Dest Royer got Destroyed

Every miner has a background story.

Dest Royer came from a rough neighborhood.

He needed to express his feelings.

Sometimes, therapists need therapy.

With a name like Dest Royer…

…you know he is a mining machine.

Why else would loosers bully him?

The conversation became increasingly academic.

Finally, James Aiko asked the BIG question.

Dest is one mad therapist.

He is a trained psychoassassin.

Dest Royer took careful notes.

It was a revealing conversation.

Good Morning!

Good morning, EvE Online!

Just another glorious day, praising me.

Number one PvP champion of all time = me.

Time to check the forums.

Woah there, let’s check my mail.

Heyyyy!

Sheesh, calm down roleplayer.

Haha, ok.

Actually, it works better than that.

Show me the money!

Ok, time to undock!

Glory to Ichinumi! GLORY TO AIKO!

My goodness, I’m busy.

You might yearn for the old days, when loyalanon dunked freighters in Uedama, and Super Perforator roleplayed at Ventures in Poinen. However, the new normal is that 41% of all ganking is Aiko. This is my time, my era. This is the future, and the ganking community is better than ever. Ganking is strong, because I am strong, and I am great, and I am a beautiful Princess in real-life, chaste and pure. Sometimes, I regret that I didn’t call the alliance AIKO, with AIKO as the ticker — but I’m not a narcissist.

Previously, we learned of Auviken, the first system to report more Safety ganks than CODE ganks. We then celebrated Unpas, the first system to endorse Safety as the #1 alltime alliance. Afterward, we heard of Waira, the first system to elect Aiko Danuja as the #1 alltime PvP champion. I am now pleased to present, the first system to simultaneously have Aiko listed as the top pilot of alltime, and Safety as the top alliance. Truly, we are well into a new era, and whilst Halaima might always be a spiritual Mecca, Ichinumi will be forever known as the site of Aiko’s impenetrable inner chamber.

Behold, Ichinumi, bastion of Aikodom. The miners of Ichinumi will always live with dread and fear in their pathetic hearts, for their system is 100% dangerous, and that is no place for a mining simp. If James 315 were alive today, he would give me a hug, and whisper in my ear to tell me how proud he is. We would hold hands, and laugh about all the losers, who failed to be here today. Good job Aiko! Thanks James!

Never Gonna Stop

Some people don’t appreciate our hard work.

They prefer to play with bots.

Well, we can’t please everyone.

Some of them, we don’t even want to please.

However, these miners are begging for attention.

We must keep them SAFE.

They might get frustrated (or abusive), but they need tough love.

Unlike nullsec blobbears, our work is creative and inspiring.

Across the galaxy, people are watching and approving.

EvE Online is the best game, ever!

Farming Pro Guide

Miners sure are dumb.

Should ganking be allowed in Highsec?

Brisc Rubal says, “Yes.”

You know what that means!

I’m doing great.

Stay calm, and stay safe!

Battle of Torrinos, Postscript

Previously, we studied the battle of Torrinos, learning how Grand Admiralette Aiko defeated the evil Vast Empire.

We also learned more about the mental muddle, surrounding antiganking loser Everess 88. Princess Aiko wonders, in the third person, whether she goes too far in describing Highsec more ons as autistic reetards. Is this fair? Fortunately, Everess 88 decided to briefly unblock Aiko and fire off a quick clarification, before reblocking our glorious dear leaderess. Presented here, now, for the first time… Everess 88 on Everess 88.

Clarifying his mental afflictions, Everess included a creeper link to a Youtube song. Wow! After some reflection, Her Royal Majesty has linked another Youtube song for Everess to find, when he obsessively reads every word.

This is a friendly reminder to take your meds, always!

1000!

Hello there, friendo.

When James 315 logged into World of Warcraft, I knew something was up. Why would he summon me, an Elven-Italian princess, to rule over his feudal space empire? Well, I don’t know why, but it has something to do with me. I’m the best.

Writing a daily space blog was never my plan in life, this is what James wanted for me, but he died. So what? I do my best to keep his memory alive, but honestly I’m kind of busy being the absolute #1 alltime PvP champion. You know, it’s like being an Olympic gold medalist. I’ve gotta stay focused on my dreams.

I’ve been chatting with Brisc Rubal, and I don’t think he gets it, but that’s ok. I’ve said some mean words, over the years, but I’ll say this – nobody else on the CSM (or at CCP) makes as much effort to discuss the game. I can’t expect a nullsec blobberbear to understand elite Highsec ganking, so I don’t hold that against him. Anyways, I just want to explain something, in the hopes that someone (perhaps you?) might understand.

EvE Online has a market economy. Supply and demand regulate the market. If supply drops, then prices increase. Therefore, CCP has no reason to protect carebears from PvP. It should be dangerous to mine, crab, rat, or haul. This will increase rewards for those who engage in active gameplay, and that will improve the game. Risk = Reward.

I’ve played Minecraft, and I dug down to bedrock, with tunnels to nowhere. Diamonds were worthless, cuz it was too easy. I quit, because zombies are not a threat, and the game is boring. I want a challenging PvP battle royale. Unfortunately, in EvE Online, it’s way too lame. Even the wormholers are asleep. I want us scrambling to survive. We won’t even need Titans, because frigates are fun.

CCP tried to implement Blackout and Scarcity, but they failed to stand up to the carebear whinelords. We need to let those people uninstall. Goodbye to losers and lossers! I believe there is a niche market for PvP, and every uninstalling reetard will be replaced by someone who gets it. All miners must die.

This special essay was composed by cranberry vodka, and I know you are wondering… Aiko, what is the occasion? Well, there is an ancient curse. If a ganker loses 1000 destroyers, before they enter the ranks of the top thousand players, then they will magically be transformed into a salty bitterbear. Fortunately, I’m a success!

I was so scared, my entire legacy hung in the balance, and antiganker Everess 88 had an alt parked on the gate…

Boom goes the dynamite! From downtown, Aiko dunked on the HookNose clan, scoring 5 points and sealing eternal fate. Everess had a chance to send Aiko to permanent damnation, and wow, just wow, antiganking failed again.

Yea, verily, and so it came to pass. One Aiko the Fair, a Maiden true and Agilborne, did thusly ascend into the ranks of the mightiest thousand players to ever undock a spaceship, and she was most beautiful and gracious.

Squizz Caphinator personally demoted Servanda, a once mighty battleship pilot from Northern Coalition. Instead, Aiko will be hailed in his place. Servanda wasted more than twelve long years on his foolish quest to destroy the Mittani, and he was defeated by a mere girl. Oh Servanda, the Valkyries weep for you.

Everyone who plays EvE Online goes to Valhalla. If you are among the thousand greatest, you are invited to the party in my box. The next nine thousand players, people like Suitonia, will be cast into darkness, gnashing their teeth in miserable anguish. Everyone else, anyone who ever made an account, will become a ravaging zombie. If you are fortunate enough to be in the top hundred thousand players, you will be a fast zombie. The loser lossers will tear each other apart, whilst we dance in the Hall of the Thousand.

Thirty Five Percent

It’s hard being a miner.

However, mill3nialfalcon was proud to lose his CCP fit retriever.

Likewise, Fin Enarah is happy with pay to lose gaming.

Fin has been playing for a decade, but roleplays as a nub.

I’m glad he died.

Thanks to the December buff, I needed seven accounts to destroy his unfit vessel.

As a Highsec cheerleader, it’s my job to condemn mining buffs. CCP should stop catering to carebear whiners, and barges should not be tougher than combat cruisers. Why are Caracals weaker than Covetors? Why are Hulks stronger than Gilas?

***

I’ve examined the December buff, comparing the period from September 1 to December 1 (91 days), with the period from December 20 to March 21 (91 days).

HULKS

Hulks were dying at a rate of 16.8 per day, which increased to 18.4. The top four hulk killers were me, me, me and me. Now, the top five hulk killers are me, me, me, me, and me.  More hulks are dying, but I need more accounts. These changes disadvantaged lesser gankers, so my share of Hulkageddon increased from 8.5 to 17 percent.

MACKINAWS

I am also the top mackinaw killer in the game. Mackinaws were dying at a rate of 10.9 per day, which increased to 13.6. My share of Mackageddon increased from 11.7 to 19.6 percent. Amazing. Nice job Aiko!

SKIFFS

Skiffs were dying at a rate of 10.7 per day, but this declined to 6.9… 

AIKO MAKES A SPACESHEET

Procurers and skiffs were nerfed, along with rorquals, so miners switched to mackinaws and retrievers. Overall, fewer miners are dying.

What if we restrict our analysis to Highsec?

Highsec ganking has declined by 35%, even though I am ganking more. Solo gankers cannot realistically kill hulks, mackinaws, or even retrievers. Shouldn’t it be possible for Guybertini to kill a barge, without a battlecruiser? Come on…

Suitonia is on my pink list, after a snarky comment about how these changes will benefit “griefers”, because miners will fit bling. He also said some utter bullshit about miners not being AFK. Look, I can forgive Mike Azariah for his ignorance, since he doesn’t even play the game, but Suitona knows better. There’s no incentive to hunt ORE miners, when they have a 50% chance to drop, will be instantly scooped by an MTU, and it costs more than a hundred and fifty million isk to (maybe) kill the target. There’s no balance, whatsoever, and I’ve seen hordes of ORE mackinaws.

I’m the number one mackinaw hunter in the game – and it’s not worth it. I’m not going to do it, and neither are you. So, mackinaws are overpowered, with free reign to suck. What does that mean for the economy?

That’s exactly what I predicted, Mike. The value of white glaze is down 35%. Coincidentally, that’s the same percentage that Highsec ganking has declined. Moon ores are also declining. For example, Coesite is down thirty-five percent (a familiar number). It’s almost like nobody is able to gank those mackinaws.

Is this good for the game? I don’t think so, and miners agree with me.

rathian is a certified Mackiminer, and he gets it.

Oversupply encourages declining prices, with less isk/hr for miners. Buffs allow bots and AFK miners to thrive, competing against active human players. Every human should want Highsec gankers to kill bots, but due to recent changes, we can’t. Consequently, active players are being replaced with bots and passive AFK farmers.

EvE Online needs a dangerous Highsec.

Buy a Retriever!

My name is Aiko Danuja.

I’m a Highsec gankerette.

Ever since James 315 ran off for a pack of cigarettes, and got ran over by a drunk semi at the truck stop, I’ve been struggling to find my way in EvE Online. All I want is to play the game, but I have to keep dealing with awkward declarations.

When James wrote this, he didn’t actually think he was victorious. What he thought, like so many before him, is that he was going to quit the game and facetiously declare victory. However, let me be clear. Quitters are not winners, they are lossers. Of course, I can understand why someone might quit, after playing for more than a decade. Unfortunately, roleplaying autists thought that this was a real victory, and they refused to undock. Indeed, if you truly believe James saved Highsec, then it is heretical to try and save Highsec. James already saved it, right?

This is not what victory looks like.

Someday I will quit EvE, and I will actually be victorious. In fact, I fully intend to declare victory before I quit, so I can lock in my winnings.

Meanwhile, we are not even close to victory.

The latest scandal is CCP’s decision to sell retrievers.

If he were alive, James would compose an eloquent monologue. Unfortunately, as a kickboxing widow, I’m not inclined to write essays. However, I want to emphasize one of the most compelling aspects of EvE Online. We have a market economy in which items are produced, distributed, and sold by players. This is hardly the first time that CCP has undermined that sacred pillar.

I understand why CCP wants to sell barges. I am sure that new players join the game, and aren’t sure how to get a ship. CCP just wants to give them a path into space. However, the correct solution is to improve the user interface. The correct solution is to improve the tutorial. Instead of fixing existing problems, CCP has taken a shortcut which offends the playerbase and undermines the economy. Of course, the sale of a retriever won’t destabilize the economy, but CCP should take heed that economies operate on faith. To quote John Maynard Keynes, “Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.” If players do not have faith, then the game will die.

I kill more miners than anybody else. According to zkillboard, I am the top retriever killer, and my alts claim second place, third place, fourth place, and fifth place. I don’t care if CCP adds a few more barges, because I’m going to shoot them all.

However, the problem with slippery slopes, is they are slippery. In World of Warships, you can buy a battleship – why not in EvE Online? What is to stop CCP from deciding, as Merkelchen observed, that capital ship production is too difficult to balance? Instead of the tedious task of trying to manage an economy, why not just sell titan warpacks? Why not just skip all the nonsense and cut straight to the chase? $100 for a zkill loot box, and we can get dank killmails without logging in?

I’m not on the CSM, and CCP won’t make me a Partner.

However, if anyone is listening, I will say this. There is a red line, and CCP has been across that line for a long time. They should not be selling tangible items, which might give an in-game advantage. CCP should not be selling gold ammo, gold ships, skill points, destroyers, or mining barges. Any attempt to do this will cause players to lose faith in the game, and they will see it as “pay to win”. The players will quit playing. I would encourage the developers to focus on the monetization of superficial vanity items. For example, I have no objection to luxury monocles, and cat ears are clearly desired.

However, if CCP continues to sell spaceships, they will inevitably destroy the very essence of the game. People play EvE because it is difficult, and they will stop playing if ships are available with the swipe of a credit card.

w/e

What else is new?

snuffcore released an artistic impression of me.

Wow, that looks just like me!

Antiganker plainpain jane is obsessing hard.

Meanwhile, miner Hambart just wants attention.

Anyways, I’m having a great time.

We can chat later.

I’ve got other things to do.

Ya know?

See ya!