Kazry

I meet a lot of curious people.

Kazry > this is fucking relaly intresting to me
Kazry > i almost wish i was in college id write a paper on it
Aiko Danuja > ?
Kazry > wel i would try to figure out your hold, leaders generally have a hold on there people… there is the stereotypical strong man, take me for example
Kazry > but i ran with the bandidos for a number of years and old ladies are property not people

Kazry was confused by the idea of a strong woman.

Kazry > so i know alot about leaders from different spectrums of life
Kazry > see im a diagnosed bipolor major depressive cluster b type personality disorder. im very good a manipulation
Aiko Danuja > Are you manipulating me?
Kazry > i want the real answeer
Kazry > are you are attractive enough that you made the dudes that have a diffuclt time talking to females develop a crush, cuz a girl that knows her bussiness can lead a guy around by the nose for years with out putting out

He was fascinated by the idea.

Kazry was spellbound.

How did a sultry little minx seize control of Highsec?

He wanted a piece of the action.

Kazry > i wanted you opinion on what you think i could catch
Kazry > could i take a barge
Aiko Danuja > t2 catalyst should kill retriever
Kazry > nice thanks. going to teach those demons the benifits of paying
Kazry > Do i get a cut?

So I gave him his cut.

Kazry is now a changed man.

He tries to appear strong….

…but roleplays as a salty betamale.

Of course, he pretends to be chill.

Regardless, he likes me more than his own wife.

Silly Kazry.

He thinks we are like the mafia.

He thinks we are a cult.

Why would anyone worship a mere femoid?

How did a woman became so empowered?

Suddenly, he realized…

I’m the most beautiful woman in the galaxy…

…and I’m friends with his wife.

Another Day

Oh, hello there.

Yes, that’s right.

As General Secretary General, I meet a lot of fascinating people.

I listen to a lot of complaints.

I know what happens when miners don’t have a permit.

I know what happens when miners have a permit.

We are a blue ribbon tier organization.

I love the froth.

I love the isk.

I love the miners.

I love winning.

I love justice.

Recently, I was sent an irl photo of the Mittani’s whiteboard.

I’m the best!

Im Westen Nichts Neues

On the eastern front, our elite taskforce strikes against illegal PAPI freighters, off the coast of Beeitnamese Dumbkirk. Spaceborne Bu-87 Catalysts, the secret weapon of the New Order, surface from the depths of the abyss to obliterate hapless nullbears. We then sink beneath gravitational waves, awaiting the next convoy. As Mitt desires, the Gallente ice interdiction will continue indefinitely. No refunds.

The People’s Democratic Republic of Highsec has a special relationship with our renters in the Delve, and we have graciously offered assistance during their Sacred Reconquista. Best wishes to the Swarm, as they help Testbot refugees reach the Dronelands.

In the west, there is nothing new to report. Coach Subway continues to fail daily, and nobody is surprised by his bad attitude, atrocious singing, and infinite incompetence. Since Subway claims to be an elite Pro Guides coach, he was presumably delighted to find himself decced by Pro Guides Galactic Champions. Yes, that’s right. After all his contributions to CCP, Subway won a FREE wardec coaching session.

The war went well enough, but Pro Guides got bored after Subway abandoned his FreeEve movement. Yes, like Vily, he fled in disgrace. Of course, no actual human wants to waste time bashing a structure, when they could be updating Windows or staring at the wall. Consequently, the war ended in stalemate.

At this point, the plot twisted. One of Coach’s alts was promoted to CEO, and sought revenge, declaring war on the Galactic Champions. What? Why? Misclick? This was a challenge which could not be ignored, and the professionals went to work.

Afterward, Coach got a customized victory email.

He also received a FREE inspirational poster.

Don’t fuck with Dolphin Don.

The Battle of Piekura

It’s not easy being this awesome, looking this good, and writing a blog.

Women have to work twice as hard.

Recently, the miners hired a little defense fleet.

Isn’t that cute?

It was another antiganking victory!

Unfortunately, without a defense fleet, the miner didn’t survive.

Nor did the reinforcements.

It was time to get serious.

So they brought in their best man.

He brought his best ship.

Before long, Perseus got a hot tip.

It was a great victory.

Was it worth it?

You might hate me, but I know what you need.

See ya!

Congrats to GoonSwarm

It’s no secret.

Princess Aiko isn’t a good Goon, or even a greater Groon, although Highsec pubbies suspect otherwise. OHGOD.

It’s a nullsec post.

A long time ago, thanks to karttoon, GoonSwarm became Goonswarm. Some things changed, some stayed the same, and Aiko wondered about all of this. Occasionally, she would glance at a map, and think about the Delve. However, there was little time for fantasies, because the ice interdiction must continue until further notice.

Princess Aiko traveled about, encountering unsavory characters. She sold electron bombs to Olmeca, and shared her recipe for blueberry muffins with a TEST bot. She tried to have a human conversation with Matterall, and was blocked by that whore, Elise Randolph. Aiko wondered, who are the good guys? So she asked James 315 for standings, but he urged her to set aside prejudice, and save miners.

Gradually, Aiko began to reach a conclusion. Perhaps it began with Vily, the double trader, who published autistic demands. More moons, more ore, more freighters, more rats, more missions, more payouts, less ganking. Aiko didn’t like this manifesto. Subsequently, when the Mangos came to Highsec, Aiko watched with dismay. Each little Venture would soon hatch a dozen botting Rorquals. Meanwhile, she encountered a Goon ganker, and then another, and another, and another. Were these the good guys?

One terrible summer, James died, and the galaxy was thrown into a great war. Princess Aiko didn’t know what to do, but some people encouraged her to invade the Delve. An alliance with Vily? Holding hands with Elise? Olmeca was starting to seem a little weird, and Aiko didn’t have a positive impression of these bears. So she did the only thing she knew how to do. She killed a Venture, and began her own war.

Over the next year, Aiko learned that Uedama is real Delve, and the floodplain starts in Jita. She decided that Brisc isn’t that bad, and found herself laughing with Mittens, not at him. Meanwhile, he appreciated her, describing that racist piece of shit Manfred Sideous as the biggest fucking loser in the history of the galaxy. This was comforting, knowing that someone else is doomed to rank beneath Aiko. Who would want to help a racist fuck? Well, Highsec miners, that’s who. Some lost everything, and came back begging for ice. Aiko had no sympathy, for their fate is extirpation.

Ultimately, without Aiko, PAPI had no chance. They didn’t have any decent pilots, or leaders. They certainly didn’t have a princess. Instead of a perfect blog, they had RonUSMC. Understandably, their morale plummeted. PAPI scouts came within sight of the Kremlin, but their jump freighters ran out of fuel, and they never managed to cross the Volga. From Halaima, Aiko could hear desperate mewling from 1DQgrad, and she was amazed by the incompetence. When Lolmecalol (and Matterlol) accused the Mittani of being an alt-right literal IRL Nazi, Aiko carefully studied the evidence…

Aiko is glad she never lifted a finger to support the band of fools, unlike Dunk Dinkle, and smiled when she heard of the Great Retreat. A few minutes later, when Elf Boy announced the war was over, she laughed out loud. It’s obvious who lost, but losing takes time. When you jump off a cliff, you’ve got plenty of time to fall.

 TLDR: Vily bored his alliance to death.

Yikes!

Matterall said this was “inaccurate information” – lol!

Sulley convinced him that Vily was either doing a “cool strategic redeployment”, or this development was of “no strategic significance”. Matterall concluded that this was likely part of a “bold” PAPI “surprise”.

Matterall, you’ve lost all credibility.

Just wow.

He was so busy theorizing, he didn’t read his own chat.

#1

The following is a paid advertisement for the Mittani’s prestigious Princess Aiko Foundation.

Last year, CCP scammed everyone who invested in the bounty system. Miners spent billions of isk on me, James 315, and other esteemed members of the community. Subsequently, CCP removed the bounties, and they have not bothered to refund any of the payments. Fortunately, someone else has created a new bounty scam.

This new bounty system doesn’t change anything. The only people who can claim bounties are existing members of Pleb Force, and payouts are dependent upon the capricious whims of evildoers Githany and Wah. In other words, if you don’t like gankers, you can send isk to antigankers, and they will find a way to waste your money.

It thus came to pass, that none other than Princess Aiko, became the most wanted woman in the galaxy. I suppose it was always meant to be. Yes, by the way, Aiko actually is 7’9″ tall, and she dominates the WNBA.

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 7

Kiara Gone Wild, Part 1

Previously, in Aiko Space… Kiara paid 520 million isk for a retriever, but the Gankers Union was bumping in Uedama. So she had to pay another 10 million…

…and another 10 million…

Actually, she still owes 10 million.

Kiara was running out of money.

She couldn’t even afford insurance.

Everyone was pleased.

Later, Kiara wondered when she would get her retriever.

She waited and waited.

I suppose waiting is relaxing.

Kiara spent a whole day, relaxing in Jita.

The next day, she woke up, ready for her retriever.

She wondered when her shipment would arrive.

She waited and waited.

Then she waited some more.

The end.

BONUS CONTENT

Here is amazing behind the scenes footage of Kiara’s reaction, when she realized she was starring LIVE on james315.space!

Ultimately, Kiara was content.

 

A Special Day

Listening to: CODE. Mix

Today is a special day, for it was one year ago today, that Princess Aiko liberated Highsec from the dreadful tedium of eternal victory. Many thought the golden age of ganking was finally over, and miners rejoiced that they might obtain ice in Halaima, without fear that Catalysts would bump them out of mining range. 

Yes, it’s true. I am Aiko, come again to save you from yourselves.

Over the past year, I have learnt much, namely that I am now perfect.

There are many alliances, some better than others, but I find them decidedly inferior. This is a bold claim, but consider for example, the mighty Goonswarm Federation managed 22’873 kills in June, with a total value of 2.58 trillion isk. This required more than 2200 active members, averaging 10 kills per member, with an average value of 100 million isk per kill. In contrast, my alliance has just 53 active members, averaging 40 kills per member, with an average value exceeding 400 million isk.

The lesson is clear, if you cut the bullshit and trim the fat, a nimble aggressive fleet is far superior to any bloated blob. karttoon was right. I should know. We don’t need miners, bears, blues, or keepstars. Kill them all.

I’ve got no quarrel with James 315 or the Mittani. They have both done an equally fine job of trying to manage a filthy nest of carebears. However, as we discussed, I’m done trying to manage plebs. There is a better strategy.

I’ve considered your suggestion, and concur.

Let’s kill them all (again and again).

No traps here, friend!

I’m a Princess.

That’s why James 315 loves me.

Always!

)))

I’m the best.

You again…
Two possibilities exist…
Either you are alone in the universe, or you are not…
Both are equally terrifying…

Sorry, I don’t date poors.

Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?

Happy to Help

My Why Was I Ganked? channel offers this form.

We just want to understand.

Miners dutifully itemize their losses to the hundredth isk, which has a ‘value’ of less than one hundred millionth of a penny.

They love to describe their experience.

Let’s hear their stories.

They are having a rough time.

The gankgriefers are cheating!

Some miners want 50 billion isk to replace their Hulk.

They were wrongly ganked.

Some miners are dissatisfied.

They are frightened.

In some cases, they want compensation for ships we didn’t destroy.

They often claim they weren’t even mining…

Does that look like a mining barge to you?

I sure hope someone can help these miners.

One miner thought it would be a good idea to hide his permit.

I hope they don’t quit the game, or the internet, or life…

Regardless, I wish them luck on their travels!

I’m just glad I could help.

Heh, even Kiara filled out the form.

We can talk about her tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

Happy Aiko Day

People were hoping today, of all days, to hear from dear James.

Alas, he ‘won’, and you know what that means.

Some even say he is dead.

Those who know me, are aware I took all of this rather hard. I loved the CODE. more than perhaps anyone, even more than James. Without the CODE, I have no desire to play EVE, yet the alliance died. Some say it died in 2018, or 2016, or 2014. James kept it limping along, despite many difficulties, until even he stopped.

I winced when I read this. Today in Halaima, there were more than twenty Orcas, and a dozen skiffs. That’s not victory, and no spin will change the facts. Carebears are not even close to compliant, and far from “intermittent pockets of resistance”, the reality is that nearly all of Highsec is oblivious to the CODE. EVE is becoming more, not less, of a theme park. The only real victory we can point at is the fact that some of us are still here, still going, even without James or the legendary heroes of days gone by.

Well, yah. Is that so hard to understand?

I can’t ignore the steadfast devotion of Aaaarrgg, a few bitter-enders who log in occasionally, and some guys in nullsec (who are frankly pretty damn good at the game, but will likely rejoin Silent Company in a few months). However, the rest of us recognize the need for a future without James. We aren’t ready to ‘win’.

Some miners were ‘outraged’ when I decided enough was enough. How dare I move on? How could I betray the great and wonderful legacy of His Holy Grand High Excellency, James 315? At long last, have I no decency?

Most ‘agents’ left the alliance long before me, or were never part of it.

They criticize me, but what have they done for the CODE?

It’s not my fault the Minerbumping channel died. James chose the moderators there, as one of them repeatedly reminded us, and someone made an asinine decision. When you ban the most active members of your alliance, it’s already over. 

Listen carefully, and you can still hear whispers…

Starfox told us how to know if James is gone.

It’s been a full year, and we can admit reality. James quit. If he wants to undock, that’d be great. If he wants to blog, that’d be wonderful. To be quite honest, I’m kind of sick of it all. I might fuck off to lowsec, or go live in a wormhole, or just start doing something else. I doubt, I hope not, that I’m still doing this in eight years.

I’d like to believe that Highsec ganking will continue to be part of EVE. That even without me, someone somewhere will take the time to screenshot stupid miners, and post their lamentations. I’d like to read about it.

James 315 was a big deal, back in the day, and I’ve been truly flattered that so many people support me, with kind words and generous isk. There’s even a theory, which may or may not be true, that actually James was Aiko all along.

Which would make me the Mittani

Regardless, I appreciate all the support from friends, family, and fans.

I don’t know when I will quit, but I certainly will. I thought about quitting back in 2018, and again in 2019, and three times in 2020. I thought about quitting today, I could just declare victory! However, a few people decided that today is henceforth known as Aiko Day. I just can’t quit on Aiko Day…

When I die, and I definitely will, I will try to give the alliance to someone. I’d hate to see it dwindle into obscurity, and I understand that it’s impossible to recruit anyone into a stagnant alliance with AFK leadership. 

Of course, some people are concerned. They worry about poor old James, and his feelings. I sincerely doubt James disagrees with anything I’ve done, or said, but maybe he thinks that meanie Aiko is bullying at him. Ok, maybe a little…

Let me be clear. James played far longer than I want to, and blogged way more than I intend to. His writing motivated me, and the CODE. alliance was my sole interest. Unlike most agents, there is no secret nullbear mining ‘main’ behind Aiko. I just love killing miners. Through James, I was inspired by the Sheikh and the VCBees, by Helicity and the Hulkageddon. We might disagree about who is saving Highsec, but I don’t think we actually do. It’s the gankers and the baiters, and yes the bumpers and doublers, people who do something. They are the best people in New Eden. 

I suppose imitation is the most sincere flattery.

I think Arrendis hates me more than James, so I’m doing something right.

I’m not afraid to say it.

In fact, on this first Aiko Day, I’m going to amend the Code, with an official Second Amendment. Yes, it will now be explicitly LEGAL for miners to praise James ad nauseam. May their praises reach Hek, where perhaps he will awaken from eternal slumber, and decide to actually undock. Until that time, I’m gonna stay nice and SAFE, in my own little alliance where I can click buttons and avoid super roleplay. 

Victory!