Official Home of the New Order of Highsec
Miners have a lot of questions.
They can’t tell up from down.
Who is winning? Who is losing?
Who am I?
Miners have such a strange way of talking.
I’m not sure what they are thinking.
I’m sure they feel quite normal.
However, something is wrong with their brain.
Like, really wrong.
FUCK YOUR MOTHER’S ASSHOLE AND YOUR MOTHER’S B
HateLesS apparently hates me. He’s been claiming I declared a crusade against streamers! This isn’t true at all. The Sheikh declared Jihadswarm long before I was born, and I’m merely His divine messenger, borne on the wings of the VCBees.
We don’t believe that miners, like HateLesS, are entitled to free easy boring quick MindLesS isk. Don’t brag about how much isk/hr you make, and then demand CCP make it easier. Welcome to EVE. We are your challenge.
HateLesS says that we are griefers, evil space bullies who just want to make him angry. Look, HateLesS, we don’t care how you react. We are just here to play the game, and normal gameplay is not ‘griefing’. You can cry, or not cry, we are gonna come anyways. That’s not abuse, it’s fair competitive play.
EVE is a wargame, and we are allowed to harass and demoralize you. If this makes someone quit the game, that’s great. We call that winning.
I’m most motivated by “I don’t care” miners, who care so little that they AFK daily. They have a bad attitude, and it’s my duty to antigank them.
We are knights of the New Order, sworn to defend Highsec and ensure it isn’t overrun by bot-aspirant isk-efficient repetitive grinding farmers.
We want a better game, more complicated than blobbing together and blapping defenseless triangles. You might not like it, but we are here to help.
I don’t shoot miners because it’s funny, for isk, or because I have some roleplay sentiment. I don’t do it for a dusty old essay, or some guy who died years ago. I do it for one very simple reason. I don’t like miners, in real life.
I’ve despised basically every video game ever, with their guides and walkthroughs and meta-strategies and canalized rote content. EVE offers something unique, unlike anything else. CCP can introduce all the stale PvE content they want, and it won’t change a thing, because PvP players will ensure that miners burn.
PvE streams don’t draw new players. People just conclude, “Wow, EVE is incredibly boring.” The only interesting moment is when we show up.
HateLesS, calm down… miner.
Ultimately, EVE is a game of cat and mouse. CCP has placed cheese, to entice you poors. Don’t act surprised when you encounter cats.
Cheers!
A lot of people are saying that Highsec miners are dumb.
It’s true.
They aren’t good at mining.
They are bad with money.
They are bad at PvP.
They can’t tell a win from a loss.
They don’t understand the law.
They enjoy mundane repetitive tasks.
They don’t know how to have fun.
They are out of touch with reality.
They can’t stop crying.
They are stupid.
I’m originally from Agil.
Lately, I spend a lot of time in Isanamo.
There’s something special about this place.
I’ve made a lot of friends here.
We all work together, and keep the system clean.
Whenever I log in, the locals greet me.
There’s always something happening in sunny Isa.
It’s just a safe place to mine.
Feel free to drop by and visit!
Cya!
It’s rough out there in Highsec.
There sure are a lot of gankers.
They don’t even care about isk.
It’s best to stay SAFE.
Your lawyers won’t save you.
Abject submission is your only hope.
So calm down and surrender.
It’s for the best.
Highsec is a miner’s prison.
We are a nation of laws.
I’m the official Saviourette and designated heiress.
Those who have faith will be blessed.
Others will be cast into darkness.
We all mourned the death of minerbumping channel.
Super lame.
Fortunately, last year, there was a sign.
The oracle presented an uncomfortable truth.
Talas Dir was mocked for her prophecy, yet she knew…
The MinerBumping blog, cryptic as ever, gave subtle hints.
James 315 understood the New Order would survive.
However, obviously, there were political concerns.
Productive discourse was marred by tiresome theology. It became necessary to preface and terminate all messages with praise.
The bureaucratic red tape was ridiculous.
Therefore, the litmus test (for autism) shifted. Instead of praising James, agents began mocking the roleplayers. That’s what James always wanted.
Gankbears questioned the constitutional mode of succession.
Today, I was unbanned from the minerbumping channel.
If James were still alive, he would be proud.
He would praise you, dear reader.
James, I’ll see you in Hek! You owe me $20.
Here’s a video of zigam killing HateLesS.
NEWS FLASH: Lazar us trolled us all hard. CORE. is down bad, lol! Lameao. Apparently, he was just pretending to be super emotional and angry, bhahaha, it was his plan all along. This was confirmed by his friend, who was prompted to state this was always the goal. Why not lose like 20 billion isk and spend another 40 billion on injectors, in order to troll us bad brah? xaxaxaxa, look at all the views! Chat pop off! )))
Coach got his big idea on Reddit, where they suggested that his best strategy would be to stick his head in the sand, double down on pretend not-caring, and hopefully the space bullies will get bored and go away.
This is honestly pretty good advice. If you just dock up, and never undock or communicate, we will eventually get bored of you. There’s a guy in Isanamo who has been sitting there for years. He never undocks, never talks. We usually ignore him.
I kind of doubt Coach can keep it down for long. Tonight, after he died a few times, he wound up crying and apparently sick (although he kept drinking Coca-Cola, which is great for nausea). Here’s a real pro-tip, just in case you think I want to grief dumb noobs. Let’s try to limit ourselves to a Venture, and just leave the Orca docked up for awhile. Ok? On the other hand, if you want to buy a Rorqual, well I know a guy…
Anyways, the good news is that we can no longer be accused of griefing or harassing Lazar. He has switched firmly to the whole “lol I trolled you all hard gotcha! i just act like a retard to have fun and get views, l0ll3rsk4tes@u” strategy, so according to this logic we are merely providing the content he desires.
It’s all just fun roleplay. Lazar wants to be known as a loot pinata who yells at people, and he does it for views, so tune in and enjoy the show!
Someone suggested Lazar should turn his stream over to me, and put me in charge. Clearly, I’ve done a pretty good job of getting him viewers, with the exact content his viewers crave, so he should probably make me his manager.
The most amusing part of the Reddit exchange was when Lazar tried to shame someone for “probably” working at an office or store. However, when someone else pointed out that he literally lives in his parent’s basement, wasting money on vanity Orcas, he suddenly felt such comments were totally out of line. Hypocrisy?
Lazar tends to delete all his clips, so the following will likely be deleted soon, but here’s a funny moment where he trolls us all hard with a bait Porpoise. Lol, he won that round. Haha, we got DUNKED. Watch it now, before it’s gone!
Here’s another moment, where he pretends to be sad, just to generate more views for his ‘professional’ streamer career.
Great acting, bro!
Weird. He said on stream that the plan from Day 1 was to troll us with salty bait, and yet on Reddit he said he wished that was the plan…
I play an important role in EVE Online.
I help miners stay awake.
I let them feel the full futility of their foolishness.
I can tell they like attention.
Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.
My new alliance is like CODE. but way better.
In the good old days, they roleplayed with miners.
James 315 wanted to teach noobs to maximize isk efficiency.
Fortunately, we’ve got new leadership.
We’ve got a new mission, a new interpretation of the Code.
So we are just gonna kill them.
All of them.
It’s more fun for everybody.
Highsec is a SAFE space for gankers.
Some accuse me of griefing and bullying poor Lazar us, but mostly I ignore him, because I’m busy ganking other morons. However, from time to time, I tune into his stream and wonder. Is it so hard to admit that AFK mining is a dumb idea, and stop trash talking literally everyone (including your own fleetmates)?
At this point, lazar, your best bet is to make a new character and never stream… because everybody in the galaxy is going to keep poking you.
Look, friend, I’m not sure if you can read. Regardless, you had a chance to be like Hukra Austral, but it’s a little late for that.
Your space lawyer is not helping your case.
Fortunately, I survived the ban poll.
The Intergalactic Summit has also rejected your plea.
The sheer hypocrisy, an Amarrian calling for freedom?
I’m a PROUD daughter of Khanid, Amen!
My favourite part of tonight’s space adventure was when someone joined your stream with the name Prazesico. Pretty cool!
I also liked watching you AFK mine in lowsec.
I guess we aren’t afraid of lowsec?
Surprise!
We have the best alliance.
We have the best executor.
We have the best gankers.
We have the best fleets.
All signs point toward a bright future.
We are even liberating Pochven.
Miners can pretend all they want.
We will decide their reality.
Fly safe!
