The Best Revenge, Part 95

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… avia naali, aka aiva naali, aka SUPERFASTBULLET GOZOOM, aka Mittens Loves Kittens, aka The GewnFueherer, warned the Swarm not to push past 45% galactic dominance until ready for “the big push”.

Ensconced inside Goonswarm High Command, avia was well positioned to grasp the grand strategic situation, and plotted endlessly to destroy that whore, Elise Randolph, and her double traiting sidekick, Vily.

As always, avia was assisted by his combat secretary, Princess Aiko, and their loyal synthetic companion, Slackbot.

Together, they made an unstoppable team. Of course, from time to time, Aiko would make stupid mistakes, and avia would use these as learning opportunities to train Goonswarm’s elite fighting bumblebees.

Indeed,  you’ve been hearing it for months, and now it is CONFIRMED. Goonswarm hereby invites anyone, and everyone, to attack Pandemic Horde and take as much of their territory as possible! The rules are simple: 1) Don’t shoot Goons, and 2) Contract all loot to Aiko Danuja (or any other verified Goonswarm director).

avia’s suppercomputer implants whirred with brilliant ideas, the beginning of a successful campaign, Operation Honeypot. He also devised the now infamous Bzzbzzbzz lag / power gun n-1 vorton elemental doctrine.

With the help of Aiko, avia held ultimate power.

It was a good partnership.


As the cost of war took its toll, avia naturally considered other means of funding the Imperium. For example, the Jobworks! program allows Goon combat pilots to get a second job with the home gaurd or the lodgistics bears.

 

 

MrLeafs

    
[Cue Lights]

Aiko Danuja > 100000000
MrLeafs > I only need give it to you
MrLeafs > no one else ?
Aiko Danuja > That’s right.
Aiko Danuja > Well done.
MrLeafs > ill come for my stuff now
Aiko Danuja > ok

     [Zopiclone enters, stage right]

Aiko Danuja > He is ready to arrange pickup of the Mackinaw.
Zopiclone > Ok.

     [Aiko turns to MrLeafs, making a sad face]

Aiko Danuja > Zopi requires 50 million to release the ship.
MrLeafs > im prepared to send the 50
Zopiclone > No scam there.
MrLeafs > I’m not saying the scam is there

MrLeafs lost a Mackinaw, and bought another.

In a cruel harsh galaxy, Princess Aiko is a veritable saint.

When a miner needs help, Our Lady of Agil is there.

Somehow, MrLeafs spent more than he anticipated.

Fortunately, Aiko is always willing to negotiate in good faith, always!

100 + 50 + 25 + 25… +5…

+20!

MrLeafs was most pleased, paying a 20% tip in advance!

Aiko truly appreciates friendship.

She deserves it.

Alas, MrLeafs was a grumpy old Scrooge.

He didn’t appreciate Aiko’s help.

He began to lash out, with threatening language.

Suddenly, he began trying to extort Aiko!

They felt a connection, finishing each other’s sentences.

Was it meant to be?

MrLeafs missed his chance, wallowing in a depression of his own making.

Meanwhile, Aiko was dealing with her own grief.

Finally, MrLeafs worked up his courage, and asked the BIG question.

His Mackinaw was gone forever. Sad!

True Love, Part 2

Previously, in the Princess Diaries… Jonathan found a new lady friend.

Like any self-respecting woman, Alt expected him to satisfy her.

He was a simp, but also a poor.

Alt was sorely disappointed, expressing her true feelings.

Jon was desperate to please her.

Later, he discussed the relationship with his mining bros.

He decided to show Alt that he was serious.

However, she was not impressed.

Jon needed to do more.

She demanded respect.

He was frustrated, and she was unsympathetic.

How could Jon earn her favour?

He knew what to do.

Would it work?

Alt took the money, and donated it to charity.

Jon was bankrupt, and resorted to sending love letters.

It wasn’t meant to be.

He decided to explore other opportunities.

LoL @ Khromius, Part 3

Previously, in Aikotopia… Erbacher lost his mining Kikimora, and Khromius vowed a “scorched Earth campaign”, roleplaying as a tough guy wardeccer. However, Princess Aiko made the desert bloom, and magical spaceships appeared from thin air. Khromius couldn’t handle the truth. Aiko was winning without any effort! Also, she was laughing at him, because free isk is gosh darn funny.

Aiti Jen, aka Charlie, was rewarded for his generous donations with a bonus round, hosted by a former CODE. celebrity.

Charlie visited the front, expecting to see Aiko’s new navy. Instead, he saw a handful of grumpy BLACKFLAG. bears grinding away on stations, whilst spunky gankers dunked on hapless miners.

Aiko’s emissary quickly resolved Charlie’s concern.

Men of honor can easily reach an understanding.

Charlie was pleased, and made payment.

Was it possible Charlie could pay a little more?

Of course, Charlie wanted to be sure Aiko would stop ganking.

Also, what about the Sunday timer?

Eggheads in Isanamo did their math, and the numbers were clear.

Charlie didn’t trust his new allies, but their logic was impeccable.

Aiko would re-renounce ganking, forever, and Charlie would pay!

However, a few days later, Aiti regretted his decision.

He filed a formal complaint with Aiko’s boss, Australian Jesus…

…and that’s the story of how Khromius helped Aiko.

Thanks for the free isk, bro!

LoL @ Khromius, Part 2

Previously, in James 315 space… Khromius was salty about ganking, so he declared war upon an innocent girl, Princess Aiko. This was fine, because she laughs at antiganking carebears, and Khromius handed her a wonderful opportunity.

Like most people, who haven’t read the blog, Khromius is apparently unaware of how easily Princess Aiko distorts the fabric of roleplay spacetime. Somehow, the war was no longer about ganking, or stations, or anything connected to fundamental realities. This was simply a fantasy business proposition, and Aiko sells victory.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Alright. 1. I can supply your corp with ships to fight and stop him fitted at my expense. I do not want leadership or isk. Your corp keeps all profits.
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > 2. Stop ganking miners in hisec around jita.
Shekelstein Shakiel > I will pass the message about miners to my leader, i think i can work something out

The war thus became an asymmetrical proxy conflict. Aiti Jen was willing to fund Aiko, but only if she renounced terrorism.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > I know you are in need.
Shekelstein Shakiel > alright
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > How many drakes?
Shekelstein Shakiel > around 27
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Wow I will spend billions, but okay are you sure they want drakes, all of them?
Shekelstein Shakiel > send 20 for now

Somewhere, Khromius was stifling a yawn, slowly grinding down a structure. Meanwhile, Aiko was isk positive!

Shekelstein explained Aiko’s doctrine.

Some say that Aiko is a witch, in real life.

Indeed, spaceships began falling from orbit.

It was an entire armada…

…with all the fittings.

The deal was struck!

Of course, I don’t actually own any structures…

…but I’m glad they are in Safety.

Everything was promptly sold in Jita, to purchase more Catalysts. Why would I waste time grinding boring station timers?

To be continued…

LoL @ Khromius

@everyone LoL @ Khromius. It’s not every day I make isk fall from the sky, but it happens when salty carebears freak about ganking.

Gay Pride BOOOOOM caught Erbacher doing PvE carebear mining missions, so he did the only thing a self-respecting ganker would do. He put the hapless miner down. For some weird reason, this made Khromius cry, so he decided to declare war on me, lol! Why did Khromius become an antiganker? Yikes!

Khromius is learning the hard way. I’ve been nice and polite, but things go poorly for those who oppose me. You know, a little bird told me it’s possible to gank quantum cores. Is that true? Meanwhile, station grinding is beyond boring, not lucrative, and kind of awkward when gankers are in system. Yes, Khromius was so salty, that he literally paid CCP to make it easier for us to kill poor Erbacher again.

Behind the scenes, I’ve always supported wardeccers, and discouraged hostile actions against them. Meanwhile, my supporters inside BLACKFLAG. question their leader’s fitness to command. They don’t actually want to be antigankers, and they don’t enjoy cringing at his emotional blunders. Is Khromius really naive enough to think this war will end in a few hours? Why is he so salty about a mining Kikimora?

As Sun Tzu said, it’s best to check who you are attacking, before blindly stumbling into an always war. Khromius probably won’t believe the truth, but the good guys are laughing in Teamspeak, because he handed us piles of isk. Thanks for the free isk, bro!

As the Queen of Antiganking, I let miners know my alliance is beset by space bully griefers. It didn’t take long to attract a white knight…

Khromius has no idea what’s happening. Hey, just check out Proof of Concept, Part III. I’ll tell you what, it doesn’t matter how good you are at game mechanics, if someone else is better at social skills. It’s called metagaming, because I win from beyond the game.

Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Maybe an alliance should be in order
Shekelstein Shakiel > thats correct
Aiti Jen Ichinumi > Very well. I heard you guys needed help. We have a common enemy, I thought I might be of help.

WoW! Just WoW! Antiganking is failing SO hard right now! Daily!

To be continued…

EvgheniCa loses an Orca

Miners clearly enjoy PvP content.

Like so many others, EvgheniCa is here to die.

She was tired of mining eggs, and finally she is free.

Unfortunately, she was mining and driving.

Therefore, she owed me money.

We agreed that I am most noble and trustworthy.

There was just one small problem.

Fortunately, I am very reasonable.

There was just one small problem.

EvgheniCa was bankrupt.

EVE is such a great game.

EvgheniCa has a new home, in my Why Was I Ganked? channel.

She also joined a new corporation, with a new career.

She seems happy.

What a lucky miner.

I think she likes me.

Super Easy

It’s one of the most common questions.

Most miners want a permit.

Of course, some gobloks refuse to cooperate.

Others are more agreeable, and listen to reason.

Nobody wants legal trouble.

Nobody wants punishment.

It’s always best to confess and cooperate.

Archangel89 was happy to negotiate with a pirate police princess.

He decided to purchase permits for his entire family.

What a lucky miner.

How to Sell a Mining Permit, Part 10

Previously, in James 315 space… We learned about little Odbayar, the Mongolian menace, who lost everything in order to please Princess Aiko.

Carebear crybabies often wave the white banner, loudly proclaiming that so-called ‘scams’ are bad for the game. However, in fact, Odbayar never quit EVE. Instead, he’s doubled down, losing everything with gusto. If you don’t kill him, and take his stuff, I guarantee someone else will.  He clearly enjoys it.

Everybody loves to play EVE.

Shadow Cyrilus recently found A Cupcake, who craved thirty permits.

Shadow presented her with a solid financial plan, including options.

She selected a personalized plan, which fit both her needs and budget.

This is how you sell thirty lifetime mining permits. Easy!

Good job Shadow.

Eat that cupcake.

Nom. Nom. Nom.

It sure looks tasty.

Why is it getting so agitated? Cupcake, calm down!

Look, it has a friend!

Oops.

Oh no!

I’m sure they’ll be fine.

It was all just a misunderstanding.

That’s right.

To be continued…

 

 

 

The Cataline Conspiracy (RELOADED)

Yesterday, in James 315 space, we examined how a Highsec mining corporation attempted to ‘corner’ the Catalyst market. Today, we announce that Princess Aiko has convinced Scooby Snacks Corp to continue their scheme.

If you are invested in Catalyst futures, this is good news. At press time, our Jita analyst reports prices already approaching the January 29 peak.

How many Catalysts can YOU manufacture and sell?

Two years ago, Scooby Snacks Corp attempted to bribe Aiko, with a gift of 3200 Catalysts in return for a ‘sweetheart’ deal. alazarr and alts have now decided to terminate the alliance, and intend to buy their Catalysts back at any cost.

You may recall the Great Catalyst Panic of 2019, when alazarr attempted a similar scheme, before giving up and handing the Catalysts to Aiko. We can only hope that a similar outcome presents itself, as alazarr vows to invest 7 trillion isk.

alazarr gave Aiko fair warning…

…but she rebuffed him with a diplomatic snub.

If the scheme continues, you can thank Aiko.

It’s gonna be a long expensive year.

What will happen next?

Why does Aiko keep doing this?

Oh no! Please don’t throw me in the briar patch!

EVE is such a great game, isn’t it?