Highsec Miner Grab Bag #231

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #230

I love miners.

I love donations.

I love slaves.

I love EVEmail.

Sometimes, they are threatening.

I don’t take any of this seriously.

Miners are like so mental.

Everybody knows I’m a whore.


They want me to get a life…

… but not a nice one.

I’m just a hostile no life whore…

Well, I don’t know what to say.

I guess I’ll keep shooting them.

Miners seem to enjoy the attention.

I’m glad they feel safe.

)))))

Merry Juneteenth!

It’s that festive time of year.

Everyone is celebrating.

We are all getting that magical Juneteenth spirit.

Did you know that slavery is legal in New Eden?

I’m a Khanidess.

We believe in traditional values, unlike the fascist Caldari state.

The mining caste must be extirpated.

We will kill them all.

It’s only fair.

Be well!

Swell

Hello again, dear reader.

Antigankers are all worked up.

They don’t know what to do.

With enemies like this, no wonder I’m on top.

What a bunch of idiots.

Meanwhile, I’ve been helping Orcas.

I do well, by doing well.

Last week, I seized control of a Goon battlefleet.

Today, I seized control of a Fraternity battlefleet.

I control both fleets, on opposite sides of the war.

What do you think about that?

Some people are jelly.

I know what James really wants.

I’m here to save the miners.

That’s a euphemism for genocide (in-game).

So I don’t care who you praise.

These miners are in trouble.

Space lawyers won’t save them.

I’m the friend they need.

Some people say the CODE. is dead.

Actually, I’m invincible.

 

Wrong!

Christi thought she owned the moon.

Wrong!

She decided to ban gankers from her moonbase.

Miners sure do love Princess Aiko.

She’s a nice lady.

What a gal.

See ya later!

Scary

Miners want to fight back.

They invent complicated schemes.

They invite their friends and family to help.

Someday, they are gonna get us…

Just you wait!

They even have kill rights.

Someday.Somehow.

They are gonna do something.

Good luck miners!

 

What’s wrong?

Miners have a lot of questions.

They can’t tell up from down.

Who is winning? Who is losing?

Who am I?

Miners have such a strange way of talking.

I’m not sure what they are thinking.

I’m sure they feel quite normal.

However, something is wrong with their brain.

Like, really wrong.

FUCK YOUR MOTHER’S ASSHOLE AND YOUR MOTHER’S B

 

Hating on Haters

HateLesS apparently hates me. He’s been claiming I declared a crusade against streamers! This isn’t true at all. The Sheikh declared Jihadswarm long before I was born, and I’m merely His divine messenger, borne on the wings of the VCBees.

We don’t believe that miners, like HateLesS, are entitled to free easy boring quick MindLesS isk. Don’t brag about how much isk/hr you make, and then demand CCP make it easier. Welcome to EVE. We are your challenge.

HateLesS says that we are griefers, evil space bullies who just want to make him angry. Look, HateLesS, we don’t care how you react. We are just here to play the game, and normal gameplay is not ‘griefing’. You can cry, or not cry, we are gonna come anyways. That’s not abuse, it’s fair competitive play.

EVE is a wargame, and we are allowed to harass and demoralize you. If this makes someone quit the game, that’s great. We call that winning.

I’m most motivated by “I don’t care” miners, who care so little that they AFK daily. They have a bad attitude, and it’s my duty to antigank them.

We are knights of the New Order, sworn to defend Highsec and ensure it isn’t overrun by bot-aspirant isk-efficient repetitive grinding farmers.

We want a better game, more complicated than blobbing together and blapping defenseless triangles. You might not like it, but we are here to help.

I don’t shoot miners because it’s funny, for isk, or because I have some roleplay sentiment. I don’t do it for a dusty old essay, or some guy who died years ago. I do it for one very simple reason. I don’t like miners, in real life.

I’ve despised basically every video game ever, with their guides and walkthroughs and meta-strategies and canalized rote content. EVE offers something unique, unlike anything else. CCP can introduce all the stale PvE content they want, and it won’t change a thing, because PvP players will ensure that miners burn.

PvE streams don’t draw new players. People just conclude, “Wow, EVE is incredibly boring.” The only interesting moment is when we show up.

HateLesS, calm down… miner.

Ultimately, EVE is a game of cat and mouse. CCP has placed cheese, to entice you poors. Don’t act surprised when you encounter cats.

Cheers!

 

The Best Revenge, Part 97

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, in Aikotopia… Highsec miner anaCheeya ANARKY lost his Orca, and fell into a CODE. rabbit hole. Before long, he was living a life of intrigue and danger, securing an ironclad grip upon the mighty Goonswarm Federation. He also changed his name, several times, before settling upon avia naali (aka aiva naali).

Within the elite Goonswarm Führerbunker, somewhere outside of 1DQ, avia held court with his most trusted assistant, Princess Aiko.

Together, they prepared to accept the humiliating surrender of that whore, Elise Randolph, who would be imprisoned in Kamio.

Elise would spend the rest of her miserable days as a mining Tayra, desperately scrounging for Veldspar in Kamio IV’s belt 4 III’s belt 1.

When avia noticed that the Minerbumping blog was dead, Princess Aiko explained that it was all part of the plan.

Meanwhile, avia developed his own plans, for combat can flipping.

He continued to serve as Chairman of the Delve Racing League.

As always, avia developed Goonswarm’s most elite doctrines.

Sometimes, avia wondered if Aiko was listening. Oh, there she is!

A two front war was imminent, and avia ordered Goonswarm to teir 6.

Channeling Sun Tzu, avia masterminded the entire course of the war. Goonswarm would withdraw, abandoning the floodplains and unreal Delve, allowing the enemy to exhaust themselves on skanktrap Keepstar timers. Only then, over a year later, would the Swarm finally begin to counter break.

The dance team, a pinnacle of Goon high culture, was suddenly disbanded.

World War Bee was just getting started (again)…

 

 

Good ol Uedama

Tonight we went aganking in Uedama.

Our CSM representatives even showed up.

Bless their hearts.

It’s almost like ganking is a legitimate form of gameplay.

Antigankers spread the alarm…

…but miners just kept dying.

It was a battle as significant as any nullbear lagfest.

We dominated those miners.

Everybody was really impressed.

Uedama is a wonderful place to visit. 

A few lucky winners even get a free teleport.

We had a lot of fun!

Come back soon!

Are Highsec Miners Dumb?

A lot of people are saying that Highsec miners are dumb.

It’s true.

They aren’t good at mining.

They are bad with money.

They are bad at PvP.

They can’t tell a win from a loss.

They don’t understand the law.

They enjoy mundane repetitive tasks.

They don’t know how to have fun.

They are out of touch with reality.

They can’t stop crying.

They are stupid.