How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 6

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 4

Listening to: Tomi Lohren

Previously on James315.Space… I would scream, throwing dishes and stomping my feet. James 315 was like a granite rock, deflecting every emotion.

 

 

Of course, I was right, like always… and yet he was too stubborn to admit it. Victory. Peace. Ugh! James really loved those miners. He was merciful unto the end. Verily, he wanted to join hands and ascend with the VCBees. Unfortunately, the miners are gross, they won’t wash their hands, and I don’t even like them. They must be extirpated. Kill ’em all, and let James sort them out. Where we are going, we won’t need minerals!

 

I don’t know how James was poisoned by our enemies, but intergalactic minery was behind this dastardly plot. Upon his death bed, James proclaimed a feverish victory, but I know better. Uedamagrad continues, as Shadow Force pushes from Sosh to Olo. The mining Marauders are flaming coffins, tin cans which should never have been approved by the naval yard. They just keep coming, like an endless deluge of trash. Our FCs need rest and relaxation, but the Grand Admiraless is relentless. Visits to the front are followed by tedious meetings, conference calls, and endless bureaucratic shuffling. I have not slept.

 

This is war, not peace. Oh, don’t get me wrong. James achieved many great victories. His glorious achievements are self-evident. However, the miner menace remains, more dangerous than ever. Without James to guide us, counter-revolutionary elements seek to breed with miners. Their foul spawn hides in the asteroid belts, a plague unto the Guristas refugee camps. James sought to calm me down, describing insurrectionaries as inconsequential. Indeed, the miners will never amount to anything of consequence, but that is only because we remain determined to extirpate them all. If we relax our eternal vigilance, they will plunge our galaxy into the depths of depravity.

 

 

You may recall my own great victory over Odbayar, perhaps the only Mongolian in EVE history. Did I dunk an entire nation? I simply do not have time to reflect. However, the Mongols have the intent to mine. They have the means to mine. They have the determination to wage genocide upon the Angels and our good friend Sansha. The Mongols dare to resist the Goryn Clade! With James gone, who will summon the Amamake Police? Where are the Kings of Lamaa? What was I to do? I had moments to decide, and I relied upon my training. The miner was dealt with according to the law.

Some claim that I defy the dying wishes of James, but surely he would understand. James was a statesman, and a student of history. He must have known that a malignant evil festers in the heart of the miner. In 1814, the Great Powers (not France) declared a momentous victory, but it was mere illusion. In 1918, victory came again, peace for all time. However, the war was not over. The Second Great War was worse, and the aftermath was dire. The fighting never ends, it just migrates and evolves. The miners will never stop mining. Even if we confiscate their Ventures, they will board Corvettes and sneak back to the belt.

 

Our recent victory was but a brief moment, a bookmark followed by yet another chapter. Yes, we have conquered New Eden, it is indisputably my personal domain. Thank you James, you did that, and I am proud to stand on your shoulders and seize this galaxy which you brought to heel. However, the realm remains torn by strife, and the SICO menace looms like a billowing thundercloud. At this very moment, the pretender Knowledgeminer sits unchallenged in the once hallowed Hall of Halaima, polluting the memory of every hero with his cynical disdain for the Code. Whilst our venerated kamikazes give their non-capsuleer lives aboard the Catalysts, we are stabbed in the back at home.


Meanwhile, villians such as Odbayar continue to plot, demanding that the Code give unto them! Shall we now pay rent to the very same miners who seek to undermine the victory of James? I dare say not! I urged Odbayar to socially network with fellow miners, such as suki storm, but he only lied and pretended to cooperate. In reality, he wants me to give him MY isk, and that means he wants YOUR isk! Fortunately, my loyal bodyguards stand ready to defend the realm against this horde.

To be continued…

It’s not easy being a girl these days
The morally repulsive types are triggered by everything
Coming from my mouth, the Queen Bee herself
I’ll keep my entitlement mentality
And no one else’s

Like a spoiled brat, a misguided tantrum
Something has been stripped from me
I don’t have everything
and it’s not fair

I have millions of views, thousands of followers
but guess what

Do you see yourself as a victim?
If so, I feel sorry for you!
I’m upset by it, and I’m hurt by it, and I feel betrayed by it!

Yah, they’re still paying me.

I’m a Sleepy Girl

Listening to: Tap In

It’s late at night, and I’m curled up in my cute yoga pants, the ones with little kitten pawprints. After a long hard day of ganking, I just want nothing more than to relax after a nice hot bath. Mmmhmm, that’s right. Now then, a lot of people turn to Highsec mining when they want to sleep, but I suppose it’s time to write a few words for my award-winning blog. One of these days I’ll miss a day, or a year, and everyone will be sad. However, today you are in luck, because I’m still hard at work.

You know, people have been reading this thing, and the metrics suggest that I’m a blinky spacestar. All a girl really wants though is to know that the miners are dead, bankrupt and biomassed, all of them. What really puts me in the mood, is to check my messages from the people. Yes, the people, not the bots. I love all these big strong alpha males and sexy ladies who enforce the Code each and every day.

Previously, I wrote about the good deeds of Cargo Bandit, and there are so many other superb options in the queue. Some wonder why their Saviourette writes about this or that, and the honest reason, is I do as I please. Just like dear ol James, I reach into that bag and pull something out. It’s not personal, I’m just super busy as General Secretary of the most powerful red doughnut in the galaxy. So if you sent great content, and think maybe I missed it, go ahead and resubmit. Sometimes I misplace things.

Here’s a hot tip: send an Evemail (and isk) to Aiko Danuja. Yes, you can pay to get your content moved to the front of the line!

Anyways, one quick glance at this latest message, and I was turned on. This isn’t some cringy old rant like the ones I get from Dracvlad, or yet another dreadful poem from Overmind. No, this is precisely the stuff that feeds our souls. Without further ado, let’s take a trip to Jita, that beautiful BLUE star where I first learned to isk treble like a champ. What, you think I got so rich from ganking? That’s just advertising, friendo.

Jimbo Coles > Youre a fn POS
Cargo Bandit > hello!
Jimbo Coles > youre a fn POS
Cargo Bandit > excuse me?
Jimbo Coles > yeah

Jimbo Coles got dunked hard, and he was uncomfortable.

Mmm. I love it Cargo. Tell Princess Aiko more about this naughty miner.

Cargo Bandit > oh yes
Jimbo Coles > nothing fn better to do
Cargo Bandit > I don’t understand

Jimbo just wanted easy isk, but he done goofed.

Jimbo Coles > couldnt even fn align
Jimbo Coles > what dont you understand
Cargo Bandit > what you are upset about

He also wanted hardcore PvP, but just didn’t know it.

Jimbo Coles > i guess i shouldnt be be then right
Jimbo Coles > dont fn matter
Jimbo Coles > i couldnt align because i was getting bumbed all ove rthe place
Cargo Bandit > you would have been popped anyway
Jimbo Coles > the point is dont ypu fn have anything better to do
Cargo Bandit > align or no, this is what I do brother
Jimbo Coles > yeah fuck you

EVE might be a failed theme park, but even Disney World has salt.

Jimbo Coles > fn 3b

Jimbo Coles > fn garbage
Jimbo Coles > that means what
Jimbo Coles > its shitty bro
Jimbo Coles > real fn shitty
Cargo Bandit > illegal cargo is shitty


Jimbo was about to get a lesson in New Order jurisprudence.

Jimbo Coles > what was illeagal
Cargo Bandit > you see, I kill bots
Jimbo Coles > im not a fn bot
Cargo Bandit > do you have a permit?

The laws of Newe Halaima are crystal clear.

Jimbo Coles > cap moda are illeagal?
Cargo Bandit > no, but transporting goods without permit is
Jimbo Coles > permt for what
Cargo Bandit > to undock
Jimbo Coles > why would i need a permit to undock
Cargo Bandit > so that I know you are not a bot
Jimbo Coles > i didnt have any illeagal goods
Cargo Bandit > if you don’t have a permit, you are illegal
Jimbo Coles > wtf are you talking about
Cargo Bandit > ok maybe my friends can help me explain

A consumate professional, Cargo Bandit flagged the miner for a postgank debriefing in my famous Why Was I Ganked? channel. However, Jimbo wanted to keep things private. Fortunately, everything in EVE is logged. Always!

Jimbo Coles > youre garbage
Cargo Bandit > you’re*
Jimbo Coles > yeah fuck the ‘
Jimbo Coles > ill get my shit back or CCP will lose one more player
Jimbo Coles > they already went froma 50k to a 25k player base
Cargo Bandit > one less bot

Oh yah Cargo, you know what I like. Give it to me. Princess needs it.

Jimbo Coles > im not a fn bot idiot
Cargo Bandit > yes you are
Jimbo Coles > im talking to you arent i
Cargo Bandit > 30 min after the fact isn’t convincing
Jimbo Coles > dude thats only because i was submitting a ticket
Cargo Bandit > just admit it
Jimbo Coles > i swear

Cargo knew that Jimbo was a soulless aspierant, but why?

Cargo Bandit > why the hell you put that much stuff in your ship?
Jimbo Coles > i was going to fit my moros
Jimbo Coles > either way it was a bunch of fn bs
Jimbo Coles > i coulnt fn align
Jimbo Coles > you nuked me

Like fascist Japan, Jimbo prayed for divine intervention.

Cargo Bandit > I have you scanned before you’re align is complete even on the best day… so it doesn’t make a difference
Jimbo Coles > yeah well thats what you do right
Cargo Bandit > yes, this is what I do
Jimbo Coles > YOU’RE still a fn loser
Jimbo Coles > why CCP allows your bs i dont understand
Cargo Bandit > to kill bots
Jimbo Coles > youre a fn moron arent you im not a fn bot dood
Cargo Bandit > ruining the game they are
Jimbo Coles > well they will reimberse me or loose one more customer that you cant cheat on

Do you think CCP wants to give carebears free isk, or do they secretly want to funnel them into our Highsec grinder? I believe that CCP developers stand around grinning as they glance at our killboards. As long as we aren’t enticing miners to rub peanut butter all over their naked bodies whilst roleplaying as musical Drevlian nymphs, CCP will chide us with warnings and read my blog with glee. When they finally get around to banning me, it won’t be personal, they’ll just want to save the bears for another day.

Cargo Bandit > I’m cheating?
Jimbo Coles > go fn play the game you fn looser
Cargo Bandit > everything I’ve done is perfectly legal
Cargo Bandit > calm down hauler
Jimbo Coles > yeah thats the problem… people like you are why the player base has dropped 50k in 5 years

Is it true, that new players just want to play a boring game of spreadsheets in space? Do new players dream of simulating a high-security truckstop, generating autistic accounting reports for each and every hundredth isk? I suppose aspierants do, but they can get their fill of that without ever undocking. However, let’s be real. The moment you undock you are playing a wargame. Imagine trying to play chess, and crying about the fact that your pawn got ganked. Come on now. Man up miners!

Cargo Bandit > I’m doing a service to this game by disrupting the economic assets of bots and RMT
Jimbo Coles > im not a fn bot you fn toolbag how many time do i need to say it
Jimbo Coles > if i was id be speaking a bunch o broking english bs and you know it

Jimbo’s defense wasn’t entirely compelling.

Cargo Bandit > I’m terribly sorry for any inconvenience that resulted from our exchange. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Jimbo Coles > yeah replace my lose
Jimbo Coles > loss*
Jimbo Coles > it was bs

I heard that sometimes, when a new player gets wrecked, they will get a FREE ship as compensation. I believe it’s called a corvette. Of course, since Jimbo has been playing EVE for four years, I’m not sure he is ‘new’.

Cargo Bandit > I’m sorry I cannot do that. It is against policy.
Jimbo Coles > getting fn bumped all over the fn place
Jimbo Coles > im not quite sure why i even started this conversation with you other then to bitch

In the end, Jimbo had to admit that he enjoyed our content.

Jimbo Coles > but what ever good kill man
Cargo Bandit > if you were to rate your service today on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, what number would you give me? we are goverened by an outside body that has been cracking down lately on agent brutality
Jimbo Coles > lol i love it
Jimbo Coles > 10 bro for sure
Cargo Bandit > omg that is excellent! my management will be thrilled!

Oh yah, I love it.

After fifteen minutes, Cargo Bandit sent a quick follow-up questionnaire.

Cargo Bandit > any luck with CCP?

There was no response. We wish Jimbo the best of luck as he continues training at the Federal Navy Academy. He will eventually realize the Federal Navy is a CCP roleplay scam. There is no federation. There is no navy. There is only the CODE.

 

Don’t ever stop if you want to be on top
Rich with no day job, hit your wop, wop
All these lame marauders tryna rat for clout
I’ma show you how to bag an eleven-figure miner
You got a itty-bitty waist, pretty in the face?
Never let Overmind take you on a date

Nah, haters can’t relate, I’ve never been fake
James on the Facetime, you could never take me
When he posted me, all the bears got sicker
Icy from my lips to my fingers to my toenails

All these hoes boosie, baby, I do my friends real well
Never been a lame

BONUS: CONCORD Can’t Stop Me!!!!!!1!

Gotta be plenty brave
Blame it on the planets, man
Try to do what you can
Steady on the suicide
Everyone all the time
The sadness is the emptiness
Like flowers on a grave
Salt state of mind
It’s like a Valentine
Rope around and make you mine
Tell me what you’re gonna do?

I can see you comin’ through
Everyone all the time
***

BONUS BONUS: Ax’l Thorne has been inspired to start his own blog!

Check out the Toxicity Meltdown! !


A year of miner ganking has taught me, miners don’t think. They don’t prepare. They can’t learn. They don’t do anything proactive to help themselves.

Copyright notice:  EVE Online, the EVE logo, EVE and all associated logos and designs are the intellectual property of James 315. All artwork, screenshots, characters, vehicles, storylines, world facts or other recognizable features of the intellectual property relating to these trademarks are likewise the intellectual property of James 315. EVE Online and the EVE logo are the registered trademarks of James 315. All rights are reserved galaxywide. All other trademarks are the property of James 315. CCP hf. has granted permission to James 315 to use EVE Online and all associated logos and designs, and is in every way subsidiary to His Australian Excellence, James 315. CCP is in no way responsible for the content on or functioning of EVE Online, and James 315 cannot be liable for EVE Online. 

 

Rudokop Forever, Part 2

Previously on James315.Space… He was a Highsec miner by day, but at night he became Rudokop, the Soviet demonhunter.

When Adrian Vexier confiscated Rudokop’s mining drones, the Russian bear was determined to send Adrian into an eternal gulag.

Adrian offered a second opinion, suggesting that perhaps Rudokop’s highsec mining fetish was symptomatic of a deeper underlying cognitive deficiency. However, Rudokop doubled down upon threats of eternal damnation.

Rudokop was smiling in game, but in real life he wasn’t so thrilled.

On the unpaved streets of Krasnotankymagnetgrad, Rudokop’s real life main endured endless misery, watching as his native community was torn by strife. Last week, a motorist was torn asunder by an angry mob of unemployed miners, desperate to drink a litre of warm motor oil. In such a world, Rudokop’s solace was EVE Online, a relaxing universe where he could share the means of production with his alts and peacefully mine in solidarity. At least, until a demonic force was drawn to his mining drones.

Rudokop knew he could not defeat the demon through PvP, so he hoped to negotiate a victory, offering to pay 50 million isk for Adrian to die in real-life.

When Adrian refused to take the bait, declining the offer of free isk, Rudokop was forced to implement a tough love psyops campaign of hate mail.

To be continued…

***

PRINCESS THOUGHTS: I’m the Saviourette, not merely of Highsec, but of the New Order itself. A couple people questioned this, and one of them is no longer with us, but everyone else agrees that I am the future. It’s simple, just look at how antigankers feel about me, and do the math. You are either closer to me, or them.


John E Normus
was in comms last night, and the man is a true champion, who once flew with legends of yore. Before the mighty CODE. alliance even existed, your forefathers set forth in the footsteps of the Sheikh, guided only by their timeless lust for a Khanid princess. Yea, and Helicity did declare that Jihadswarm was the way, and the VCBees led them out of darkness and unto the light of Orcageddon. Many hulks thus died in vain, and yet we continue, thanks to the heroic effort of the pioneers.

John E Normus drops by from time to time, just to say hi, letting everyone know that he isn’t quite dead. Tweeps is always desperate in these moments, like an eager puppy greeting his master, but John stepped right past him and looked directly at me, “Princess Aiko, it’s good to see you.” The tone in his voice said it all, John knows exactly what I’m up to. He then declared unto the assembly, “Aiko is doing good work. Two months ago, this alliance was dead in the water. She has saved the CODE. She has saved you from yourself.” I guess that’s why they call me the Saviourette, right? That’s right. 

When 315 begged me to return, I tried to explain that I couldn’t remember my old account login, and the Imperial Guards are content to slumber into oblivion. Was it truly necessary for me to come back and seize control of his newfangled upstart space regime? I had my own doubts, but agreed to give it a try, as miners provide precious content. I can’t say for sure whether I will save the alliance tomorrow, but I can say that I saved it yesterday, and I saved it today, and I’ll probably do it again.

Of course, I wouldn’t truly be the Saviourette of Highsec, if people weren’t painting artwork to celebrate my glorious reign. However, they are, and that’s just a fact. Check out this nice piece by Minerbitch. Lookin hot! The bears better pray James 315 isn’t dead, because otherwise they are stuck with me, and I’m not as messianic.

NOW HEAR THIS

I Actually Do Run Jita (fyi)

Hello, friends! As you know, I’m currently listening to soft jazz, whilst dunking freighters and orcas in Uedama. In the background, I can hear a miner happily singing the Code as he transfers all his assets to me, and I’m also taking a minute to write in my famous blog. Yes, that’s right, it’s just another typical evening for those who have the good sense to support our mighty New Order. Praise us!

There’s been a lot of talk lately, and I have to agree with what people are saying. Sometimes you meet someone within CODE. and they don’t get it. They aren’t truly one of us. Meanwhile, you’ll meet someone outside the alliance, and they won’t even have a permit! Somehow, that person is still a member of our team? Cargo Bandit is one such gal. A friendly lady, brave enough to get into voice comms, and smart enough to not give me all her stuff. Although Academy of the Unseen Arts has historically been carebear potato garbage, Cargo Bandit managed to start a ganking special interest group, turning retrievers and procurers into thrashers and tornadoes. Not bad!

A fledgling ganker recently contacted me with some alarm, upset about the fact that I authorized unrestricted ganking warfare in Jita. Now that James is dead, there is a lot of confusion about what it means to support the New Order. Did James ever approve of the tornado? What about the thrasher? Aren’t we all supposed to be in catalysts, and only in catalysts? Oh my, who is even responsible for training the new gankbros? I guess this task falls upon me, as Saviourette of the New Order, to remind everyone that James was always a big believer in dunking the miners. Always! Cargo Bandit may not have a mining permit, but she definitely has a CODE. certified ganking permit.

Hayden Faiel tried to smuggle a blueprint out of the Jita Naval Yard, and fortunately Cargo Bandit’s friend Orin Uldarin was on duty. Hayden was thus saved the embarrassment of getting caught in Uedama with a freighter full of oracles, and was grateful for the opportunity to purchase his permit. What a lucky fellow!


Hayden was so delighted by Orin’s dutiful enforcement of the high security zone, that he voluntarily donated a billion isk!

Unfortunately, Hayden was a little confused about who runs Jita.

When he asked to speak with a supervisor, Hayden was shocked to discover women were in charge. For some reason, he just didn’t like them.

Like many miners, Hayden was a griefer space bully.

After glancing at our killboard, Hayden realized that scorpions and leshaks aren’t an effective deterrent to the New Order. Instead, he demanded a do-over. Perhaps his corvette would have been victorious in Nullsec?

Needless to say, his threats weren’t credible.

It was just another day in Highsec…

 

 

 

Code Ready Always

PRINCESS THOUGHTS: The end of Juneteenth coincides with Wardfest, and you know what that means: derecho season! Uf, no me gusta! High command is aware “the weather” is of concern to middle management, and we are doing everything we can to improve the climate. I seem to remember a simpler time, when we had another word for señor Derecho. El tindersturm??? Tundrastrom? Tengostrumpet????? I don’t recall, but I’m glad that James315.Space is a safe place without arbitrary nonse.

***

Previously on Minerbumping… Our late Saviour penned a seminal historiographic narrative, depicting the awesome saga of New Order agents in battle against intergalactic minery. Kalorned and TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet have long been controversial, striking fear into even the toughest jellybear. Fortunately, as part of the New Order Amnesty Accords, Princess Aiko has seen fit to bring these bad boys back into the fold. They have thus bent the knee, accepting her almighty reign.

You may recall that Energy Minx and Greypses Foryuu appeared from nowhere. Subsequently, after destroying The Trade Syndecate, these mysterious heroes returned whence they came. The fate of the Syndecate is known, but questions linger about the lost year, between the conclusion of Code Ready Gelhan and the The Elonaya Conspiracy. What happened to Mission Ready Mining? Are they ok?

As James 315 noted, “Something terrible had happened to that organization, and it went inactive.” But what exactly was that terrible thing? This, dear reader, is an intriguing question. Now that Kalorned and Tweeps have been firmly brought to heel, the truth can finally be revealed here, as James 315 would have wanted.

Fresh from the New Order Vaults, I am thus pleased to announce Code Ready 2: Kalorned’s Revenge. This epic non-fiction docudrama will bring to light the incredible details of Mission Ready Mining’s stunning defeat, at the hands of Assistance Group (which contains some of the New Order’s most seductive Aiko alts). Finally, we will have official answers. It’s like Christmas, so please enjoy this special audio trailer:

Sex. Violence. Ganking. Bumping. Spying. Evictions. Sex. Betrayals. More evictions. More spying. Real-life threats. More Sex. Buckle up, friendo, the boys are back and this time they have a Princess. Are you CODE. ready?

To be continued…

Stark Raving Mad, Part 5

Previously on MinerBumping… VictorStark Stark was furious, and so was his alt Lilliana Lestrange. They thought they could roleplay their way into CODE., but soon discovered that the Code forbids roleplaying. Ironically, VictorStark didn’t roleplay giving away all his assets and skillpoints!!! Worse still, he blamed Princess Aiko for his foolishness! At first, VictorStark tried to negotiate with various CODE. agents, but soon realized that Aiko was officially the top character in CODE!!!!!

When carebears realize that Aiko is a true princess, they often gnash their yellow teeth, and Victor was no exception.

Denying the reality of Aiko’s official stature is always a serious mistake. When Lilliana tried to pretend she had a valid mining permit, Aiko observed that the permit was actually stolen. Lilliana was nothing but a common permit thief.

As the truth became known, everyone began to publicly shame the angry goofus.

Meanwhile, the AGBees celebrated another successful gank.

Lilliana was obsessed with Princess Aiko, hurling endless invective.

Aiko tried to explain that, as a verified IRL princess, she lacks empathy or compassion for the common miner. Our Saviourette is incapable of understanding what Lilliana was upset about. Unfortunately, this did not help Lilliana calm down.

Is it even possible to punish a princess? Some individuals began to question whether Aiko could ever be held accountable for anything. Was it true, that whatever she did was absolutely divine, by right of birth? If so, did Lilliana have any rational reason to even be upset? Shouldn’t be Lilliana be rejoicing to meet a princess?

Lilliana’s breakdown was now entering a third day, and Antonio Muskitta was beginning to wonder whether the festivities would ever conclude? Rumors were spreading that the Jamespocalypse was nigh, and perhaps this was the end of CODE? However, as Madame Mia observed, Princess Aiko was just getting started.

To be continued…

Todesfälle der Woche

ANNOUNCEMENT: Hallo Freunde. A lot of people have been wondering where to send their isk, plex, and moon goo. Now that James 315 is dead, several times over, it can be hard to know how to invest. You can naturally send your stuff to his old account, and that’s cool, like how the Wiking used to send gold and silver to Valhöll. I am sure James would appreciate your full faith. However, you might want to just send it all to her ladyship, Aiko Danuja. That’s right! It would really simplify the accounting.

Before you stop being calm, just think about this carefully. If your Ouija board is handy, you can easily ask James whether you should send me all your stuff, and I’m sure he will respond with a succint statement like “Sounds reasonable.” If he is feeling especially informative, he might even explain that I’ve been managing the Halaima MinerBumping IPO since he died back in 2018, and that’s just a fact friendo. Didn’t you know???

Did you really think this was satire? Really?????

***

Ohne weiteres, here are some Bären that got dunked between August 2nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 8th @ 23:59 EVEtime.

***

James 315 commanded us to “respect” the mighty Jihadswarm. One Venture ganker claimed that multiboxers are “cheaters”, and I advised him to biomass his alpha account, because Justin Kusion, Patricia Parra, Karl Friedrich Fizzleblade, Charlie Jacobson, and Bob Mechanic are my omega friends. In fact, as Kusion reminded everyone last night, I’ve known him since before the sex change.

***

Some bots doubt that CODE. is the most powerful alliance in the galaxy, but they fail to realize that both Pandemic Horde and Goonswarm have sworn fealty to James 315, and his successor (that’s me). While plebian peasants bicker, knights of the realm focus upon what matters: burning wicked miners. I therefore offer my affections to Pranav Singh, The Highsec Goddess, and The Highsec Goddess’ Necromancer.

I know some cynical fools are thinking, it’s just some random coincidence that Pandemic Horde ganked a porpoise, which has nothing to do with me or the CODE. I don’t know what to say, but this same miner lost a Nestor just an hour earlier. Hmm. It’s not like the most elite gankers all sit in comms together. Right?

***

Highsec miners hide a lot of contraband, and it may appear to be just random luck, when we find their stash . However, we don’t just control Isanamo and Uedama… we also control Jita and Amarr! Miners are notoriously bad at business, and it’s actually CODE. which has all the elite market tycoons. Zopiclone and Never Gonna SeeGrandKids knew exactly where to find the evidence. Just say no to mining!

***

wotan vallvater defied the laws of space and time, combining reinforced bulkheads with expanded cargoholds, thereby creating an impossibly dense glob of goblok. When CODE. agents investigated this anomaly, they traveled into next week and dunked on wotan’s entire mining fleet. Congrats to the Old Guard, led by Aiko Danuja, Alt 00, AGBee 513, and Rafa Quinterro. This was the third time that wotan lost a mining fleet, and we can only hope he finally decides to purchase a permit. Wotan, if you ever read this website, I hope you can spot the hint (and send me your stuff in a slightly more efficient manner).

***

Taking advantage of the temporal anomaly, His Australian Excellence returned from the dead and traveled further into the future, blasting an illegal Chinese smuggler. Wu Hu forgot to flee into deep space, where he belongs, and his pod was lawfully confiscated. Remember miners, the High-grade Amulet Omega “does nothing in and of itself.”

***

Meanwhile,  in another timeline , mat Otsito found an even blingier pod hiding inside a retriever. The Mid-grade Harvest Omega is also trash.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #213

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #212

Last night was great, as all the boys were logged into Teamspeak, and a lot of important words were uttered at my coronation party. Amidst the clink of silver and crystal, I sang I’m a Barbie Girl and Bombs over Baghdad. Life in plastic, it’s fantastic. Don’t pull the thang out, unless you plan to bang. I also recited the life story of Princess Olga, and easily won Bonus round after Bonus round. CODE. celebrations are the best. Always!

James always said that he could keep MinerBumping going indefinitely with all the unpublished material, and some spicy stuff remains archived. The galaxy awaits the story of Kelroth, will it ever be told? What of the mining witches of Estwyck, or the Prince of Abu Dhabi? These stories are not tall tales, but absolutely fascinating case studies in the depravity of the common Highsec miner. The mantle is now mine, and the burden is also mine, as each night I find myself wondering whether this blog will last even one more day… thus far, each and every morning, my answer is emphatically yes.

Today, I’d like to do something special. I have decided to reach into the bag, pulling out bits and pieces. It’s possible that some items were already published on MinerBumping, and perhaps I will duplicate a bit. If so, that’s just confirmation of our great content. Folders and folders of screenshots, days and days of audio, endless videos and eternal logs of each and every channel from the deepest Delve to the Cobalt Edge. Some have stated that Miner Grab Bag was their favourite. Indeed, it was my favourite, and this seems like the right time. Let’s just open up that bag, and see what we find.

The miners always seem to know exactly what to say, even when they get it backwards. There would be no point logging in, except that the miners have such strong feelings for us, and it is only polite to try and provide them with additional content. Meanwhile, there are other miners who just seem to need a little bump.

I’ve always had a special effect on the miners. As the official Saviourette of Highsec, I know exactly what they need.

Some gobloks want ‘proof’ of my special status in the New Order, but let’s be real. Miners love me, in a way they never could experience James.

Consequently, they recognize me as Supreme Protectress, yours and theirs.


It doesn’t actually matter what the miner’s background is, whether they be Catholic or whether they share the One True Faith, inshallah, every miner knows that the Jamespocalypse means a glorious Age of Aiko is upon them.

As we move forward, the faithful will recognize that James315.Space is home, and I am merely your humble servant. As the General Secretary of the Bumper’s Union, it is my sworn duty to help in your brave fight against the mining peril.

Sometimes, it seems that the miners only want to hurl insults and explore my pretty mouth, but we can hold our heads high, and know that they are super lonely. Just look at Overmind Niminen! The miners desperately need us!

I know for certain that dear James published this next screenshot, but there’s no harm in repeating it. Sometimes, the truth is worth a second look.


You can’t stop a train
Who want some? Don’t come un-pre-pared
But this’ll be the year that we won’t forget
Uno, dos, tres, it’s on
Did you ever think a pimp rock a microphone?
Should have held back, but you throwed the punch
Don’t even bang unless you plan to hit something

Before you read up, get a laptop
Make a business for yourself, boy, set some goals
Make a fair diamond out of dusty coals
Record number four, but we on a roll
Movin like Floyd comin’ straight to Florida
Lock all your windows then block the corridors
Pullin off a belt ’cause a whipping’s in order
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!
Po-wer music, electric revival!

We Miss James 315

Previously on James315.Space… The Saviour of Highsec died quite suddenly, surprising those who weren’t informed years in advance. Many mourners have thrown messages at the wailing wall, but there has never been any reply. Woe, woe unto those who have not repented of their sinful transgressions, for the Jamespocalypse has befallen us all!

Fortunately, a few good citizens recognized that the responsible thing to do, would be to throw a little celebration to commemorate the heroic passing of this great man. The funeral in Halaima was thus attended by a crowd of more than a thousand capsuleers, who gathered to praise his name in obedient silence. We’d like to thank CCP for reinforcing the node, and providing a free Fleet Stabber to all attendees.

Several prominent historians and space archivists have been clamoring for a complete transcript of the funeral, with audio bookmarks so that we can all easily find our favourite speakers. Without further ado, the agents of the Old Guard hereby present the official transcript [check against delivery]:

[0:15] Message to the Faithful – Encrypted

[0:30] Dance of the Goblok

[0:54] Message to the Less Faithful – Encrypted

[1:15] Dance of the Golden Catalyst

[1:44] Whadda Badasaz: “Now entering system are the shareholders, followed by the agents. Throngs of supporters are gathered in the streets of the cities and towns on every planet in Halaima. People from all corners of Highsec have surged into the system for this auspicious funeral. Waves upon waves of Catalysts fill the skies of Halaima I, and… what’s this? Now here come the Coercers, the Atrons and… oh, look there! Bumping Machariels! Standby, I’m receiving word that somebody’s taking the stage. Let us turn our attention now to the main event, which begins in a jiffy!

[2:19] March of the Mashtori

[2:52]: Jimmy315: Victory. Comrades, Agents of the New Order, and supporters of the Code – we come together today, not to mourn the loss of James 315, but to celebrate his life and victory with some of his closest friends. James 315 was many things: the Supreme Protector of Highsec, the Father of the New Order, and a friend to each and every one of us who has assembled here today. But to many of us, he was simply Dad. He was not the first member of our family that we have lost; and he will not be the last. But have no doubt – his passing does mark a unique milestone. Many of our fallen comrades could not be here today in person, to pay their respects. But to them I say this – we salute you! Your sacrifice is noted.

The New Order of Highsec is a precious thing. It is the only force standing in the way of ETERNAL OBLIVION. Highsec – or James 315 space, as it is more commonly known – was in fact saved by James 315. For this reason, he is not only the Supreme Protector and Father of the New Order, but the literal Saviour of Highsec. His words and deeds echo through the ages. He is thus immortal. He has passed, but it is important to remember: HEROES NEVER DIE. He is still with us. If you squint, you may even be able to still see him in Local. Today we have assembled a roster of Highsec notables who will share with you their memories and various recollections of their Father – James 315. Representatives from every major active CODE. corporation, and a few surprise guests from the past, will now take the stage. It is my great pleasure to introduce our first speaker: former CODE. Executor and bumping extraordinaire, Siegfried Cohenberg.”

 [5:15]: Siegfried Cohenberg: Hello, Siegfried Cohenberg here. The running chairman of the Bumper’s Union and previous Executor of the alliance. Now, James 315 is probably the most influential player in the entirety of EVE. Let me tell you why. Thanks to James, I was able to leave the ways of a bot aspirant, and ascend to that of the freighter bumper. And because of the direction that he gave me, I was able to spread the word of the Code, to hundreds of more than satisfied freighter pilots and I think the game is better off because of his influence, and his message for the carebears of EVE Online and for those who just wanna be a bot.

James is the One, who gave me supreme power over every single Highsec hauler in the game. With this new authority, I was able to reclaim hundreds of billions of stolen CODE. assets from Highsec haulers. This entire time, people were playing the game, thinking they were building wealth for themselves. But really, they were building wealth for James. Whenever I encountered a bot aspirant, that resisted giving up what was rightfully ours, all I had to do was utter his name. I would utter his name, and they would realize the error of their ways and immediately hand over what was CODE. property all along.

I’m saddened to hear that James has passed on, he was like a Father to me. You know, I really didn’t have much interaction when I was a bot aspirant, but he came to me and gave me guidance, was a role-model. You know, CODE., we’re a family, we all are agents, and James really was the best Dad we could ask for. You know, I remember back in the day, you know, James… He and I, that little bonding… We’d toss the ‘ol freighter around, you know back and forth. I’d catch it, he’d catch it, he’d eject, and we’d get a freighter. Some of the things, you really can only do with your Dad, just, you can’t do anymore, now that he’s gone.

You know, sometimes, he and I, we’d lose track of time. We’d be throwing that freighter around for hours. One time, that poor little guy, he was out there six thousand kilometres from the gate, and he tried to report us! You know what James said to me? You know what? Why not twelve thousand? And we had fun all night long. Just, ah, James. Man. You really taught me so much, about throwing the ol freighter around. It’s a sad day to hear that James 315 is going away, but my message to you, agents of the Code, is remember this one lesson, that James has bestowed upon me. Void might be the best messenger we have to spread the Word of the Code, but always remember, a conversation is maybe all you need to defeat the bot aspirants. You might be surprised at the results! This is Siegfried Cohenberg signing out, and farewell James.

[9:00]: Jimmy315: Thank you Siegfriend, I miss Dad too. We will next hear from one of the New Order’s greatest metagamers – Erotica 1. Erotica, take it away.

[9:12]: Erotica 1: James 315 has changed the game for the better, more than any other player in EVE, aside from myself of course. When I met James, around April 2013, I invited him to a chat with a lucky contestant. That was the day the future would change forever, I had faith James would participate, and James went with the flow. Then I bought some shares for the first time. Unfortunately, lucky contestant Constantine did not win the Bonus Round that day. His sacrifice set forth a new era for the New Order. Content creators and community leaders like myself, joined the New Order in droves. One of my favourite quotes from James, “A carebear can hide her true nature for awhile, even for a five hour Bonus Round, but sooner or later the bot aspierancy comes out, and with it the fatal consequences. Does that mean we give up? Heck no! It just means we fight harder to save Highsec. For more information, simply google MinerBumping.com Erotica 1. Perhaps there will be more new stories, on the new blog, James315.Space. As they say, I’m EVE’s St. Olga of Kiev, long live the New Order!

[10:24]: Jimmy315: Thank you Erotica 1. What a moving speech that was, and a great reminder of our roots. Up next, I have the great pleasure of passing on a few remarks from John E Normus. John is a fantastic New Order Logistics pilot, former CODE. Executor, and all around great guy. He always had full faith in our eventual victory. Unfortunately, he couldn’t be here today in person, but he did want the following statement read on his behalf. “You’re on your own now. James is gone, and you’ll need to forge your own path. Sincerely, John.” John, thank you, I’m sure James 315 would appreciate your brevity. Next up, many of you will remember Kalorned, as the man who once saved the CODE. alliance. Kalorned will now offer some brief remarks.

 [11:21]: Kalorned (smiling): Hey James! It’s your pal Kalorned! I just wanna say how cool a guy you were! Thanks man! Had you not created the New Order, I’d likely never have come across some of the best players in the game, players like Alt 00, Aiko, Tweeps, or even Zopiclone! Thanks to James, metagaming will always have a place to thrive within the game!

[11:41]: Jimmy315: Thank you Kalorned, you’re a great guy, and I know James 315 would appreciate your words. He told me so in a private chat yesterday, after I ran your remarks by him. Next up, we will hear from a very special guest, aiva naali, aka FighterJets GuitarSolo 1000Years, aka ‘lil bullet’, aka Agent Anvil, who is still hard at work attempting to conquer all of nullsec.

 [12:08]: Aiva Naali: Where do I begin with James 315? Someone, from nowhere? Hardly. We all had humble beginnings. James chose his path, to, well, to defend Highsec, his own kingdom. Now, when he found me, he pulled me out from the gutter. I may have started from nothing like him, but we chose different paths. Keep defending Highsec, big guy. Even though you are no longer around. We’ll all be here.

[12:50]: Jimmy315: Thank you Aiva, I can tell that really came from the heart and was completely voluntary. Certainly no torture there! Now back out the airlock you go. For the rest of us who have been around for a while, our next speaker certainly needs no introduction. For the benefit of everybody else, it is my great honor to introduce none other than Jerry Rin himself. Jerry, take it away!

[13:16]: Jerry Rin: I once saw James, uh, club the head clean of a miner with a Louisville fucking slugger. He was seven feet tall, and he could shoot lightning from his eyes. His cowboy hat was always tilted left, because that’s where the sun always was relative to his position. Hooraariggityrrarara babopboprubar babopadeepbopah. You know who else was good at scat? James 315.

The Code, you could argue that the Code is based on scat music from James. James’ original scat music. Well, he was good at scat, but really, you know, we grew up on a childhood, uh, area. We grew up together, in an area, with farms. K? He was a simple, we were simple kids, we were simple man, he was a simple man! We were shooting cans, at the farm and drinking malted milks in town. But word came that it was war, war with the miners, right, and we were too young, right, he was only fifteen at the time, but we lied about our age, and got in anyway. Got into the bootcamp, signed up, so we went to fight fight the miners, and fought in many battles. Fought in the foxhole, grenades coming at us, sniper fire, tanks, but we won. The battle raged on for years, you know we won that war… awarded many battles, some of which can be found in my bio. Now James was hailed as a hero! Many parades and dinners in his honour, statesmen, celebrities, the whole nine. Praise was heaped on his name.

We won that first war, but at what cost? Could we ever even get back what was lost? James was never the same. He began his work on the Code in earnest. You know, the Code started merely as thoughts, but it has become so much more. That old cliche rings true. It’s taken on a life of its own, and life may not be what we think. You know, life brings to mind a beating heart. Breathing lungs. Blinking eyes, things you can’t have down in the dust catacombs.

But the real life is in our imaginations, and who better embodies the definition of imagination, if not a simple man. An author, who puts his ideas to paper, so that they may live on. So that our children, and our children’s children, and their children’s children children, can access the wealth of ideas that have accumulated thus far. They will plug themselves into an information grid, and they will have access, and they will read every MinerBumping post, eighty thousand years from now!

A child will see a simple agent ganking a miner. He will look for a permit and compliance, but that compliance is not there! He will left his head and think, “When will total compliance be achieved?” And what then, eighty thousand years from now? The child reading this MinerBumping post will smile, and that smile will transcend space and time, and the physical limitations of this existence, whatever they may be! However many dimensions exist, there will always be the Code, and there will always be its creator, James 315. I once saw James, club the head of a miner, with a Louisville slugger. He was also amazing at scat!

Ahjibbidabotbajibbajibbda mdamememinimnimama mimimimimiminamina minaminaminaminaminer jibajabo kbowbwobo wwbwaaah! Jibbaba! Jibbada bopbooooo bababababa deetdabaaba bajibbadab abawhaddabaddasazj ayjajibaba jayjaymes315

James, you owe me fifty dollars, and I don’t know how I’m gonna get it now. Call me!

Bababadota baoeeeaaaaaa

[17:50]: Jimmy315: Wow. Jerry really is a force of nature. I know James 315 has missed Aiko since he was forcibly retired, by the carebears at CCP, just as we all now miss James 315, who decided to ascend to an even higher plane of existence after achieving victory in Highsec. His eight year mission is now complete. Incredible. Next up we have controversial agent of the New Order, Zopiclone.

[18:19]: Zopiclone: Hello, thank you James, for all the good times you provided to the EVE community. The years flew by, reading your guidance on the MinerBumping blog, you’ve inspired generations of new law abiding citizens. You’ve really given a good part of the decade to making EVE what it is today. Thank you! We salute you, live, now I’m getting back to the party in your name. I would light a cyno in your name, but alas, I must get back to patrolling Highsec for more filthy miners are out there without permits. Zopi out.

[19:00]: Jimmy315: Oh no, it seems that Zopi stole the show! Why does this keep happening? Now being wheeled into the auditorium, in shackles and restraints, is the villain Tweeps, on loan from the Hague, who will now repent for his aggregious crimes against humanity.

[19:22]: TheInternet TweepsOnline The Internet: I’m sorry.

[19:26]: Jimmy315: Ok. Thank you to the International Criminal Court for lending us this vile creature for the day. May James forgive him. Next up we will hear from a shining light of Highsec art and culture, and Director of the Conference Elite, Alt 00.

[19:45]: Alt 00: Many of you have grown accustomed, to reading your adventures on James 315’s blog. He provided us with a voice, he made heroes of each and every one of us, old and new alike. Our great general now lays dead before us. Now, when an agent joins our ranks, he does so without the voice of the Saviour. Whilst James was uttering his final words to Princess Aiko, Agent Shadow bravely led his comrades into battle against hordes of marauders, and as James passed, let it be known that it was new player Codus Maximus who hastily took up arms against his fellow miners. We must ensure that agents such as Maximus go on to achieve the recognition that they so deserve. And let it be told that Agent Aiko is working on her fine new blog, James315.Space. It is thanks to the efforts of members such as Aiko that we continue to prosper, as James intended. Our new recruits shall once again have their story told, and proudly celebrate their first kills of the week.

Yet, for all our efforts, there are those who choose to stand in our path. I must warn you, certain ‘agents’ within our ranks, now wish harm upon us. Let it be known that these bureaucrats, have formally declared Alt 00 as an enemy of the New Order! They have in effect declared, that all you who side with me, are also criminals! Princess Aiko has been silenced, and censored. A knight of the New Order, treated lower than an antiganker! Can you imagine a more terrible sacrilige? To my oppressors, I say one thing. Support us in our new endeavours, and our quarrels will be forgotten. Oppose us, and the New Order will not forgive you a second time. My esteemed friends, let us now lay James to rest.

[22:19]: Jimmy315: Incredible work as always, Alt. You’re a really swell gal – and I know James would agree, based on the frequency with which you appeared in his marvelous stories on MinerBumping.com. Well done. Next we will hear from an upcoming FC representing an upcoming corp, Shadow Cyrilus from Big Willies PVP Madness – a great place for gankers new or old.

[22:44]: Shadow Cyrilus: Before I begin, I would like to thank you all for giving me this opportunity, to once again voice my support for our Saviour, James 315, and help commemorate the life of the singlemost influential man in the universe. Without James, I for one would still be a carebear, doing repetitive missions for a few million isk a day. I would still be a mindless bot aspierant, with no soul to speak of. When I first joined the CODE. alliance, I was quickly made aware of the MinerBumping blog, and quickly came to see the light. Through the blog, James has touched us all, and turned us into better people, both in game and in real life. I hope him well, and am happy to see queen regent Aiko Danuja, his successor, stay so faithful to his legacy. Praise James, and may the CODE. alliance continue to reign over Highsec for the years to come.

[23:40]: Jimmy315: Next up we have some remarks from Highsec all-star, Krig Povelli. Unfortunately, a scheduling conflict prevented him from being here with us today, and so I have the great honor of passing on the following message from him: “James 315 is not dead. James is all of us. The foolish miner will claim victory over the Code, up until the moment our Void S tears into his hull and unveils his frozen corpse to drift endlessly in the space of The New Order.” Wow, those were really great words Krig. Thank you so much, I know we all feel the same way. James 315 is in each and every local graced by His Agents. James is in all of us, always! Our penultimate speaker is CODE. celebrity Zaenis Desef, EVE Online’s premier twitch streamer, and producer of amazing New Order content.

[24:57]: Zaenis Desef: Hello friends. This is Zaenis Desef. For eight years, James 315 dedicated his life, to a goal that is greater than one man. He’s inspired others to follow his lead. The goal for a better community, a better place for all of us. I heard his message, I was inspired to teach, to help others to become better. I owe a lot to James 315 and his teachings. The whole EVE community does. Without James 315, Highsec would be a boring cesspool of bots. Few people have had such impact on this game, as James 315, and his impact will be felt long after today. CODE. is forever, and on the day that CCP finally shuts down the servers, we will be ganking everything in sight shouting, “Praise James!”

[25:40]: Jimmy315: Thank you so much, Zaenis. Of course, it goes without saying that everybody should check out his Twitch stream and show your support for New Order content by hitting that subscribe button. We shall next hear, the Party Keynote Address to the High Council Shareholders, delivered by the Queen regent, Princess Aiko. The mere mention of her name, dear Comrades, should strike terror in the hearts of our enemies. In particular, the carebear politicians on the CSM and the carebear posters on the forums, with their vile accusations and slanderous lies. Withour further ado, Aiko.

[26:23] Princess Aiko: From the very first, I have aimed at something more, than becoming a mere princess. I have resolved to be the destroyer of the miners. This I shall achieve, and once I’ve achieved that, I shall find the title of princess ridiculous. When I first stood in front of James’ grave, my heart overflowed with pride, that here lay a man who had forbidden any such petty inscriptions such as, “Here lies state councilor, executor director, his excellency the Saviour, James 315.” I was proud that this man, and so many others in Code history, have been content to leave their names to posterity and their titles to me.

I ask you now, what is the state? The state is a ganking organization, an association of persons formed it would seem for the sole purpose, but to destroy the miners. I therefore, consider it the supreme task, of the CODE. alliance leadership to do everything humanly possible to strengthen our military strength, and bring the miners closer to James. If he must be dead, then so must they.

And above all, you, my dear shareholders, do not forget one thing. In certain democracies, it seems that one of the special prerogatives, of political democratic life, is the artificial breeding of hatred of the so-called ‘totalitarian’ states. That is, to raise public opinion against peoples that displace others, through a flood of partly disfiguring partly even fictitious reports! If we defend ourselves against the antigankers, and the carebears, then this is considered an interference in the ‘sacred rights’ of the miner. In the opinion of these so-called gentlemen, they have the right to engage in PvE content, but no one has the right to resist it?

I do not need to assure them, that as long as the CODE. alliance is a soverign state, the state leadership will not allow a carebear politician to forbid us from ensuring the utter and unconditional destruction of the mining caste. The fact that we remain a soverign state, will be ensured in the future by our weapons and our friends. Therefore, we owe it to the security of the Code, to enlighten the people about the true nature of the carebear. Many miners continue to be spurred on by carebear agitators, agitating against the Code and hoping to trick our agents into themselves becoming carebears, and being psychologically unprepared for the Bonus Room.

I therefore think it necessary, that from now on in our propaganda, and in our press, the attacks should always, always, be answered and above all brought to the attention of the people. In particular, all the assertions about my intentions, are either morbidly hysterical or out of the personal self-preservation addiction of individual politicians, but we know, we know, that in certain states conscienceless thieves serve to save their own carebear finances, and that above all, intergalactic minery hopes to achieve satisfaction and vindictiveness and greed for profit. These bears represent a monstrous slander, and we will root out their lies, and we will biomass them all.

[30:58]: Crowd (chanting): Cardboard is a vegetable!

[31:00]: Jimmy315: Wow, that was astonishing. Now, if you would please, please direct your attention to Planet I, for a very special fireworks show, and another special surprise, which will begin presently. Thank you.

[36:00]: Jimmy315: Another glorious victory for the CODE., as Princess Aiko has utterly destroyed the Invincible Stabber, armed with only six civilian gatling railguns. Wow, amazing. Gatling guns truly are the weapon of the people!!! Another great victory for Princess Aiko! Well done Aiko!!!!!

***

BONUS CONTENT: Erotica 1 also gave a secret speech, which was deemed far too boring for public release. The transcript is as follows:

Highsec has been made a better place because of James. Because of the man that he was, the New Order shall stand the test of time. Still, we must always remember him and the lessons he taught us. There is much we can still learn by studying his writings. A few lessons I have learned include…

I am Invincible and am afraid of nothing. I do not need corp members to fight my battles for me, nor do I feel the need to hide behind a corporate veil. I will fight anyone at any time. However, creating a corporation does cost over a million isk, which would cut into my profit margin.
 
Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company. To be good, and to do good, is all we have to do. Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time, who never loses any. It is wonderful how much may be done, if we are always doing. If men were angels, no government would be necessary.
 
The best form of government is that which is most likely to prevent the greatest sum of evil. If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in. No evil can result from its inhibition more pernicious than its toleration. I wish to understand the true principles of the Government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing more. Our form of government can no longer be considered an experiment in politics. Crowned with success, it stands forth an example to the world and exhibits the proudest triumph of reason and philosophy. Peace, plenty, and contentment reign throughout our borders, and our beloved country presents a sublime moral spectacle to the world.
 
For more than a quarter of a century on active duty, my house has been my tent, and my home the battlefield. The law is the only sure protection of the weak, and the only efficient restraint upon the strong. Frequently the more trifling the subject, the more animated and protracted the discussion. The test of leadership is not to put greatness into humanity, but to elicit it, for the greatness is already there.
 
Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be. If the rabble were lopped off at one end and the aristocrat at the other, all would be well with the country. The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on. The real difficulty is with the vast wealth and power in the hands of the few and the unscrupulous who represent or control capital.
 
We should do nothing for revenge, but everything for security: nothing for the past; everything for the present and the future. Men may die, but the fabrics of free institutions remains unshaken. A cause worth fighting for is worth fighting for to the end. No other people have a government more worthy of their respect and love or a land so magnificent in extent, so pleasant to look upon, and so full of generous suggestion to enterprise and labor.
 
That’s all a man can hope for during his lifetime – to set an example – and when he is dead, to be an inspiration for history. A soft, easy life is not worth living, if it impairs the fibre of brain and heart and muscle. We must dare to be great; and we must realize that greatness is the fruit of toil and sacrifice and high courage… For us is the life of action, of strenuous performance of duty; let us live in the harness, striving mightily; let us rather run the risk of wearing out than rusting out.
 
Unless education promotes character making, unless it helps men to be more moral, more just to their fellows, more law abiding, more discriminatingly patriotic and public spirited, it is not worth the trouble taken to furnish it. You are not here merely to make a living. I have no trouble with my enemies. All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort, and effort means work. Be patient and calm.
No one can catch fish in anger. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Good name and honor are worth more than all the gold and jewels ever mined. A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. Books and ideas are the most effective weapons against intolerance and ignorance. I’m not a crook. I’ve earned everything I’ve got. 
 
It’s the quality of the ordinary, the straight, the square, that accounts for the great stability and success of our nation. It’s a quality to be proud of. But it’s a quality that many people seem to have neglected. We must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles. Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same. We cannot build our own future without helping others to build theirs. I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace. Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. We’re rounding ’em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they’re going to be happy because they want to be legalized. And, by the way, I know it doesn’t sound nice. But not everything is nice. He alone who owns the youth gains the future.

Prejudice toward minorities is not permitted. For the sake of clarity, this cannot apply to all groups claiming minority status, but only discrete and insular minorities, which are defined as suicide gankers, Goons, and others who oppose highsec mining.

***
Wow, what a great speech. Amazing.

 

 

 

Another Great Victory

The tragic news has riveted our galaxy, and he is mourned even in the darkest abyss. James was the man who strode forth and slew the beast, laughing as a swarm of bees emerged from BoB’s dusty hole. He was the personal champion of Currin Trading, a brilliant financial guru, and the original scatman of Frostfire. It was James who successfully wooed the elf maiden, and publicly declared her to be his chosen Saviourette. It was a victorious life, and his victories are officially unceasing.

The Celebration of Life ceremony was a stunning success, and everyone who attended was left in awe. Some will wish they had more time, and others will wish they made time. Those who attended will know that we were there, together. For posterity, the official video will be permanently hosted on the intergalactic web, which was designed by none other than the ‘lil bullet, Ammiralissiomo Avia Naali.

As proof, I would like to show you unedited images from the ceremony. Behold, as the Old Guard assembles in the recording room and prepares the permanent bonus room, which will henceforth be the eternal tomb of James 315! Yes, gaze upon the Devil Himself, for Erotica 1 has claimed the corpse.

I now present the miner’s parade.

Overmind Niminen was offered as our sacrifice, in the Ganking of the Goofus, with Shadow Cyrilus enjoying the honour of teaching this miner the fundamental difference between an actual ganker and a common plebian. Here’s something to consider, I get an EVEmail every four minutes. How many people mail Overmind? xaxaxaxa

Miners are understandably obsessed with my amazing good lucks and zestfully clean appearance, but today was a celebration of Jim. If you could choose to possess any ability, having good timing wouldn’t be a bad pick. When he texted on May 25, 2018, inviting me for chilled wine and soft jazz, James knew just the right icebreaker to use. As the bonus room proceeded, I understood he was offering true friendship. That was definitely worth 315,315 isk. So I ‘rolled’ a ‘toon’, why not? Wow, a natural twenty!

As He wrote , “Once everyone’s here, we can get started…”

Well, here I am!

So check out my message to you
As a matter of fact, I don’t let nothin’ hold you back
If the Scatman can do it, so can you
Why should we be pleasing in the politician heathens
Who would try to change the seasons if they could?
The state of the condition insults my intuitions
And it only makes me crazy and a heart like wood

I hear you all ask ’bout the meaning of scat
Well, I’m the professor and all I can tell you is
While you’re still sleepin’, the saints are still weepin’ ’cause
Things you call dead haven’t had the chance to be born
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop-bop-bodda-bope
Bop-ba-bodda-bope
Be-bop-ba-bodda-bope, bop-ba-bodda
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop-ba-bodda-bope
Bop-ba-bodda-bope
Be-bop-ba-bodda-bope, bop-ba-bodda-bope

Where’s the…

Yo, I’m a Scatgrr 

Ski-bi-dibby-dib yo-da-dub-dub, yo-da-dub-dub
Ski-bi-dibby-dib yo-da-dub-dub, yo-da-dub-dub
Ski-bi-dibby-dib yo-da-dub-dub, yo-da-dub-dub
Ski-bi-dibby-dib yo-da-dub-dub, yo-da-dub-dub

Repeat after me
It’s a scoobie oobie doobie, scoobie doobie melody
Sing along with me
It’s a scoobie oobie doobie, scoobie doobie melody

Be bop ba bodda bope
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope
Bop ba bodda bope
Be bop ba bodda bope
Bop ba bodda
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop ba bodda bope

That’s right, that’s right!

WHAT THEN IN EIGHTY THOUSAND YEARS??? ? ?????