The Plague of Nakugard, Part 1

Previously on James315. Space… Alt 00 sought to protect the miners from their own self-inflicted pestilence, but the Chinese botting virus claimed a morbid toll. Alt systematically purged the system with neutron blasts, dissembling the virus before it could replicate, but would this be enough to save Nakugard? As unrepentant miners continued to resist best practice safeguards, Alt decided it was time to make an example.

As James 315 once observed, “Highsec miners are like a box of chocolates. You never really know what’s inside until you tear the box open.” Some miners are idon’tcare bears, and other miners are goofus bears, but Cassiopaia Fondana was a cringy crybear. According to zkill, she lost an estimated $0.54, enough to feed her entire village for a week. I recently got a breakfast taco for $1.50, and I can only imagine how I might feel if Alt 00 grabbed a third of it. Cassiopaia’s lip trembled.

As Cassiopaia stared in dismay at her half eaten ice cream cone, melting on the concrete and already attracting ants, she began to realize that she would never, never, be able to play with her retriever ever again. Oh dear, she might be able to buy another retriever, but it just wouldn’t be the same barge, and tears began to well up in her sensitive eyes. Goodbye fair retriever, goodbye old friend…

Cassiopaia dealt with the situation just as she might deal with a similar crisis in real life. She began to stomp her feet, and gesticulated with her flailing hands. It was precisely the example Alt 00 intended, as the other miners began to notice a commotion.

 

It was precisely at this moment that Alt 00 made a power play, demonstrating once and for all the almighty power of the Code, praise be unto James on High!
 

Cassiopaia knew she would never see her barge again, and her wailing became increasingly shrill. Fortunately, she was invited to the premier Why Was I Ganked? channel, where New Order agents were standing by to help her.

Meanwhile, Cassiopaia continued to rend her garments in Nakugard local…

Everyone in Nakugard could see what happens when you disobey the safety regulations of the New Order, and they watched in horror as Cassiopaia gnashed her teeth.

The hapless bot was soon reduced to mere repetition in all channels…

The other miners did not want to wind up like Cassiopaia, and agreed it would be best to dock up and respect the quarantine. It was, as they say, another happy ending for the New Order. The ice floated free, unmolested and untainted by the foul mining pestilence.

This article has 3 comments

  1. CodeAnon

    This was truly an insightful analysis of the situation in Nakugard, and the edifying words and phrases written here did most surely cause me to desire an engaging conversation with my fellow readers.

Leave a Comment