SuperDildo

Listening to: Infamous

Trigger Warning: Actual gameplay in EvE Online!

SuperDildo is an antiganker.

Like all antigankers, he is racist, sexist, homophobic, and stupid.

After several humiliating losses, SuperDildo wanted to chat.

He had a lot to say.

This went well.

I just want three men and a Lambo.

A hooby like me needs it bad.

He (or she?) started getting all excited.

Russian men go crazy for a distracting circle jerk.

Afterward, I helped him relax.

I’m glad he had fun!

It’s nice to have new friends.

What a wholesome game!

CCP takes this all very very seriously.

Muffy, call me!

Breaking NEWS

Listening to: Satyagraha

It finally happened.

Calm down miner is official.

Like it or not, but I’ve made EvE history.

Hrothbear was the first of many. A funny story about that… He was so desperate to pad his killboard, vowing to NOT SPEAK to anyone who linked the killmail on Zkill. Naturally, Sargon did it about a minute later, leading Saltgar to cry, running away from a chorus of “Calm down miner.” Now, years later, he can relive the experience!

Meanwhile, darkolus has begun his own descent into madness.

Ganked by Nazes, he vowed revenge.

darkolus > No, I’m just going to ruin the channel
Aiko Danuja > doubt
John Steelmerc > the only things miners ruin are our precious natural veldspar belts
Aaaarrgg > darkolus please dont mess up the channel with your miner salt, thats not our thing
Aiko Danuja > Kill: Phat Phil (Griffin)
Aiko Danuja > Kill: rajehem (Obelisk)
darkolus > you’re just ruining this game…
Dave Gates > darkolus ur face is ruining this channel now take a hike already. they’re creating content. if you don’t like it then leave like a sour puss & GTFO
darkolus > No… i won’t… my face gonna keep ruinning this channel…

He is a dark ugly little man…

With broken sentence fragments, he sought revenge.

He even invented a slogan…

…and a business plan!

My channel was ruined by bad grammar and incoherent phrases.

He griefed on me hard.

…but why was he griefing me?

What a crazy miner!

Cheerzah!



Merry Gankmas!

Hi!

I logged in, and was immediately ambushed…

It was the ghost of spring past.

Kotojo doubled my Christmas cheer.

Another happy miner.

Cheerzah!

That’s right.

THE END

Miners never understand the Gankmas spirit.

Oh well.

Anyways…

Don’t forget to claim your FREE quarter-penny unfit frigate!

BONUS CHRISTMAS SALT

Mr Potato Strikes Back

The Von MARK family boasts a starch legacy.

Unfortunately, one of them is a convicted ore thief.

He is a silly potato.

The more on propositioned us.

Gross!

Like all miners, he was a dump of Germany.

Before long, Unterplebkartoffel was frothing at the mouth.

He’s also a Nazi (which is illegal in his country).

Don tu re b uh minor.

Suddenly, the irl Nazi undocked in a ship which could shoot back!

Total Loss: $0.01 

However, he forgot to shoot.

In the end, Von MARK was just another spacebully.

Look Both Ways

Listening to: Plain Jane

Miners are dim.

Bears are incompetent.

At least they are calm.

Good fight, miners!

*BONUS CONTENT*

=Interview with A Miner=

Some miners are opinionated.

I decided a long time ago.

We should just kill them.

That gets their attention.

Young Money
Isanamo
Yeah

Ride with the mob, Alhamdulillah
Check in with me and do your job
Aiko is the name, karttoon was a thing
Halaima for the watch, presi Plain Jane
Dodixie chain, rest in peace to my superior

Probes on scan, causin’ mad hysteria
Momma see me on ZKILL and started tearin’ up
I’ma keep killin’ miners, how you get that trife?
I am poppin’ pills like rappers in society
I gank yo Hulk for irony

Buy another or somethin’
I’ma explain why you probably never see me
Chocha magic like Houdini
I go hard in the belt

I’m a classy trillionaire
Antigankers, I swear they are bottom feeders
Catalysts could feed a village in Liberia

Janeway’s Revenge

Big Strong alliance is a little weak.

So they deployed their chief antiganker.

Captain Janeway practiced her craft in local chat.

Meanwhile, I was busy next door.

I came back to listen.

The miners supposedly had guns.

I don’t mind if they wait.

Silly miners!

This went on for awhile.

Janeway had a message for me.

It was a mystery message.

What a real pleb.