Category: Agents

The Audio CODE.

Listening to: The Truth About Highsec Ganking

TRIGGER WARNING: GF!

Sargon, with a little help from Tweepsadoodledoo and Don the Dolphin Pleb, decided to try an experiment. What if they fed the CODE. into ChatGPT, and got chatbots Zargon, Sandy, DARPA, and Elon X Shabazz to write their own CODE. So the bots got busy and came up with their idea of what an artificial CODE. might be.

Whilst listening, you may notice a certain similarity to the original CODE. Why is that? Quite simply, even bots recognize the need for justice. So sit back, relax, and read along with the bots.

DOUBLE TRIGGER WARNING: Certain people might complain that they can’t understand the first bot. If that is your crisis, please calm down, and try to stop being a boomer. We recommend listening to the video while you sleep, and see if that helps you memorize the text.

For convenience, I have included links timestamped to the beginning of each of our cherished gospels.

The Beginning (this is where it starts)

The Middle (in between the other parts)

The End (the end)

>>>>BREAKING HOLIDAY SPECIAL<<<<

Ringdingdingalingding.

What’s that sound?

Now that Juneteenth is finally concluding, following a few solid weeks of that dank edible strawberry shortcake, with blue, and yellow purple pills (what?), it’s that time of year again!

Chat let’s go!

I take a couple uppers
I down a couple downers
But nothin’ compares
To these blue and yellow purple pills
I been to mushroom mountains
Twice or thrice, but who’s countin’?

Cool, calm, just like my mom
With a couple of Valium in her palm
When I find six miners and kill them all
Squashed by a b and scammed by her alts
If you got cash, hide it soon

Everybody with a kilo (Me!)
D400 throws the bombest bash in town
Roll up on you like kaloaororaoooidnedlorn
Bizarre, don is passin’ out
naked with a weapon drawn
(true story)

Pop pills, pills I pop
Pop two pills, on stilts I walk
Snort two lines filled with fen
Thought I was incredible and killed the Hulk
^actual lyric

Why the hell you miners think we gank?
We do it just to get your wallet jacked
So okey-doke, packin’ your freighter with void
Don’t give a damn if red or blue
You like smack? Oh, me too!
I pop six at a time

High off chronic
Gin and tonic demonic
At a rave, I’m a whore
I said bounce
Shut your mouth you stupid slut
Droppin’ heroin mesc dramamine
Wanna try? (yaya!)

Some, some, some
Somethin’… I don’t know
Bounce Bounce Bounce Jump Jump Jump
Security Status Lowered

COMING SOON TO A BELT NEAR YOU

Irbukad’s Revenge

Irbukad spotted his arch-nemesis…

Oh look, there he is!

Hahah, Irbukad wanted to grief that miner.

So Irbu contracted a bounty hunter…

How to be certain of success?

As always, payment upfront.

Hehehe, Irbukad had a funny thought…

Ok, let’s play EvE Online!

Contract accepted.

Cheers!

PLOT TWIST: Irbukad was just an alt.

In fact, his main controls two alts.

Another hit, on the same target.

Haha, miners never learn.

Ozran Heti Jaynara > sargon already took 750 from me
Aiko Danuja > i am not sargon
Ozran Heti Jaynara > isk after completetion
Aiko Danuja > Payment due in advance.
Ozran Heti Jaynara > not agian cant fool me twice

Challenge accepted!


Aiko Danuja > As I said
Aiko Danuja > Payment due in advance.
Ozran Heti Jaynara > well aparently when payed in advance things dont get completed
Aiko Danuja > This is not a debate. If you want me to do something, you need to pay. Complaining about someone else doesn’t convince me of anything.
Ozran Heti Jaynara > ok well dont think we are going to get an agreement the penuts are a matter of principle
Aiko Danuja > On principle, I do not work for free.

We reached an impasse.

Ozran Heti Jaynara > he will rage you will love it and you will be praised and payed
Aiko Danuja > I’ve heard that before.
Ozran Heti Jaynara > u know u want to
Aiko Danuja > I don’t know that.
Ozran Heti Jaynara > yes you do i gave 750 to sargon as a taste
Aiko Danuja > I am not Sargon.
Ozran Heti Jaynara > i tottally believe you

Fortunately, Ozran found faith.

Ozran Heti Jaynara > he just was in a troll mood he blocked and will not complete contract
Aiko Danuja > That’s your problem. I am not doing it for free.
Aiko Danuja > Why would I believe you?
Ozran Heti Jaynara > because i love you
Ozran Heti Jaynara > of coarse 🙂
Aiko Danuja > If you love me so much, you’ll pay.

Checkmate!

Ozran Heti Jaynara > i can wait but will this be done today i like to watch 🙂
Ozran Heti Jaynara > hes still out mineing on moon
Ozran Heti Jaynara > just send mail when complete
Ozran Heti Jaynara > o/












Neurotica 1

What happened to Erotica 1?

Banned forever, he traveled to Facebook.

I would never dox anyone, but to be fair, Mr. Justin has repeatedly and intentionally doxxed himself. At one point, he wrote (and I quote), “My name is Justin [Redacted]. My home address is [Redacted]. My phone number is [Redacted]. I am Erotica 1. You can’t dox me, because I’ve already doxxed myself.” Subsequently, he had a lot to say.

In particular, he used his celebrity status as advertising for his mystery project, a lawfully regulated business registered with his local state government. Of course, he also ran for President of these United States, and King of Jamaica. Consequently, Erotica is a public figure. This is a choice he made, and one which we must accept.

A curious choice, to be sure.

Of course, his business still needs something…

…perhaps, a robust legal team?

A minimal financial investment is also expected.

Seems legit.

Oh, he also made a blog…

In fact, multiple blogs…

To be continued…

Crazy Cat, Part 2

Back by popular demand, Crazy Cat!

What a miner…

Cat just wanted an appologuy.

Protip: There is a proper size for screenshots.

Rants can be endless.

However, screenshots should be less than 400 pixels in width.

Here’s a nifty chart.

Meanwhile, Catalina denied PvPv.

Everybody just wanted Cat to calm down.

Why was Cat ganked?

Hm, now there’s a thought…

Will she ever learn to enjoy EvE Online?

Finally, the court reached a verdict.

Cat is guilty as charged.

The end.

I said, the end.

I said… THE END.

THE END.

However, Cat had more to say.

Hole v Hole

Nice greetings are on order, friend…

…and now our feature presentation.

*****

Wormholer Jeff encountered Wormholer Akrich, in Highsec.

Jeff naturally began collecting rent.

Akrich made a partial payment, but things went sideways.

Jeff faced a perplexing dilemma.

What to do?

Meanwhile, the miner began throwing n-bombs.

Really?

Surprisingly (not really), Akrich isn’t a new player.

Akrich blamed his son.

All Jeff wanted was a killmail.

He sent Akrich one final warning.

Once again, Akrich blamed his son.

The end.

Sicherung Deaktiviert

Trigger Warning

Hallo!

Commander ZVON, in an EvE Online space adventure.

Where did ZVON’s battleship go?

Where do you think the ship is?
Scroll down to find out…
No peeking!
Do you think you know?
Are you ready?
Did you guess correctly?

In EvE Online, the magic is real.

ZVON begged for his lastest battleship…

All monay loost.

It was a cruel dark galaxy

ZVON contacted his only friend.

ZVON did not feel well.

Hard times in outer space.

Fortunately, mercy comes to those who beg.

ZVON needed a ship.

A fair price.

Krig sent the wrong ship!

What a day.