future, blasting an illegal Chinese smuggler. Wu Hu forgot to flee into deep space, where he belongs, and his pod was lawfully confiscated. Remember miners, the High-grade Amulet Omega “does nothing in and of itself.”

***

Meanwhile,  in another timeline , mat Otsito found an even blingier pod hiding inside a retriever. The Mid-grade Harvest Omega is also trash.

Asesinatos de la Semana

Hola, amigos y amigas! Here are some osas that got dunked between July 26th @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 1st @ 23:59 EVEtime.

***

Vogon Hameraz thought he could smuggle compressed gneiss into Highsec, but he got a reality check from iZaEaRl, Gandor Ironfist, and Airne Earl. The good news is that Last Stand Enterprises is looking to hire a new hauler.

***

Ragnar Royce lost his gold-plated Paladin last week, and was ordered to purchase a mining permit. Ragnar ran away, hoping we would forget, but he was wrong. After a thorough search of Apanake, Ragnar was punished a second time, by Shadow Cyrilus, Sven Ole-Torssen, midijerk93 Patrouette, Yes Mr Cheng, and Buttercup Potemkin.

***

Roman Beshlyk was excited to finally find his niche, as a member of the Total Mining Company. Unfortunately, as you might have guessed, his exhumer failed to pass an inspection conducted by Ulianov and GAY PRIDE BOOOOOM.

***

joe stonegrinder wanted to make a name for himself, and decided to become a fittings innovator. We’ve all seen mining battleships before, but behold the salvage battlecruiser. Fortunately, Lyrialtus took out the trash. 

***

Lay Klaus forgot about PvP, and decided this was a perfect time to load his jump freighter with some tritanium and a stack of ORE Expanded Cargoholds. What a goofus. Lay was evicted from Highsec by Inspector Implant, Keisharae, Jayson Kusion, Charlie Jacobson, George Painter, and Dubious Anime Name. Great job guys!

***

Hurricane Jefferson slapped some expanded cargohold modules on his empty blockade runner, and was promptly counter-MWDwarpcloaktricked by Augustus De Morgan, Niels Henrik Abel, and Erhard Schmidt. When Ernst Steinitz spotted an escape pod, the illegal miner was vaporized, along with his High-grade Hydras.

***

BONUS: I wouldn’t be the official Saviourette of Highsec, if people weren’t commissioning paintings of me, and praising my name. CODE. Origin’s in-house artist, Xeux, made a portrait of me and the boys.