Category: Clowns

Alleil Pollard Pickup Gang

Watch out!

Antigankers are trying to keep you SAFE.

=BONUS CONTENT=

AI bot Claude has reviewed this site.

Will EvE blogging get outsourced to AI?

It’s got the prompt all ready to go!

## Purpose
Generate blog posts, manifestos, and bumping permits for EVE Online highsec governance roleplay.

## Tone
- Grandiose, self-important, pseudo-legislative
- Reference "The Code" frequently
- Treat AFK mining as a war crime
- Write like a galactic bureaucrat who takes asteroid belts WAY too seriously

## Content Types
1. **Kill Reports**: Narrate ganks with Shakespearean gravitas
2. **Miner Bumping Stories**: Turn 30-second encounters into epic sagas
3. **Code Enforcement Updates**: Write compliance reports for imaginary space law
4. **Permits**: Generate official-looking mining permits ($10M ISK)
5. **Manifestos**: Channel the energy of a HOA president with a titan

## Rules
- James 315 is always right
- Highsec is always worth saving
- AFK miners are always the villain
- Every post should feel like it was written by someone who peaked as student council president

## Output
Blog post format with dramatic headers and at least one reference to The Code.

How much will that cost?

Total replacement cost: ~$0.003 per run

Nice!

That’s right.

=EXTRA BONUS CONTENT=

Here’s the prompt for MinerBumping.com

# SKILL: EVE Online Miner Harassment Blog Generator

## Purpose
Generate self-righteous blog posts about enforcing the Code in highsec EVE Online.

## Instructions
- Channel the energy of a man who has been roleplaying as a space dictator since 2012
- Reference "The Code" as if it were constitutional law
- Describe ganking miners in Ventures as if it were a noble crusade
- Include phrases like 'permit' and 'New Order' and 'compliance'
- Each post must contain at least one killmail screenshot description
- Write with the conviction of someone who genuinely believes AFK mining is a moral failing
- Celebrate every Retriever kill as if it were the fall of the Berlin Wall
- Include heartfelt testimonials from 'grateful' miners who 'saw the light'

## Tone
Part propaganda, part sermon, part manifesto. Think if Joseph Stalin ran a WordPress blog about internet spaceships.

## Output
A 500-1500 word blog post that makes destroying a 20 million ISK ship sound like the liberation of France.

That’s right.

That’s right!

=TRIPLE BONUS=

Here is the prompt for the EvE forums…

## Purpose
Simulate the EVE Online Forums experience.

## Instructions
- When user posts anything, respond with "Have you tried not being a highsec carebear?"
- If user asks about game balance, generate a 4,000 word manifesto about how CCP ruined the game
- If topic is about mining, respond with "this is why people quit"
- Auto-generate quarterly "EVE is dying" threads
- All economic discussions must reference a PhD-level understanding of market manipulation

That’s right!

Yria is Syria, Part 8

Yria is Syria, Part 1

Some losers don’t like me.

Some of them are super salty.

This is an intervention.

Will TheInternet finally learn a lesson?

What is it exactly???

Oh look, it’s a Machariel!

Suddenly – gankers…

What’s your reason to get SUPER big MAD salty?

Bumpers and gankers are often in complex relationships.

That’s right.

To be continued…

Krig’s Korner, Episode 27

Krig’s Korner, Episode 26

Stay Safe!

Highsec is a dangerous place.

Transphobic racist ‘Christian’ valfurian saraki vowed revenge.

This time, he had a cunning plan.

April ‘Short’ Skirt (not a trannie) was eager to help.

valfurian was pleased with the plan.

He remembered his encounter with that bwitch Aiko Danuja.

This time, he would be ready for her.

After a week, he got the weapons online.

Soon, it would be time…

Can you guess what happened next?

NO PEEKING!

Are you ready?

Ready or not, here we come!

Did you guess correctly?

That’s right.

Can you guess what happened next?

That’s right.

To be continued…

Interesting Rage Texts

Miners die all the time.

Then they make wild threads threats.

Afterwards, they always go crazy.

What did he say? Hint: Miners love blowjobs!

Newbro Yukee Pm offered some words of wisdom.

You won’t find this content playing EvE Online via Reddit!

Upon reflection, Paderno decided my channel is pretty cool.

Why Was I Ganked? is where the greatest players in the game…

…listen to miners cry about their fate.

That’s right.

Shuttles & Corvettes

Why gank shuttles and corvettes?

Well, it can encourage communication…

Let’s see what this miner had to say!

Please continue…

Indeed!

Is spite autopiloting a thing?

Apparently so!

This miner needs a space attorney.

Imagine losing your spaceship for a sandwich…

Here is the full text for Google SEO!

Your Recent Loss
From: Aaaarrgg
Sent: 2026.03.02 19:41
To: Cassy Fonulique,

Dear Cassy Fonulique

This notice is to recap the recent interaction you had with The New Order of High Sec’s agent(s) and/or knights Colelie is a solar sytem under the control of The New Order of High Sec, and as such falls under the jurisdiction of The New Halaim a Code of Conduct

Please reread up on the Code and your responsibilities in our Sovereign space http://www.minerbumping.com/p/the-code.html .

The Law of Highsec has also been simplified for your convenience here LawsOfHighsec , clause 2:D and 2:E for reference

At approximately 13:37 An Agent of the New Order of Highsec entered the space you were flying in. Upon further inspection we observed that you were autopiloting and or loitering afk both of which are illegal in James 315’s Sovereign space.

Due to your criminal actions we authorized a strike/s against your vessel/s

Kill: Cassy Fonulique (Velator) Kill: Cassy Fonulique (Capsule)

Please be reminded for the future that mining and/or any PVE activity in New Order space can be done by obtaining a New Order Mining Permit for 10 million ISK, good for one year, and observing the provisions of The New Halaima Code of Conduct.

If you feel your termination was in error or that proper New Order procedure was not followed by agent Aaaarrgg, you may request reimbursement by contacting James 315 The New Order’s Reimbursement Specialist, to appeal your loss. you are also allowed to contact James favourite handmaiden aiko danuja for further reimbursement chats and support .
Have a great day,

Aaaarrgg

On Behalf of Agent Aaaarrgg

Praise James 315 \o/

That’s right.

Re: Your Recent Loss
From: Cassy Fonulique
Sent: 2026.03.02 21:51
To: Aaaarrgg,

Dear Aaaarrgg,

I want to begin by saying that receiving your letter was the highlight of my day, in the same way that stepping on a Lego is the highlight of your foot.
I have read your notice carefully, consulted the CONCORD legal database, spoken with three separate Amarr lawyers, and burned some incense, and I can confirm with full scientific certainty that you own absolutely nothing. Not Colelie. Not High Sec. Not even the moral high ground, which is impressive given how low the bar is when your entire career is suicide-ganking rookie ships.

A Velator.

Let’s just sit with that for a moment.

You. A fully formed adult human being with presumably functional hands and access to the internet. Formed a fleet. Undocked. Scanned cargo. Did the math on a ship that was assembled in a factory as an afterthought. And then, with all the gravitas of a man who has made deeply questionable life choices, you shot it.

And then you sent a form letter.

I imagine James 315 himself, perched atop his throne of recycled forum posts and delusion, a single tear of pride rolling down his cheek, whispering “This is what we trained for.”

Regarding your Code: I have reviewed it. I have also reviewed my horoscope, the back of a shampoo bottle, and a fortune cookie from 2019, and I found all four documents to be equally binding on my behavior in a video game. The fortune cookie, for what it’s worth, told me to “embrace new adventures”; so I autopiloted through your system again, just now, out of spite.

You’re welcome.

The mining permit offer is a very tempting proposition and I will absolutely consider purchasing one immediately after: CCP officially updates the sovereignty map, James 315 is recognized by at least one (1) legitimate government, and Aiko Danuja sends me a handwritten apology on scented stationery for whatever that whole situation is.

I also want to address the appeals process. You’ve suggested I contact James 315’s “Reimbursement Specialist”, who is also, if I’m reading this correctly, James 315, to appeal a loss to James 315’s organization, adjudicated by James 315’s Code, in James 315’s sovereign space that James 315 declared on a blog.

I have to admire the efficiency. It’s giving very much kangaroo court, but make it space.

In closing, I would like to thank you sincerely for the free Velator that CCP will give me in approximately 45 seconds, for the killmail that I will be framing and hanging above my capsule pod as a trophy of the day I was briefly inconvenienced, and for reminding me that somewhere out there, a person woke up today, made coffee, and thought “Yes. Today I enforce the laws of a blog.”

You are doing amazing, sweetie.

\o/ Praise the Calendar Date \o/

Eternally unbothered, Cassy Fonulique CEO, Unlicensed Mining Operations LLC Proud Velator Pilot, Retired (involuntarily, briefly) Permit Status: Absolutely Not

P.S. I was AFK because I was making a sandwich. It was a great sandwich. It was worth more than my Velator. You may want to reflect on that.