Simping for Anlions

Why, hello there!

That’s right! I’m exactly what James was hoping to summon.

I’m soo cool. I even ganked a Venture!

Ventures are the saltiest pilots in the galaxy.

Angel pretended to be an “I don’t care” bear.

This didn’t last long.

Recently, I noticed the newest carebear corp.

The recruiter from SICO started his own alliance.

Do you think she is cute?

Cuter than me???

I was a little jealous.

Come on boys, don’t simp for Anlions.

She’s got those hooks in deep.

He won’t be joining Princess Aiko Hold My Hand(((


The Best Revenge, Part 100

The Best Revenge, Part 1
The Best Revenge, Part 78

Previously, on my blog… avia naali (aka THE GREAT LORD OF DELVE) directed the Goon armada against his cursed enemies.

I know what miners really want.

Some want erotic fantasy, and others want REVENGE.

Back in Part 10, avia sperged about his power, resulting in a 1 billion isk fine (increased to 5 billion). Behold now, never released before: the security breach notification which Aiko sent to her Goon liaison, Soviet commodore Vladimir Chakaidi.

High Starnovalord avia (aka anaCheeya ANARKY, aka ‘lil bullet, aka AGENT ANVIL) has come a long way since he first began plotting the best revenge. Today, he controls the mighty Imperium, with faction titans responding to his every whim.

Now he requested a formal meeting with senior staff. 

The meeting started out well enough.

avia (aka AstevonWard OverGreer) succinctly explained his plan.

He also wanted to meet the lead FC.

This didn’t go as well.

As always, Holostar was late to the meeting.

avia decided to conclude early.

He blamed himself for wasting the FC’s time.

The war was off to a rocky start.

avia began preparing for the worst.

Perhaps it was time to join battle himself?

To be continued…


tanktheface lost his Iteron, and a Caracal.

He didn’t care.

He enjoyed full SRP, after losing someone else’s ship.

Despite not caring, tank vowed that someone else would extract revenge.

vault 4+2 (aka vault 6) was on the case!

tanktheface > the man it was knows has give me 50mil… and a new order
tanktheface > he on discord now…so mad
Aiko Danuja > He’s mad at himself for trusting you?
tanktheface > thats why i get the big isk

tank gloated, sending proof of the incoming attack.

Aiko was alarmed. What if 4+2 actually had a battlecruiser?

Furthermore, tank had killrights.

The situation was bleak.

Fortunately, his corporation subsidizes incompetence.

Now we own the Hammer of God.

What an astonishing turn of events!

4+2 is one salty taskforce.

Cordillia denied being a 4+2 agent.

She claimed we are liars, like Biden.

What’s wrong with Sleepy Joe?

Meanwhile, Cordillia (the Orca pilot) insisted that she isn’t a miner.

I think she might be the liar.

Regardless, she wasn’t very calm.

Why was she so angry?

Oh! I guess she is a miner.

Cordillia > You don’t know me, i Just returned to this game after 3 years of military duty in Afganistan. Now you want to tell me that I am a MINING Addicted person. WOW have you all fucking lost it
Whadda Badasaz > The issue here is not your service record, but your mining record.
Northbridge West > That went well over there, didn’t it?
Cordillia > REPORTED
Cordillia > your all safe at home
Cordillia > hiding under your bed
Cordillia > your so far ass whips to me

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #235

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #234

Well, I guess it’s time to check my mail.

I’ve got a lot of unread and unsorted mail.

Apparently, someone in my alliance was ganking miners?

Dead miners continue to haunt me from beyond the grave.

I’m even starting to learn Russian.

The miners have so much to say.

In any language, they all sound the same.

Spinner believe you your gelaber Interest me you get nut make yourself with your blackmail from the field and never write to me again

Of course, the miners are also learning English.

Together, we are all learning to play EVE.

Obviously, some of us are a little ahead of the curve!

If you want to contribute to this sacred archive, the process is simple.


Heh. Those silly miners only seem to want one thing.

Hey! Do you remember when I took everything Odbayar ever owned?

I didn’t bully him out of the game at all!

I’m proud of you Odbayar.

Storytime, Part 2

Previously, on the bestest blog in galactic history… Ann Mari’s freighter was wrecked in Uedama, and she lost 10 billion isk. Then she lost a jump freighter, and a Golem, finding herself stuck inside a vast spiderweb. The arachnid’s venom was filled with the essence of lonely miners long gone, and Ann Mari was exhilarated and titillated by a cunning plan. What if she paid the gankers to turn on their own Saviourette, humiliating Princess Aiko with erotic stories and outrageous rumours?

Indeed, Aiko has carefully studied Brer Rabbit (aka Sun Tzu). 

Some people are truly invincible.

Some people always have the last laugh.

Please don’t get revenge on me.

I’m just a dumb girl. Please don’t make me cry.

In outer space, there are no limits.

Anne was shocked to learn about 2020 Fanfest.

However, behind the scenes, Aiko and Rakk were conspiring.

How many stories will Ann commission?

This blog post is sponsored by Ann Mari’s Erotic Aiko Fanfic Club.

Everyone had a story to tell.

Buttercup offered an especially humiliating tale.

However, she demanded the money upfront.

I guess it was a scam.

Suddenly, Aiko saw an opportunity…

Some people just always win.

Some people practice witchcraft.

Crying in the Night

As the New Order storms ahead into the 21st Century, we’ve rebranded and upgraded. We’ve got our own Twitter, a MySpace, and now we are on TikTok!

James 315 couldn’t possibly be prouder of me, his perfect little angel.

Here’s another video, from my recent meeting with the CSM.

Of course, some people are always dissatisfied.

13+1 has been crying about our low activity at 4 in the morning. In order to resolve this, I have delegated recruitment and training to him.

Let me be clear, 13+1, I don’t hate you. I don’t even know who you are. Yes, I sit at the table with all the cool kids, and dunk on miners. If you want to be cool, keep shooting miners. You don’t need an FC to tell you, “Kill them all!”

If you want to gank, all you need to do is follow some simple instructions. 13+1 will answer any questions you might have.

As the divine leader of a major spacefaring civilization, I no longer have any duties or responsibilities. I can do whatever, however I want, whenever I want. I am perfect in every way, infallible in judgment and beyond reproach. I’m a Princess, and I am successful simply by existing, even if I log out and disappear forever.

As there are no objections, I will conclude this post. 



Previously, on Princess Aiko’s #1 Best Blog… Ann Mari lost her freighter and her pod, but wasn’t salty. In fact, like Coach Subway, she’s so rich she doesn’t care. Indeed, she can get revenge by losing more isk – right?

We are always fair, and honest. If you don’t read the blog, or memorize the CODE, or appreciate all the wonderful mysterious ways that Aiko has spun a magical web across the galaxy – well, friend, that’s going to cost you.

Aiko Danuja > It looks like you ran into my Uedama team…
Aiko Danuja > Ann Mari you owe 50 billion isk, so you can pay now
Ann Mari > I’ll take my chances thanks
Aiko Danuja > They are professionals Ann. You need to take this more seriously.
Aiko Danuja > You are a convicted mining offender.
Ann Mari > Necck beards might fall at her feet…. I’m old, I’m married, I’m male…. I just do not care
MarshallTeagan > Princess Aiko Danuja is female i have heard her angelic voice.
Ann Mari > I’m not buying into your lil mafia sccheme

Ann vowed that she he would never give me an isk.

To get revenge, he began sending my alts and friends all his isk and ships, in a dubious plot to make me feel left out. Before long, he was bankrupt and destitute, so he needed to convince his bank that he really wanted to throw more money into some suspicious Icelandic shell company owned by North Koreans.

After getting a taste of erotic Aiko fanfic, Ann was hooked. He needed more.

While CODE. was on autopilot, Safety. agents were hard at work.

Within my Why Was I Ganked? channel, Ann began to execute his devious plot. He would pay for erotic stories about Aiko, which would humiliate and disgrace the Princess, and NONE of the money would go to Aiko.

There was nothing I could do to stop it.

My own girlfriend betrayed me.

Ann was so delighted, he gave Alleil a generous tip.

I was humiliated, but Ann was just getting started.

Everyone had a story to tell.

The truth about Aiko was finally coming out.

Ann was going to RUIN me…

…but first, he needed more money.

To be continued…

Fw: Re: Demands

Previously, on !MinerBumping… we learned about the camwhores of Uedama, and discovered that Princess Aiko is bad at micromanaging you (unlike James 315, a big strong leader). There was EPIC Danuja salt, after she learned people who don’t log in are unhappy with her inactivity, and this metastorm is expected to last indefinitely.

When Aiko discovered the presence of rival camwhores, she did the one thing that is guaranteed to accomplish absolutely nothing. She reported the bots to CCP, along with screenshots and an evidentiary video.

After a few minutes, CCP concluded a full investigation, determining that humanoid player beings are content to spend all day staring at a Taint Licker (whilst steadily slowly scrolling up and down in local chat).

CCP sent Aiko a dismissive reply, closing the case. As they presumably decided, the real ‘content’ of the stream was Taint Licker himself, and surely the Uedama gatecam was not actually intended to show viewers the gate. 

Aiko just couldn’t stop crying.

She began spewing increasingly EPIC princess salt across the Icelandic wastes.

Fortunately, someone has at least bothered to login and do something. Cheng went after Jim Otsadat’s obvious bot, Hamanin Haginen.

Dolphin Don went after the other camwhores.

Afterward, Sargon wondered if Jim would purchase broadcast rights.

This intrigued Jim, who saw an opportunity to obtain Safety. and eliminate competition.

Sargon has studied my blog, learning the value of an upsell.

Jim is one happy botter.

He just wishes he could get back into my channel: Why Was I Ganked?

No bots allowed!

Now go away. I’m busy planning your schedule.

September 10

Today is September 10.

James 315, in his infinite wisdom, declared September 10 to be a special day, celebrating players who have been permanently banned. In some cases, of course, these bans were perhaps justified – in other cases, they most certainly were not. CCP has a long record of unclear policies, haphazard enforcement, and questionable decisions. We must remember that these players were, in many cases, decent people who had a positive impact on the game. Maybe they did something wrong, but don’t they deserve another chance?

loyalanon, even today, still ranks among the greatest EVE players ever. I’ve heard that he might have said something inappropriate in local. I wonder if they banned the miner who threatened to hack CCP servers, obtain my IP address, come over to my house, fuck me in the ass with a knife, and then cut off my head and masturbate into my brain? I’m just asking, because sometimes CCP enforces rules, and sometimes they don’t. Meanwhile, after all these years, loyal has changed for the better. He’s all grown up, a family man with a real job. He’s gotten good at Fortnite, and not bad at PUBG. He’s a nice guy, and a skilled gamer, so can’t we forget what he said all those years ago? I certainly can’t remember what he said, and I doubt anyone else can either.

Jerry Rin is one of the funniest, and friendliest people ever. I don’t know what you think Jerry did, but my research indicates that he was framed, by someone who deliberately conspired to get him banned. That’s not cool. When Jerry walks into the room, it’s like sparkles of energy just fill the sky. He’s always improvising and riffing on the most amazing beats. Dodixie is not the same without his infectious enthusiasm and upbeat energy. Today, Jerry works as a real-life Code Inspector, and he even won an award. Girls follow him around everywhere, giggling and laughing at his jokes. I do.

Fighter Jets GuitarSolo was cut down in the prime of his youth. A young lad from Nova Scotia, he grew up in a trailer park and struggled with demons. He murdered a man with an axe, and felt no remorse. Eventually, he found EVE Online, and his life changed. Suddenly, he was hosting his own game show, and he felt like he was a zillion megamiles tall. Then CCP came along, and he was gone forever. A little bird told me that he called a lesbian a lesbian. He didn’t mean anything by that, he just meant that she was a lesbian in-game, and she happened to be a lesbian in real-life. Oops! Today, Fighter Jets works as a professor of national security studies at Harvard, and he is a serial axe murderer.

D400 is one of the coolest people around, except just not in EVE Online. When he grew up, he didn’t know anything but his native Sami traditions, and he often wondered about the vast southern lands, where the sun appears in the sky each and every day. During the long nights, which lasted many months, he did his best to shoot empty shuttles. He was admittedly a space bully griefer, costing the miners tens of thousands of isk. I’m going to be completely honest with you, as I always am. D400 was banned because someone invited him to a chatroom. When you have someone in EVE set to a contact standing, good or bad, you automatically accept the invite. He wasn’t even at his computer, but his character was in the wrong chatroom, at the wrong time. D400 wasn’t banned for being associated with someone who may have done something wrong, he was banned simply because CCP doesn’t care if anyone actually did anything wrong. Today, D400 is homeless and struggling to find firewood. It’s cold, he has frostbite, and he ate a cat.

Erotica 1 was a weird dude, who loved to meet weird miners. Some people say that he did grotesque things, like ask miners to smear peanut butter across their chest. I’ve seen the photo, and it wasn’t even cringy, it was just dumb. In fact, Erotica never asked for that photo, but the miner decided all on his own to send the unrequested image. There was no torture! Meanwhile, Dolphin Don got temporarily banned for 3 days after sending a photo of someone with a cactus up their butt, but Erotica got permanently banned for a peanut butter photo, a little karaoke, and some white knights who exaggerated the horror of an audio recording which doesn’t even exist anymore. Last summer, Erotica asked me to marry him, and I politely declined. However, I see no reason he should be banned from EVE Online. Today he works as the director of a multilevel marketing solutions enterprise, selling cryptocurrency IPO offerings in the Cayman Islands.

Helicity Boson, concubine of the Sheikh and the mother of Hulkageddon, lives in wartorn Europe. It was hard for Helicity, growing up in a place where people don’t speak English, but she managed to pull herself together and started trading tulips. This allowed her to purchase a potato, and she built a small computer, with which she began to travel through outerspace. Unfortunately, her journey came to a sudden halt after she committed real-life cybercrimes, hacking into CCP computers to steal internal corporate data, and telling CCP devs that they should all be burned alive in real-life. Shortly after being permabanned, Helicity was permanently unbanned, when it became clear that she was right. Today, Helicity enjoys posting pictures of roleplaying dice on Twitter.

I’m not sure if Globby is banned or not, but I’m pretty sure he is. Globby went to Fanfest and was sexually assaulted by the Mittani. This left him feeling confused, and he poured his heart and soul into EVE Online. He invented the miracle of hyperdunking, which many beta orbiters have subsequently failed to emulate. I’ve met some of the greatest minds in the galaxy, but Globby has a special genetic disorder which allows him to overcome game mechanics. He’s the most nerfed player in EVE history, and he is being stalked by Matterall. Today, Globby is hiding out in Cambodia, living on his pension from the Los Angeles Police Department’s prestigious bomb squad. In his spare time, he enjoys volunteering for DolphinFacts, the #1 toll free 800 hotline for fun dolphin facts.

Brisc Rubal dedicated his life to maritime law, bribing congressman to guarantee dolphin fishing rights for benevolent international non-governmental organizations controlled by mysterious benefactors (namely, the Rockefellers and the Rothschilds). This made him rich beyond his wildest dreams, and he proceeded to invest everything into Keepstars. One day, CCP banned him, with clear proof that he did something wrong. Just when I decided that he must have done something wrong, they unbanned him and said it was all a big mistake. My lawyers have advised me to support Brisc, and to be quite honest, he shows up to gank in Uedama… so he can’t be that bad. 

Kelroth is a miner, idiot, and cokehead all rolled into one. The most fun I ever had in EVE Online was partying with Kelroth and taking all his money, but I know he has a lot more. Kelroth swipes his credit card like nobody else. His wife got so mad that she ran away and we had a torrid affair in Toledo. Unfortunately, just when Kelroth agreed to make me his financial advisor, CCP banned him for being an absolute moron. The Vancouver Police Department is now investigating Kelroth for financial crimes, but I just want my money. CCP needs to unban Kelroth so he can continue playing EVE, which for him basically involves sending me everything he has. CCPlease.

James 315, a newbro who was eager to explore New Eden, was permanently banned because of his egregious abuse of the new player experience. He was shocked and stunned, unsure what to do. After a few days, CCP unbanned him, because it turns out they made a mistake. They didn’t even apologize. Later, James was permabanned a second time, and then unbanned. Eventually, James got lucky and met a nice girl, who was actually a witch. They got married, but he died quite suddenly, leaving everything to his grieving widow. Fortunately, he is still alive in game, but in real life he is deceased.

Recently, Grey Ignis told me that his bio was arbitrarily removed because of some nerdy puns about things going in and out.

Grey is a real lady’s man, he just likes to get us girls all hot and bothered with subtle innuendo. However, some grumpy incel reported him, and now CCP has decided to punish him. They erased his bio, and isn’t even sure what was particularly offensive. Of course, it’s their game and they can do what they want. However, it’s weird how they overreact to one thing, and just ignore another. Ya know?

I don’t think CCP should turn EVE Online into a whiteknight friendly PG13 theme park. The graphic content of EVE Online, with its elite PvP and angry Chinese bots threatening to rain nuclear hellfire upon the United States, is what makes it such an engaging experience. Nobody actually wants to play Monopoly, because it’s a boring terrible game, but it’s fun to get drunk and listen to a temper tantrum. That’s what makes EVE enjoyable, because without such compelling characters as Dickcumpeniscock Pussyinvader, we just can’t immerse ourselves into the roleplay of a dystopian future.

Villains, who offend social norms, allow us to have heroes.

I urge everyone to spend this September 10 thinking about how EVE is better with banned players, who provide engaging content and meaningful gameplay. I’m sure that shitface MCshit, Faggorio Naggerius Twats, DickSuckinLips, and Penisfarts are actually decent people in real-life, so CCP should calm down and let players enjoy their game. Meanwhile, when we look back at the “terrible” things allegedly done in the past, we should remember the context of EVE Online. This is literally a game (and a company) which has embraced Faggot Task Force, the Ballsack Flickers corporation, Dickbutt Anonymous, and every possible variant of Adolf Hitler

nefarious DISSENT and TREASON

Thought criminals have denied my infallibility.

When you don’t gank, and don’t even log in, it’s goshdarn easy to theorycraft, backseat drive, and armchair quarterback your way to inevitable success. Even if you conclude that you can’t be bothered to do anything at all, you can at least fantasize about some big strong dream hero who will do… something.

It breaks my little heart, to know that someone still prefers a hypothetical third party who is theoretically better than me in every way.

Meanwhile, I’ve got the full might of Goonswarm behind me .

The Caldari State (what’s left of it) has passed an official corporate decree, confirming me as the lawful Saviourette of Highsec.

However, some impudent out-of-touch bystanders dare to question my divine leadership. For months, they have been insisting that I don’t do enough, or that my priorities are sorely misaligned. They suggest that I should lean back, rest upon my laurels, and imagine some academic grand strategy. Instead of shooting miners, I should just talk about shooting miners. Instead of shooting miners, I should convince someone else to shoot miners. Instead of leading from the front, I should micromanage from the rear.

See the source image

George Patton, a venerated agent of the New Order, observed that leadership of an army is akin to moving spaghetti. You don’t push the soggy mass forward with your finger, but instead you pull it forward. So yes, I will mock and shame those who do not log in, but dare to question patriots who stand firm against the mining menace. Who is going to defend you against the carebears and the crabs? Quite simply, you can’t handle the truth. You need me in that Catalyst, and I suggest you either log in or stand aside. You’re goddamn right I’m focused upon ganking, because this is a ganking alliance. 

The moment I log in (on a mere alt), just to check my skill queue or accept a contract, the spiderwebbed fate of the galaxy is permanently affected. Whether you log in and notice it or not, I am out there, making a difference.

When I actually enter local, passing through to meet a friend, Soviet preedator drones are instantly on the alert for an “imminent attack”. So if you want someone to lead you, then you better keep up, because I move fast and I don’t slow down. 

People love me, and my alliance killboard currently sits at 9.31 trillion isk destroyed, fully 9.5% of everything CODE. ever did. At this rate, after six and a half years, I will exceed nine years of CODE. (and that’s without help from WaTeR Ubersnol, call me). Now, if that’s not good enough for you, perhaps you should log in. Otherwise, listen to other esteemed members of the New Order, who clearly do not object.

I didn’t become the executor of the alliance in January. I’ve been the executor for over a year, and I just changed the alliance name to clarify my strategic goals. 

I will admit, that the gilded era of the warlords is behind us. Loyalanon is busy playing Minecraft, but he knows who is getting things done.

My name is Aiko

…and karttoon was right.