Think About The Miners

Some don’t like Safety.

They hate their own government.

We try our best, but it’s never good enough.

These bots need to calm down.

They lash out blindly at everyone.

They invent paranoid conspiracies…

…with imaginary enemies lurking in the shadows.

There’s only one reasonable solution.

We must euthanize the miners.

All of them.

 

Soviet Forest Condoms

Russian bots often utilize inadequate chat scripts.

Flopalopadoobie had this one-sided conversation, with a Venture.

Anna Alduina > blasphemy you climbed idiot
Anna Alduina > standing dripping no fucking out of the ear

Anna Alduina > na xyi yebok
Anna Alduina > pindostan unfinished
Anna Alduina > fak niger
Anna Alduina > Because of you idiot, I leaked all the lawsuits, I dug no need to destroy them, so tell me what the fuck did you earn from me? Well, you destroyed the ship, well, rejoice. Why do I need to lay an egg, I spent a month collecting implants. Or that your balls are so small that you only drain small things like me?
Anna Alduina > How tired I am that everyone is trying to take away the little trifle that I have already collected, but what can I say to you, you leaked me and you are happy. You don’t understand!
Anna Alduina > Well, you leaked me the arguments, and what? Did you kill the capsule? Absurd! If you have such kils in high esteem, then the most that I can tell you is that it’s stupid. And yes , I don’t care , unlike you, I even write, even if it’s bad. How insignificant you are then, well, go on catching the little ones. After all, it seems that you are not capable of more. Rat, this is what’s perfect for you! You’re pathetic in your attempt to be cool by merging the weaker ones.

Usually, commies struggle with alphabets.

This miner was trying to spell, “You are fucked up! If your destiny is to PvP, I feel sorry for you.” Close, but keep practicing!

Ukrainian men are desperate for free-market blowjobs.

My mouth drives them crazy!

Where is that whore who wants 30 million isk?

Crazy Miner Garry offers advice for his comrades.

More frequently, we don’t understand what the pinkos are saying.

When we do take time to translate, it’s usually either: 

You pathetic clowns! Your mothers will die of Wu Flu!

or…

How can I be nice to faggots like you?

or…

Smoke pussy scum))

Recently, they threatened to report us for RMT!

The only good red miner, is a dead miner.

Увидимся позже!)))

FUNFEST

I’ve been thinking.

I’m in charge.

So I declare a miner hunt.

I hereby summon all the knights and sundry pages.

Show me your best kills, and amaze me.

I will show you mine.

When you catch a miner, make it talk.

Teach it who is boss.

That’s right.

Come on, come all!

It’s gonna be fun!

Just like old times…

Happy Highsec

I know how to keep miners happy.

First, you shoot them.

Then, you have a conversation.

Usually, they cry.

Let them express their feelings.

Eventually, you can find common ground.

It’s not hard to figure out what miners want.

They need a friend.

For a bit of money, they can finally be happy.

Don’t let them scam you with a sob story.

Take their isk.

This gives them a sense of purpose.

They just want to belong.

They love it.

 

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #230

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #229

Miners love to write about the New Order.

They have delusions of grandeur.

The poor things are confused.

Don’t press the seagull pomornik!

Some miners have learned helplessness.

They are barely trying.

They aren’t safe, even in the high-security zone.

So they take their abuse out on us.

They cry and cry and cry.

Sometimes, they pretend they aren’t crying.

They might even thank us.

Or they send some helpful advice.

It’s all just crying.

These miners are salty.

Really salty.

They are frostbitten and gone to forest.

We leaked their ship.

Silly miners.

They have so much to say.

We will stay in touch!

 

Tempest in a Teapot

A few days ago, when I took a brief glance at the CSM candidates, I failed to notice double trader Vily. Oh, he’s also running? I’d like to continue ignoring him, but recent developments have forced me to acknowledge his existence.

Matterall has jumped the shark, desperately whiteknighting for snowflake Vily, who was outrageously assaulted during a CCP interview.

Here’s what happened. Mittens urged people to watch Vily’s boring interview, and Matterall construed this as egregiously inappropriate griefing.

That’s right. Goonswarm’s ‘raid’ of the CCP stream was analogous to a violent confrontation in which people died. Mittens deliberately and intentionally fired a loaded Goonswarm at Vily. This clearly ranks alongside other infamous moments in history, including the Reichstag Fire, the LA Riots, and the St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre.

Since Vily was hosted by CCP, one naturally wonders why Matterall is even involved. We might assume that CCP is perfectly capable of managing their own Twitch channel, but Matterall is apparently a space Karen.

This has a lot to do with the basic psychology of carebears. For example, consider the recent clips of Coach Subway and HateLesS, two ‘chill’ dudes who suddenly became enraged and nearly (or actually) started punching their desk. There’s a lot boiling behind that calm exterior, and these people are looking for an excuse to claim they have been unfairly bullied (and are therefore justified in attacking others).

What happened in the Twitch stream? Did Goons spam the channel with vulgar words and shameful epitaphs? Surely, Materall wouldn’t whine about nothing? However, when I watched the video, I realized the Imperium did nothing wrong.

Frankly, the chat logs are exceedingly tame.

Basically, flying bumblebees.

There were a few criticisms…

…nothing that crossed any kind of line.

It was basically every other Twitch stream.

It was a ‘raid’.

Carebears keep trying to change culture, denouncing “bullies” and “griefers”. It’s reached the point where cartoon bees are considered violent. We need to remember that the real bullies are those who hide behind virtue signalling and manufactured outrage, demanding that others be punished for imaginary offenses.

Umm… It’s just dumb.

So umm, I’m just gonna, umm, kill all the umm carebears (in game).

Welcome to Isa

I’m originally from Agil.

Lately, I spend a lot of time in Isanamo.

There’s something special about this place.

I’ve made a lot of friends here.

We all work together, and keep the system clean.

Whenever I log in, the locals greet me.

There’s always something happening in sunny Isa.

It’s just a safe place to mine.

Feel free to drop by and visit!

Cya!

 

Miner’s Gulag

It’s rough out there in Highsec.

There sure are a lot of gankers.

They don’t even care about isk.

It’s best to stay SAFE.

Your lawyers won’t save you.

Abject submission is your only hope.

So calm down and surrender.

It’s for the best.

Highsec is a miner’s prison.

The CSM 2021

I’ve never thought highly of the CSM. It seems like an attempt by CCP to avoid communication with players, by only interacting with a handful of people, and encouraging players to contact the CSM instead of CCP. It’s basically outsourced customer service, “Your opinion is very valuable to us… Please hold!” Regardless, I think it’s good to vote and try to get decent people elected. 

Arsia Elkin

I don’t know much about her, but she’s a competent lowsec pilot. Unlike other candidates, Arsia wrote me to state her emphatic support for Highsec ganking. I think she’s sincere, intelligent, and an effective communicator.

Although Arsia is on the ‘other side’, and called me a “pirate”, I will vote for her. She recognizes that without someone to shoot, she will have “no game”. She is frustrated by certain prominent nullbears, who have been calling for nerfs to ganking. She hinted that one specific individual is not motivated by a desire to protect new players, but really they just want to AFK haul 20 billion isk across Highsec.

Arsia is someone who understands. If you are getting ganked, you are doing something wrong. I think it’s fair to say that Arsia is my ‘top vote’, and the following 9 individuals are also endorsed in no particular order. 

Rixx Javix

Rixx is also a competent pilot. I have no opinion about the various controversies, but I can say this. Someone I respect is voting for Rixx, and I also will.

Phantomite

Phantomite is a salty grump, who refused to buy a mining permit. However, I’ll still vote for him. He’s active in PvP, and that’s good enough for me.

Angry Mustache

I’ve had positive interactions with Angry. He wants CCP to reduce market fees and encourage trade, which I agree is likely to stimulate overall gameplay.

Evie Kouvo

Basically me, but in an alternate wormhole universe.

Innominate

UNAPOLOGETICALLY A GOON.

Suitonia

Seems like a nerd, but whatever.

Merkelchen

Nice guy!

Brisc Rubal

Goon lawyers have forced me to endorse Brisc.

Aiko Danuja

I’m the best.

Mike Azariah

Mike wants to help newbros, but doesn’t know how. I don’t want to help them, but I know how. So I suggested they add a ganking mission to the New Player Experience, and Mike didn’t like this, because he doesn’t like ganking. I blame Mike for all the ignorant newbros. I thought about voting for him, but changed my mind.

Gay Pride BOOOOM

Gay Pride is a ganker. Unfortunately, he’s also a salty miner called Maplefox, who runs a carebear Highsec mining corporation in Abudban. I wasn’t terribly upset when he tried to scam me for isk and infiltrated our group, posing as a non-English speaking Russian, but when I tried to discuss this he ran away and hid. Bad form!

Obviously, this is someone that will not represent our community, since he isn’t part of it and doesn’t participate. The last thing we want is to elect a ‘ganker’ who ‘represents’ us, when they are actually a Highsec miner. Maplefox is not a good public speaker, and will not be able to fulfill the two important roles of a CSM member: communication with CCP and communication with the players. He is weak, and I would prefer to have no gankers on the CSM, rather than be represented by someone like this.

Dr Spodumain

Dr Spodumain is a whiteknight carebear, who banned me from TiS for “thirty years”. He literally believes I am personally and directly responsible for forcing Highsec miners to commit suicide IRL. Like, seriously.

Maldavius

Incompetent pleb, thinks I’m a scammer.

Jim Halescott

Don’t know him, but an idiot supports him, so that’s a red flag.

Progodlegend

Shipwrecked his alliance in Delve, bad at ECM warfare.

RonUSMC

Coach Subway, but in nullsec.

Gobbins.

Invites everyone to alliance, cries about spies and AWOX.

 

 

Congrats!

We are a nation of laws.

I’m the official Saviourette and designated heiress.

Those who have faith will be blessed.

Others will be cast into darkness.

We all mourned the death of minerbumping channel.

Super lame.

Fortunately, last year, there was a sign.

The oracle presented an uncomfortable truth.

Talas Dir was mocked for her prophecy, yet she knew…

The MinerBumping blog, cryptic as ever, gave subtle hints.


James 315 understood the New Order would survive.

However, obviously, there were political concerns.

Productive discourse was marred by tiresome theology. It became necessary to preface and terminate all messages with praise. 

The bureaucratic red tape was ridiculous.

Therefore, the litmus test (for autism) shifted. Instead of praising James, agents began mocking the roleplayers. That’s what James always wanted.

Gankbears questioned the constitutional mode of succession.

Today, I was unbanned from the minerbumping channel.

If James were still alive, he would be proud.

He would praise you, dear reader.

James, I’ll see you in Hek! You owe me $20.

Here’s a video of zigam killing HateLesS.